Post by MCMGM on Dec 18, 2009 14:52:40 GMT -5
This is kind of a long and drawn out thing. So I'm going to try and make this as clear as I can.
I met this guy (Ryan) last year. We talked for a long time and hit it off. We love all the same music, movies, books. We quote stuff and finish each others sentences. It's like we're the opposite sex equivalent of each other. We spent every minute we could together, we both worked and he lived 2 hours away. So I would get off of work as early as possible and go up and spend the night.
When he met me, he knew I was looking to be in a eventual relationship. We talked at length about it. His deal was that he hadn't been single in a very long time (around 10 years, since his teens) and was enjoying it. But wanted to date me once he felt "ready" and he thought he wouldn't hurt me in anyway. I thought that was fair enough. Mind you this was in the end of LAST December.
We build more on our awesome friendship over the months and he ends up telling me he loves me on my birthday (this past July). Everything is going fine, and it looks like we're going to make this official. Then all of a sudden, he emails me and tells me he was going to go back to his ex. I was so pissed, I just stopped talking to him as a whole. I was in a bit of shock and didn't even know what to say. About a week or so later, he mails me again and tells me he was sorry and that he didn't know what he was doing.
I forgave him to an extent and started hanging again. Old feelings came back, love was confessed a bunch, etc.
Fast forward to Nov. and we are at the place we were before were it looked like it was going to be official. He leaves to go to his parents place in PA and leaves me at the house for the week. I go to check my gmail, and saw that he left his logged in. Like he does. I was going to sign out like I do, but as I was going to, I saw an email from his ex. They had been having a convo and it was rather long. I let curiosity get the best of and read it. Then some other stuff.
I find out that the WHOLE time we knew each other, basically the summer of '08, he was with her on and off but mostly on. I saw a email in which they were fighting and he referred to himself as her boyfriend. This was within the last month. I flipped and wrote him a long email and we ended up fighting hardcore. I couldn't leave his place until he got back because I was watching the cat and had his keys anyway.
So he came home and we had a big emotional night about it. He said he didn't want to be with her anymore because she doesn't show him any affection or kindness. (She's confused about her sexual status because she used to be a lesbian and he was her first guy, etc) and they don't have any kind of sex. He told me he was going to officially break it off with her. He just wanted to go about it as nicely as possible. Again, because I'm a dick, I gave him another chance.
So yesterday, I asked him if he talked to her (it's been almost a month) and he said, because it was so close to X-mas and because she had just discovered that she was having a bunch of medical problems, that he thought that he should wait until sometime in January. I sat over here a little bit ago, checking the board. When I saw a email he left open in another window. It was a sent mail. In it he told her that he WANTED TO MAKE IT WORK WITH HER. I am SOOOOOOOO tired of this, you have no idea. I want to get up and deck him right now. He's across from me, why I'm STILL here after what I saw today, I have no f***ing idea.
But it's so hard, because I care about him and he does have feelings for me and cares about me (long story, post more on it later if need be). It's not a thing of him not being into me, or this only being sex. We had that convo and we hang and not together most of the time. PLUS, I'm supposed to go up to meet his parents and spend X-mas with his family next week.
But I am f***ing sick and tired of sitting here and waiting for him to decide what he wants to do. It's been a year already. I'm ready to end it and just be friends, then move on and find someone else. Then again I feel like I would be missing out on something if I did that. I still want to at least be his friend at the end of this.
Basically, I want to know what you guys would do in this situation.
I know if he were ANYONE else, I wouldn't need to be asking you guys for advice. He would have been 86'd a long time ago. But I really don't want to just flat out leave him alone and I don't think I can just be a friend. I can't control myself around him all that much.
I met this guy (Ryan) last year. We talked for a long time and hit it off. We love all the same music, movies, books. We quote stuff and finish each others sentences. It's like we're the opposite sex equivalent of each other. We spent every minute we could together, we both worked and he lived 2 hours away. So I would get off of work as early as possible and go up and spend the night.
When he met me, he knew I was looking to be in a eventual relationship. We talked at length about it. His deal was that he hadn't been single in a very long time (around 10 years, since his teens) and was enjoying it. But wanted to date me once he felt "ready" and he thought he wouldn't hurt me in anyway. I thought that was fair enough. Mind you this was in the end of LAST December.
We build more on our awesome friendship over the months and he ends up telling me he loves me on my birthday (this past July). Everything is going fine, and it looks like we're going to make this official. Then all of a sudden, he emails me and tells me he was going to go back to his ex. I was so pissed, I just stopped talking to him as a whole. I was in a bit of shock and didn't even know what to say. About a week or so later, he mails me again and tells me he was sorry and that he didn't know what he was doing.
I forgave him to an extent and started hanging again. Old feelings came back, love was confessed a bunch, etc.
Fast forward to Nov. and we are at the place we were before were it looked like it was going to be official. He leaves to go to his parents place in PA and leaves me at the house for the week. I go to check my gmail, and saw that he left his logged in. Like he does. I was going to sign out like I do, but as I was going to, I saw an email from his ex. They had been having a convo and it was rather long. I let curiosity get the best of and read it. Then some other stuff.
I find out that the WHOLE time we knew each other, basically the summer of '08, he was with her on and off but mostly on. I saw a email in which they were fighting and he referred to himself as her boyfriend. This was within the last month. I flipped and wrote him a long email and we ended up fighting hardcore. I couldn't leave his place until he got back because I was watching the cat and had his keys anyway.
So he came home and we had a big emotional night about it. He said he didn't want to be with her anymore because she doesn't show him any affection or kindness. (She's confused about her sexual status because she used to be a lesbian and he was her first guy, etc) and they don't have any kind of sex. He told me he was going to officially break it off with her. He just wanted to go about it as nicely as possible. Again, because I'm a dick, I gave him another chance.
So yesterday, I asked him if he talked to her (it's been almost a month) and he said, because it was so close to X-mas and because she had just discovered that she was having a bunch of medical problems, that he thought that he should wait until sometime in January. I sat over here a little bit ago, checking the board. When I saw a email he left open in another window. It was a sent mail. In it he told her that he WANTED TO MAKE IT WORK WITH HER. I am SOOOOOOOO tired of this, you have no idea. I want to get up and deck him right now. He's across from me, why I'm STILL here after what I saw today, I have no f***ing idea.
But it's so hard, because I care about him and he does have feelings for me and cares about me (long story, post more on it later if need be). It's not a thing of him not being into me, or this only being sex. We had that convo and we hang and not together most of the time. PLUS, I'm supposed to go up to meet his parents and spend X-mas with his family next week.
But I am f***ing sick and tired of sitting here and waiting for him to decide what he wants to do. It's been a year already. I'm ready to end it and just be friends, then move on and find someone else. Then again I feel like I would be missing out on something if I did that. I still want to at least be his friend at the end of this.
Basically, I want to know what you guys would do in this situation.
I know if he were ANYONE else, I wouldn't need to be asking you guys for advice. He would have been 86'd a long time ago. But I really don't want to just flat out leave him alone and I don't think I can just be a friend. I can't control myself around him all that much.
