Post by angryfan on Dec 14, 2006 23:55:52 GMT -5
Been a while, but here's part one. Part two isn't done yet, but hoefully will be by this weekend. Anyway, enjoy.
(Scene opens with the gang arriving at the airport for the Christmas visit to Iraq)
HHH: So do we know if we’re getting a private plane this year?
Steph: Well…
HHH: Well? Well what?
Flair: (beginning to strut, dragging his luggage behind him) Woooooooooo!
Steph: Well, we’re not using a private plane, but we have most of the flight to ourselves.
HHH: Most? You mean there will be regular people onboard?
Steph: Yes, that’s exactly what I mean.
HHH: But…but I’m the game, the cerebral assassin –
HBK: (standing off to one side, carrying a duffle bag full of DX merchandise and a snow cone) Dude, you just said ass TWICE (he begins to giggle)
HHH: That’s not the point!
Steph: Than what IS the point, Hunter?
HHH: The point is, I want privacy.
Steph: You’ll be fine, we have a whole section reserved. Now, can we please check in?
(the group, plus Shawn, heads to the check in counter, where they find themselves in line just in front of Funaki)
Woman at check-in: Passport and ticket please?
HHH: (smiling) Of course (he hands over passports for himself, Steph, and Arora Rose)
Woman at counter: and what about his passport? (she points to Sledgie, who is resting in a sling on the side of Hunter’s luggage, wearing a Hawaiian shirt)
HHH: He doesn’t have –
Steph: (cutting HHH off) Right here (she hands over Sledgie’s passport)
Woman at counter: Ah, thank you. (she examines the passports, and then hits a button, printing off four boarding passes and hands them to Steph)
Steph: Thank you. (she examines the passes and hands one each to Flair and HHH)
HHH: Steph, dear, these are coach tickets.
Steph: I know that.
HHH: But I thought we were flying first class.
Steph: Budget, honey, we need to be more reasonable with out money.
HHH: (glancing at Sledgie’s ticket) Wait, wait, HE’S flying first class?
Steph: Of course.
HHH: But why is HE flying first class?
(Sledgie as always says nothing, but leans to one side in the sling)
HHH: Leg room? What leg room? You don’t even have LEGS! This is a load of crap!
Steph: Hunter, please, don’t make a scene.
HHH: But it’s not fair, I’ve been upstaged AGAIN!
(Farooq pops out from behind the check in counter, drawing the attention of Funaki)
Farooq: (looking at Funaki) What?
Funaki: Well?
Farooq: Well what?
Funaki: You’re not going to say damn?
Farooq: (leaps from behind counter and begins beating the hell out of Funaki, then stands, straightens himself and climbs behind the counter, and looks over his shoulder at the new bloody Funaki) No. (he disappears behind the counter)
(the gang heads off, HHH still mumbling about coach tickets, arriving minutes later at the security check point, where Cena and Michael Hayes are already waiting)
HHH: I hate this part.
Cena: Why’s that?
HHH: It always takes forever, and they always make me unpack my bags.
(Hayes steps through the metal detector and over to one of the security personel)
Security: Sir, you realize that liquids can not be brought on board, correct?
Hayes: Well, I thought it was just hairspray and stuff like that.
Security: No, sir, it isn’t. Could you explain why you have a duffel bag filled with bottles of bourbon?
Hayes: Well, I get thirsty, see, and those little airline bottles are just teases.
Security: Well, I’m afraid we’ll have to confiscate them.
Hayes: Like hell you will.
Security: I beg your pardon?
Hayes: I’m sorry, what I meant was, can I drink them now instead of throwing them away?
Security: Well…yes, I suppose you could, but there’s got to be five gallons of the stuff in there, I don’t see how –
Hayes: No problem.
(Hayes begins pulling bottles out and chugging them at warp speed, to the horror of several passengers, and the applause of a group of fraternity members)
Cena: Guess it’s my turn. (he begins dumping various chains, bracelets, necklaces, all adorned with spinning logos, into the tray)
HHH: Dude, you know you don’t have to wear that stuff EVERYWHERE you go, right?
Cena: I know, I just feel weird without it.
HHH: I…see.
(Cena steps through the metal detector and holds his arms out to be scanned with the wand)
Cena: (to the security person, waving his hand in front of his face) You can’t see me!
