Burst
El Dandy
*inarticulate squawking*
Posts: 8,599
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Post by Burst on Dec 13, 2011 22:23:11 GMT -5
I'm in a punny mood tonight.
*****
Did you hear about the celebrity who was part of a Nazi-themed orgy? The paparazzi found out, but fortunately for him there was only a little furor.
*****
A Russian scientist and a scientist from the Czech Republic had spent their lives studying the grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study the bears. Finally their request was granted, and they immediately flew to the park.
They reported to the ranger station but the chief ranger told them that it was the grizzly mating season and it was too dangerous to go out and study the animals. They pleaded that this was their only chance, and finally the ranger relented.
The Russian and the Czech were given portable phones and told to report in every day. For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the camp completely ravaged, with no sign of the missing men. Following the trails of a male and a female bear, they finally caught up with the female.
Fearing an international incident, they decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientist. They killed the female and opened the stomach to find the remains of the Russian. One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you?"
"I guess it means the Czech's in the male."
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Post by Koda, Master Crunchyroller on Dec 13, 2011 22:31:25 GMT -5
A tiger got into a fight with a Chinese martial artist and killed and ate him. In the fury of eating the man the tiger choked on a big chunk of his flesh.
I guess you can say the tiger bit off more than it can Chu.
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Post by Bone Daddy on Dec 13, 2011 22:54:52 GMT -5
Did you here about the girl who got new braces? She was so excited she could hardly retain her self
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bob
Salacious Crumb
The "other" Bob. FOC COURSE!
started the Madness Wars, Proudly the #1 Nana Hater on FAN
Posts: 78,662
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Post by bob on Dec 13, 2011 23:07:20 GMT -5
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Post by Bone Daddy on Dec 13, 2011 23:22:02 GMT -5
This is the best pun ever:
Patient: “I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’” Doctor: “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” Patient: “Is it common?” Doctor: “It’s Not Unusual.”
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Post by SHAKEMASTER TV9 is Don Knotts on Dec 13, 2011 23:28:02 GMT -5
This is the best pun ever: Patient: “I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’” Doctor: “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” Patient: “Is it common?” Doctor: “It’s Not Unusual.” I love bad puns. ;D
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Post by Bone Daddy on Dec 13, 2011 23:36:01 GMT -5
Wait, this is the best one ever:
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat says to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'.
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Post by G✇JI☈A on Dec 13, 2011 23:39:33 GMT -5
Andy Zaltman the king of bad puns with Dog puns:
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2011 23:41:52 GMT -5
Did you know James Brown, funk musician extraordinare, was actually Korean?
He was from SEEOOOOOOUL.
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Post by Munkie91087 on Dec 14, 2011 1:21:29 GMT -5
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2011 1:23:45 GMT -5
Just got back from the store, bought me a year's supply of calendars.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2011 1:26:09 GMT -5
Two brothers, the older a mechanic and the younger a lawyer, meet in the older brother's shop one evening after hours.
"Do you ever," the older brother asked after the discussion had turned to the subject of their jobs, "get bored with arguing over evidence constantly?"
"Here and there," the younger replied. "What about you and working on cars?"
To this question, the older brother replied, "Every now and then I tire."
Give me a rim shot. And yes, made this up just for the stupid rim shot joke.
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The Sam
El Dandy
The Brainiest Sam of all
Posts: 8,423
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Post by The Sam on Dec 14, 2011 1:28:52 GMT -5
These puns are un-BEAR-able.
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Post by Some Guy on Dec 14, 2011 1:33:51 GMT -5
Why was "Kiss from a Rose" playing during a contract negotiation?
Because they wanted to SEAL the deal.
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Post by Pervy Stone Cold on Dec 14, 2011 10:36:20 GMT -5
A man lost his arms and had them replaced with those of a grizzly.
He exercises his right to bear arms.
<Taken from M:TG>
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Post by General Adam on Dec 14, 2011 10:44:19 GMT -5
One golfer said to another golfer "If you find my keys we can drive out of here."
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Fundertaker
El Dandy
Hideo Kojima should direct every ending ever!
Posts: 8,958
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Post by Fundertaker on Dec 14, 2011 10:50:17 GMT -5
"... and then the master took his toupé off, offering him to me and said: "You wig this one.""
Yeah, the Itagaki family in Hajime no Ippo is full of those.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2011 11:24:36 GMT -5
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2011 11:35:58 GMT -5
I wanted to be a doctor, but I didn't have the patients.
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CaptainFall
Samurai Cop
'Fascinating is the word of the day'
Posts: 2,151
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Post by CaptainFall on Dec 14, 2011 13:53:59 GMT -5
Tim Vine is the pun king. I urge you to look on YouTube for him or buy his DVD.
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