Post by angryfan on May 15, 2006 1:26:18 GMT -5
(scene opens with HHH sitting in the back booth at the Friendly Tap. Snitsky, Trevor Murdoch, and Rob Conway enter the front door and make their way to the booth)
HHH: Thanks for coming on such short notice. I was starting to think you wouldn’t make it.
Rob: Are we being fired?
HHH: No, no of course not, why would you think that?
Rob: Uh…no reason, no reason at all. What do you need?
HHH: I have a job for you guys. Someone has my Interlawn belt, and I want it back.
Murdoch: I don’t have it, I was at the movies watching a double feature. I saw Brokeback Mountain and Bridges of Madison County back to back. It was fantastic.
HHH: Uh…sure, sure it was. So like I was saying, I got screwed out of my title, and then I didn’t even get my rematch.
Snitsky: It wasn’t my fault.
HHH: No one said it was. Now can you guys help me? My kid has it, so it shouldn’t be all that difficult.
Conway: Why can’t you just go in and take it?
HHH: (grumbling) Because Steph thinks it’s a bad idea, and I don’t particularly want to sleep in the attic again.
Murdoch: Wow, this’ll be just like Three Men and a Baby, which was a great family film starring…
(at that moment Earl Hebner walks up)
HHH: (ignoring Murdoch’s movie rant) Hey Earl, you ready to do business?
Earl: Will I get my old job back? I’m tired of refereeing Jarrett’s matches.
HHH: I can’t make any promises, but, well, I promise you, you have my word, you will have a job when this is all said and done.
(meanwhile, Steph is meeting with the BWO at her office)
Steph: Thanks for coming guys.
Meanie: Are we getting fired?
Steph: No, of course not, why would you say that? Besides, you don’t even officially work for us right now, do you?
Meanie: So…I’m not getting fired?
Steph: No.
Meanie: Whew, that’s a relief.
Nova: (in his Simon Dean get up) Can I volunteer to be fired?
Steph: No.
Nova: Please? I’ve got money saved up, I’m willing to pay. I’ll even throw in these guys. (he points to the Gymeni, who are busily doing squat thrusts in a corner of the room for no reason)
Steph: Listen, I just want to talk to you guys about the new ECW project.
Stevie: I thought Paul was running that.
Steph: He is.
Stevie: Shouldn’t we talk to him?
Steph: This is unofficial, I just wanted to see how you guys felt about maybe having a fourth member?
Stevie: I’d really feel more comfortable if Paul was here.
Steph: Well, I’m sorry, but he’s not. Now can we please –
Stevie: I’ll go call him. (he stands and starts to the door)
Steph: SIT DOWN!
(the BWO scrambles, winding up all sitting in the same chair)
Steph: That’s much better. Now, as I was saying, how would you feel about another member?
(all three look at each other nervously)
Stevie: Uh…we’d…feel, um, good? Is good the right answer?
Steph: Wonderful. (she hits a button on her desk) Please send him in now.
(Kane enters the room, looking annoyed)
Meanie: I knew it, we’re getting squashed.
Steph: No, no, nothing like that. You gentlemen just converse, I’ll be back in a while. (she departs)
Stevie: So she wants you to join us, huh?
Kane: She said it was your idea.
Stevie: We just found out like five minutes ago, man.
Kane: Hell, I don’t know why this even surprises me. But, it could be worse, I guess.
Stevie: Yeah, at least this way they won’t make you into a cross-dresser.
Kane: They never made me be a cross-dresser.
Stevie: They…didn’t?
Kane: No, of course not. Why would they make anyone…oh, oh, right. Nevermind.
Stevie: Meanie? Nova? You guys know what I’m talking about, right? They made you guys wear women’s clothes, too, right?
(Meanie and Nova just stare)
Stevie: Damn it, why me? Why is it always me? (he begins to weep)
Kane: Look guys, I know I’ve never worked with you, but seriously, I need this gig.
Nova: What are you talking about? You’re on TV all the time, you’ve got a movie coming out. What could you possibly gain?
Kane: Dude, I have to do voiceovers so people can hear the voices in my head. I’ve put up with mannequin humping, mask, no mask, I’ve been a Christmas tree for God’s sake. Throw me a bone here.