Security: Sir, you’re standing less than a foot in front of me with your arms out, how couldn’t I?
Cena: Well…uh…you know, no one’s ever asked me that. (to Hunter) Have people always been able to see me?
HHH: Yeah, you’re just waving your hand in front of your face, man.
Cena: DAMN IT!
HHH: What?
Cena: I am SO going to New Orleans when we get home.
HHH: New Orleans?
Cena: Yeah, I was down there a few years ago, and this woman who was reading my fortune told me that if I did that, I’d be invisible.
HHH: And you believed her?
Cena: Why WOULDN’T I? She had live chickens everywhere, and if that’s not credible, I don’t know what is!
(Cena storms off to the gate, mumbling about voodoo priestesses, and rip-off chickens)
HHH: (glancing over at Micheal Hayes) Hey, Freebird, you ok over there?
Hayes: (now standing, pantsless on the conveyer belt) AROUGRAGRFRAAAAABRALRAAAAWWR!
HHH: What?
Kahli: (walking up behind HHH, and removing a handful of caramels from his mouth) He said he’s fantastic, and loves everyone. (he returns the caramels to his mouth)
HHH: Hey, thanks, man.
Kahli: ARGRAUFRAAAAAARWAR!
(the gang clears security and boards their plane, with Sledgie being escorted to first class in the company of a half dozen stewardesses)
HHH: (glaring at Steph) This is SO not fair.
Steph: I told you, it’s in his contract.
HHH: Can I get it in my contract?
Steph: No.
HHH: Damn it.
(the group heads to their seats, finding themselves in the same row as Dusty, Matt Hardy, and an empty seat)
HHH: Hey guys, ready for the trip?
Dusty: Eezzz gonna be great heah on da mothasheeip, baby, gonna be a rollin’ and headin’ to da paywinda, baby!
HHH: Yeeaaahhh, ok, how you doing, Matt?
Hardy: (typing furiously on his laptop) He won’t get away with it, he won’t, not this time!
HHH: Who wont?
Hardy: Edge, that’s who!
HHH: You’re not still pissed about the whole Lita thing, are you?
Hardy: Nah, I got over that with therapy. Thing is, now if I even LOOK at a girl, he takes her. It sucks, man.
HHH: Yeah, I’m sure it does. Say, you mind if I stretch out in this extra seat?
Hardy: Ask Jeff, it’s his seat.
HHH: OK, where is he?
(the overhead compartment pops open and Jeff pops his head out)
Jeff: Right here.
HHH: Oh, hey, mind if I use the seat to…um, why are you up there?
Jeff: It’s extreeeeeeeeeeeme.
HHH: OK, so then you won’t be using the seat?
Jeff: Seats are so mainstream.
HHH: So I can use it?
Jeff: You don’t want to be extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeme?
HHH: To qualify, would I have to fit myself in the overhead?
Jeff: Yes.
HHH: Then no.
Jeff: OK, but don’t say I didn’t warn you? (he closes himself back in the compartment)
(The captain comes on to the loudspeaker, announcing takeoff)
HHH: Well, just a few hours, and we’ll be off the plane, right?
Steph: (engrossed in a magazine) Yep.
HHH: Time to get some sleep then.
(HHH puts on a DX logo sleep mask and reclines his seat as the scene ends)
(scene opens with the plane in flight somewhere over the Atlantic)
HHH: (removing his DX sleep mask) Hey, where are we?
Steph: (looking up from her magazine) I’m not sure.
HHH: Matt? You know where we are?
Hardy: Not now, I’m in the middle of a debate.
HHH: A debate?
Hardy: It’s a debate on whether I’m cursed or jinxed.
HHH: Aren’t they the same thing?
Hardy: NO, of course they’re not. One is very different.
HHH: Look, man, you’re not jinxed, you’re –
Hardy: Cursed? I’m cursed?
HHH: No, you’re not cursed either. Just relax, and I’m sure you’ll see that it’s just bad luck.
(the stewardess comes by, wheeling the beverage cart)
Stewardess: Can I get you gentleman anything?
Matt: Uh, hi.
Stewardess: Hi, can I get you something to drink?
Matt: I’ll take a coke please.
Stewardess: Sure. (as she reaches for the can, Edge walks by)
Edge: Hi, can I have another bag of peanuts?
