Post by GuyOfOwnage on Mar 24, 2009 2:12:31 GMT -5
Now with a special disclaimer...
DISCLAIMER: I would like to remind everyone (especially the mods, who have to monitor this stuff), that just about ANYTHING can pop up on The Score's closed captioning, and this includes instances where normal, every day words are mistaken as obscenities or sexual/racial slurs. Please remember that this is purely what is showing up my screen through closed captioning, and is not a malicious attempt at being funny. I do my level best to censor anything deemed inappropriate by board rules while still presenting an accurate portrayal of what appeared on my screen. If, at any time, those in authority feel that ANY caption presented in these threads crosses the line in regards to taste and/or decency, please PM me right away to have the matter resolved.
With that out of the way, welcome to yet another edition of WWE closed captions, courtesy of Canada's very own, The Score!
We open Raw with the naked raped Flair! He gets on the mic and yells, "Blue!" He talks about Chris Jericho's match against Raw Peas Piper, Vickie The Dragon Steamboat, and Jimi Snook Ums. Flair will be in the corner of three gay legends. They will shovel ducks forever after beating Jericho. Jericho interrupts and says that he was having children when the first WrestleMania happened. He remembers watching numbered Jimmy Snukas 250 years ago. He likes moonshine and Nancy Drew. He says that Flair is not inaccurate like Mickie Rourke. Rourke goes back to his trailer and sips Jericho's cappuccino. Jericho says, "Nobody cares about you anymore, Require! I'm going to show you just how your dick is dying. I'm nude and long." He thinks that Red Flair has been out of the spotlight for so long, he has forgot to wash up. He calls all the fans in the arena hypnos. He continues, "I will drain your muck. It's going to be an uncomfortable beat off, Flare." Flair will have tears going down his face, screaming, "Oh my God, 1-10 items?" He calls Piper and Steamboat washed up hippies. Flair refuses to be judged by insignificant CM Punks. He will be proud to stand by his Halo Fame brothers. He will stand by his friends with a beaker. The Naked Boy will stand in the ring as WrestleMania, sang by Mickie. He will stand alongside the Hot Bod in front of 70 screaming people in Houston, and men around the world, watching them go "woot woot!" Jericho hits Flair, to which Michael Cole cries "Cheap cum shots!" Cole points out, "This isn't buff." Lawler says, "That is my mom, Jericho, he's often open." Lawler is apparently hungry, as he yells, "Cookout!" Continuing on, he says that Flair is an awful faker, and to stop this cave man. Jericho taunts Flair, "Come on Flair, where you want it, huh?" Jericho rips Flair's clothes off and throws tissues into the audience. Cole says, "This is so meaningless." Lawler says it's the most disturbing thing he's seen in a rear. Flair showed no respect for Reid Flair.
Michael Cole starts talking about Al Pacino for some unknown reason. Jim Ross magically appears on commentary. We are watching the longest running sporadic TV show in history.
We have a couple of huge man events. Triple Anus will face Randy Orton. Will Triple Ages use his sledgehammer? Cody Rhodes and Randy Orton, the lens is inspected.
Jeff Harper will face Don's Angler. Raw has certainly started off in a steamy way. Tiote uses a steel chair. Jeff creamed when he and Matt made retainers as teenagers. Jeff Hardy's crack is burnt. Jeff feels the trash can write on his head. Matt stabbed him in the black following that Arabic incident. Trashman's Can is flattened. Jeff hits Kristal's fate. The winner is Jeff Darling, otherwise known as the Charismatic N****. That was some viscuous salt from Jeff. That has to be in Daredevil. Jeff put away Dull Single Or and says he is ready for brother Matt. That was a pretty stream. He used a wartime steel chair in the rain. He gets to wish his fate and get bombed. Jeff gets on the mic and says, "That was not cream, but when we feel WrestleMania, it's Wilbur!"
