Review my sample cover letter?

[rapidfire187]

I have to write a cover letter for my English class. She basically told us to address the letter to whoever we want. The main idea is to make sure that we know how to write a business letter. It's due Tuesday but I'm already finished. I figured I'd see if anybody here would mind checking it for any errors or anything.

February 13, 2011



Mr. Michael Scott
Regional Manager
Dunder Mifflin Paper Company
1725 Slough Avenue
Scranton, PA 18509


Dear Mr. Scott

Your company recently ran an advertisement in The Times-Tribune. The ad said that you are currently planning to hire a new assistant to the regional manager. I would like to apply for the position.

I have the training and experience necessary for this position. I have two years of experience in retail management. In two weeks I will graduate from Heart of Georgia Technical College with an Associate’s degree in Management and Supervisory Development. I am a very focused and driven individual that would be a great asset to your company.

I’ve enclosed a copy of my resume for you to review. I will be available for employment immediately.

I would like to request a date to discuss the job with you. Please call me at [phone] your most convenient time. I graciously appreciate your consideration.

Sincerely,


I cut off the end so that I'm not posting my name at address. The number is for my old phone that doesn't work anymore so your prank calls will be pointless . It may not be formatted correctly in the post, but I know I did the format correctly in the actual document. Just wanted to make sure I'm not missing any grammatical errors because this teacher is very picky. Thanks in advance.

[bob]

looks good, of course I stare at a computer screen a good 7 hours a day during the week so I may have missed something

[Deleted]

"Please call me at [phone] your most convenient time"

You need an "at" after your number here.

[NerdyGerdy]

Looks like a cover letter I wrote once, I got a decent grade on it.

[ani]

There's at least one HUGE problem with it...too much I:

One sentence that can be changed is :
I’ve enclosed a copy of my resume for you to review

Change it to:

enclosed IS a copy of my resume for you to review.

[fuzzywarble, squat cobbler]

Feb 13, 2011 17:23:20 GMT -5 ani said:

There's at least one HUGE problem with it...too much I:

One sentence that can be changed is :
I’ve enclosed a copy of my resume for you to review

Change it to:

enclosed IS a copy of my resume for you to review.

I was gonna say this exact thing.

Change it so that you talk about how your experience can help the company. WHY would you be an asset to the company? What would you have to offer?

Instead of saying, "I have the training and experience necessary for this position," say something like, "I have no doubt my training and experience in _____ will help Dunder Mifflin."

[rapidfire187]

These are all very good suggestions, and I feel like an ass hat for not noticing that I left out the word "at" after the telephone number. I guess that's what I get for not getting enough sleep last night. I'm going to make all the suggested changes, and if you guys think of any more don't hesitate to speak up. Thanks everyone!

[rapidfire187]

Oh, question: Should the name of my college be italicized? I italicized it in the document but forgot to add the tags to it when I pasted it into the thread. Thanks.