Banjo's First Ever "Scary-Poop Your Pants-Fest 4"

[Non Banjoble Tokens]

Hi everyone. It's a fun time of year for me, mostly because of all the fun movies that are on TV. Unfortunately, I don't have cable or anything so I can't really watch them. Unless they play something good on "This TV." Which they might, but really I don't want to take that chance. And since the movie channels are having there own (Insert Halloweenie Type Word Here)Fest, I decided this month that I'm going to have my own Fest. So "Scary-Poop Your Pants-Fest" begins! Which basically amounts to this. Me watching horror-themed type movies. From my own collection, my brother's collection, and maybe a few that I rent. And for the off chance that any of you give a crap, I'll update you on which movies I've watched. Maybe give my opinion on the movie too. So hopefully one or two of you that enjoy these kinds of movies will help keep this thread alive.

And for tonight's movie....


"The Order"
2003



"A young priest is sent to Rome to investigate the troubling death of the head of his order."

Starring Heath Ledger, Benno Fürmann, some hot girl, the Dad from "Still Standing," and Robocop.

The original title for this was "The Sin Eater," which I actually like better than the Order. Most of the critics, as far as I can tell, really didn't like this movie. And honestly I can see why. But me, on the other hand, I actually did enjoy this for the most part. It bases it's plot on the teachings of Catholicism and such. Which I won't get too much into. But basically, it introduces a new sort of supernatural element called a "Sin-Eater." Which basically is a character that can absolve a person of any sin outside the Catholic church no matter how bad, nasty, or putrid. (I'd assume that even includes the hot sexy ones that involve transsexuals and donkeys.) But there some twists and turns and things I didn't really quite get and while some of the plot seems strange and corny, I guess in the end, I just sort of enjoyed how things played out. Not a solid recommendation or anything, but just sort of a slight approval overall. If was rating on a scale of (from bad to good) I would give this a . Sort of in the middle, but just liking it.

So, yeah. There's that. Not really very detailed, but just sort of an overview and how I felt about the movie. Again, how most people hated it, but I enjoyed it somewhat in the end. And I'm not sure if I'll watch a new movie every day or what. Just whenever I feel like it I guess.

[forgottensinpwf]

How is this #4 if this is the first ever?

[Non Banjoble Tokens]

Oct 2, 2010 0:00:38 GMT -5 @forgottensinpwf said:

How is this #4 if this is the first ever?

But it doesn't say 4 in the heading of your post. Or mine. Hmmm what could be going on?

[forgottensinpwf]

Oct 2, 2010 0:01:58 GMT -5 Non Banjoble Tokens said:

Oct 2, 2010 0:00:38 GMT -5 @forgottensinpwf said:

How is this #4 if this is the first ever?

But it doesn't say 4 in the heading of your post. Or mine. Hmmm what could be going on?

[Non Banjoble Tokens]

Oct 2, 2010 0:03:29 GMT -5 @forgottensinpwf said:

Oct 2, 2010 0:01:58 GMT -5 Non Banjoble Tokens said:

But it doesn't say 4 in the heading of your post. Or mine. Hmmm what could be going on?

Ooh, who's she? A friend of yours? Rawr...

[Non Banjoble Tokens]

Alright, I watched another movie from my own collection tonight and it was....

The Hitcher II: I've Been Waiting
2003



"A sadistic serial killer terrorizes a couple driving on a rural highway in Texas while killing numerous people and framing them for his killings."

Starring C. Thomas Howell, Kari "Holy Crap I'm Hot" Wuhrer, and Jake "Too Bad I'm Not As Crazy As My Old Man" Busey