Two weeks away marks the 25th anniversary of the World Championship. Michael Cole states that the pudge has thickened. Things got a bit dickey last week when Edge started stripping. Edgewood accidentally speared his wife Taka Guerrero. The Big Show is an angry mime.
Standing by, John Sina! He says, "A Vickie is me, John Sina. I heard you're feeling Mayweather. I hope you like it, dear Ichi. Oh what a night, the Big Show's botched spear in Edge. You have been chosen as my secret love child. The children will love you and only you, you don't like your husband or her son. The giant naked everything goes south. I'll even put it in my mouth. I will be one or the other, The Joker or Edge, at WrestleMania. You will shed weight, as the next night on Raw, the champ will drink beer."
Michael Cole welcomes us back from commercial by saying "Ha ha ha mane, Raw is here in Kansas City."
John Sina will be on Jay for 12 Rounds with Edge as Big Show's lover.
WrestleMania 21 took place at Blockbuster in 2005. It was the grandest stage at the mall. All the action, all the drugs, the spellbinding thrill ride. The warriors with one chest. It was an epic event that had all the smores, such as a Monty in the Bank ladder match. There were no disqualifications, no rap outs, and no pain. Avoid yourself here for crashing dreams and shattered bodies that were broken. One man stood above all. It was the rise of the Retard Superstar.
The following is a hate man tag team batch. Who is the champion of bingo one hour after? You can see those ape disciplines. There would be risking all sorts of imagery. CM Punk is winning a ladder. Lawler says, "I think that victory put the Ghostbusters over CM Punk." We are back lick on Monday Night Raw for WrestleMania 15467. How will Cade fare this year? Cole says, "I can't picture caning Mark Henry around ladders." CM Punk chops down a fig tree. Lawler says, "Can I tell you that Christians are my new favorite?" The latter in the briefcase match is discussed. Tony's Atlas was at ringside.
Next up is a preview for 12 Towns, starting John Cena as a cost for the sister act of Michael Jackson. Jackson says to Cena's character, "Mild or hot, it's between you and me." Cole comments, "I can't wait to see John Cena's saggy dick." He can't wait for Bristol Year to come, this will be huge.
In a commercial for WrestleMania, Jim Ross says, "It only happens twice a year, is this WrestleMania?" The lyrics to the theme song apparently talk about huge boobs.
Triple H will be in man action with Randy Orton. Orton said that Triple H is honestly Sydal and a maniac. He could've been charged with breaking the salt. He could've been to Chisholm. Orton says, "He wouldn't have gave Debbie to me at WrestleMania." This is all about massaging Randy Orton. Triple H suffers from Sledgehammer greed. He lowered the sneaky cage last week. Cody is still renting. DiBiase is almost in Cody Roads. Todd Grisham asks Triple H, "How did you get Vickie Guerrero engaged?" This gives him a sidekick advantage. People have accused Orton of being a coward lion. But he was the one who flew Katie Veck when Shane McMahon gave head so hard to hear skulls crack. He says, "I put my hands in Stephanie McMahon, knowing full well she was wearing pants." Orton will face Nipple H later tonight.
