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Post by Alexander The So-so on Aug 12, 2010 14:41:40 GMT -5
That was pretty informative, actually. Thanks for the link.
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Post by mrwednesdaynight on Aug 12, 2010 15:08:44 GMT -5
That was pretty informative, actually. Thanks for the link. I listened to that as well. It was rather enlightening. Much more so than just telling someone to have confidence. It's not as simple as going to Walmart and buying some confidence in aisle 28. This pod cast made a lot more sense of how things work.
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Gummydavidson
Dennis Stamp
Johnny Davidson for Prime Minister!
Posts: 3,933
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Post by Gummydavidson on Aug 12, 2010 16:39:15 GMT -5
A friend of mine was single. She was talking about wanting to have a boyfriend. I said ok, what kind of a guy do you want? She said she wanted a womanizing bad boy type...but he better be faithful to her. I said wouldn't you prefer a nice guy? Someone who'd love you and treat you with total respect and never cheat on you? No she said. I asked her why. She said because she would cheat on him!!! Jeez....
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Tiiulicious
Bubba Ho-Tep
Not much upstairs, but what a staircase! :)
Posts: 591
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Post by Tiiulicious on Aug 12, 2010 17:13:27 GMT -5
As a women who had a bad boy habit before it became dangerous to my mental health, I honestly don't know why I ever went for any of them. One of them cheated on me repeatedly, one liked to smack me around when he was drunk and one was just so unpleasant to be around, so I must have been a complete idiot to ever go for any of them.
I guess it's the idea of winning over someone who is a little dangerous. To be honest, women like the chase as much as men do. It's no fun if it's easy and simple. I dunno, my track record with relationships is not brilliant so what do I know.
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Post by Alexander The So-so on Aug 12, 2010 17:43:21 GMT -5
That was pretty informative, actually. Thanks for the link. I listened to that as well. It was rather enlightening. Much more so than just telling someone to have confidence. It's not as simple as going to Walmart and buying some confidence in aisle 28. This pod cast made a lot more sense of how things work. I was especially struck by the part about "good" vs. "bad" kinds of risktaking. The distinction is good to keep in mind. If you have all of them, then you're a reckless, self-destructive mental case, but without any of them, you become a spineless, easily manipulated jellyfish. It makes sense that balance is the most successful. It gave me hope, at least. I don't play sports a lot (which was one of the positive kinds of risk-taking), but I am outspoken, brutally honest, and willing to express unconventional things. It makes sense: you can be disciplined and avoid doing harm to yourself and others, while still having the backbone to stand up for yourself and be able to earn respect.
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Jay Peas 42
El Dandy
Totally flips out ALL the time.
Is looking forward to a Nation of Domination Kwannza Special.
Posts: 8,329
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Post by Jay Peas 42 on Aug 12, 2010 18:20:34 GMT -5
Because Women are animals. Look, bad boys had skills and traits that made them more successful over the 99% of human existance that lead to having more offspring. So women are basically slaves to instincts that are now obsolete in a civilized age. For the most part, we all are.
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Post by Baldobomb-22-OH-MAN!!! on Aug 12, 2010 21:24:37 GMT -5
there's a difference between being a so-called "bad boy" and being an asshole. for the most part the term "bad boy" is something that gets applied by other men. usually because their convinced that any guy the girl they like sleeps with that isn't them is automatically "bad". it might be because he was simply around before you met her, it might be because he has more confidence/attractive qualities, but it's not because he's "bad". maybe his hobbies are different than yours, maybe he's more conventional. he's just differnet from you and that pisses you off so you start imagining he's a prick.
assholes, on the other hand, only attract other assholes. and trust me, guys, you want none of the girls a bonafide asshole attracts to begin with. usually they're assholes because they're ignorant, and raised by other assholes. sometimes it's mental deficiency. but you can tell an asshole, and they're nobody to be jealous of. and you know it. even if he has lots of sex, he's got 4 kids (from different mothers) to feed. he's got drug and gambling problems. he's been in and out of jail. he's a loser, and no amount of nasty skanks makes being a loser worth it. I'm a virgin at almost 24, and I would never trade in my v-card to be one of these.
a little perspective is all you really need. and generalizing all women as "only liking bad boys" is just self-nullifying behavior. I used to think that way, too, then I grew up.