Stewardess: (beaming) Sure you can. (she hands him a bag and, as he walks away, follows him to his seat)
Hardy: But, what about my soda? (to HHH) See? Did you see that?
HHH: Dude, he asked her for a bag of peanuts.
Hardy: (mumbling to himself) Damned Edge and his peanuts! Just wait! (he beings typing again)
(Cryme Tyme walks up the aisle, sees the cart vacated, and glances at eachother)
Shad: Should we?
JTG: Should we what?
Shad: Well, it would be nice to have drinks within reach.
JTG: Yeah, it would.
Shad: But on the other hand, would taking it perpetuate some negative stereotype which others may or may not have about not just us, but any member of our particular socioeconomic or racial background?
JTG: Interesting point, although if I could, I would add that, would it be theft, seeing as the cart is not vacating the premises, and the beverages it contains are complimentary. So, theoretically, would taking the beverages be theft, or would it be more likened to a buffet, where it’s sole purpose is for the refreshment of the customers, meaning us.
Shad: Fascinating, I never thought of it that way.
(Shelton walks up behind them, looking disapprovingly)
Shelton: You two aren’t thinking of taking that are you?
Shad: Actually, my colleague and I were just debating the overtones, as well as the technicalities of that very possibility.
Shelton: You know you’re just perpetuating stereotypes, right?
JTG: Excuse me?
Shelton: Everything you do just perpetuates the stereotypical gangsta as criminal image which I find unacceptable.
Shad: I see. Would you mind if I responded to that?
Shelton: I’d love to hear it.
Shad: (adjusts his collar and clears his throat) Well, the way I see things…(he punches Shelton in the face) BOOM!
Shelton: (on the floor holding his jaw) You just proved my point.
JTG: (joining in the beatdown) And THAT’S (kick) for (kick) perpetuating the stereotype that (kick) you (kick) get your ass kicked a lot!
(Cryme Tyme stuffs Shelton into the beverage cart and wheel it down the aisle, still talking)
Shad: I think that went rather well, don’t you?
JTG: Quite, and that was an excellent point you made in response.
Shad: As was yours.
HHH: (watching them go) Hey guys?
Shad: (turning to face HHH) Yeah?
HHH: Before you go, can you toss me a bottle of water?
JTG: Sure (tosses the beverage and then continues wheeling the cart) Hey Shad?
Shad: Yeah?
JTG: You know, we could really do a number on this cart. Speakers, some rims, the works.
Shad: Hell yeah, that works.
(meanwhile in the other aisle, an even more drunk Micheal Hayes is now moonwalking naked up the aisle)
HHH: Hey, Freebird, what the hell are you doing, man?
Heayes: ARGRAGURAAWRAAAAAAAAAFEEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS! NOTHING MORE THAN FEELINGS!
HHH: Um, yeah. (he reaches up and knocks on the overhead) Hey Jeff, you alive in there?
(the overhead pops open and Jeff sticks his head out)
Jeff: Yeah, I’m great, what’s up?
HHH: You want the menu for the meal?
Jeff: Do they have Zingers on it?
HHH: (looking) Fish, chicken, kosher, vegetarian…nope, no zingers, sorry.
Jeff: Then screw that. (he slams the overhead door shut)
HHH: Hey, I’m going to go check on Sledgie.
Steph: (still engrossed in her magazine) Have fun dear.
(HHH heads up towards first class, and glances through the curtain. He sees Sledgie, surrounded by the same half dozen stewardesses from earlier, reclined in a large chair with a half empty bottle of champagne in front of him)
HHH: He gets champagne? Man, this sucks.
Stewardess: (eyeing HHH suspiciously) Can I help you, sir?
HHH: Yeah, wanted to see how my buddy is doing in first class.
Stewardess: May I see your ticket please?
HHH: Uh, sure, I guess. (he hands it over)
Stewardess: Sir, this is a coach ticket.
HHH: Yeah, I know.
Stewardess: I’m going to have to ask you to leave the first class area.
HHH: But I’m not in the first class area.
Stewardess: Sir, there is a line, and I’m sorry to say this, unless you have a first class ticket, no part of you, even your nose, can be in first class.
HHH: This is complete crap..
Stewaress: Sir, will I have to get the air marshall?