The words "Honest Dave, can't see clearly" signify the entrance of the Raker Superstar, Edge! He is the worst World title match, apparently. Edge called Big Show a hooker. Please welcome the interest General Manager, Vickie Erdos! Vickie protested her love for Edge. The World Champion Edge is prepared for action with his wife. Tonight, the World Championship will battle against Vickie's buns. The words, "Well it's a big owl!" signify the entrance of The Big Show. Standing at 7 feet tall and weighing 41 pounds, The Bish Show! Ricky Guerrero has bared the Big Show. Vickie is angry with hurt men. John Cena is about to screw the Tonight Show. Edge is a tiny champion. Everyone in the arena is sitting. This fight led to the top superstar Captain Planet. Cena said to Show and Edge, "When Resume is over, you both sleep with Vickie Guerrero. Good luck..." Vickie disguises John Cena. There is a big raft between Show and Edge. Edge's wife is nearly 500 pounds. Big Show said he is alcoholically superior to Edge. He says to Vickie, "What did you say? He doesn't deserve shoes!" Nobody wants the alter boy to win. Big Show's knife edge chops are like a cumshot. Edge is the Ultimate Computer. Edge professed his love to the Big Shout on Friday night. Pee pee on the Big Show. This is the optical Edge. He will face a job statement. SHow was about to throw Edge onto a whore. Big Show is going to push in Edge, the same position he was in last week. Vickie is bleeding on the Big Show. She sends in her nephew Chyna to work things out. The Big SHow is noggin' out. Edge delivers a Spirit to the Big Show. Big Show and his devastating right hand want to watch Jaws with Edge. The words, "Well it's a real show!" signify Big Show's exit. What you see in the ring is an example of a face. Big Show was able to avoid Spears, and Edge cannot avoid the big hand sock. John Cena was knocked up by the Big Show, and now Edge has been knocked up.
Randy Orton and Triple H will be interesting tonight.
Subway, this week's sponsor, apparently uses the slogan, "I measure a foot long." Two weeks ago, CM Punk was measuring his manhood against JBL. JBL raided his eyes to win the Cottonelle Championship.
Welcome back to cable television's unwatched show. This is one of Raas' most exciting superstars. Rey's music apparently contains the lyric, "Bootlegger 619". The sensational right Rey Mysterio has missed the last two minutes or so of WrestleMania. Red Mysterio challenged JBL for the Inner Carnal Championship. He won't a World Championship at WrestleMania. JBL enters, and exits his limousine with Batman. Regal takes on JBL tonight.
Stay tuned to the USA Network for an exclusive sneak peek of 12 Mounds.
The Carnal Champion, Jane Bradshaw Mansfield does commentary during Gun River Stereo's match. Upon sitting down for commentary, he says, "Hello King of Queens!" It is Regal vs. River Stereo. JBL says, "I'm here to talk about the dicks off of me." Resume To Mysterio is no lucky gene people. He is a parent of an uncle. The 5th anniversary of WrestleMania is about to occur. It looks like Array is coming over to JBL. William Regal flattens Rental Stereo. This is the 25th anniversary of Rey's excuse. JBL says, "Gorgeous George says Pat O'Connor will wrestle me." Raise Mysterio hurt his hat. Ahab Charles Robinson allows Mysterio to continue. This womb may be the most decisive victory in the history of WrestleMania. How do you combat the quick mess of Rey Mysterio? He's playing awesome, look at this 69, he connects Michael Cole! What a victory for Rapist Serial.
Shawn Michaels has made a career of stealing and sauce fights. Last week, The Undertaker tasted the sweet jizz of HBK. Because of what happened, The Undertaker says that Shawn Michaels is the prey and Undertaker is the haunter.
A WWE Canada Update features Jack Korpela asking us to wrestle him.
Back from commercial, we hear the sound of Undertaker's bong, apparently. Shawn gave Undertaker a rash. Shawn has an obsession with beating Mr. WrestleMania. Undertaker discusses Shawn's ability to decipher what is Tennessee, and what is reality. He reminds Shawn that the last time they did battle, he spent the next 50 years at home playing games. He says, "Now you say that you are not gay, but on Sunday, April 5th, we will find out. Just remember, if was you who opened the Great Khali." A video package featuring Shawn Michaels is played, where he says, "Any and all things must pie in the face of the Undertaker. Undertaker likes to color. He relives the rotten courtships of his past 60 WrestleMania opponents. Undertaker got his first victory when he unzipped his fly, and his second when he showed the snake. He dropped a giant ape with his size. He beat Diesel in the shower. He mated the legend killer and tamed in the animal. Just last year, the Paper Superstar fell victim to his rap." He says to Undertaker, "This is where Gaye is buried forever." The Undertaker will wet down. He finishes by saying, "Undy streak? Rest this case." Michael Cole cries, "Oh my Gosh, the Undertaker inside himself!" No one has ever stood up for him like SHawn Michaels. Is he going to be the Undertaker at WrestleMania.