So I bought this back in the day as a blind buy from the Wal-Mart bargain DVD bin. And this is the sequel to the original Hitcher, not the remake, as you can probably tell from the date. Though, I wouldn't surprised if you didn't even know this movie existed. Hey, they even got C. Thomas Howell(the kid from the first one) back to reprise his role. So yeah, basically this is about the Howell character years after the events of the first one and he's a police officer now. Anyways, he sort of haunted by the events of the first Hitcher movie so he decides to travel with his woman(Kari Wuhrer) to the home of Captain Esteridge (from the first movie) because he wanted to talk with him about the events that have been bothering him. I hope that makes sense. I guess as a way to purge his demons or something. Long story short as they're traveling down the road, what do you think happens? The same damn thing as the first movie. They run into good old Jake Busey and the fun ensues. They draw it out a little but eventually the same sort of things that took place in the first movie, happen in this one. Of course they throw some interesting new plot devices in, that make the movie a little enjoyable to watch. Yeah, there are some plot holes and some bad acting, but in the end, I though this flick was okay. Not really good or bad, just in the middle. Probably why I haven't sold it to the pawn shop yet. Jake Busey really doesn't come close to Rutger Hauer here, but he has his moments. Some that make sense, some that don't. I won't spoil anything, in the off chance that you may actually decide to find and watch this film, but all in all, the movie didn't deliver a lot, just a little I guess. So from a scale of , I give this a . Borderline blah.

[Non Banjoble Tokens]

Bahahaha!!! You thought I was dead! Well, I'm not and now I'm going to bump this thread just to bother you all again!

I've got another movie to add to the pile. It's one I saw on the television.

"Quarantine"
2008



"A television reporter and her cameraman are trapped inside a building quarantined by the CDC after the outbreak of a mysterious virus which turns humans into bloodthirsty killers."

Starring Jennifer "No Relation To John" Carpenter, Steve Harris, and that guy that Hernandez guy from Hostel who got lots of sexy time

Okay, now I admit I've never seen the original movie this is based off of. "Rec." Though everyone seems to agree that it's better than the remake. If it is better, than it must be pretty damn good because I really seemed to enjoy the remake. Anyways, the IMDB synopsis I posted pretty much tells the plot of the movie. This reporter and her camera man are doing a report about the local fire station, and they all get called to an apartment building on a disturbance call or something. Of course, what happens is some of the residents have caught a virus that slowly turns them into flesh-craving zombie people. Everyone gets quarantined in the apartment by to government and pretty much left to fend for themselves. Fun ensues and we all get to take bets on who will get the virus next. Will it be the M. Night Shyamalan looking Opera teacher guy? Or the foreign couple who don't speak English? Maybe the drunk business man. The whole movie is shot Blair Witch style all through the news reporter's camera. Personally, I think everyone did a really good job acting. Everything felt pretty real and unrehearsed. Jennifer Carpenter(who while also being ridiculously cute) did a great job starting out as the cute, goofy reporter girl, and slowly turning serious, and eventually flat out hysterical and horrified over the whole situation. Yeah there were some moments where she overacted a bit, and also some moments that made you think, "Why the hell is this guy still recording this?" And I was a bit confused by the origin of the virus too. They tried explaining it, but with the filming style, you can only do so much. Also, I might just be stupid. So, overall, on a scale of (from crappy to good) I give this movie a Really good, but not quite a classic.

[mysterydriver]

I thought Quarantine was horrible but I was in a bitter mood when I watched it so I tore apart just about every dumb thing I saw.

Especially the "Camera Attack" used in the middle of the film.

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler} But I refuse to forgive the stupidity of the firefighter who had led the way the entire time, using his axe to clear a path, stepping out into a hallway and turning around to say "Okay, let's go." leaving himself open to be tackled to an offscreen death. It was stupid. He, to that point, had always been decisive and "Follow me." It felt obvious that the filmmakers were like "Well...we need to kill him off before the finale...so..."

Then again, that could be the bitter mood, too.

[W?Y]

A little late here, sorry:

I got halfway through The Order, and was so bored that I just turned it off. It was disappointing because I was interested in the "religious" aspect of it, and thought it was a good concept. It was just so dull and ultimately meaningless.

I hated Quarantine. I hate shaky-cam horror, because it just ends up being incomprehensible and annoying. IMO, only two movies got it "right" (Blair Witch, and Paranormal Activity kind of), and even then, it was not without its annoyances. It also really pissed me off that the ending was in all of the publicity for it. It made me really not want to see [Rec], which I hear is good, but if Quarantine is close enough to the original as I've heard, then I don't care.

[Non Banjoble Tokens]

Yay, replies!! And here's another one I watched over the last few days....

"Darkness Falls"
2003



"A vengeful spirit has taken the form of the Tooth Fairy to exact vengeance on the town that lynched her 150 years earlier. Her only opposition is the only child, now grown up, who has survived her before."

