Post by The Booty Disciple on Aug 18, 2010 2:17:25 GMT -5
I guess that's not correct, but this is the first one that counted. I went to one back in March after I wrecked my car, but I certainly didn't take it seriously.
However, after continuing to struggle with who I'd become and how liquor was ruling my life, I decided it was time to seek support and some resources to help me get myself in order.
I haven't been happy for a very, very long time, maybe even dating back to high school or middle school. My mom even speculates I might have some leftover issues from her and my dad's divorce, which was when I was 5 (I'm 26 now). Living in a fraternity house, working in a bar for three years, etc, all allowed me access to alcohol any time I wanted it, and after I quit the bar, I started drinking heavily. Strangely enough, when I was serving liquor to patrons, it was the happiest I ever really felt, and after I moved on to a better, healthier job, my behavior took a pretty rapid negative turn.
I'd tried to do it on my own. Last spring, I went for about two weeks after my car accident. Later in the spring, I tried to do thirty days, and succeeded. Later, a very good friend of mine suggested, after he lost a girl because he, too, turns into someone he doesn't like when he drinks, he suggested we try six weeks. I almost made it, and when I bought that first bottle of cheap vodka, I didn't just fall off the wagon, I jumped like a rat from a burning ship.
My girlfriend broke up with me about a week after. That was a bit over a month ago. We were trying to remain civil and amicable, but we barely spoke at the bar (and we have all the same friends down there), and finally, this past weekend, I lost it. I was inebriated heavily, tried to talk to her, and she didn't want to speak to me in that state. So I left to walk home, and on the way called her and screamed at her, telling her I hated her, calling her names that I'm not going to repeat for the sake of what dignity I have left, and generally being the kind of person I never thought I'd be.
Over the next three days of remorse and regret, I suddenly came to a realization of how alcohol had been ruling me, and the bottle had become the most important thing in my life. This had been going on for at least 3 years with her (flirting with other girls with intent, lying about my drinking, about other things, and then giving her lip service just to try and smooth it over enough to not have to change), having financial troubles because of my drinking, moving out so I could be alone and not have her harping on me about my consumption, etc. Everything that, when I got to this town, was not the reputation I had, and realizing I no longer had any pride in myself, no longer any direction, and that it's time to get some help.
I implore anyone who is struggling with things, whether it be a full blown addiction or simply going through a rough patch, to seek some assistance, whether it be from a twelve step program or some other means. I'll also be seeking some counseling as soon as I can to help me sort through other issues that are complimentary to my drinking issues, and hopefully, even though I have a long and difficult road ahead of me, with time, I can get things sorted out and get back to being healthy.
I will say this, though, and hope I'm not skirting the rules too much...say what you will about the tenants of AA and their emphasis on spirituality, but it is an amazing thing to walk into a room, not be judged, not have to be embarrassed, and see 15 or 20 people who, even though they don't know you, genuinely want to help you get on the road to a better self. I suppose that's the main reason I'll be going back to the meeting tomorrow at noon and possibly tomorrow night.
Thanks for letting get this stuff out, guys. This board has always been very supportive of people who are struggling, and don't think that it goes unappreciated.
However, after continuing to struggle with who I'd become and how liquor was ruling my life, I decided it was time to seek support and some resources to help me get myself in order.
I haven't been happy for a very, very long time, maybe even dating back to high school or middle school. My mom even speculates I might have some leftover issues from her and my dad's divorce, which was when I was 5 (I'm 26 now). Living in a fraternity house, working in a bar for three years, etc, all allowed me access to alcohol any time I wanted it, and after I quit the bar, I started drinking heavily. Strangely enough, when I was serving liquor to patrons, it was the happiest I ever really felt, and after I moved on to a better, healthier job, my behavior took a pretty rapid negative turn.
I'd tried to do it on my own. Last spring, I went for about two weeks after my car accident. Later in the spring, I tried to do thirty days, and succeeded. Later, a very good friend of mine suggested, after he lost a girl because he, too, turns into someone he doesn't like when he drinks, he suggested we try six weeks. I almost made it, and when I bought that first bottle of cheap vodka, I didn't just fall off the wagon, I jumped like a rat from a burning ship.
My girlfriend broke up with me about a week after. That was a bit over a month ago. We were trying to remain civil and amicable, but we barely spoke at the bar (and we have all the same friends down there), and finally, this past weekend, I lost it. I was inebriated heavily, tried to talk to her, and she didn't want to speak to me in that state. So I left to walk home, and on the way called her and screamed at her, telling her I hated her, calling her names that I'm not going to repeat for the sake of what dignity I have left, and generally being the kind of person I never thought I'd be.
Over the next three days of remorse and regret, I suddenly came to a realization of how alcohol had been ruling me, and the bottle had become the most important thing in my life. This had been going on for at least 3 years with her (flirting with other girls with intent, lying about my drinking, about other things, and then giving her lip service just to try and smooth it over enough to not have to change), having financial troubles because of my drinking, moving out so I could be alone and not have her harping on me about my consumption, etc. Everything that, when I got to this town, was not the reputation I had, and realizing I no longer had any pride in myself, no longer any direction, and that it's time to get some help.
I implore anyone who is struggling with things, whether it be a full blown addiction or simply going through a rough patch, to seek some assistance, whether it be from a twelve step program or some other means. I'll also be seeking some counseling as soon as I can to help me sort through other issues that are complimentary to my drinking issues, and hopefully, even though I have a long and difficult road ahead of me, with time, I can get things sorted out and get back to being healthy.
I will say this, though, and hope I'm not skirting the rules too much...say what you will about the tenants of AA and their emphasis on spirituality, but it is an amazing thing to walk into a room, not be judged, not have to be embarrassed, and see 15 or 20 people who, even though they don't know you, genuinely want to help you get on the road to a better self. I suppose that's the main reason I'll be going back to the meeting tomorrow at noon and possibly tomorrow night.
Thanks for letting get this stuff out, guys. This board has always been very supportive of people who are struggling, and don't think that it goes unappreciated.
) but I've had my own addictions and I can say that with a group brings power to your own powers. In other words, you're much better equipped and if you're feeling this way already, you're far ahead of the proverbial game.
