Kill the WWE with one Raw.

[sunwukong]

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to book a Raw so unbelievably bad that it singlehandedly kills the WWE. To do this, you've got to move beyond the kiddie crap like "Cena goes over everyone!", you've got to book a show so abominable, so terrible, that it will single handeled destroy the company.

Mine would be-

Segment 1:

Vince's music hits and he power walks to the ring. He tells us we're all about to see a great moment in the history of the WWE. We're going to see the entire roster come out and line up for the world's greatest Kiss My Ass Club induction. Everyone boos, but Vince just flips them off and hits a button and slime falls all over the audience. Vince then drops his pants and bends over as all the wrestlers start filing out to the ring. He cackles madly, but then...

The theme music from "Back to the Future" hits and a a time traveling Delorian blasts through the Titan Tron, landing right in front of the ring. Christopher Lloyd reprising his Doc Brown role gets out as does Rey Mysterio, who is dressed like Marty McFly, but still wearing his mask.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?" asks a pantless Vince.

"Great Scott, Vince," replied Doc Brown. "You're killing wrestling, we had to find somebody to stop you!" Then Rey Rey skateboards around and uses 80's slang.

"NOBODY CAN STOP ME!" yells Vince.

Then a figure emerges from the Delorian, a figure from the past. Vince's face goes pale.

"D...Dad?"

COMMERCIAL

Segment 2:

We open with a recap as King and JR pretty non-chalantly tell us that Vince McMahon senior has been brought back from the past to do battle with his son over the future of wrestling later in the show.

Match 1:

John Cena (who reclaims his belt) rides a vespa to the ring and cuts a promo alienating every minority in the world, then sits in the middle of the ring and smokes a big pipe for a while. Linda McMahon comes to the ring and says Stephanie is in the building and pregnant and that Cena can't smoke for a while. Then she flashes Cena, who passes out.

Stephanie comes to the ring and starts screaming and she gives birth right there in the middle of the ring while pyro goes off in the background. The newborn is then placed on Cena's unconcious body, and Linda counts to three, granting it the world title. More pyro goes off.

Segement 3:

We go backstage and see time traveling Vince Sr. saying that Vince Jr. has ruined wrestling, and to fix it, things are going to have to get hardcore. Vince Sr. promises to get EXTREME, as we see him training with Sabu.

Match 2:

Rob Conway comes to the ring and spends 10 minutes rubbing himself down with vaseline. Viscera comes down and puts the Visagara on him for another 10 minutes, while Conway giggles like a school girl and his music plays in the background the whole time.

Segment 4:

We see Vince Jr. training and cursing about time travel, when all of a sudden a SPACE VORTEX opens in his office and some aliens come out. They give him a magic sword and say it will help him defeat his old man. Vince thanks them, then cuts their heads off while Coach cheers him and claps in the background. The camera then pans over to show coach dressed like a baby.

Match 3:

A goat wanders to the ring. Umaga follows it, then slaughters it on live TV and proceeds to eat it raw right there, then throws the blood on a little kid in the audience. When the little kid cries, Umaga grabs him and runs off while his mom shouts "THIS IS REAL! I'M NOT A PLANT! HELP! HELP!"

Segment 5:

A 100 ft tall ring is placed above the ring, with stacks of 10 flaming tables placed all around as Vinces Sr and Jr come to the ring. Vince Jr is wearing Samurai armor and carrying his alien sword, Vince Sr is dressed like Rambo.

Match 4, THE MAIN EVENT:

We open with Vince Jr. swinging his sword as his father on top of the cage, with sparks flying everywhere as Vince Sr dodges. They brawl for a while, and Vince Jr loses his sword as it flies out of his hand and into the crowd, where some baby catches it and takes it home.

Rest holds.

More rest holds.

Some more rest holds.

They brawl some more and Vince Sr. pushes Jr. to the edge of the cage's top. Vince Sr. then says "THIS IS FOR THE WORLD AND THE FUTURE GENERATIONS!" as he runs towards his son and his a flying cross body that knocks them both down 100 feet through the flaming tables.

Then the ring explodes.

Vince Sr. grabs a mic and mumbles that he's saved the day, as the Titan Tron begins collapsing and exploding, as does the whole Raw set. Fires break out as the Sports Entertainment Apocalypse begins and the show ends...

[slik81]

I don't think I can top that. That'd pretty much do it. Actually, let me rephrase that - That would pretty much guarantee they'd be a web-only show because no network would air them.

[raidene]

Punk debuts.

The Internet Explodes.

[Cranjis McBasketball]

Cena vs. everyone in the building.

He hits a 10,000 man 5 knuckle shuffle and wins.

I don't know.......

[damian001]

Have JR dance around in a thong for 2 hours.

[ultakiller]

hey thats good TV right there, I smell ratings...

[The Wraith]

Rey, Batista and Lashley turn heel

JR becomes a heel commentator

Rock, Austin, Hogan all turn heel

JBL and Umaga/AAE become faces

King Booker, Mark Henry,and Khali become faces as well

Cena becomes chairman of WWE

HHH is fired

RAW events are restricted to high school gyms

fans can actively participate in matches any time they want

every squash match is Undertaker losing every week to the local kid

no one over 6'6" 280 lbs can win

if you're under 5'7'', you are allowed to use big man moves

Rey Mysterio would easily beat Big Show every week

[Ass Dan]

Candice Michelle defeats Rob Van Dam/Edge and becomes WWE Champion.