HHH: No, no, I’ll go. (he goes back to his set, passing Albert and his security detail who are taking up all of business class)
HHH: Albert, what are you doing here?
Albert: BLAAAAAAAARRRRRGGRAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR (he demolishes a copy of Time magazine)
HHH: Oh, cool. Always nice to see people coming alone to support the effort. (he continues to his seat)
Steph: How is he?
HHH: Looks like he’s got half the crew up there, and they’re giving him champagne, can you believe it?
Steph: He deserves it.
HHH: DESERVES it? For WHAT?
Steph: For being a great ambassador and employee.
HHH: But what about all the things that I do?
Steph: Hunter, you’re my husband, it’s expected.
HHH: Can I at least get champagne?
Steph: No.
HHH: Beer?
Steph: No.
HHH: Wine Coolers?
Steph: For the last time, no. Now sit down, dinner is here.
HHH: But I didn’t even fill out my menu.
Steph: I know. They ran out of chicken and fish, so you got vegetarian.
HHH: Vegetarian?
(the stewardess with the meal cart arrives)
Stewardess: You had the vegetarian, correct?
HHH: (grumbling) Yes, I got the damn vegetarian.
Stewardess: I’m sorry, but we’re out, all we have left is one kosher meal.
HHH: (sighing) That’s fine.
Stewardess: I’m afraid since it’s the last one, it’s actually only half a meal.
HHH: Damn it.
Steph: Cheer up, we’re almost there.
HHH: This flight can’t end soon enough.
Steph: Just relax, it can’t get any worse.
(the loudspeaker squawks)
Captain: Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. It would appear we have a, well, rather special, um, treat for you. (off mic) Treat? Is that what we call this? (back on mic) Two of WWE’s performers are going to perform a duet for you. So, without further ado, here is Michael Hayes and The Great Kahli.
(as Kahli begins to sing Heartbreak Hotel, a voice is heard in the background)
Gerwitz: Caramels, damn it!
Kahli: (off mic) Are you serious?
Gerwitz: You want to get paid?
(back on mic, the duet kicks into full force)
Hayes and Kahli: BLARIGRAARUARAAAAAAAAAAAARWARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR
HHH: DAMN IT!
(Scene opens with the gang arriving at the airport for the Christmas visit to Iraq)
HHH: So do we know if we’re getting a private plane this year?
Steph: Well…
HHH: Well? Well what?
Flair: (beginning to strut, dragging his luggage behind him) Woooooooooo!
Steph: Well, we’re not using a private plane, but we have most of the flight to ourselves.
HHH: Most? You mean there will be regular people onboard?
Steph: Yes, that’s exactly what I mean.
HHH: But…but I’m the game, the cerebral assassin –
HBK: (standing off to one side, carrying a duffle bag full of DX merchandise and a snow cone) Dude, you just said ass TWICE (he begins to giggle)
HHH: That’s not the point!
Steph: Than what IS the point, Hunter?
HHH: The point is, I want privacy.
Steph: You’ll be fine, we have a whole section reserved. Now, can we please check in?
(the group, plus Shawn, heads to the check in counter, where they find themselves in line just in front of Funaki)
Woman at check-in: Passport and ticket please?
HHH: (smiling) Of course (he hands over passports for himself, Steph, and Arora Rose)
Woman at counter: and what about his passport? (she points to Sledgie, who is resting in a sling on the side of Hunter’s luggage, wearing a Hawaiian shirt)
HHH: He doesn’t have –
Steph: (cutting HHH off) Right here (she hands over Sledgie’s passport)
Woman at counter: Ah, thank you. (she examines the passports, and then hits a button, printing off four boarding passes and hands them to Steph)
Steph: Thank you. (she examines the passes and hands one each to Flair and HHH)
HHH: Steph, dear, these are coach tickets.
Steph: I know that.
HHH: But I thought we were flying first class.
Steph: Budget, honey, we need to be more reasonable with out money.
HHH: (glancing at Sledgie’s ticket) Wait, wait, HE’S flying first class?
Steph: Of course.
HHH: But why is HE flying first class?
(Sledgie as always says nothing, but leans to one side in the sling)
HHH: Leg room? What leg room? You don’t even have LEGS! This is a load of crap!
Steph: Hunter, please, don’t make a scene.
