Let's Play: Pokemon Quartz (The Horror Continues)

[Dub H]

Energiz: Battery

Jonic:Chef Hat(just look at him)

Kango: Litte Mac

Hooley: HulaFunk

Nole: Blindly

[Gus Richlen Was Wrong]

energiz: AMP or Duracell
jonic: Unamused
kango: GoglesDoNo (because GogglesDoNothing won't fit)
catalon: Sheamus
hooley: yelooh
nole: Jamie Farr

[Seth Drakin of Monster Crap]

Energiz - IKGAG (It Keeps Going And Going)
Jonic - Phocas
Kango - Roo
Catalon - Slimer
Hooley - Kona
Nole - Bottles

[El Cokehead del Knife Fight]

IT'S GO TIME!



*Sigh* Hi, Ran you crazy nutjob.





Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.



I swear to crap, that woman is going to hand my testicles on a platter to me. I'm just never going to sleep again then.




That forest sucks so hard.




Oh yeah. I can take a boat to avoid her.



Why is she chasing that Bolichano around? My god, she's gonna eat it I bet.




To be more precise, running away from the lunatics out there.





It seems to be your only characterization.




You're Yacth? Oh this is gonna suck.



Why would you say that? What do you mean your style?




AAAAAAAAH! WE'RE HEADING FOR THE ROCKS!




THAT GUY IS TOO CLOSE!



WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?



I WASN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TODAY!



I think I'll never have anymore pee for the rest of my life.



On the way here, I vomited up stuff I never knew existed. I'm just happy to be on land.






That's stupid. You're stupid.




God no, you guys are just bats*** insane.






Corna. I am dissapoint.












NONONONONONONONONONONO



Oh crapbaskets, It automatically picks up.



Burn in hell you lunatic.







Not really.




And to science, I say nay!





Damn right you don't. Of course, you kidnapped me and are now acting like you're my best friend.





I don't care bro.









Damn Moon Speak. That's when I hung up though. I just have to assume that the Sever ate him.



What?




Well, you certainly need psychological help. However, you have an entire nation needing it also.



It's like a retarded version of Qwilfish.



Yay!



That's what they all say.



What?



Wow, Omeletto caught the flamboyance virus. Look at it, it's the most campiest thing I've seen in a game since Misters Gold and Silver in God Hand.









Hey look, a hairy dwarf.



Look at that Fish. It's just.... the hell is wrong with it?



Wait, you wanted to eat me? Or eat my pokemon?
I was wondering where the cannibals where.





There was a sign but I've decided not to read anything around here.



Hey, good for you man.




W...what? Glue? *sigh* I really shouldn't be surprised these days.




Damn bro, you suck hard.





What no, piss off. I don't want it.





*Le sigh*



Duracell bunny!





Do do do dooooooooooo!



Energiz got~! Nicknamed Electachu so cookie to ShaolinHandLock




CRIKEY! That's an imaginative name ain't it!





Kango got~! Nicknamed Little Mac so cookie to Freak Double H.



Oh this sucks.




AH! FALLING!



Ow, my Scrote!



WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

Oh hell, what did I do now?

IMMA GHOST!

Of course.



Catalon got~! Nicknamed Waaaaaah!!! so cookie to ShaolinHandLock

I'm going to hear it crying for the rest of my life.




Damn, that guy is just chillin.



It also killed three mons with crush claw.




Hooley got~! Nicknamed Funkster so another cookie to ShaolinHandLock.

*That's what happens when I don't get enough names people.*




Jonic got~! Nicknamed Unamused so cookie to Gus Richlen.



YAY! FLOOR CANDY!




Mindum got~! Nicknamed HamPants



You know what? Where the crap do I get out?



Never mind, I'm out now.



Now then. Since I can't see s*** down there, we're gonna have to fight this boss to be able to see down there. Before we call it a day though, here's just a little something.



Crush Claw. Way overpowered for this point in the game (much like Headbutt) and yet somehow worthless since I can't even use it in the next gym.

