Post by Gillberg: 0-175 on May 9, 2007 9:54:25 GMT -5
I tried thinking up a clever topic title, I really did. Now, the one thing I failed to mention in my other topic is that I do understand that classic crap is picked based upon what the forum members want. Sadly, it always seems that they pick the same crap over and over again, which lead me to my first topic. RD, here is a list of all the crap I can deal without seeing for a while (because it's been reposted so many damn times!):
WWF Crap
I'll be back to get the WCW Crap up there too. I'd also like to say thanks for listening to the requests of your fans. I appreciate it. It also means I can leave you alone now, lol.
WWF Crap
- Akeem: Chicago tough One Man Gang becomes a black man in the Slickster's parking lot voodoo ceremony.
- Al Wilson: Elderly man marries smoking hot Dawn Mrie, whose sole goal is to lure Torrie Wilson to bed. Then she proceeds to kill the guy on their honeymoon by sexing him to death. But not before they get married in the nude. Is there any question why this won the 2003 Gooker Award?
- Art Donovan: King of the Ring 1994's guest commentator asks the eternal question: "How much does this guy weigh?" Then he hasks again, 10,000 times.
- Battlemania: WWF comic book featuring Ted DiBiase doing a Scrooge McDuck cannonball into his vault and Undertaker getting a visit from the neighborhood Welcome Wagon.
- Beaver Cleavage: A hyper sexual take on the TV classic Leave it To Beaver. Well, someone thought it was a good idea. (Not me.)
- Berserker: John Nord puts on wacky viking helmet and swings a sword at his enemies.
- Billy & Chuck Wedding: Weddings are always big ratings draws - just imagine how huge a GAY wedding could be!
- Buddy Rose Blowaway Diet: Playboy Buddy Rose loses weight the old fashioned way: by dumping laundry detergent on himself and turning on a fan.
- The Blonde Bytch Project: Stevie Richards and Blue Meanie finally get a chance to shine in WWE, and it all falls apart because Vince has never heard of the Blair Witch Project. Yikes.
- Chaz, Woman Beater: Getting rid of the Beaver Cleavage character was a good idea. Doing a domestic violence angle wasn't.
- Chyna and Sable Comic Books: If you thought they were annoying in real life, just imagine these two egomaniacal bimbos in comic book form.
- Damien Demento: He's not just crazy, he's demented! But don't feel bad - these days, he hosts a KID'S SHOW!
- The 2005 Diva Search: WWE finds a way to make 10 beautiful, voluptous women boring. That takes talent.
- The Dragon: Ricky Steamboat hits the WWF after countless ****+ matches in WCW, and the announcers are told to act like they have no idea who he is. Oh, and he now breathes fire. Whatthehellever.
- The Exploitation of Eddie Guerrero: The 2006 Gooker Award Winner and the hardest induction I've ever had to write. Thrill Vomit as WWE exploits one of their greatest performers ever!
- El Matador: Veteran Tito Santana is getting boring, so he is sent to Mexico to train to fight bulls. This will help him in the wrestling ring, since the two sports are so similar. Or something.
- The Patterson-Brisco Evening Gown Match: Couldn't these two have done this in their hotel room instead of on a PPV that people paid to see?
- Gene Okerlund Wrestles!: Mean Gene and the Hulkster team up to tangle with Mr. Fuji and George Steele. That in itself would have been bad enough, but the quasi-homosexual training sessions were even worse.
- Gobbeldy Gooker: The most popular request at WrestleCrap, and with good reason: a turkey man hatches from an egg that has been carted to WWF events for months. Quite possibly the worst payoff to an angle in the history of pro wrestling.
- HHH vs. Ultimate Warrior: The match the Game would like you to forget ended with him getting creamed by the Warrior in under 2 minutes. And people wonder why poor HHH is so protective of his spot.
- Hulk Hogan's Rock n' Wrestling: Cartoon show starring Hogan, Roddy Piper, Iron Shiek, and countless other stars of the mid 80's WWF. Proof that anyone could get a cartoon in the mid 80's.
- If They Only Knew: Chyna's biography, in which she reveals that she hates pretty much everyone on the entire planet earth.
- THAT Jackie Gayda Match: Apparently this was an Albino Leopard Match. You know, because of all the missed spots.
- Jameson: Nerds are funny, especially ones who ejaculate into couch pillows. Ewww...
- Dusty Rhodes, the WWF Years: An NWA legend becomes Vince McMahon's human joke butt. Gotta love those polka dots!
- The Jynx Brothers: You may not know this, but before they became famous, Matt and Jeff Hardy were jobbers dressed like Japanese puppets. Yep.
- Katie Vick: Just what pro wrestling needed: NECROPHILIA! Winner of the 2002 Gooker Award.
- King of the Ring 1995 Magazine: Vince Russo scores the WWF lead booker position by writing about Sparkplugg Holly's ancestor, Sir Stockcard Car. Man life is weird.
- The Lost Hillbilly Jim Tape: Footage of our favorite Mudlickian wrestling his coon dog as granny drinks moonshine in the background.
- Mae Young: Role model to horny seniors the world over, Mae strips naked and gives birth to a hand. As hilarious as it sounds (which is to say not at all).
- Mantaur: Half man, half bull - all crap.
- Matilda: Let's see...we have two of the greatest technical wrestlers on the planet. How can we ruin them? I know - let's give them a dog to walk to the ring, and then have the dog stolen!
- The Million Dollar Chance: The WWF is giving you a chance to win $1,000,000! Well, actually it's just a chance to win a chance. Or something.