Meanie: If we help you, does that mean we won’t get fired?
(scene changes to the Gamehouse. Snitsky, Conway, Hebner, and Murdoch are all sitting in a car across the street watching)
Conway: So how are we going to do this?
Snitsky: He said we just go in, Earl counts to three, we take the belt, and then we leave. Sounds easy enough.
Murdoch: But won’t someone be in there?
Hebner: It’s just Flair, we can handle him.
Conway: Then let’s get this done. I’ve got a meeting with Randy Newman in two hours.
Murdoch: Randy Newman? The man that did some great songs on Toy Story?
Conway: Yeah, I need new theme music.
Murdoch: At least you get theme music.
(the four men exit the vehicle and head to the front door)
Hebner: I’ve known Naitch for years, let me handle this. (he rings the doorbell, as the other three men head to the back of the house to enter)
Flair: (opening the door) Woooooo?
Hebner: Hey Champ, been a long time, hasn’t it?
Flair: Wooo!
Hebner: (brushing past Flair, entering the house, he sees the three others head to the back of the house) Say, Naitch, I’m parched, you mind if I have a glass of water?
Flair: Woooooooooooooo! (he heads to the kitchen, returning with a glass of water)
Hebner: Thanks Naitch. (he chugs the water and sets the glass down)
Flair: Woooooo! (placing a coaster under the glass)
Hebner: Oh, right, right, water stains, sorry about that.
(at the back of the house, the three men are looking for HHH Junior)
Conway: OK guys, three choices, he’s got to be here somewhere, rght?
Snitsky: (muttering to himself) Oh boy, oh boy, can’t wait. Gonna punt me a baby today, I love my work. Love it, love it. Going to break my hang time record on this one, too.
Conway: Focus man, if you punt the kid, you’ll get disqualified.
Snitsky: Damn, so I can’t?
Conway: Not until after Earl makes the three count, then you can kick away. OK, we’ve got three choices, guys, left, right, or end of the hall. Who wants what?
Murdoch: I’ll go straight.
(Conway and Snitsky snicker)
Murdoch: What? Just because I like chick flicks?
Conway: You said it, not me. Gene, which way you want?
Snitsky: I’ll take the right, you take left.
Conway: Right,. Remember, whoever finds the kid, page Earl so he can come make the three count.
Snitsky: Got it.
(the three men head in separate direction as the scene ends)
(scene opens back in Steph’s office as she enters the room)
Steph: So, how’s this little meeting going?
Stevie: Very well actually. Would you like to meet the newest member of the B..W…O?
Steph: Sure.
(Stevie, Meanie, and Nova all get in their poses)
Stevie: We’ve got three simple words for ya!
(the side door to Steph’s office is kicked off the hinges as Kane, wearing a BWO half shirt and jean shorts enters and destroys the still squat-thrusting Gymeni)
Kane: BLARG! Choke Slam!
(back at the Gamehouse, Murdoch enters his chosen room, finding himself in the entertainment room)
Murdoch: (eyes going wide at the wall to wall DVD shelf, his voice barely a whisper) There is a God. (he grabs a copy of the Ya Ya Sisterhood, pops it in the DVD player and flops down on the couch)
(downat the hall, Snitsky finds himself in the master bedroom)
Snitsky: (whispering quietly to himself) heeeeeeeeeere, title title, title, where are you?
(he opens a door, finding Steph’s shoe closet, and begins to shake)
Snitsky: Fight it, Gene, fight it. Must…remain…focused, must…punt…babies…
(he collapses in a heap, grabbing armfuls of shoes and rolling gleefully on the floor)
(down the hall, Conway slips quietly into the third room, finding himself in the nursery)
Conway: (quietly) Yes! Jackpot! (he dials a number on his cellphone, punches a few buttons, and then puts it away) Now, if I were a baby, where would I be? (he crouches low and begins looking for signs, unaware that the Game Offspring is watching from a crib just a few feet away with Sledgy by his side)
(back in the living room)
Hebner: Man, it’s great to see you again, Naitch, it’s been far too… (his pager buzzes in his pocket) Say, naitch, where’s the restroom around here?