[Gus Richlen Was Wrong]

well, i guess "I DISSAPOINT" doesn't sound as bad as two i did: "POOCHYENA EATS" in ruby and "TASTY WHISMUR" in emerald. the results of the latter were terrifying.

[El Cokehead del Knife Fight]

Let's Play: Pokemon Quartz in Never Mind That Shit, Here come's Baro




That may be the most metal thing ever said in a pokemon game that still didn't make any sense.








YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU'RE STUPID!




I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention. There was this shiny thing over there in the distance so what were you saying?




Well that sounds ridiculously unfair.



Can't see a bloody thing in here. Would I want to though?




MAYBE I WILL!



Is that... SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!
He's totally holding a spoon!



Nah, my kitty cat bit your guy to death



I have no idea what you're talking about. Maybe I should find that ignorance is bliss.




And you think I don't have a problem with this?



She's still crazy. Get her Caturn.






She's clearly mad so Caturn kept on mauling her. Still, I interpret her being cleared of abroad beings as something to do with space!



Huh. Wonder where he got all the tombstones from?



Cool story bro.



You Ninjas and your avenging your dead fathers and whatnot.



What the hell is that supposed to be? However, I cannot let such an abomination exist.






Well, sucks to be you. Although being a ninja, you could threaten to slit his neck or something.







Huh. You are a highly redundant individual.



Probably.




HAH! Look at him! He looks like a little bitch!



Yup. It's a Tombstone. With a cross on it's face. And it's legs are bones. Why? Why the hell not?



Looks like he didn't stand... a ghost of a chance!





Bastard throws around Grasswhistles.



It also uses Shadow Ball. Thankfully, DeDeDe is part normal and will never be hurt by a Ghost type.




WHAT THE f***?



Thankfully, I have a few Revives laying around thanks to Pickup.



Still though. A lvl 19 mon throwing around Shadow Ball and Dream Eater? Not entirely fair.






Um... Symbolism for the win?







I have no idea what you are saying. ;D



Bulk Up.




My second question is why?



Guh. I'll never get straight answers from that lunatic. Now I have to deliver some glue. *sigh* This may be the most idiotic thing that I'll ever do*sigh*



Well, you weren't useful to begin with.



Wait, what the shit?




Nole got~! Nicknamed Bottles so cookie to Seth Drakin.




What the...



Oh no...



SON OF A BITCH!



Beginning to hate this cave.






Of course, it's pretty much right above the entrance.






Or I'm fueled by fear, hate and disgust.






This

*THROATPUNCH!*









TM for Steel Wing.







That is still the stupidest thing that I've heard all week.



f*** you cave.



f*** you Gym.



f*** you trendy club.

Now is that everything? Yes? Good.



I think we're done here.






And so that ends another chapter of this cheating bastard of a game.

-----------------------------------------------

What to expect in upcoming routes?

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}



Thunder Pork *Also, Pig= Boar which Baros full tag is Baro Boar so goddamn him*




What.




Pineppelo




G.E.C.K

[Gus Richlen Was Wrong]

plugoink: babe
fairroot: UnClefairy
apinep: WhatThe...
salama: Geico

[Dub H]

Thunder Oink:Zaparudo
Fairrot: HeyListen
Pineppelo:YummyYum
Gecko: Screwit

[Seth Drakin of Monster Crap]

Plug-Oink - Chimera
Fairroot - Ferngully
Apinep - Pahoa (Secret Identity of the strange comic superhero known as Pineapple Man......I wish I was making that up)
Salama - Geico

[MrBRulzOK]

Fairoot: Treetard
Salama: Gex

[El Cokehead del Knife Fight]

SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN!



ROCKS!



WE'RE GONNA BEACH.




WHY DIDN'T I WEAR A SEATBELT?




I think I need to go to the hospital.







Please.... doctor.



Well, we know what happens when you get frustrated.



2Xtreme for thee.



Didn't even know it was there.



Oh thank god, a nurse.