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Post by willywonka666 on Aug 12, 2010 21:29:40 GMT -5
What I wanna know is, how come when we think about "Bad boys" we think of anti-authority, motorcycles, and cigarettes, but when we think of "Bad girls" we think of stds?
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Post by Alex Shelley on Aug 12, 2010 22:48:06 GMT -5
If "bad boys" are about anti-authority and motorcycles, then I guess I am guilty after all Not cigarettes though. That's icky.
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Post by HMARK Center on Aug 12, 2010 23:07:19 GMT -5
Before people pooh-pooh "being yourself/being confident", don't neglect the main key:
When people say "be yourself and you'll be happy", they don't mean you'll score with lots of beautiful women or even attract any significant number of them. It also doesn't mean "don't change anything about yourself", because that's just silly; everybody has things they can improve and grow upon, and habits or other features that develop and mature over time. In other words, it means trying to be your "healthiest self", I suppose; staying true to yourself, but seeking to positively alter negative aspects of yourself.
What it DOES mean is having the conviction to show some backbone by believing in who and what you are; it instills you with a firm foundation and starts you off in a better position when meeting people. Your "aura", for lack of a better, more realistic term, becomes a stronger, more positive, and more attractive one.
However, even that isn't the main key. The key is that, if you remain yourself in that positive sense, the odds are better that you'll end up attracting somebody who better fits who you are.
You can make changes in yourself and attract any number of people, but it doesn't mean you'll attract who's really right for you. This happens when people put on a "date persona", then over time reveal their true colors.
It's much more complicated than "confidence", that's for damn sure, but conviction and strength is what it mostly boils down to, in terms of improving your love life and even just your life in general.
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Post by Alex Shelley on Aug 12, 2010 23:34:06 GMT -5
Before people pooh-pooh "being yourself/being confident", don't neglect the main key: When people say "be yourself and you'll be happy", they don't mean you'll score with lots of beautiful women or even attract any significant number of them. It also doesn't mean "don't change anything about yourself", because that's just silly; everybody has things they can improve and grow upon, and habits or other features that develop and mature over time. In other words, it means trying to be your "healthiest self", I suppose; staying true to yourself, but seeking to positively alter negative aspects of yourself. What it DOES mean is having the conviction to show some backbone by believing in who and what you are; it instills you with a firm foundation and starts you off in a better position when meeting people. Your "aura", for lack of a better, more realistic term, becomes a stronger, more positive, and more attractive one. However, even that isn't the main key. The key is that, if you remain yourself in that positive sense, the odds are better that you'll end up attracting somebody who better fits who you are. You can make changes in yourself and attract any number of people, but it doesn't mean you'll attract who's really right for you. This happens when people put on a "date persona", then over time reveal their true colors. It's much more complicated than "confidence", that's for damn sure, but conviction and strength is what it mostly boils down to, in terms of improving your love life and even just your life in general. You not only say genius things, but you're also an Iroh mark. You are a wonderful person.
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SEAN CARLESS
Hank Scorpio
More of a B+ player, actually
I'm Necessary Evil.
Posts: 5,770
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Post by SEAN CARLESS on Aug 13, 2010 0:00:29 GMT -5
To those bemoaning bad boys and the women that dig them, seek solace in the fact that it ends eventually. A financially stable, mature woman wants nothing to do with dudes like that. It's a silly little girl faze they all grow out of. Check out personal ads post-30 years old. Money & security are the turn-ons (generally), not douchebags. Life and experience has a way of getting your priorities in order. And as a "bad boy" myself (a label I hate), I can tell you, life's going to pass me by if I don't get my shit together eventually. Luckily, though, for now, I still look ten years younger than I really am so I've bought some time...
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"Magic" Mark Hurr
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Here, have some chili dogs
Not related to Phantasmo
Posts: 15,847
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Post by "Magic" Mark Hurr on Aug 13, 2010 0:27:51 GMT -5
If you combine a majority of what has been said in the last three pages then you damn near have a great analyzation.