The final Hall of Fame inductee will be naked in the rain.
On May 25th, the Women Better Royal will take place to dtermine who will be in WrestleMania. The winner will be the tiny gorilla. Last week, when Mickie James played The Sultan, Santino went to Vickie Guerrero and demanded her to be into his genitalia. He wants to be in Mickie James tied up. Lawler says, "I always knew his penis was too short." From Richaragaro, Mickie Jane! Santino could win the 25 Deep A Better Ring, which features the most beautiful dee out. Mickie James kicked him in the nuts. Mickie is tough on the eyes. She looks like she's rode a bone. Santino says, "I don't need any sandwich to beat you!" Sandido is trying to spot his teeth. The Raptors got upset and Santino lost his valance. Mickey goes under the covers. Santino dreams of going out for a smoke. He is not man tough to be in this WrestleMania.
Still to come tonight, Randy Orton has vowed to get a raise and do something to make previous assaults on Chip look tame. Will you back up his words tonight? Michael Cole wants us to hand him a map.
ECW is into roleplaying, what an exciting wee.
This Friday at Derbys everywhere, the movie starring John Cena. He has to stop Michael's jacking. Michael Jackson says, "What can I say daddy o, I just like to play gay." Cena says, "Don't do cowboys." John Cena will talk about moving WrestleMania.
John Cena has been stirring up an angle at WrestleMania. The Undertaker is tainting Shawn Michaels with his 60 goat streak. In one match, Jericho will rest with the Legends. We have the Money in the Bank Letter match as well.
"I have tortoise named Ted" signifies the entrance of Randy Orton and Ted DiBiase. The following is a two in one handicap match. At a combined weight of 58 pounds, Randy Orton and Ted DiBiase Sr! Why does Randy Orton have Mankind for WrestleMania? Cordy Rhodes was injured last week inside the steel cage IP. Orton will ante up, what does he have on his sleeve? A handicapped man is alive next.
Earlier tonight, Ric Flair said that millions around the world aren't watching WrestleMania. Jericho knox Rickler's lights out. Jericho completely beat off Flair. Lawler says, "Open with a camera now, and you know what? That is legal to watch those given to Ric Flair after Lashley's WrestleMania. Obviously Ric Flair will be in gear next week. I am calling York Terriers. You want legends? Come on me."
Back to the match, Orton and DiBiase will face Bill Gates tonight on Raw. Weighing 2500 pounds, the WWE Champion, Triple H! On Friday Night Smackdown, From The Lakes told Randy Orton that to come undressed is your demise. Orton said tonight is in Albany. He said that he is telling Triple H that it'll make his previous assaults look like Batman and Robin. The Game bought the gun himself. Pierino Randy Orton and 10 DiBiases tried to escape early on from Triple H. The referee's party is in control here. DiBiase is up there with Randy Orton, getting head from behind. The referee might not build a net control over this. Family Matters, we're not sure if it started. Wait a minute, under the ring, Cody Rhodes was bare! He had all of Dante's handcuffs. Triple H might've been getting hammered under the ring. AAA is trying to fight back. Data put the handcuffs on AAA's left arm. He's trying to put his hands in Orton, but he's stuck to the top row. His can is getting loosened. Everything Orton has done is throw the dice. Randy Orton is getting hammered, asking for a jury. Stephanie comes out, and Orton puts his ham in her. A three-on-one beat off is bad enough. Michael Cole cries, "Please Orton, don't do him! Oh oh oh!" An audience member is heard saying, "Cum on Orton."
And that's all for this week's edition of WWE closed captions. Once again this week, there will be no Smackdown closed captions due to The Score's ongoing coverage of NCAA March Madness. Be on the lookout next Monday following Raw for yet another installment of WWE closed captions!