Also, two men have sex in the ring for 40 minutes.

And Eugene Dinsmore debuts his 'Tourette's Syndrome' gimmick and swears up a storm.

And Shawn Michaels is crucified by the Spirit Squad after John Cena betrays him for 5 pieces of silver, which make up his new belt.

And Umaga loses to Val Venis.

And Viscera eats Chloe the dog.

And, instead of commercials, the image of Goatse's 'The Reciever' is shown.


I'm pretty sure this covers all the bases.

[HRH The KING]

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to book a Raw so unbelievably bad that it singlehandedly kills the WWE

Just give Steph a few more years and that day might come.

[wwerules60]

Big SHow, Ric Flair, Mick Foley, Mae Young, JR, Viscera- All nude Live sex celebration uncensored!!!

[BorneAgain]

One concept, seven words.

The Linda McMahon Kiss My Ass Club.

[JLAJRC]

Segment 1:

Screechanie McMahon comes out in HonyTonk Man's outfit. Says she always dreamed of singing. Proceeds to sing the entire Wrestlemania the Album and Piledriver Album catalogue.

Segment 2:

Hardcore HLA starring Moolah and May Young.

Match 1:

Chyna returns to battle Chris Masters. She wins.

Match 2:

Umaga vs. Viscera in a ladder match. Ladders keep breaking. lasts a good 30 minutes.

Segment 3:

Cade and Murdoch come "out" and recreate Brokeback Mountain

Match 3:

Benoit defects to RAW. Wrestles Conway. Conway wins.

JR and Lawler then put on a hat fashion show.

Match 4:

Cena vs. Shawn Michaels vs. HHH in a retirement match. Referee counts to 3 as all their shoulders are on the mat. All retire.

Match 5:

Trish vs. Victoria in a bra and panties match. Victoria pulls off Trish's panties, revealing she's really a man.

How's that?

[General Zod]

I don't need a 2 hour slot, I can destroy the WWE in one segment.

DX hits the ring (Trips and HBK). They ramble for a bit about God knows what, telling poop jokes and making vague sexual refrences before introducing the next 2 members with a footage clip of "One Night in Chyna", uncensored. People would leave the arena before Chyna and X-Pac could even make it to the ring.

Wait, that might actually happen.

[Vice honcho room temperature]

special best of the Great Kahlli and Giant Gonalez eps.

[Rocky Angle]

Well, this would require a bit of build up. Have videos for weeks beforehand, with Triple H, John Cena, Edge, basically the whole roster, talking up some unnamed wrestler. How he's dominant in the ring, how he's the most charismatic guy in wrestling history. End them with- 'He's coming back.....'

Finally the videos have a date- he returns this coming raw!

The show opens with Vince, he delivers a rambling, incoherent promo for 30 minutes, saying that 'He' will get a title shot tonight against Cena. Strongly hinting that it's the Rock.

Then it's main event time. Cena comes down to the ring, looking scared. His music cuts out. There's silence in the arena. The crowd is breathless with anticipation. "Rocky" chants start.

Then X-Pac comes out and squashes Cena to win the title.

[Kevin Hamilton]

Three Words:

Naked Crisco Twister.

[General Zod]

Ahhh yes. I loved that game when I was still young and spry.

In a ring, it would be golden.

Only if Rita Cosby can sing the National Anthem first.

[bret screwed bret]

Segment 1: Promo for Bret Hart's one night only return.

Segment 2: Promo for striptease #1 and striptease #2.

Match 1: Striptease #1.

Match 2: Striptease #2.

Segment 3: Promo for Cena-HHH main event.

Match 3: Striptease #3.

Match 4: Bret Hart faces Shawn Michaels. After about five minutes of action, Shawn Michaels gets Bret Hart in the Sharpshooter. Vince McMahon runs down the ramp and calls for the bell in yet another shoot screwjob finish.

Match 5: Cena and HHH have a long staredown before HHH hits Cena with the Fingerpoke of Doom and pins him for the 1-2-3. Cena then embraces with HHH as Flair gets in the ring and joins them in a big group hug. Evolution 2006 has just been formed.

[damian001]

LMFAO! I'm about to die of a laughing attack. I love these kind of threads (anybody remember the book Vengeance 2005 thread? That was gold!)

Keep up the good work!

[angryfan]

Kill it in one show? OK. Several options.

Linda McMahon full frontal nudity.

Or, for the death in two-hours.

Segment 1: Vince McMahon runs a video for the first half hour entitled "My ass, a retrospective" with nothing but clips of his bare ass over the years.

Segment 2: DX responds to the video by mooning him. They then have a match with the Spirit Squad, in which the ring is engulfed in 300 midges, all of whom are naked.

Segment 3: Fake Kane and Real Kane face off, and wind up mooning the crowd.

Segment 4: Maria and Melina come out to moon the crowd, but in order to "cement his heel turn" Cena comes out and stops them. He then moons the crowd himself.

Main Event: For the main event, I see Vince coming back out and screaming about how his ass was over-shadowed. He then forces JR to rejoin the KMA club for no reason, and spends the final segment screaming about his "magnificent ass".

Sadly, I see this exact show happening within the next month.