Flair: Wooooooooo! (points down a nearby hallway)
(Earl gets up and heads down the hallway, out of sight and earshot of Flair)
Hebner: Rob, where are you?
Conway: (from inside the nursery, still crouched down searching) In here, Earl, I think I’ve found him. (he begins to stand up)
(as Conway begins to stand, HHH Jr taps Sledgy, who tips over and smacks Conway on the head, knocking him unconscious. Trips Jr then slides down Sledgy and puts his hand on Conway as Hebner bursts through the door)
Hebner: (seeing someone with their shoulders down) 1…2…3 (he begins making wild motions) Ring the bell, ring the bell!
Flair: (running down the hallway towards the noise) Wooooooooooooooo!
(Flair enters the room to see Earl, with Trips Jr, and the belt)
Flair: Wooooooooooo!
Hebner: He had his first title defense.
Flair: (looking down at Conway) Woooooooooo!
Hebner: Him? Oh…no, I have no idea how he got here. Would you like me to get him out of here?
Flair: Woooooooo!
Hebner: Sure. (he drags Conway out to the car and throws him inside, then calls HHH)
Hebner: Hunter?
HHH: What is it, Earl? How did it go?
Hebner: You’ll be proud to know your son had his first title defense today.
HHH: I’m assuming you’ve got my title for me, right?
Hebner: Well…not exactly.
HHH: What the hell do you mean not exactly?
Hebner: Well, see, Conway was the one that wound up in there, and –
HHH: Conway? Of all three guys, you sent in CONWAY?
Hebner: I didn’t make the call. But I thought you’d be happy about this.
HHH: I send you in to get my title back, and you count a pin fall to make sure it doesn’t happen?
Hebner: Hunter, I’m just doing my job, it’s what I do. I don’t screw people over, I just did what I was supposed to do. How was I supposed to know the wrong guy was making the cover?
HHH: There is a slightly noticeable difference, you know.
Hebner: Well I’m sorry, I made a mistake, and it’s one I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life. But, on to happier subjects, I’ll see you on RAW Monday right? (there is a click on the other end of the line) Hello? Hello?
(Scene ends)
HHH: Thanks for coming on such short notice. I was starting to think you wouldn’t make it.
Rob: Are we being fired?
HHH: No, no of course not, why would you think that?
Rob: Uh…no reason, no reason at all. What do you need?
HHH: I have a job for you guys. Someone has my Interlawn belt, and I want it back.
Murdoch: I don’t have it, I was at the movies watching a double feature. I saw Brokeback Mountain and Bridges of Madison County back to back. It was fantastic.
HHH: Uh…sure, sure it was. So like I was saying, I got screwed out of my title, and then I didn’t even get my rematch.
Snitsky: It wasn’t my fault.
HHH: No one said it was. Now can you guys help me? My kid has it, so it shouldn’t be all that difficult.
Conway: Why can’t you just go in and take it?
HHH: (grumbling) Because Steph thinks it’s a bad idea, and I don’t particularly want to sleep in the attic again.
Murdoch: Wow, this’ll be just like Three Men and a Baby, which was a great family film starring…
(at that moment Earl Hebner walks up)
HHH: (ignoring Murdoch’s movie rant) Hey Earl, you ready to do business?
Earl: Will I get my old job back? I’m tired of refereeing Jarrett’s matches.
HHH: I can’t make any promises, but, well, I promise you, you have my word, you will have a job when this is all said and done.
(meanwhile, Steph is meeting with the BWO at her office)
Steph: Thanks for coming guys.
Meanie: Are we getting fired?
Steph: No, of course not, why would you say that? Besides, you don’t even officially work for us right now, do you?
Meanie: So…I’m not getting fired?
Steph: No.
Meanie: Whew, that’s a relief.
Nova: (in his Simon Dean get up) Can I volunteer to be fired?
Steph: No.
Nova: Please? I’ve got money saved up, I’m willing to pay. I’ll even throw in these guys. (he points to the Gymeni, who are busily doing squat thrusts in a corner of the room for no reason)
Steph: Listen, I just want to talk to you guys about the new ECW project.