DISCLAIMER: I would like to remind everyone (especially the mods, who have to monitor this stuff), that just about ANYTHING can pop up on The Score's closed captioning, and this includes instances where normal, every day words are mistaken as obscenities or sexual/racial slurs. Please remember that this is purely what is showing up my screen through closed captioning, and is not a malicious attempt at being funny. I do my level best to censor anything deemed inappropriate by board rules while still presenting an accurate portrayal of what appeared on my screen. If, at any time, those in authority feel that ANY caption presented in these threads crosses the line in regards to taste and/or decency, please PM me right away to have the matter resolved.
With that out of the way, welcome to yet another edition of WWE closed captions, courtesy of Canada's very own, The Score!
We open Raw with the naked raped Flair! He gets on the mic and yells, "Blue!" He talks about Chris Jericho's match against Raw Peas Piper, Vickie The Dragon Steamboat, and Jimi Snook Ums. Flair will be in the corner of three gay legends. They will shovel ducks forever after beating Jericho. Jericho interrupts and says that he was having children when the first WrestleMania happened. He remembers watching numbered Jimmy Snukas 250 years ago. He likes moonshine and Nancy Drew. He says that Flair is not inaccurate like Mickie Rourke. Rourke goes back to his trailer and sips Jericho's cappuccino. Jericho says, "Nobody cares about you anymore, Require! I'm going to show you just how your dick is dying. I'm nude and long." He thinks that Red Flair has been out of the spotlight for so long, he has forgot to wash up. He calls all the fans in the arena hypnos. He continues, "I will drain your muck. It's going to be an uncomfortable beat off, Flare." Flair will have tears going down his face, screaming, "Oh my God, 1-10 items?" He calls Piper and Steamboat washed up hippies. Flair refuses to be judged by insignificant CM Punks. He will be proud to stand by his Halo Fame brothers. He will stand by his friends with a beaker. The Naked Boy will stand in the ring as WrestleMania, sang by Mickie. He will stand alongside the Hot Bod in front of 70 screaming people in Houston, and men around the world, watching them go "woot woot!" Jericho hits Flair, to which Michael Cole cries "Cheap cum shots!" Cole points out, "This isn't buff." Lawler says, "That is my mom, Jericho, he's often open." Lawler is apparently hungry, as he yells, "Cookout!" Continuing on, he says that Flair is an awful faker, and to stop this cave man. Jericho taunts Flair, "Come on Flair, where you want it, huh?" Jericho rips Flair's clothes off and throws tissues into the audience. Cole says, "This is so meaningless." Lawler says it's the most disturbing thing he's seen in a rear. Flair showed no respect for Reid Flair.
Michael Cole starts talking about Al Pacino for some unknown reason. Jim Ross magically appears on commentary. We are watching the longest running sporadic TV show in history.
We have a couple of huge man events. Triple Anus will face Randy Orton. Will Triple Ages use his sledgehammer? Cody Rhodes and Randy Orton, the lens is inspected.
Jeff Harper will face Don's Angler. Raw has certainly started off in a steamy way. Tiote uses a steel chair. Jeff creamed when he and Matt made retainers as teenagers. Jeff Hardy's crack is burnt. Jeff feels the trash can write on his head. Matt stabbed him in the black following that Arabic incident. Trashman's Can is flattened. Jeff hits Kristal's fate. The winner is Jeff Darling, otherwise known as the Charismatic N****. That was some viscuous salt from Jeff. That has to be in Daredevil. Jeff put away Dull Single Or and says he is ready for brother Matt. That was a pretty stream. He used a wartime steel chair in the rain. He gets to wish his fate and get bombed. Jeff gets on the mic and says, "That was not cream, but when we feel WrestleMania, it's Wilbur!"
