Post by angryfan on Aug 11, 2006 23:32:30 GMT -5
Here ya go, guys, the latest installment.
(Scene opens with the gang pulling into the parking lot of the Titan Towers Training facility)
HHH: (with Trips Jr strapped to his back and Sledgie, in full ring gear, over one shoulder) Why are we here, again?
Steph: We’ve been over this. We in creative feel that Smack Down needs something more, something special to gain viewers, so we’ve called everyone to the training grounds to figure out a way to improve the show.
Flair: (whispering to HHH) Woooooooooo!
HHH: Hey, I loved Night Court! Steph, what about a wrestling magician and judge, who has a wacky group that follows him around?
Steph: Hmmmmmmmm. I like it, but I don’t think it would fit with the demographic.
HHH: Well, we could always give Junior here the title.
Steph: Hunter, how many times do I have to tell you this, we have a daughter.
HHH: What??? (he turns the carrier around facing him) Is she pulling my leg? Are you a girl?
(the baby says nothing, takes a large drink from her bottle and does a Game Fountain, then tips Sledgie forward and smacks HHH in the forehead)
HHH: (grinning) I knew it! She’s a natural!
(the group enters the facility, and is standing in a long hallway, with doors on both sides. Various noises can be heard echoing)
HHH: (walking to the first door) What’s in here?
Steph: That’s the room where we come up with different angles for William Regal.
HHH: Really? (he reaches for the door)
Steph: Hunter, don’t, that’s very sensitive information. We can’t have that getting out.
HHH: How bad can it be?
(HHH opens the door, finding William Regal standing in the middle of a room, dressed as Timer the Cheese Guy, looking none too pleased)
Regal: I’m telling you, this is bloody ridiculous! I am a wrestler, I have dignity, and I don’t need to be dressing like a bloody wedge of cheddar!
Woman holding cue card: Just read the cue card, Walter.
Regal: My name is William, you bloody tart! Good Lord, do you even know what day it is?
Woman: It’s the day you read the cue card, uh, Willie.
Regal; It’s WILLIAM, you stupid git! William! Is that so hard?
Woman: (chomping loudly on her gum) Just read it.
Regal: Fine. (he clears his throat, looks at the card, and sighs loudly) I hanker for a hunk of, a sliver, slice, a chunk of, I hanker for a hunk of cheese. When your –
(HHH closes the door and backs away)
HHH: What the hell was that?
Flair: Wooooooooo!
HHH: I know it was from Saturday morning cartoons, but, well, why was Regal doing it?
Steph: We feel that it would stifle critics who say Smack Down has no redeeming value. It’s educational, after all.
HHH: It’s a song about cheese.
Steph: Cheese can be educational.
HHH: (stares blankly) It’s…but…um…uh…(looks at Flair) Little help, Naitch?
Flair: Woooo?
HHH: (looking at Steph) It gets better, right?
Steph: Don’t blame me, I told you not to look in there.
HHH: But it gets better? I mean, I am missing Days for this.
Steph: You Tivo it, so stop complaining.
HHH: (mutters to himself)
Steph: What was that?
HHH: I said, I love Tivo. You can skip commercials.
Steph: Oh…well, yes you can.
(the groups continues down the hallway to a large door marked “commentary training”)
HHH: This should be fun. (he opens the door)
(Inside, Booker, Sharmell, Micheal Cole, and, for some reason, Stevie Ray are seated behind the desk. All but Cole have headsets on)
HHH: (to Steph) Where’s Layfield?
Steph: You’ll see. Just watch.
(the sounds of a simulated crowd begin, and the “announce team” begins calling an imaginary match)
Booker: (annunciating each word perfectly) As you can see, they both know each other very well.
Stevie: Yeah, I get that, but suckas gots to know, if you’re on commentary, why are you brinking your yak out here with you?
Booker: (looking shocked) She is my queen.
Stevie: Didn’t I teach you anything in WCW? A yak is a yak is a yak! And you still haven’t answered the question!