Oh my Nurse Joy, those are some manly legs that you have. I'd still tap it but I do believe that it's a trap.



Oh my god... this answers so very much in a way that I never wanted it answered.



Huh. That's a Tincrab? It's just a soup can.




*sigh* The binoculars are not necessary. I'm right here you daft bastard.



I got nothing. That's is just, wow.




That is a horrifying mental image.




Kanye?





Oh goodie.




Ah alcoholism, I'd say that is looking to be the best way to cope with Corna.







That pirate must be stopped!



Damn, you are pretty damn fine.




What the crap is that thing? Some kinda inbred dolphin?







Are these even legal for underage persons? Because, I'm kinda tempted to start drinking to forget.




Ah, thank god for that. If it were going off then it would be quite a situation.








Yay, I don't need the Ghost Detector anymore.









This explains so much about Corna also.







Huh, this couldn't hurt.

*10 Minutes later*

WHY WON'T THEY STOP? MY BRAIN CAN'T TAKE THIS.





But the sea is right there.








Got the TM for Thief.




Live the dream bro.






Now random mooks are impersonating me. WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?



Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.






And yet those Team AMBAR blokes are just trying to get their hands on it.




Speak of the devil and he will come.




What did you call me?



Let's rock.



Now you're thinking, Scoop has a double weakness to Electricity. And Plug-Oink is electric type, so why am I using Scoop?



Cause Scoop is hardcore.





Please don't say lol in a conversation.





So Band AmBAR has chicks in it?



She used a fighting type against me... looks like DeDeDe won't stand for such disrespect.




Yeah you better run.



Hey, another woman. It looks like Team AMBAR is avoiding the smurfette principle



Hey, I'll have you guys know that I'm an awesome trainer.





Really? Really? Amber who is the head of team AmBAR? That's just... moronic.



Nah, I've reached the point that I want to just screw with you guys.



Yes I did say that.



I also have testicles of steel.



Not really anything else though. I beat your goons with the minimal amount of effort so suck on that.




Do tell.



............



...........



...........


...........


*10 Minutes later*

Seriously? You're gonna inflate the sun using a nonfunctional ghost scope thingamajig in order to power up electric types?

[El Cokehead del Knife Fight]

Inflating the sun with a ghost detector? That is just so very stupid.




You sir, are a brilliant person and that is the smartest thing said yet. Corna




SMUGGLERS! THOSE SMUGGLING SCUM!



k.



SMUGGLER~!



Kinda makes sense.



Makes sense also.



OH GOD IT'S A SKITTY?



HALT CRIMINAL SCUM!






DAMN YOUR SECRET CRIMINAL CLUB! I WANNA JOIN!





A Skate Path. Since Skating is for fools and Broseph is in fact no fool, we cannot go up there.




HAH! What is that thing?



How stupid looking. It's like some kinda forest fairy. I wonder if it's a ghost though.



Fairoot got~! Nicknamed Hey Listen so cookie to Freak Double H.



Hah-hah. What.




Spark Ham!



Plug Oink got~! Nicknamed Chimera so cookie to Seth Drakin.



The Grand Salami Lizard!





Some ridiculous looking seed or nut or fruit. Whatever it was, I laugh at it.




Nicknamed Pahoa so cookie to Seth Drakin again.

*Now, these two screenshots are examples of how the game has a real balance problem. Keep in mind the level that they learn them at.*




*Yes really. Caturn learns one of the best ghost moves at lvl 19 and Funkster learns a fairly good grass attack. I guess Petal Dance could be let off since Funksters special attack is nothing special but Caturn is way out of whack with that move. Seriously, the best moves that should be learnt about this level have a base damage stat of about 50 to 60, not 80 and 75.*



Wait, why am I going this way? This way means going somewhere terrible... back to Breeze Town.




I don't really care but is that a building in the side of a giant rock? That is so bitching.



Those are the most horrifying attempts at cuteness that have ever failed.






I guess that is the Solrock of this game.




His parents try not to let him out. Sad Stroy really.