Trust me. I've lived with female friends and have had some dating experience with women who gravitate to ass backwards relationships in their own way. Whether they dated "Bad me/assholes/ guys who did what they wanted to do". The one thing they had in common was taking the difficulty from the bad relationships and turning into selling points for bad decisions.
I guess you can say that women can have a higher rate of being repeat offenders when it comes to dating the wrong types. But if that is what she was brought up around and conditioned to accept then it is more up to her to break the cycle then the guy. You shouldn't have to feel like you are "saving a women" if you are trying to be with her. All she is looking to do is have a proverbial safe house for when her next bad idea flops.
I do have a couple of guy friends who can slip from time to time with the bad female, but they would be too traumatized to run right back to the same type and take her seriously to the point where the bad female is all he will respond to. If they do it's because they either a.) just can't let the dumb shit go and fell that since they are a man and can take it or b.) know what it takes to get the bad female where they want them aka they have figured the game out.
Unfortunately we live in a society that congratulates self-depreciating behavior and that an intoxicating personality disorder that enables a person to consume themselves with unproductive bullshit is accepted and flaunted.
Out of all of my conversation with women who act the way they do, the root of it all is the same. It dates back to pretty much being mentally engineered to making bad decisions with men. Like the same part of them who love ignorance, loves intelligence in a way that you just can't be intelligent without sharing their type of ignorance or you will come off lame. The same part that loves accommodation can see it as a weakness where they prefer the give and take but you have to fit her silly qualifications. They love control but they have their own definition of control when it relates to men and how they view the world, so a struggle for power can be the relationship, not the guy she's with.
It's a phase that a lot of them don't see past because it may be the most gratifying to them. I mean if you could rank what most people fear it would be not to be desired. Have you ever seen some attractive woman be rejected or denied something they felt they were entitled to because of the pedestal she was placed on. It's an ugly thing. (It's that way with some guys to)
To handle that denial or what she feel she can't accomplish on her own she will gravitate to the bad guy or asshole because he is the supposed alpha-male in the environment she has been brought up in. So he=automatic acceptance and authority. Which for the most part can be all in her head. She'll just make herself get over how it makes her look for the pseudo celebrity status in her fantasy world. Therefore you are just hating on her if you shake your head at her.
The simplest of examples can be seen in corporate america to the seediest of night clubs.
The whole "Pain is love" thing "or drama is the spice of life" when it's suppose to be variety, then it becomes "the variety of drama is the spice of life" is what f***s it all up. I have plenty of examples that i have encountered that I hate that I have which could back this up.
We men have tons of issues to, but most of get to an age where peace and calm when it comes to our women is a goal. I may joke around and say some crazy stuff, but I know what works and what doesn't work when it comes to relationships. There shouldn't be an air of negativity with you significant other. Who hasn't had some traumatic moments in their lives that could change they handle relationships. It has to be up the the individual to know what they don't need to put themselves through.
I've seen both poles of the magnet in the last few years and there will always be some complications. I just know there are some things that should be not acceptable when it comes getting involved with anyone.
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Post by Vice honcho room temperature on Aug 13, 2010 0:49:09 GMT -5
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Post by Thomas Powers of Paine on Aug 13, 2010 1:05:16 GMT -5
[Bill Clinton] I feel your pain [/Bill Clinton]
Okay seriously, here's my attitude: I'm 24 years old and just don't care anymore. I've tried playing the game and being bad and whatnot, and none of it worked. Sure, I have an edge to my personality, but I'm not some self-destructive loser. I'm a literary scholar, a student at the top-ranked graduate university in America, a poet, and lifetime member of an international English honors society. You know what I realized? I have better things to do than try to get with women. There's not much they can give me that I can't get with some lube and my own dexterity. I have so much talent and brilliance that I feel like I do a disservice to myself and to the rest of humanity wasting my time trying to find a woman rather than writing or advancing in my studies (I want to be a college professor). Getting laid isn't going to do anything for my career, and is therefore irrelevant to me.