Cole: (silently holds up various signs reading “Oh My”, “Not This Way” and “Oh No He Didn’t”)
Stevie: (looking at Cole) What the hell was the point of that last sign?
Cole: I don’t know. Why can’t I talk? I like talking.
Stevie: Shut up. (he proceeds to take off his headset)
Cole: What are you doing?
Stevie: What do you think?
Cole: (frantically goes through his signs, and holds up one that says “Yipes”)
(Stevie and Booker commence to beating the hell out of Cole, as JBL runs into the room chasing Little Bastard)
JBL: Come back here, leprechaun! I told you I have money!
Billy Silverman: (popping into the room) Run, midget, run! Don’t let him get you on the stretcher!
JBL: Shut up! (he hits Silverman with the clotheline from Hell)
Farooq: (dropping in from the ceiling) DAMN! (he disappears again)
(Behind the group, a door flies off its hinges)
Gerwitz: (backing out quickly) Listen, I understand you’re upset, but this is over reaction.
Steph: (running over) What’s the problem?
Gerwitz: It’s Kahli, he’s not happy about not being on TV.
Kahli: (walking out of the now destroyed doorway and staring down at Gerwitz)
Gertitz: Listen, I’m sorry, but we just feel that there have been too many instances of miscommunication in the ring. We’re not blaming anyone, but we just can have you on live television, that’s all.
Kahli: BLLLLARRAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWR (he spits a mouthful of caramels out) As I was saying, these are the problem, don’t you get that?
Gerwitz: Why did you take them out? You know your contract says keep them in!
Kahli: If I have them in, no one can understand me. If no one can understand me, then mistakes happen in the ring. If mistakes happen in the ring, then you blame me, and won’t let me be on television. Now do you understand?
Gertwitz: I don’t see your point.
Kahli: BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAARRRR! (he grabs Gerwitz and throws him back into the room they just came from)
HHH: So…uh…Steph, what’s next?
Steph: Well, we need to check in on the tag team division.
HHH: Tag division? We have a tag division?
Flair: Wooooooooo!
HHH: Yeah, I thought it was just a myth, too.
(the group strolls down the hallway to a door marked “tag teams”. Upon entry, they find Kendrick and London sitting alone in a large room)
London: (eyes lighting up as he sees the door open) Quick, Brian, get drinks, we have actual company!
Kendrick: We have company? Oh my god, this never happens! (he backflips off a barstool and starts pouring lemonade)
Steph: Relax guys, we’re only stopping by. We have news, though, we think we have a use for you.
London: Another tag team?
Kendrick: Singles runs?
London: A match on pay-per-view?
Steph: (laughing) No, no, nothing like that. You guys are funny, though.
Kendrick: Can we at least go outside?
Steph: Sorry, can’t.
London: Then what?
Steph: Well, you guys get to help an injured superstar rehabilitate his injured leg.
Kendrick: We’re not therapists, we don’t know how to –
London: Shut up, Brian, at least we’re doing something.
Kendrick: Oh yeah.
Steph: Would you like to meet him?
London and Kendrick: Sure.
(Mark Henry enters the room, as London and Kendrick hide)
Henry: I was told there would be cake.
Steph: I’m sorry, Mark, but this is to help you rehab your leg.
Mark: But after rehab, there’ll be cake, right?
Steph: I’m sorry, but I don’t think so.
Mark: (bellowing) WHEN I’M PROMISED CAKE, THERE…WILL…BE…CAKE!
London: (still hiding) Please, just give him cake, for God’s sake, I’m too young to die!
Kendrick: (whispering) Please don’t die, please don’t die.
London: Shut up, Brian, now’s not the time.
Kendrick: Sorry, got caught in the moment.
Steph: Well, I guess I’ll let you guys work on that leg injury. Good luck.
(the group backs out and closes the door as Kendrick and London scream in protest and terror)
Steph: I think it’s all going well, don’t you?
Flair: Wooooooo.
HHH: They’ll be fine, those little guys can take a beating like nobody else. Besides, who’ll notice?