Oh boy, what could it be?



OH GOD, THAT'S WHAT IT BE!



I have no idea what any of this means.



Oh bollocks.





You're still doing this? He got eaten by Sever so I'm not even bothering with this.



Uh what? Oh god, you're gonna knock me out and cut off all my hair to create a doll or something.



YOU CONFUSING WOMAN. YOU CONFUSE ME!



That's quite a turtle. However, which is stronger?



The Turtle or the... whatever the hell HeyListen is?



This will be your evolution then? Well, evolution is a mystery, full of-




What the hell is that thing?



It decided to bite Scoop but DeDeDe doesn't approve of things that mindlessly consume.



Are you watching me? Well then-



Did you see what I did there?



More like MegaDeath.



Uh yes... does winning mean you stay away from me? Cause I'm gonna have to get a restraining order or something.



Restraining Order in 3... 2... 1




WHY CAN'T I SUMMON LEGAL PROCEEDINGS FROM OUT OF NOWHERE?




I DON'T WANT YOUR SICK FASCINATION!




PERSONAL SPACE... PERSONAL SPACE!!!



Maybe the anvil can fall on my head... rid me of the madness.



The knives and the anvil are a lie.



I don't even know what to think.





How do you even say that name? It's like his parents wanted to be unique and foreign sounding by adding Pierre to his name. Couldn't they have just called him that or put on accent on Robert?



Wow, that sir is an abomination and you should feel terrible about associating with it.



That however is ridiculous and you should feel terrible about associating with it.



That career is terrible and you should feel terrible about associating with it.



STOP SHOUTING AT ME!



kay. Not horrible design but not great. Still though, probably the most normal looking one yet. However, nothing is cooler than Funkster. Cause that guy is just chillax.

*Didn't screencap the pokedex entry though. Still, does it really matter for something rather normal looking?*



Thundish got~! Nicknamed Thundaga because I am a nerd.



Yeah, it's alright.



What is with these people and not even giving a right way to start a battle?



That cactus is smiling at me... WHY DO YOU SMILE? DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING THAT I DON'T? YOU ARE A CACTUS, YOU SHOULDN'T KNOW THINGS!



And we're at the next town. And look whos there, Mr. Razor "I'M NOT DRUNK, YOU ARE YO!" Ramon.

--------------------------------------------

Gym coming up next round. Ground gym also. I'd hate to see the game pull anything crazy unbalanced out of its ass but why am I saying this it will.

[Seth Drakin of Monster Crap]

What did you call your wild Salama???

[El Cokehead del Knife Fight]

Dec 2, 2010 7:33:06 GMT -5 Seth Drakin of Monster Crap said:

What did you call your wild Salama???

Geico. Must have forgotten to screencap it.

[El Cokehead del Knife Fight]

Let's Play: Pokemon Quartz
THE MOLEMAN COMETH











You bloody lunatic.



NO U





*Sigh* Why do I bother talking to people?




Huh. I'm not sure what to think about that.



Oh hai Shellder.





Dude, you're clearly swimming.




But I don't know how! The rock doesn't even have a duel disk or whatever.



Hai Razor Ramon. Don't tell me it's 10 in the morning and you're already sauced up.



Kid, you couldn't beat anything first try.




Oh snap! Ramon got owned! I think I'll call his uncle... Kevin. KEVIN THE BIG SEXY OF OZ & VEGAS!



This guy may have an even and fair team!



While you on the other hand are just terrible.




Can be blind? You mean it's optional?





No no no no no no, Ramon it's HEY YO!




You mean this is not the first time that you've been a little bitch in public? And how did you get the last tow badges anyways? You shouldn't have actually been able to raise the optionally blind Hamet since it doesn't learn an attack move until lvl 6.

I don't need to explain anything to anyone!




Whatever, it should prove to be funny.



Seriously though, you're a little bitch.



One hit KO! DOHOHOHOHOHO!





Uh Caturn? You can let go of Hamets head now.



ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR ELDERS BITCH!