Starring Chaney Kley(wait, what the hell kind of name is that?),Lee Cormie, and Anya from Buffy

I saw this one a while back when it first came out, and again just over the last few days and my opinion of it really hasn't change at all. It's just not a very good movie. The concept is simple enough. This kid witnesses the death of his mother by this evil witch lady known as the "Tooth Fairy"(sadly not Dwayne Johnson) and everyone thinks he killed her instead. He gets locked up for a while and then 12 years later, he returns to the town where it happened because the little brother of the chick he was sweet on back then is having the same kinds of fears about the Tooth Fairy. The thing is, this Tooth Fairy broad is scared of light because it kills her, which I guess is a good enough reason to be sacred of something. Throughout the film, the characters use flashlights and other light producing devices to fight her. Which is sort of interesting, but is kind of lame at the same time. The movie is filled with horror cliches and tries to scare you with the whole darkness is horrifying theme. Anytime there's no light, someone dies and not in a cool way either. This Tooth Fairy just sort of picks them up and throws them around until they die of boredom or something like that. If there are any pluses to the movie it's that the actual Tooth Fairy is kind of cool looking, and the main female lead is played the ever so cute and pretty Emma Caulfield. The acting isn't bad, but everything is cliche, it's difficult to appreciate anything. It's not the worst movie I've ever seen, I mean visually it's fairly impressive, but it's really all sizzle and no steak. I'd say the best thing about the movie was the song they played at the end when the credits started rolling. So on a scale of , (from suck to not so suck) I'd give this a Pretty bad, but not offensively bad.

[Non Banjoble Tokens]

Alright, I haven't had internet access for about a week, but I have watched a few movies to add to my thread. If any of you have opinions about them, feel free to share. Or just post a picture of something visually pleasing. I don't know. Anyway, for tonight's movie...

"The Fly"
1986



"A brilliant but eccentric scientist begins to transform into a giant man/fly hybrid after one of his experiments goes horribly wrong."

Starring Jeff Goldblum, Geena Davis(she's still hot, right?), John Getz, a couple of baboons, and a fly

So this is of course the remake of "The Fly" and not the original. From reading about the original, it seems the only thing the remake had in common with it, is the scenario of the doctor going through the teleportation unit with the fly and mixing their DNA together, causing him to transform into a fly/man hybrid. Everything that surrounds that scenario is changed. But that's enough for a decent remake. Decent, but not great. I know most who have seen this movie consider it a classic, but I just wasn't moved by it in the same way. It's a Cronenberg film, so it's filled with bizarre and fairly disturbing imagery. The transformation was interesting, but really, Goldblum spent most of his time changing into some kind of deformed, lumpy human. Like Igor or something. He doesn't really resemble a fly until the end. Also his personality changed him into a horny sort of jerk. I'm not sure if that reflects the personality of a fly or not. But I guess, there's only so much you can do with a fly. Geena Davis is his love interest, and much of the movie is how the transformation affects her and her feelings for Goldblum. It was interesting to watch things unfold, but in the end, I guess things just didn't seem to fit together the way that they should. I don't even know what that means. I didn't enjoy it the way I probably should have. So I guess in the end, on a scale of (from awful to awesome) I would give this a . It was decent, but I just wasn't wowed by it.

[Orange]

I haven't seen this movie, but I would like to sometime. I'm enjoying these reviews

[Non Banjoble Tokens]

Alright, someone is enjoying my poo poo reviews! That means a lot that someone is actually reading these. Anyway, here's tonight's...

"All Souls Day: Dia de los Muertos"
2005



"During a Day of the Dead celebration, the dead come to life to prey upon the living."

Starring some chick that looks vaguely like Jessica Alba, Travis Wester, Nicole Hiltz, a token black guy, the disgustingly hot Lara Harring, and with cameos by Dr. Herbert West and Machete.