It simply isn't worth all the time and effort trying to please some 20-something girl who hasn't lived enough to know what the hell she wants in a man. Until the rest of the female species grows up, I'm not interested. I'm tired and I'm done, and the rest of you should feel the same. You don't need to have all the gifts that I do to make a good life for yourself. Just find something other than women to make you feel happy and personally fulfilled. They really aren't worth it if they're just going to throw themselves at deadbeats. Find the courage within yourself to dream, and the strength of will to live for something more rewarding. Live long and prosper, my brothers.
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Post by wizardofoz on Aug 13, 2010 1:46:54 GMT -5
This has been an issue of anger for me for a long time. My sister watches tool academy and the fact that people like those guys can get a missus and get laid and I did not for a very long time makes me severly angry
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Post by johnpricesuperstar on Aug 13, 2010 4:54:07 GMT -5
To be perfectly 100% fair the issue is also "why do men of power like dirty women?" Look at Tiger Woods, Jesse Jane and any modern politiician- they all like Dirty nasty women for the short term fling.
The issue is that women are the vulnerable ones in relationships- they have to look after the offsprings.
It does annoy me that the "stud" (no education, temper, atheletic aggressive type) breeds more than the babyface provider.
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Futureraven: Beelzebruv
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
The Ultimate Arbiter of Right And Wrong
Spent half my life here, God help me
Posts: 15,141
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Post by Futureraven: Beelzebruv on Aug 13, 2010 9:04:30 GMT -5
I am 25, I have been in a few relationships, but I have never chatted up a woman in a bar or anywhere else.
Play to your own strengths, and find the good women. There have been times I've wanted a skank, a girl in a bad relationship who I could 'rescue', but I can't do that, I have always had a problem with confidence talking to new people.
I am however, a good, emotive writer.
So I go online, be it facebook, a dating site, some random place, I find women online and find it much more satisfying, because I can get myself across better, and find girls who share my interests and stuff easier.
It's like a pro footballer turning up at a basketball match, he might get the odd point, but he's putting himself at a disadvantage.
Playing on my prefered court I've found girls who like all the obscure crap I do, who want a nice guy, and hey presto I'm dating.
Well, not any more, I answered a random personal ad 18 months ago and we're getting married next year.
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Post by itputsthelotion on Aug 13, 2010 9:10:14 GMT -5
Women like confident guys. They don't have to be 'serial killer' bad, just 'rebel without a cause' bad.
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Allie Kitsune
Crow T. Robot
Always Feelin' Foxy.
HaHa U FaLL 4 LaVa TriK
Posts: 46,209
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Post by Allie Kitsune on Aug 13, 2010 9:34:46 GMT -5
[Bill Clinton] I feel your pain [/Bill Clinton] Okay seriously, here's my attitude: I'm 24 years old and just don't care anymore. I've tried playing the game and being bad and whatnot, and none of it worked. Sure, I have an edge to my personality, but I'm not some self-destructive loser. I'm a literary scholar, a student at the top-ranked graduate university in America, a poet, and lifetime member of an international English honors society. You know what I realized? I have better things to do than try to get with women. There's not much they can give me that I can't get with some lube and my own dexterity. I have so much talent and brilliance that I feel like I do a disservice to myself and to the rest of humanity wasting my time trying to find a woman rather than writing or advancing in my studies (I want to be a college professor). Getting laid isn't going to do anything for my career, and is therefore irrelevant to me. It simply isn't worth all the time and effort trying to please some 20-something girl who hasn't lived enough to know what the hell she wants in a man. Until the rest of the female species grows up, I'm not interested. I'm tired and I'm done, and the rest of you should feel the same. You don't need to have all the gifts that I do to make a good life for yourself. Just find something other than women to make you feel happy and personally fulfilled. They really aren't worth it if they're just going to throw themselves at deadbeats. Find the courage within yourself to dream, and the strength of will to live for something more rewarding. Live long and prosper, my brothers. I'm just going to guess the arrogance screaming out of that post may have something to do with it...
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