Brospeh, crushing dreams since 2006!











Hell, you should see what he was like before his brother whipped the piss out of him on a daily basis.





Heh. The sign sums up my reaction better than I ever could.



Ya. It's rather tacky.




It's dat dawg again! I knew Thunderbolt for some reason which confuses me since it's a ground type and it shouldn't even work.



I doubt you know anything about cuteness.




PRESS YOUR NAKED BODY AGAINST THE PILLARS!



That's a Moleman? I'm rather dissapointed.



He does however have a mole. Still, goes down easy.



That however? Son of a bitch used a steel type and I don't even have a fire or decent ground type.



Well bro, you failed at that second part.



But has he taught you what love is?



The fiend of my nightmares returns!



Then you don't know what love is?



How so? I am not an automobile!



Wow, maybe brain damage caused him to think that I was a car.



Well, he's certainly different looking.




IT'S NOT MY FAULT I'M SMALL!



Ja, I'm super awesome!




Well, you seem like a decent bloke.



Or you think that I am also a car. Typical.



Still though, you look like you want to GET TO DA CHOPPAH!



MY NIGHTMARES GROW!



Go DeDeDe, It's a whore with it's spamming of Earthquake. And you are also a bird so you like this sort of thing.



Survived Earthquake. I am the greatest!



Oh bugger.



Well, there's no way it could possibly kill you!



Oh you all suck.



QUICKLY, PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC WHITE BOY!



Ka-Ching.



Damn. Why do you know earthquake anyways?



I survive it though. Still, it's looking bad and it's my last pokemon left.



So I just revived and healed Scoop. Curse my magnificent planning.





Here's a play by play.

1. Groundoe used earthquake, Groundoe missed.
2. Scoop used water gun, super effective.
3. Groundoe used Fissure, Groundoe missed.
4. Scoop used water gun, super effective
5. Max used Super Potion, Brospeh raged.
6. Scoop used water gun, super effective
7. Repeat list twice more until knocked out. Add in Bone Rush and Sand Tomb for Groundoe.



Oh I'll never take a move like this.





Oh goodie.







Look, I really don't know or care anymore.





Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

-------------------------------------------

Since there's nothing coming up on the next route, here is out list of pokemon so far as well as their type and stats.

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}


Pathetic

Grass



Horrifying

Normal



A bit of a dude.

Ground



Also horrifying.

Bug



Not gonna happen.

Grass



CRIKEY!

Fighting



Nope.

Ghost



Un-bloody-likely to see the light of day again.

Dark



Might see use to cut things.

Normal



Probably not.

Normal



SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!

Steel/Rock



Probably not.

Fighting/Electric



No.

Grass.



Possible.



Not likely.

Ghost



Only when I need it

Fighting/Psychic



Might train it up.

Bug/Electric



Might see some use.

Water/Electric



NEVER!!!!

Electric



Looks unlikely

Poison



Dunno, maybe.

Grass



Could come back in.



Mr. Camp Dinosaur

Grass



KITTY!

Dark



Should evolve soon but won't be used against Team AMBAR

Water/Flying



Should evolve soon.



Bit of an offensive beast right now.

Grass/Psychic



Funkenstein!

Normal

Any requests for me to train up? Any changes that you'd like too see in the party? Do these pants make my butt look big?

ANSWER NOW!

[Dub H]

Train HeyListen and SPOOOOOOON.

[Deleted]

Just for the hell of it, raise PedoBear.

[The Tank]

Agreed on PedoBear and SPOOOOON!!!!

And yes they do, Untouchable. They make it look HUGE.

[Dub H]

Dec 3, 2010 13:57:31 GMT -5 The Tank said:

Agreed on PedoBear and SPOOOOON!!!!

And yes they do, Untouchable. They make it look HUGE.

Dat ass!

[Gus Richlen Was Wrong]

train moreau and WAAAAHHH!!! since you can never have too many grass types and unless you run into a whole batch of psychics, a ghost type is truly a monster to have around.