Alright, when this movie first came out as a Sci-Fi(SyFy) channel original movie, I saw a few bits and pieces and thought that maybe it wouldn't be that bad. Well, turns out it wasn't that good either. So the plot is this. The residents of this little town in Mexico back in 18 ought something or other are uncovering this ancient ruin of some goddess, and they all get buried alive by an explosion and every year since then on all Souls Day, the dead residents return to sacrifice people to the goddess. Present day, some goober and his hot girlfriend are driving to somewhere in Mexico to see said hot girlfriend's parents. Wouldn't you know it, they end up right there in dead central right on All Souls Day. They notice some freaky s*** going down but have to stay at a hotel due to some car trouble. They call a couple of their friends to come get them, but they as well end up in the middle of the chaos and they all hold up in the hotel trying not to get killed by zombies. Ehhhh, where do I begin? There's more to the story, but not enough to really make the movie stand out. A couple twists and turns make it barely interesting, but overall, it's just another crappy zombie movie about stupid teenagers. Lara Harring(while being really really hot) plays this weird innkeeper character. She's supposed to be mysterious and a interesting, but she ends up being really goofy and strange in the role. Also, for some reason, one of the girls tries to run through the zombies to get to their car, and for some reason she starts acting like some ninja acrobat who can defy gravity. It was...strange. But like I said, a couple twists and cameos by Jeffery Combs and Danny Tejo, while somewhat neat, really didn't raise this film above the crap status. So overall, on a scale of (from excrement to excellent), this gets a . Pretty bad, but not an abomination or anything.

[Non Banjoble Tokens]

Alright, another one for you all...

"The Devil's Backbone"
2001



"The newest resident at a remote Spanish orphanage contends with a brutal janitor, a bully and a youngster's ghost. "

Starring...well a lot of Spanish people that I've never heard of including Marisa Paredes, Eduardo Noriega, Federico Luppi, and Fernando Tielve. Yeah.

So this is a Guillermo Del Toro flick that came out about nine years ago. It's very comparable to another Del Toro film that came out about four years ago, "Pan's Labyrinth." And like that, "The Devil's Backbone" is done in Spanish. And also like 'Labyrinth," it's a damn good movie. "Backbone" tells the story that takes place during the last days of the Spanish Civil War at an orphanage in 1939. A young boy named Carlos comes to the orphanage and tries to fit in with the others and starts seeing visions of the ghost of a young boy. He tries to uncover a few mysteries about the orphanage including who is this ghost, and what does it want? He also uncovers some secrets of some of the staff at the orphanage. I won't go much further than that as far as plot goes, because I don't want to spoil anything. So I really enjoyed this movie. It wasn't a big budget film with lots of special effects or anything. It relied on atmosphere and acting. All of which was quite good. The mystery of the ghost was interesting, but there's also more to the story than just the ghost, like Carlos trying to fit in at the orphanage and the interaction between the people who worked at the orphanage. All really compelling to watch. Everyone did a great job with the acting and it all seemed believable. You get to see some good character development. There are also a few little plot points that come together that add to the story. Also, the real villain of the story...well let's just say you really end up hating the f***er. This wasn't quite as good as "Pan's Labyrinth," but it's up there as a damn good movie. So, for a rating, on a scale from (from garbage to greatness) this film gets a . Pretty excellent, but not quite into classic status.

[Non Banjoble Tokens]

And for tonight's craptacular flick...

"Dr. Giggles"
1992



"The psychopathic son of a mass-murdering doctor, escapes from his mental institution to seek revenge on the town where his father was caught. The giggling doctor kills his victims with a surgical theme."

Starring Larry Drake, Piper from Charmed(huzzah!!! ), Keith Diamond, Glenn Quinn, and a bunch of annoying teenagers