Stevie: I thought Paul was running that.
Steph: He is.
Stevie: Shouldn’t we talk to him?
Steph: This is unofficial, I just wanted to see how you guys felt about maybe having a fourth member?
Stevie: I’d really feel more comfortable if Paul was here.
Steph: Well, I’m sorry, but he’s not. Now can we please –
Stevie: I’ll go call him. (he stands and starts to the door)
Steph: SIT DOWN!
(the BWO scrambles, winding up all sitting in the same chair)
Steph: That’s much better. Now, as I was saying, how would you feel about another member?
(all three look at each other nervously)
Stevie: Uh…we’d…feel, um, good? Is good the right answer?
Steph: Wonderful. (she hits a button on her desk) Please send him in now.
(Kane enters the room, looking annoyed)
Meanie: I knew it, we’re getting squashed.
Steph: No, no, nothing like that. You gentlemen just converse, I’ll be back in a while. (she departs)
Stevie: So she wants you to join us, huh?
Kane: She said it was your idea.
Stevie: We just found out like five minutes ago, man.
Kane: Hell, I don’t know why this even surprises me. But, it could be worse, I guess.
Stevie: Yeah, at least this way they won’t make you into a cross-dresser.
Kane: They never made me be a cross-dresser.
Stevie: They…didn’t?
Kane: No, of course not. Why would they make anyone…oh, oh, right. Nevermind.
Stevie: Meanie? Nova? You guys know what I’m talking about, right? They made you guys wear women’s clothes, too, right?
(Meanie and Nova just stare)
Stevie: Damn it, why me? Why is it always me? (he begins to weep)
Kane: Look guys, I know I’ve never worked with you, but seriously, I need this gig.
Nova: What are you talking about? You’re on TV all the time, you’ve got a movie coming out. What could you possibly gain?
Kane: Dude, I have to do voiceovers so people can hear the voices in my head. I’ve put up with mannequin humping, mask, no mask, I’ve been a Christmas tree for God’s sake. Throw me a bone here.
Meanie: If we help you, does that mean we won’t get fired?
(scene changes to the Gamehouse. Snitsky, Conway, Hebner, and Murdoch are all sitting in a car across the street watching)
Conway: So how are we going to do this?
Snitsky: He said we just go in, Earl counts to three, we take the belt, and then we leave. Sounds easy enough.
Murdoch: But won’t someone be in there?
Hebner: It’s just Flair, we can handle him.
Conway: Then let’s get this done. I’ve got a meeting with Randy Newman in two hours.
Murdoch: Randy Newman? The man that did some great songs on Toy Story?
Conway: Yeah, I need new theme music.
Murdoch: At least you get theme music.
(the four men exit the vehicle and head to the front door)
Hebner: I’ve known Naitch for years, let me handle this. (he rings the doorbell, as the other three men head to the back of the house to enter)
Flair: (opening the door) Woooooo?
Hebner: Hey Champ, been a long time, hasn’t it?
Flair: Wooo!
Hebner: (brushing past Flair, entering the house, he sees the three others head to the back of the house) Say, Naitch, I’m parched, you mind if I have a glass of water?
Flair: Woooooooooooooo! (he heads to the kitchen, returning with a glass of water)
Hebner: Thanks Naitch. (he chugs the water and sets the glass down)
Flair: Woooooo! (placing a coaster under the glass)
Hebner: Oh, right, right, water stains, sorry about that.
(at the back of the house, the three men are looking for HHH Junior)
Conway: OK guys, three choices, he’s got to be here somewhere, rght?
Snitsky: (muttering to himself) Oh boy, oh boy, can’t wait. Gonna punt me a baby today, I love my work. Love it, love it. Going to break my hang time record on this one, too.
Conway: Focus man, if you punt the kid, you’ll get disqualified.
Snitsky: Damn, so I can’t?
Conway: Not until after Earl makes the three count, then you can kick away. OK, we’ve got three choices, guys, left, right, or end of the hall. Who wants what?
Murdoch: I’ll go straight.
(Conway and Snitsky snicker)
Murdoch: What? Just because I like chick flicks?
