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Post by Young Game on Jul 29, 2011 15:08:49 GMT -5
Fourth...and fifthed. (Is that even a word?) If you want to talk awkward, let's talk about the time during my Senior year when I snuck into my g/f's house. We were cracking jokes with each other...one thing leads to another...and we're in bed together. We had also completely forgotten about her friend, who was also spending the night and who had gotten drunk and passed out on the hammock in the backyard. Apparently, after she woke up and made her drunken way back into the house, she knocked a few things over and woke up my g/f's mom. I'm not quite sure on the specifics, I'm guessing my g/f's mom was helping her friend into the room, but the door opened, and, well...they saw what they saw. Yes...we were walked in on. Her mom AND her best friend caught us. That, my fellow poster, is awkward. If this story doesn't end with you sleeping with her friend and mom, then you're out of the club friend. We ended up cracking open a bottle of bubbly...laughing about the incident...and capped the night off by giving them all a Spokane Steamwheeler. A good time was had by all.
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Post by Threadkiller [Classic] on Jul 29, 2011 15:26:33 GMT -5
"I f***ed a girl in an apple orchard. And came in cider."
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fw91
Patti Mayonnaise
FAN Idol All-Star: FAN Idol Season X and *Gavel* 2x Judges' Throwdown winner
Tribe has spoken for 2024 Mets
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Post by fw91 on Jul 29, 2011 19:05:45 GMT -5
I knew a guy who was arrested and was sentenced to one year in jail. Now, his only concern was getting raped, so he didn't take a shower, for the whole year.... becuase he was to busy getting raped
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Urethra Franklin
King Koopa
When Toronto sports teams lose, Alison Brie is sad
Posts: 11,089
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Post by Urethra Franklin on Jul 29, 2011 19:11:53 GMT -5
My sister and her husband moved to a house underneath power lines and they're concerned that it will affect their chances of having children...that is if they stop having miscarriages.
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fw91
Patti Mayonnaise
FAN Idol All-Star: FAN Idol Season X and *Gavel* 2x Judges' Throwdown winner
Tribe has spoken for 2024 Mets
Posts: 38,961
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Post by fw91 on Jul 29, 2011 19:17:34 GMT -5
my brother in law is a traffic cop, and he tells me that the only way he lets people get away with a DUI, is if they give him a blowjob. I tell him, "Hey asshole, you're married to my sister... just give me the DUI."
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Phil Parent
El Dandy
Your Favourite Teacher
Posts: 8,508
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Post by Phil Parent on Jul 29, 2011 20:49:30 GMT -5
I can beat that.
Back then in high school in the communal rest room. I was messing around with this girl and we were caught in red hot intense action by a group of students with our pants on the ground.
Bastards took our pants. So here I was in my boxers walking around the school trying to find whoever took our pants and get them back. I found them hanging in a stairway. When I walked back to the rest room where the girl was still, I saw her taken away by the principal, with her lower half covered with a LARGE sheet of drawing paper.
So of course, I turned myself in.
Nah, I just let her rot in detention. She wouldn't talk to me for 10 years after that. And when we did talk again, well, we had lots of fun.
Morale of the story: Sweet innocent 16 year old girl turn into awesome MILFs. It was SO worth the wait.
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fw91
Patti Mayonnaise
FAN Idol All-Star: FAN Idol Season X and *Gavel* 2x Judges' Throwdown winner
Tribe has spoken for 2024 Mets
Posts: 38,961
Member is Online
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Post by fw91 on Jul 29, 2011 20:54:44 GMT -5
for the people who still don't get it, this is quote thread based upon the routines of comic Anthony Jeselnik
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Glitch
King Koopa
Not Going To Die; Childs, we're goin' out to give Blair the test. If he tries to make it back here and we're not with him... burn him.
Watching you.
Posts: 12,716
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Post by Glitch on Jul 29, 2011 21:46:06 GMT -5
for the people who still don't get it, this is quote thread based upon the routines of comic Anthony Jeselnik I thought this was based on the postings of forum member rprince18.
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Post by Porky's Butthole on Jul 29, 2011 22:16:17 GMT -5
for the people who still don't get it, this is quote thread based upon the routines of comic Anthony Jeselnik I thought this was based on the postings of forum member rprince18. ....me, too.
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Just Jay
Unicron
DIESEL!?!?!
Posts: 3,282
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Post by Just Jay on Jul 30, 2011 0:28:38 GMT -5
It was so freaking awkward. Her father made me sleep in a separate bedroom. He said to me, "it's nothing personal. I just don't trust you, buddy." So I said to him, "Trust me, buddy, I'm banging your daughter."
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Johnny Flamingo
Hank Scorpio
Killing the business one post at a time
Posts: 6,484
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Post by Johnny Flamingo on Jul 30, 2011 1:50:42 GMT -5
While we were having sex last night, my best friend's wife told me she was cheating on him.
Still can't believe she'd do something like that.
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spec
Hank Scorpio
Bum Wiping Aficionado
Posts: 5,676
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Post by spec on Jul 30, 2011 4:06:33 GMT -5
"I f***ed a girl in an apple orchard. And came in cider." I'm using that one.
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Johnny Flamingo
Hank Scorpio
Killing the business one post at a time
Posts: 6,484
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Post by Johnny Flamingo on Jul 30, 2011 5:38:06 GMT -5
"I f***ed a girl in an apple orchard. And came in cider." Is it just me or does this sound like a Joel Gertner promo. Great job btw, I terribly miss Gertner's pre-show sexual jokes.
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Evil Homer
Hank Scorpio
I am Evil Homer, I am Evil Homer.
Posts: 5,377
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Post by Evil Homer on Jul 30, 2011 6:13:16 GMT -5
"I f***ed a girl in an apple orchard. And came in cider." Is it just me or does this sound like a Joel Gertner promo. Great job btw, I terribly miss Gertner's pre-show sexual jokes. He one time said on commentary ( this is not an exact quote) Gertner:" The human body has 200 bones" Styles: "Yeah so what ?" Gertner: " I was wondering if Francine wanted one more "
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Post by Threadkiller [Classic] on Jul 31, 2011 17:06:25 GMT -5
"I f***ed a girl in an apple orchard. And came in cider." Is it just me or does this sound like a Joel Gertner promo. Great job btw, I terribly miss Gertner's pre-show sexual jokes. I can't take credit for that one. It's the work of the incomparable comic musician Bo Burnham. This song, in particular: *Language warning* Seriously one of the most hypocritically catchy choruses of all-time.
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