(the group exits at the scene ends)
(Scene opens with the gang pulling into the parking lot of the Titan Towers Training facility)
HHH: (with Trips Jr strapped to his back and Sledgie, in full ring gear, over one shoulder) Why are we here, again?
Steph: We’ve been over this. We in creative feel that Smack Down needs something more, something special to gain viewers, so we’ve called everyone to the training grounds to figure out a way to improve the show.
Flair: (whispering to HHH) Woooooooooo!
HHH: Hey, I loved Night Court! Steph, what about a wrestling magician and judge, who has a wacky group that follows him around?
Steph: Hmmmmmmmm. I like it, but I don’t think it would fit with the demographic.
HHH: Well, we could always give Junior here the title.
Steph: Hunter, how many times do I have to tell you this, we have a daughter.
HHH: What??? (he turns the carrier around facing him) Is she pulling my leg? Are you a girl?
(the baby says nothing, takes a large drink from her bottle and does a Game Fountain, then tips Sledgie forward and smacks HHH in the forehead)
HHH: (grinning) I knew it! She’s a natural!
(the group enters the facility, and is standing in a long hallway, with doors on both sides. Various noises can be heard echoing)
HHH: (walking to the first door) What’s in here?
Steph: That’s the room where we come up with different angles for William Regal.
HHH: Really? (he reaches for the door)
Steph: Hunter, don’t, that’s very sensitive information. We can’t have that getting out.
HHH: How bad can it be?
(HHH opens the door, finding William Regal standing in the middle of a room, dressed as Timer the Cheese Guy, looking none too pleased)
Regal: I’m telling you, this is bloody ridiculous! I am a wrestler, I have dignity, and I don’t need to be dressing like a bloody wedge of cheddar!
Woman holding cue card: Just read the cue card, Walter.
Regal: My name is William, you bloody tart! Good Lord, do you even know what day it is?
Woman: It’s the day you read the cue card, uh, Willie.
Regal; It’s WILLIAM, you stupid git! William! Is that so hard?
Woman: (chomping loudly on her gum) Just read it.
Regal: Fine. (he clears his throat, looks at the card, and sighs loudly) I hanker for a hunk of, a sliver, slice, a chunk of, I hanker for a hunk of cheese. When your –
(HHH closes the door and backs away)
HHH: What the hell was that?
Flair: Wooooooooo!
HHH: I know it was from Saturday morning cartoons, but, well, why was Regal doing it?
Steph: We feel that it would stifle critics who say Smack Down has no redeeming value. It’s educational, after all.
HHH: It’s a song about cheese.
Steph: Cheese can be educational.
HHH: (stares blankly) It’s…but…um…uh…(looks at Flair) Little help, Naitch?
Flair: Woooo?
HHH: (looking at Steph) It gets better, right?
Steph: Don’t blame me, I told you not to look in there.
HHH: But it gets better? I mean, I am missing Days for this.
Steph: You Tivo it, so stop complaining.
HHH: (mutters to himself)
Steph: What was that?
HHH: I said, I love Tivo. You can skip commercials.
Steph: Oh…well, yes you can.
(the groups continues down the hallway to a large door marked “commentary training”)
HHH: This should be fun. (he opens the door)
(Inside, Booker, Sharmell, Micheal Cole, and, for some reason, Stevie Ray are seated behind the desk. All but Cole have headsets on)
HHH: (to Steph) Where’s Layfield?
Steph: You’ll see. Just watch.
(the sounds of a simulated crowd begin, and the “announce team” begins calling an imaginary match)
Booker: (annunciating each word perfectly) As you can see, they both know each other very well.
Stevie: Yeah, I get that, but suckas gots to know, if you’re on commentary, why are you brinking your yak out here with you?
Booker: (looking shocked) She is my queen.
Stevie: Didn’t I teach you anything in WCW? A yak is a yak is a yak! And you still haven’t answered the question!