Two weeks away marks the 25th anniversary of the World Championship. Michael Cole states that the pudge has thickened. Things got a bit dickey last week when Edge started stripping. Edgewood accidentally speared his wife Taka Guerrero. The Big Show is an angry mime.
Standing by, John Sina! He says, "A Vickie is me, John Sina. I heard you're feeling Mayweather. I hope you like it, dear Ichi. Oh what a night, the Big Show's botched spear in Edge. You have been chosen as my secret love child. The children will love you and only you, you don't like your husband or her son. The giant naked everything goes south. I'll even put it in my mouth. I will be one or the other, The Joker or Edge, at WrestleMania. You will shed weight, as the next night on Raw, the champ will drink beer."
Michael Cole welcomes us back from commercial by saying "Ha ha ha mane, Raw is here in Kansas City."
John Sina will be on Jay for 12 Rounds with Edge as Big Show's lover.
WrestleMania 21 took place at Blockbuster in 2005. It was the grandest stage at the mall. All the action, all the drugs, the spellbinding thrill ride. The warriors with one chest. It was an epic event that had all the smores, such as a Monty in the Bank ladder match. There were no disqualifications, no rap outs, and no pain. Avoid yourself here for crashing dreams and shattered bodies that were broken. One man stood above all. It was the rise of the Retard Superstar.
The following is a hate man tag team batch. Who is the champion of bingo one hour after? You can see those ape disciplines. There would be risking all sorts of imagery. CM Punk is winning a ladder. Lawler says, "I think that victory put the Ghostbusters over CM Punk." We are back lick on Monday Night Raw for WrestleMania 15467. How will Cade fare this year? Cole says, "I can't picture caning Mark Henry around ladders." CM Punk chops down a fig tree. Lawler says, "Can I tell you that Christians are my new favorite?" The latter in the briefcase match is discussed. Tony's Atlas was at ringside.
Next up is a preview for 12 Towns, starting John Cena as a cost for the sister act of Michael Jackson. Jackson says to Cena's character, "Mild or hot, it's between you and me." Cole comments, "I can't wait to see John Cena's saggy dick." He can't wait for Bristol Year to come, this will be huge.
In a commercial for WrestleMania, Jim Ross says, "It only happens twice a year, is this WrestleMania?" The lyrics to the theme song apparently talk about huge boobs.
Triple H will be in man action with Randy Orton. Orton said that Triple H is honestly Sydal and a maniac. He could've been charged with breaking the salt. He could've been to Chisholm. Orton says, "He wouldn't have gave Debbie to me at WrestleMania." This is all about massaging Randy Orton. Triple H suffers from Sledgehammer greed. He lowered the sneaky cage last week. Cody is still renting. DiBiase is almost in Cody Roads. Todd Grisham asks Triple H, "How did you get Vickie Guerrero engaged?" This gives him a sidekick advantage. People have accused Orton of being a coward lion. But he was the one who flew Katie Veck when Shane McMahon gave head so hard to hear skulls crack. He says, "I put my hands in Stephanie McMahon, knowing full well she was wearing pants." Orton will face Nipple H later tonight.