HHH: But it’s not fair, I’ve been upstaged AGAIN!
(Farooq pops out from behind the check in counter, drawing the attention of Funaki)
Farooq: (looking at Funaki) What?
Funaki: Well?
Farooq: Well what?
Funaki: You’re not going to say damn?
Farooq: (leaps from behind counter and begins beating the hell out of Funaki, then stands, straightens himself and climbs behind the counter, and looks over his shoulder at the new bloody Funaki) No. (he disappears behind the counter)
(the gang heads off, HHH still mumbling about coach tickets, arriving minutes later at the security check point, where Cena and Michael Hayes are already waiting)
HHH: I hate this part.
Cena: Why’s that?
HHH: It always takes forever, and they always make me unpack my bags.
(Hayes steps through the metal detector and over to one of the security personel)
Security: Sir, you realize that liquids can not be brought on board, correct?
Hayes: Well, I thought it was just hairspray and stuff like that.
Security: No, sir, it isn’t. Could you explain why you have a duffel bag filled with bottles of bourbon?
Hayes: Well, I get thirsty, see, and those little airline bottles are just teases.
Security: Well, I’m afraid we’ll have to confiscate them.
Hayes: Like hell you will.
Security: I beg your pardon?
Hayes: I’m sorry, what I meant was, can I drink them now instead of throwing them away?
Security: Well…yes, I suppose you could, but there’s got to be five gallons of the stuff in there, I don’t see how –
Hayes: No problem.
(Hayes begins pulling bottles out and chugging them at warp speed, to the horror of several passengers, and the applause of a group of fraternity members)
Cena: Guess it’s my turn. (he begins dumping various chains, bracelets, necklaces, all adorned with spinning logos, into the tray)
HHH: Dude, you know you don’t have to wear that stuff EVERYWHERE you go, right?
Cena: I know, I just feel weird without it.
HHH: I…see.
(Cena steps through the metal detector and holds his arms out to be scanned with the wand)
Cena: (to the security person, waving his hand in front of his face) You can’t see me!
Security: Sir, you’re standing less than a foot in front of me with your arms out, how couldn’t I?
Cena: Well…uh…you know, no one’s ever asked me that. (to Hunter) Have people always been able to see me?
HHH: Yeah, you’re just waving your hand in front of your face, man.
Cena: DAMN IT!
HHH: What?
Cena: I am SO going to New Orleans when we get home.
HHH: New Orleans?
Cena: Yeah, I was down there a few years ago, and this woman who was reading my fortune told me that if I did that, I’d be invisible.
HHH: And you believed her?
Cena: Why WOULDN’T I? She had live chickens everywhere, and if that’s not credible, I don’t know what is!
(Cena storms off to the gate, mumbling about voodoo priestesses, and rip-off chickens)
HHH: (glancing over at Micheal Hayes) Hey, Freebird, you ok over there?
Hayes: (now standing, pantsless on the conveyer belt) AROUGRAGRFRAAAAABRALRAAAAWWR!
HHH: What?
Kahli: (walking up behind HHH, and removing a handful of caramels from his mouth) He said he’s fantastic, and loves everyone. (he returns the caramels to his mouth)
HHH: Hey, thanks, man.
Kahli: ARGRAUFRAAAAAARWAR!
(the gang clears security and boards their plane, with Sledgie being escorted to first class in the company of a half dozen stewardesses)
HHH: (glaring at Steph) This is SO not fair.
Steph: I told you, it’s in his contract.
HHH: Can I get it in my contract?
Steph: No.
HHH: Damn it.
(the group heads to their seats, finding themselves in the same row as Dusty, Matt Hardy, and an empty seat)
HHH: Hey guys, ready for the trip?
Dusty: Eezzz gonna be great heah on da mothasheeip, baby, gonna be a rollin’ and headin’ to da paywinda, baby!
HHH: Yeeaaahhh, ok, how you doing, Matt?
Hardy: (typing furiously on his laptop) He won’t get away with it, he won’t, not this time!
HHH: Who wont?
Hardy: Edge, that’s who!
HHH: You’re not still pissed about the whole Lita thing, are you?
Hardy: Nah, I got over that with therapy. Thing is, now if I even LOOK at a girl, he takes her. It sucks, man.