Cole: (silently holds up various signs reading “Oh My”, “Not This Way” and “Oh No He Didn’t”)
Stevie: (looking at Cole) What the hell was the point of that last sign?
Cole: I don’t know. Why can’t I talk? I like talking.
Stevie: Shut up. (he proceeds to take off his headset)
Cole: What are you doing?
Stevie: What do you think?
Cole: (frantically goes through his signs, and holds up one that says “Yipes”)
(Stevie and Booker commence to beating the hell out of Cole, as JBL runs into the room chasing Little Bastard)
JBL: Come back here, leprechaun! I told you I have money!
Billy Silverman: (popping into the room) Run, midget, run! Don’t let him get you on the stretcher!
JBL: Shut up! (he hits Silverman with the clotheline from Hell)
Farooq: (dropping in from the ceiling) DAMN! (he disappears again)
(Behind the group, a door flies off its hinges)
Gerwitz: (backing out quickly) Listen, I understand you’re upset, but this is over reaction.
Steph: (running over) What’s the problem?
Gerwitz: It’s Kahli, he’s not happy about not being on TV.
Kahli: (walking out of the now destroyed doorway and staring down at Gerwitz)
Gertitz: Listen, I’m sorry, but we just feel that there have been too many instances of miscommunication in the ring. We’re not blaming anyone, but we just can have you on live television, that’s all.
Kahli: BLLLLARRAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWR (he spits a mouthful of caramels out) As I was saying, these are the problem, don’t you get that?
Gerwitz: Why did you take them out? You know your contract says keep them in!
Kahli: If I have them in, no one can understand me. If no one can understand me, then mistakes happen in the ring. If mistakes happen in the ring, then you blame me, and won’t let me be on television. Now do you understand?
Gertwitz: I don’t see your point.
Kahli: BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAARRRR! (he grabs Gerwitz and throws him back into the room they just came from)
HHH: So…uh…Steph, what’s next?
Steph: Well, we need to check in on the tag team division.
HHH: Tag division? We have a tag division?
Flair: Wooooooooo!
HHH: Yeah, I thought it was just a myth, too.
(the group strolls down the hallway to a door marked “tag teams”. Upon entry, they find Kendrick and London sitting alone in a large room)
London: (eyes lighting up as he sees the door open) Quick, Brian, get drinks, we have actual company!
Kendrick: We have company? Oh my god, this never happens! (he backflips off a barstool and starts pouring lemonade)
Steph: Relax guys, we’re only stopping by. We have news, though, we think we have a use for you.
London: Another tag team?
Kendrick: Singles runs?
London: A match on pay-per-view?
Steph: (laughing) No, no, nothing like that. You guys are funny, though.
Kendrick: Can we at least go outside?
Steph: Sorry, can’t.
London: Then what?
Steph: Well, you guys get to help an injured superstar rehabilitate his injured leg.
Kendrick: We’re not therapists, we don’t know how to –
London: Shut up, Brian, at least we’re doing something.
Kendrick: Oh yeah.
Steph: Would you like to meet him?
London and Kendrick: Sure.
(Mark Henry enters the room, as London and Kendrick hide)
Henry: I was told there would be cake.
Steph: I’m sorry, Mark, but this is to help you rehab your leg.
Mark: But after rehab, there’ll be cake, right?
Steph: I’m sorry, but I don’t think so.
Mark: (bellowing) WHEN I’M PROMISED CAKE, THERE…WILL…BE…CAKE!
London: (still hiding) Please, just give him cake, for God’s sake, I’m too young to die!
Kendrick: (whispering) Please don’t die, please don’t die.
London: Shut up, Brian, now’s not the time.
Kendrick: Sorry, got caught in the moment.
Steph: Well, I guess I’ll let you guys work on that leg injury. Good luck.
(the group backs out and closes the door as Kendrick and London scream in protest and terror)
Steph: I think it’s all going well, don’t you?
Flair: Wooooooo.
HHH: They’ll be fine, those little guys can take a beating like nobody else. Besides, who’ll notice?
(the group exits at the scene ends)