I remember when I first saw previews for this movies when I was a kid, it scared the crap out of me. After watching it all these years later, I've come to the conclusion that the fear I had as a child was just a reflex action that was trying to keep me from subjecting myself to this pile of crap. Like when your first reaction to poison is to throw it up. Alright, where to begin. Larry Drake plays the corniest evil doctor who escapes from a mental institution and comes back to the town of Moorehigh, which is the town where his father(a psychotic doctor) was killed many years ago. He tries to seek revenge on the townspeople while under the disguise of a doctor. Damn those townspeople. How dare they defend themselves from being murdered. He then comes upon Holly Marie Combs character. A teenager with a heart condition, which is the same thing that killed his mother, which is what led to his father's killing spree to begin with. Anyway, he sees poor Holly and wants to give her heart surgery or something. I guess just because he's bats*** insane. Everyone else in the town he just wants to kill. And that's the fuel for this whole movie. Larry Drake(who does the best he can do with what he's given, but really, you can only do so much with dogs***) hams it up and spouts off about every bad doctor one-liner he can think of. He also kills people off with various medical tools. Syringes, scalpels, stomach pumps, blood pressure thingies, bonesaws, even a freaking giant band-aid. Now you may think some of that sounds cool, but it all done so goofy and corny and just ends up adding more crap to the fire fueled by excrement. Poor Holly Marie Combs does a decent job I guess. But again, under the circumstances, who could blame her if she sucked anyway. I guess they all have to start somewhere. I know they tried making this a horror-comedy(or "horredy'), but I don't remember laughing much. I don't recommend this movie to anyone, unless they're a big fan of terrible slashers and want to endure about 7 thousand bad one-liners about doctors. So, on a scale of , (from poop to platinum) this gets my first . Yeah.

[s l i k]

I'd like to make the following contribution...

THE ORPHANAGE


An emotional, terrifying ghost story about the bond between mother and son. A woman takes over the orphanage she grew up in, but it isn't long before her son goes missing under possibly supernatural circumstances. The film presents her attempt to find out the truth behind the imaginary friend her son played with, who seems to be very, very real and in the mood for some very, very malicious games...

[Non Banjoble Tokens]

You're all definitely welcome to make your own contributions. And for this evening's movie...

"Shadow of The Vampire"
2001



"The filming of Nosferatu is hampered by the fact that the star is taking his role far more seriously than what seems humanly possible. "

Starring John Malkovich, Willem Defoe, Udo Kier, and the Dread Pirate Roberts!!

This movie has one of the more interesting plots I've seen. And I probably should have enjoyed it more than I did, but really, I was just sort of bored with it. Anyway, the plot is a fictional account of the filming of the 1922 movie "Nosferatu." In this version, it runs on the real life mysteriousness of the man who played Count Orlock, Max Schreck. Basically, it tells the tale that Schreck is actually a real vampire, playing the part of a vampire. Strange things start happening around the set, and the director and the crew have to deal with it all. When I first heard this plot, I really liked it. And I still like it, but I thought it could have been done better. Malkovich does a great job as the director, F. W. Murnau. Maybe too great, as it was a bit over the top. In fact, many of the parts played in this movie are played over the top. Especially Willem Dafoe's portrayal of Max Schreck. He's plays the creepy, menacing part of Count Orlock at all times. Cary Elwes plays the part of one of the photographers and his accent is so exaggerated, it's hard to tell if he's serious or not. Heh, maybe that was the whole point of the film, for everyone to be over the top, I don't know. Maybe I missed it. But, overall, I just found the movie to be sort of boring. Which I guess is weird for a movie that has so many parts being played over the top to be boring. Hell, maybe they weren't over the top enough! I don't know, there's just something about the film that I didn't get. I should also point out how odd the ending seemed to me. It sort of fit the film's M.O. I guess, but again, I guess I just didn't really get it. I'm not saying anyone else wouldn't enjoy the movie, so I guess I recommend it for that reason. also just based on the uniqueness of the plot. But like I said, I probably won't be buying the movie anytime soon. So I guess, on a scale of , (from sad to happy) I'll give this one a . Not bad, but just in the middle.

[Orange]

This is what I really like about your reviews so far Banjo, I'm learning about movies I've never heard of. This sounds awesome, for sure going to have to check this out sometime Does this movie take kind of long to pick up steam or does it hit you right away?

[Non Banjoble Tokens]

Oct 19, 2010 2:17:28 GMT -5 Orange said:

This is what I really like about your reviews so far Banjo, I'm learning about movies I've never heard of. This sounds awesome, for sure going to have to check this out sometime Does this movie take kind of long to pick up steam or does it hit you right away?

It takes a little while to pick up steam. But then, I guess they're just trying to establish mood or something.

[Non Banjoble Tokens]

Okay, so I'm not going to have internet access from today up until after Halloween. So I won't be doing anymore of these mini-reviews. I will, however, keep watching horror movies. So thanks to the one or two of you who actually read and took interest in my crappy reviews. At least now you all won't have to worry about me bumping this thread anymore. ;D