HHH: Yeah, I’m sure it does. Say, you mind if I stretch out in this extra seat?
Hardy: Ask Jeff, it’s his seat.
HHH: OK, where is he?
(the overhead compartment pops open and Jeff pops his head out)
Jeff: Right here.
HHH: Oh, hey, mind if I use the seat to…um, why are you up there?
Jeff: It’s extreeeeeeeeeeeme.
HHH: OK, so then you won’t be using the seat?
Jeff: Seats are so mainstream.
HHH: So I can use it?
Jeff: You don’t want to be extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeme?
HHH: To qualify, would I have to fit myself in the overhead?
Jeff: Yes.
HHH: Then no.
Jeff: OK, but don’t say I didn’t warn you? (he closes himself back in the compartment)
(The captain comes on to the loudspeaker, announcing takeoff)
HHH: Well, just a few hours, and we’ll be off the plane, right?
Steph: (engrossed in a magazine) Yep.
HHH: Time to get some sleep then.
(HHH puts on a DX logo sleep mask and reclines his seat as the scene ends)
(scene opens with the plane in flight somewhere over the Atlantic)
HHH: (removing his DX sleep mask) Hey, where are we?
Steph: (looking up from her magazine) I’m not sure.
HHH: Matt? You know where we are?
Hardy: Not now, I’m in the middle of a debate.
HHH: A debate?
Hardy: It’s a debate on whether I’m cursed or jinxed.
HHH: Aren’t they the same thing?
Hardy: NO, of course they’re not. One is very different.
HHH: Look, man, you’re not jinxed, you’re –
Hardy: Cursed? I’m cursed?
HHH: No, you’re not cursed either. Just relax, and I’m sure you’ll see that it’s just bad luck.
(the stewardess comes by, wheeling the beverage cart)
Stewardess: Can I get you gentleman anything?
Matt: Uh, hi.
Stewardess: Hi, can I get you something to drink?
Matt: I’ll take a coke please.
Stewardess: Sure. (as she reaches for the can, Edge walks by)
Edge: Hi, can I have another bag of peanuts?
Stewardess: (beaming) Sure you can. (she hands him a bag and, as he walks away, follows him to his seat)
Hardy: But, what about my soda? (to HHH) See? Did you see that?
HHH: Dude, he asked her for a bag of peanuts.
Hardy: (mumbling to himself) Damned Edge and his peanuts! Just wait! (he beings typing again)
(Cryme Tyme walks up the aisle, sees the cart vacated, and glances at eachother)
Shad: Should we?
JTG: Should we what?
Shad: Well, it would be nice to have drinks within reach.
JTG: Yeah, it would.
Shad: But on the other hand, would taking it perpetuate some negative stereotype which others may or may not have about not just us, but any member of our particular socioeconomic or racial background?
JTG: Interesting point, although if I could, I would add that, would it be theft, seeing as the cart is not vacating the premises, and the beverages it contains are complimentary. So, theoretically, would taking the beverages be theft, or would it be more likened to a buffet, where it’s sole purpose is for the refreshment of the customers, meaning us.
Shad: Fascinating, I never thought of it that way.
(Shelton walks up behind them, looking disapprovingly)
Shelton: You two aren’t thinking of taking that are you?
Shad: Actually, my colleague and I were just debating the overtones, as well as the technicalities of that very possibility.
Shelton: You know you’re just perpetuating stereotypes, right?
JTG: Excuse me?
Shelton: Everything you do just perpetuates the stereotypical gangsta as criminal image which I find unacceptable.
Shad: I see. Would you mind if I responded to that?
Shelton: I’d love to hear it.
Shad: (adjusts his collar and clears his throat) Well, the way I see things…(he punches Shelton in the face) BOOM!
Shelton: (on the floor holding his jaw) You just proved my point.
JTG: (joining in the beatdown) And THAT’S (kick) for (kick) perpetuating the stereotype that (kick) you (kick) get your ass kicked a lot!
(Cryme Tyme stuffs Shelton into the beverage cart and wheel it down the aisle, still talking)
Shad: I think that went rather well, don’t you?
JTG: Quite, and that was an excellent point you made in response.
Shad: As was yours.
HHH: (watching them go) Hey guys?
Shad: (turning to face HHH) Yeah?