- Molly Holly: Fat Ass?: Hey, look - she has a giant ass! Well, actually she doesn't, but let's not let the truth get in the way of a good bad story.
- Moppy: Perry Saturn gives up on Terri Runnels to date a mop. I think that's called "trading up."
- Needles the Tailor: A whiny little man teaches us the fine art of tailory as he jabs guys with a needle. There's a joke to be made there, but the Wellness Policy forbids us from making it.
- Oktoberfest: Seasonal shenanigans as the Bushwackers cut the cheese (literally) with Gene Okerlund and Lanny Poffo is introduced as the world's foremost expert on stuffing sausage.
- The Original Demolition: Remember when Demolition consisted of Ax and Pizza Face? Be glad you don't.
- Outback Jack: Friendly Aussie that hung out with aboriginies and drank beer with cows. Hyped for nearly six months before finally making his first WWF appearance; disappeared approximately 1.3 seconds later.
- Papa Shango: Voodoo master who hexed Gene Okerlund and caused Ultimate Warrior to vomit on WWF TV.
- Phantasio: Magician wrestler whose finisher was to remove his opponent's underwear. Seriously.
- Piledriver: The Wrestling Album 2: Sometimes love feels like an ar-gew-ment, it feels just like a piledriver. If Koko B. Ware says it, it must be true.
- The Polish Sausage Festival: Ivan Putski yanks weinerschnitzel off a plastic tree as a crazy old woman dances around in an attempt to lure Lord Alfred into bed.
- The Raw Bowl: Wacky football style bout in which the goal was to...I don't even remember. But it sucked.
- The Real Double J: Jessee Jammes croons to the ring after Jeff Jarrett is proved to be a phony the level of Milli Vanilli.
- Rhythm & Blues: Greg Valentine attempts to duplicate Honky Tonk Mania and falls short.
- Repo Man: Barry Darsow is back once again, this time as the Repo Man, a thief in the night who made you pay, and pay dearly, for getting in your car payment late.
- The Redneck Triathlon: Finally, Steve Austin squares off with Eric Bischoff...in a BELCHING CONTEST?
- The Red Rooster: Terry Taylor sees his career flushed down the drain as he portrays a chicken, complete with spiky red hair and cock-a-doodle-doo entrance theme.
- The Sad Saga of Good Ol' JR: WWE fires their lead announcer. Yes again. And they humiliate him on the way out. Yes again. And then they hire him back. Yes again.
- Salvatore Sincere: Yet another ethnic stereotype invades WWF rings, this time as Sal Sincere teaches us all the true meaning of irony. See, kids, he's not really sincere at all!
- The Stalker: Barry Windham invades the WWF wearing camouflage. Not sure how that was supposed to help him blend into a wrestling ring, but hey, if Li'l Blackjack thinks it will, more power to him.
- Stalker DDP: Diamond Dallas Page gives us hanging out with his drop dead gorgeous wife Kimberly to hide out in the bushes and look at Undertaker's pony faced old lady.
- Stuttering Matt Morgan: B-b-b-b-oy d-d-d-d-d-d-did this s-s-s-s-s-suck!
- Sunny's Sex Video: You'd think anything starring Tammy Sytch, who was smoking hot back in her WWF days, couldn't be all bad. But then her bedmate is revealed: Fondle Me Elmo!
- T&A: Test and Albert. How Trish Stratus survived this I will never, ever know.
- TL Hopper: Evil wrestling plumber. I'd write more, but just putting "evil wrestling plumber" should be all the explanation you need.
- Undertaker Resurrection: During a casket match at Royal Rumble 94, the evil Yokozuna stuffs the Undertaker in a coffin with the help of 43 men. He would later be reborn, however, and float up to heaven in a scene that everyone watching would like to forget.
- Undertaker vs. Underfaker: Stupid twin angle in which Ted DiBiase brought in a phony Undertaker to combat the real one. Fans reacted so violently that the program was scrapped after one match.
- The Ultimate Giant: Andre proves that the Warrior isn't the most unintelligible man on the planet by donning the face paint himself.
- The Ultimate Warrior-Jake Roberts Training Session: The Snake teaches our hero how to be evil by burying him up to his ears in dirt.
- Who: The Vince McMahon Players try to revive a 40 year-old Abbot and Costello bit by putting poor Jim Neidhart under a mask.
- WrestleMania: The Album: Musical mess that features Bret Hart singing a love song while Randy Savage begins his rapping career by reciting the order of the solar system.
- WrestleMania 2: Horrible crap eminating from three - count 'em THREE - venues! Plus more Susan St. James than you can shake an "UH OH" at!
- WrestleMania IX: Giant Gonzalez! Papa Shango! The Narcissist! JR in a toga! It's Wrestlemania!
- WrestleMania: The Video Game Video: More fun with Bret, who this time programs videogames by driving a forklift while wearing a tie. I'd try to explain, but I think I'd just wind up getting dizzy and passing out.
- WWF Bleeps, Bloopers, and Blunders: Supposedly a tape featuring all kinds of wacky, zany behind the scenes WWF hilarity, yet all I can remember about it was a spread eagle shot of Hillbilly Jim. Very disturbing.
- Xanta Klaus: Santa's evil twin brother who steals presents from good children every December 25. Did I mention he lived at the South Pole? The WWF did.
I'll be back to get the WCW Crap up there too. I'd also like to say thanks for listening to the requests of your fans. I appreciate it. It also means I can leave you alone now, lol.