The words "Honest Dave, can't see clearly" signify the entrance of the Raker Superstar, Edge! He is the worst World title match, apparently. Edge called Big Show a hooker. Please welcome the interest General Manager, Vickie Erdos! Vickie protested her love for Edge. The World Champion Edge is prepared for action with his wife. Tonight, the World Championship will battle against Vickie's buns. The words, "Well it's a big owl!" signify the entrance of The Big Show. Standing at 7 feet tall and weighing 41 pounds, The Bish Show! Ricky Guerrero has bared the Big Show. Vickie is angry with hurt men. John Cena is about to screw the Tonight Show. Edge is a tiny champion. Everyone in the arena is sitting. This fight led to the top superstar Captain Planet. Cena said to Show and Edge, "When Resume is over, you both sleep with Vickie Guerrero. Good luck..." Vickie disguises John Cena. There is a big raft between Show and Edge. Edge's wife is nearly 500 pounds. Big Show said he is alcoholically superior to Edge. He says to Vickie, "What did you say? He doesn't deserve shoes!" Nobody wants the alter boy to win. Big Show's knife edge chops are like a cumshot. Edge is the Ultimate Computer. Edge professed his love to the Big Shout on Friday night. Pee pee on the Big Show. This is the optical Edge. He will face a job statement. SHow was about to throw Edge onto a whore. Big Show is going to push in Edge, the same position he was in last week. Vickie is bleeding on the Big Show. She sends in her nephew Chyna to work things out. The Big SHow is noggin' out. Edge delivers a Spirit to the Big Show. Big Show and his devastating right hand want to watch Jaws with Edge. The words, "Well it's a real show!" signify Big Show's exit. What you see in the ring is an example of a face. Big Show was able to avoid Spears, and Edge cannot avoid the big hand sock. John Cena was knocked up by the Big Show, and now Edge has been knocked up.
Randy Orton and Triple H will be interesting tonight.
Subway, this week's sponsor, apparently uses the slogan, "I measure a foot long." Two weeks ago, CM Punk was measuring his manhood against JBL. JBL raided his eyes to win the Cottonelle Championship.
Welcome back to cable television's unwatched show. This is one of Raas' most exciting superstars. Rey's music apparently contains the lyric, "Bootlegger 619". The sensational right Rey Mysterio has missed the last two minutes or so of WrestleMania. Red Mysterio challenged JBL for the Inner Carnal Championship. He won't a World Championship at WrestleMania. JBL enters, and exits his limousine with Batman. Regal takes on JBL tonight.
Stay tuned to the USA Network for an exclusive sneak peek of 12 Mounds.
The Carnal Champion, Jane Bradshaw Mansfield does commentary during Gun River Stereo's match. Upon sitting down for commentary, he says, "Hello King of Queens!" It is Regal vs. River Stereo. JBL says, "I'm here to talk about the dicks off of me." Resume To Mysterio is no lucky gene people. He is a parent of an uncle. The 5th anniversary of WrestleMania is about to occur. It looks like Array is coming over to JBL. William Regal flattens Rental Stereo. This is the 25th anniversary of Rey's excuse. JBL says, "Gorgeous George says Pat O'Connor will wrestle me." Raise Mysterio hurt his hat. Ahab Charles Robinson allows Mysterio to continue. This womb may be the most decisive victory in the history of WrestleMania. How do you combat the quick mess of Rey Mysterio? He's playing awesome, look at this 69, he connects Michael Cole! What a victory for Rapist Serial.
Shawn Michaels has made a career of stealing and sauce fights. Last week, The Undertaker tasted the sweet jizz of HBK. Because of what happened, The Undertaker says that Shawn Michaels is the prey and Undertaker is the haunter.
A WWE Canada Update features Jack Korpela asking us to wrestle him.
Back from commercial, we hear the sound of Undertaker's bong, apparently. Shawn gave Undertaker a rash. Shawn has an obsession with beating Mr. WrestleMania. Undertaker discusses Shawn's ability to decipher what is Tennessee, and what is reality. He reminds Shawn that the last time they did battle, he spent the next 50 years at home playing games. He says, "Now you say that you are not gay, but on Sunday, April 5th, we will find out. Just remember, if was you who opened the Great Khali." A video package featuring Shawn Michaels is played, where he says, "Any and all things must pie in the face of the Undertaker. Undertaker likes to color. He relives the rotten courtships of his past 60 WrestleMania opponents. Undertaker got his first victory when he unzipped his fly, and his second when he showed the snake. He dropped a giant ape with his size. He beat Diesel in the shower. He mated the legend killer and tamed in the animal. Just last year, the Paper Superstar fell victim to his rap." He says to Undertaker, "This is where Gaye is buried forever." The Undertaker will wet down. He finishes by saying, "Undy streak? Rest this case." Michael Cole cries, "Oh my Gosh, the Undertaker inside himself!" No one has ever stood up for him like SHawn Michaels. Is he going to be the Undertaker at WrestleMania.