HHH: Before you go, can you toss me a bottle of water?
JTG: Sure (tosses the beverage and then continues wheeling the cart) Hey Shad?
Shad: Yeah?
JTG: You know, we could really do a number on this cart. Speakers, some rims, the works.
Shad: Hell yeah, that works.
(meanwhile in the other aisle, an even more drunk Micheal Hayes is now moonwalking naked up the aisle)
HHH: Hey, Freebird, what the hell are you doing, man?
Heayes: ARGRAGURAAWRAAAAAAAAAFEEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS! NOTHING MORE THAN FEELINGS!
HHH: Um, yeah. (he reaches up and knocks on the overhead) Hey Jeff, you alive in there?
(the overhead pops open and Jeff sticks his head out)
Jeff: Yeah, I’m great, what’s up?
HHH: You want the menu for the meal?
Jeff: Do they have Zingers on it?
HHH: (looking) Fish, chicken, kosher, vegetarian…nope, no zingers, sorry.
Jeff: Then screw that. (he slams the overhead door shut)
HHH: Hey, I’m going to go check on Sledgie.
Steph: (still engrossed in her magazine) Have fun dear.
(HHH heads up towards first class, and glances through the curtain. He sees Sledgie, surrounded by the same half dozen stewardesses from earlier, reclined in a large chair with a half empty bottle of champagne in front of him)
HHH: He gets champagne? Man, this sucks.
Stewardess: (eyeing HHH suspiciously) Can I help you, sir?
HHH: Yeah, wanted to see how my buddy is doing in first class.
Stewardess: May I see your ticket please?
HHH: Uh, sure, I guess. (he hands it over)
Stewardess: Sir, this is a coach ticket.
HHH: Yeah, I know.
Stewardess: I’m going to have to ask you to leave the first class area.
HHH: But I’m not in the first class area.
Stewardess: Sir, there is a line, and I’m sorry to say this, unless you have a first class ticket, no part of you, even your nose, can be in first class.
HHH: This is complete crap..
Stewaress: Sir, will I have to get the air marshall?
HHH: No, no, I’ll go. (he goes back to his set, passing Albert and his security detail who are taking up all of business class)
HHH: Albert, what are you doing here?
Albert: BLAAAAAAAARRRRRGGRAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR (he demolishes a copy of Time magazine)
HHH: Oh, cool. Always nice to see people coming alone to support the effort. (he continues to his seat)
Steph: How is he?
HHH: Looks like he’s got half the crew up there, and they’re giving him champagne, can you believe it?
Steph: He deserves it.
HHH: DESERVES it? For WHAT?
Steph: For being a great ambassador and employee.
HHH: But what about all the things that I do?
Steph: Hunter, you’re my husband, it’s expected.
HHH: Can I at least get champagne?
Steph: No.
HHH: Beer?
Steph: No.
HHH: Wine Coolers?
Steph: For the last time, no. Now sit down, dinner is here.
HHH: But I didn’t even fill out my menu.
Steph: I know. They ran out of chicken and fish, so you got vegetarian.
HHH: Vegetarian?
(the stewardess with the meal cart arrives)
Stewardess: You had the vegetarian, correct?
HHH: (grumbling) Yes, I got the damn vegetarian.
Stewardess: I’m sorry, but we’re out, all we have left is one kosher meal.
HHH: (sighing) That’s fine.
Stewardess: I’m afraid since it’s the last one, it’s actually only half a meal.
HHH: Damn it.
Steph: Cheer up, we’re almost there.
HHH: This flight can’t end soon enough.
Steph: Just relax, it can’t get any worse.
(the loudspeaker squawks)
Captain: Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. It would appear we have a, well, rather special, um, treat for you. (off mic) Treat? Is that what we call this? (back on mic) Two of WWE’s performers are going to perform a duet for you. So, without further ado, here is Michael Hayes and The Great Kahli.
(as Kahli begins to sing Heartbreak Hotel, a voice is heard in the background)
Gerwitz: Caramels, damn it!
Kahli: (off mic) Are you serious?
Gerwitz: You want to get paid?
(back on mic, the duet kicks into full force)
Hayes and Kahli: BLARIGRAARUARAAAAAAAAAAAARWARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR
HHH: DAMN IT!
helped $lim jinx NXT. Woops