Conway: You said it, not me. Gene, which way you want?
Snitsky: I’ll take the right, you take left.
Conway: Right,. Remember, whoever finds the kid, page Earl so he can come make the three count.
Snitsky: Got it.
(the three men head in separate direction as the scene ends)
(scene opens back in Steph’s office as she enters the room)
Steph: So, how’s this little meeting going?
Stevie: Very well actually. Would you like to meet the newest member of the B..W…O?
Steph: Sure.
(Stevie, Meanie, and Nova all get in their poses)
Stevie: We’ve got three simple words for ya!
(the side door to Steph’s office is kicked off the hinges as Kane, wearing a BWO half shirt and jean shorts enters and destroys the still squat-thrusting Gymeni)
Kane: BLARG! Choke Slam!
(back at the Gamehouse, Murdoch enters his chosen room, finding himself in the entertainment room)
Murdoch: (eyes going wide at the wall to wall DVD shelf, his voice barely a whisper) There is a God. (he grabs a copy of the Ya Ya Sisterhood, pops it in the DVD player and flops down on the couch)
(downat the hall, Snitsky finds himself in the master bedroom)
Snitsky: (whispering quietly to himself) heeeeeeeeeere, title title, title, where are you?
(he opens a door, finding Steph’s shoe closet, and begins to shake)
Snitsky: Fight it, Gene, fight it. Must…remain…focused, must…punt…babies…
(he collapses in a heap, grabbing armfuls of shoes and rolling gleefully on the floor)
(down the hall, Conway slips quietly into the third room, finding himself in the nursery)
Conway: (quietly) Yes! Jackpot! (he dials a number on his cellphone, punches a few buttons, and then puts it away) Now, if I were a baby, where would I be? (he crouches low and begins looking for signs, unaware that the Game Offspring is watching from a crib just a few feet away with Sledgy by his side)
(back in the living room)
Hebner: Man, it’s great to see you again, Naitch, it’s been far too… (his pager buzzes in his pocket) Say, naitch, where’s the restroom around here?
Flair: Wooooooooo! (points down a nearby hallway)
(Earl gets up and heads down the hallway, out of sight and earshot of Flair)
Hebner: Rob, where are you?
Conway: (from inside the nursery, still crouched down searching) In here, Earl, I think I’ve found him. (he begins to stand up)
(as Conway begins to stand, HHH Jr taps Sledgy, who tips over and smacks Conway on the head, knocking him unconscious. Trips Jr then slides down Sledgy and puts his hand on Conway as Hebner bursts through the door)
Hebner: (seeing someone with their shoulders down) 1…2…3 (he begins making wild motions) Ring the bell, ring the bell!
Flair: (running down the hallway towards the noise) Wooooooooooooooo!
(Flair enters the room to see Earl, with Trips Jr, and the belt)
Flair: Wooooooooooo!
Hebner: He had his first title defense.
Flair: (looking down at Conway) Woooooooooo!
Hebner: Him? Oh…no, I have no idea how he got here. Would you like me to get him out of here?
Flair: Woooooooo!
Hebner: Sure. (he drags Conway out to the car and throws him inside, then calls HHH)
Hebner: Hunter?
HHH: What is it, Earl? How did it go?
Hebner: You’ll be proud to know your son had his first title defense today.
HHH: I’m assuming you’ve got my title for me, right?
Hebner: Well…not exactly.
HHH: What the hell do you mean not exactly?
Hebner: Well, see, Conway was the one that wound up in there, and –
HHH: Conway? Of all three guys, you sent in CONWAY?
Hebner: I didn’t make the call. But I thought you’d be happy about this.
HHH: I send you in to get my title back, and you count a pin fall to make sure it doesn’t happen?
Hebner: Hunter, I’m just doing my job, it’s what I do. I don’t screw people over, I just did what I was supposed to do. How was I supposed to know the wrong guy was making the cover?
HHH: There is a slightly noticeable difference, you know.
Hebner: Well I’m sorry, I made a mistake, and it’s one I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life. But, on to happier subjects, I’ll see you on RAW Monday right? (there is a click on the other end of the line) Hello? Hello?
(Scene ends)