The final Hall of Fame inductee will be naked in the rain.
On May 25th, the Women Better Royal will take place to dtermine who will be in WrestleMania. The winner will be the tiny gorilla. Last week, when Mickie James played The Sultan, Santino went to Vickie Guerrero and demanded her to be into his genitalia. He wants to be in Mickie James tied up. Lawler says, "I always knew his penis was too short." From Richaragaro, Mickie Jane! Santino could win the 25 Deep A Better Ring, which features the most beautiful dee out. Mickie James kicked him in the nuts. Mickie is tough on the eyes. She looks like she's rode a bone. Santino says, "I don't need any sandwich to beat you!" Sandido is trying to spot his teeth. The Raptors got upset and Santino lost his valance. Mickey goes under the covers. Santino dreams of going out for a smoke. He is not man tough to be in this WrestleMania.
Still to come tonight, Randy Orton has vowed to get a raise and do something to make previous assaults on Chip look tame. Will you back up his words tonight? Michael Cole wants us to hand him a map.
ECW is into roleplaying, what an exciting wee.
This Friday at Derbys everywhere, the movie starring John Cena. He has to stop Michael's jacking. Michael Jackson says, "What can I say daddy o, I just like to play gay." Cena says, "Don't do cowboys." John Cena will talk about moving WrestleMania.
John Cena has been stirring up an angle at WrestleMania. The Undertaker is tainting Shawn Michaels with his 60 goat streak. In one match, Jericho will rest with the Legends. We have the Money in the Bank Letter match as well.
"I have tortoise named Ted" signifies the entrance of Randy Orton and Ted DiBiase. The following is a two in one handicap match. At a combined weight of 58 pounds, Randy Orton and Ted DiBiase Sr! Why does Randy Orton have Mankind for WrestleMania? Cordy Rhodes was injured last week inside the steel cage IP. Orton will ante up, what does he have on his sleeve? A handicapped man is alive next.
Earlier tonight, Ric Flair said that millions around the world aren't watching WrestleMania. Jericho knox Rickler's lights out. Jericho completely beat off Flair. Lawler says, "Open with a camera now, and you know what? That is legal to watch those given to Ric Flair after Lashley's WrestleMania. Obviously Ric Flair will be in gear next week. I am calling York Terriers. You want legends? Come on me."
Back to the match, Orton and DiBiase will face Bill Gates tonight on Raw. Weighing 2500 pounds, the WWE Champion, Triple H! On Friday Night Smackdown, From The Lakes told Randy Orton that to come undressed is your demise. Orton said tonight is in Albany. He said that he is telling Triple H that it'll make his previous assaults look like Batman and Robin. The Game bought the gun himself. Pierino Randy Orton and 10 DiBiases tried to escape early on from Triple H. The referee's party is in control here. DiBiase is up there with Randy Orton, getting head from behind. The referee might not build a net control over this. Family Matters, we're not sure if it started. Wait a minute, under the ring, Cody Rhodes was bare! He had all of Dante's handcuffs. Triple H might've been getting hammered under the ring. AAA is trying to fight back. Data put the handcuffs on AAA's left arm. He's trying to put his hands in Orton, but he's stuck to the top row. His can is getting loosened. Everything Orton has done is throw the dice. Randy Orton is getting hammered, asking for a jury. Stephanie comes out, and Orton puts his ham in her. A three-on-one beat off is bad enough. Michael Cole cries, "Please Orton, don't do him! Oh oh oh!" An audience member is heard saying, "Cum on Orton."
And that's all for this week's edition of WWE closed captions. Once again this week, there will be no Smackdown closed captions due to The Score's ongoing coverage of NCAA March Madness. Be on the lookout next Monday following Raw for yet another installment of WWE closed captions!
