The "How Will This Affect John Cena?" Game!

[Dr. Bolty, Disaster Enby]

So, supposedly Vince has given the word that all decisions in WWE have to go through the question, "How will this affect John Cena?" To me, this sounds ludicrous. But rather than start a generic "WWE sucks, Cena should be depushed RAR" thread, I thought, why not have some fun with it?

It'll be like the Corrupt a Wish game. List something you want to see in WWE, then the person after you gives a way it can affect Cena (whether positively or negatively, and feel free to be as ridiculous and chaos-theory following as you like).

Example:

Wish: Push cruiserweights

Effect on Cena: Cena looks taller due to his competition being smaller, making him more impressive and seemingly superhuman


So, first WWE request:

Build a meaningful tag division and keep teams together for more than three months.

So how will this affect John Cena?

[normcoleman]

Gives John Cena new teams to beat in handicap matches

RAW becomes a 2 hour commerical for The Marine

[Dr. Bolty, Disaster Enby]

John Cena gets less chances to win the WWE title back in a match.

Rey Mysterio stops jobbing while he's Champion.

[Hulkshi Tanahashi]

Cena beats all the guys who beat Mysterio, making Mysterio look even weaker.

The WWE comes up with fresh, new storylines that weren't recycled from 1998.

[littlenaitch]

Cena wont be able to play the bad ass character anymore.

WWE wants to push Edge more so how will that affect Cena?

[THE Baldy Kendrick]

Wanting to keep Cena more 'extreme' than Edge, creative gives him the new nickname of "X-Rated." Keeping with this new image, creative then convinces the MPAA to raise the rating of "The Marine" from PG-13 to X. This, unfortunately, drives many families and younger fans away from the film, making it a box office disaster. It goes on to 'win' 3 Razzies for worst screenwriting, worst actor (Cena), and worst film of the year.

How about this: WWE releases Simon Dean.

[TOTB - Think Outside The Box]

John Cena won't have Simon Dean to kick around anymore!

WWE wants more bare asses on TV.....

[samachine]

John will get less attention then thus mentioned asses

Triple H divorces Steph.

[Hollywood Cthulhu]

John quickly offers Steph a shoulder to cry on, thus assuring his future, so Cena starts to work on his wrestling even less than now, yet gets pushed more....

The WWE wants to cash in on World Cup fever by making a soccer hooligan character..

[Topher is Human]

This soccer hooligan character is Cena, and gets a super push to help his new gimmick gets over.

I wish Zombie got a push

[Hulkshi Tanahashi]

Cena becomes the Zombie.

WWE breaks up the Spirit Squad.

[shemmy86]

Cena has five new singles wrestlers to beat.

Smackdown and Raw are merged ending brand extension.

[thezombie]

Cena beats them all in a SS reunion match

Scott Hall comes back

[Hulkshi Tanahashi]

Cena beats Scott Hall in his first match back.

ECW and WWE stop "invading" each other.

[Deleted]

Cena appears on both shows as ECW becomes Exclusively Cena Wrestling, and he has IronMan matches every week with Mark Henry and/or Khali.

Hulk Hogan discovers the cure for baldness and returns to Raw looking like an Orange Wilt Chamberlain

[MiLo Duck]

Cena then puts on a fake afro of his own and founds the NNOD (New Nation Of Domination) then feuds with Hogan. Hogan won't job to no memo so he kicks Cena's poop in at Wrestlemania.

Little Bastard gets drafted to Raw.

[Hulkshi Tanahashi]

Little Bastard immediately jobs to Cena.

The New ECW becomes more like the Old ECW.

[thezombie]

Cena comes into the old ECW and FUS everyone in the bingo hall

Nash tears his quad

[anticonscience]

Cena does the surgery to fix it

Jeff Jarrett becomes TNA Champion yet again

[thezombie]

Cena goes to TNA and FUs every competitor. He then Snaps on the STFU and makes Jarrett tap

Dusty does the cabbage patch