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Post by ScottishProWrestling on Dec 13, 2011 10:23:39 GMT -5
So ive just found out that my GF has been smoking coke while out with her mates at the weekend. Not something ive ever had to deal with before. Shes a very emotional lass and near on impossible to talk to without an almost violent backlash. I dunno how to approach it and make her stop. Shes not addicted from what I can tell and its only occasional but i need it to stop for the sake of son, incase things go further or things go wrong. Never thought she would be so stupid. Ideas guys? Anyone been through anything similar?
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Post by willywonka666 on Dec 13, 2011 10:31:37 GMT -5
Wow. that is a shocker. I don't know her, but it doesn't sound like there's a way to do it delicately and have her go along with it. She knows what's at stake though and there's deeper problems here it sounds. It'd trying to get her to go along with getting any kind of help that's the problem though, and if she's not willing, I don't know how much can be done. Good luck though.
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Post by rapidfire187 on Dec 13, 2011 11:59:04 GMT -5
Ah man, women will surprise you won't they? A few years ago my cousin's girlfriend of like 8 years or so, the one that had just a month earlier raised hell at me for smoking pot in my own house got caught with methamphetamine by her mother. Apparently she had been snorting it before work every day for a few months. Thankfully, in her situation, everybody flipped out so bad that I don't think she ever touched it again.
Now, if you were saying that your girlfriend has been snorting coke I would still say it's a shocker to find out, but not the end of the world. But if she's freebasing or straight up smoking crack rock then you seriously have to do something. I think there's really only 3 options.
1.) Talk to her about it. Demand that she stops. If that doesn't work then...
2.) Get her parents involved. If that doesn't work then...
3.) Leave her ass. She's clearly choosing a drug that she's "not addicted to" over everybody else.
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The Line
Patti Mayonnaise
Real Name: Bumkiss. Stanley Bumkiss.
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Post by The Line on Dec 13, 2011 12:05:21 GMT -5
Try and help first, don't just walk out. I'd recommend calling your city's/county's drug counselor or what have you, as they'll be able to offer some tips of how to confront her on your own, or at the very least, provide you with some telephone #'s & websites of professionals, if you feel her problem requires that degree of help.
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Post by BlackoutCreature on Dec 13, 2011 13:15:52 GMT -5
Ok, I went through something similar and here's my advice - dump her. Don't try to get her help, don't try to get her family involved, don't try to reason with her, it won't work. Dump her and don't look back. If she cares about you she'll get the help she needs herself and come back to you when she's ready. If she doesn't do that, then just know things would've never worked out in the first place and everything would've just gotten worse for you if you stayed together.
Oh, and you mentioned a son. I don't know if you mean yours or hers, but if its hers and she has custody, call child protection. Don't play with this. Drug addicts are deluded when it comes to their kids. Despite being on drugs and making incredibly stupid decisions otherwise, drug addicts still believe they're great parents because they haven't accidentally drowned their kids in a bath tub or something. They don't realize the serious, long-term damage they're doing to their kid. That child needs to be seperated from her.
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Post by rapidfire187 on Dec 13, 2011 13:25:14 GMT -5
Ok, I went through something similar and here's my advice - dump her. Don't try to get her help, don't try to get her family involved, don't try to reason with her, it won't work. Dump her and don't look back. If she cares about you she'll get the help she needs herself and come back to you when she's ready. If she doesn't do that, then just know things would've never worked out in the first place and everything would've just gotten worse for you if you stayed together. Oh, and you mentioned a son. I don't know if you mean yours or hers, but if its hers and she has custody, call child protection. Don't play with this. Drug addicts are deluded when it comes to their kids. Despite being on drugs and making incredibly stupid decisions otherwise, drug addicts still believe they're great parents because they haven't accidentally drowned their kids in a bath tub or something. They don't realize the serious, long-term damage they're doing to their kid. That child needs to be seperated from her. I agree with you on that 2nd part but damn...you know, I just can't imagine that getting taken from your mom b/c she's on drugs doesn't cause serious long term damage either. The family next door has a lot of foster children that were taken from their parents for that reason, and they're some of the most demonic little bastards I've ever known. |
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Post by BlackoutCreature on Dec 13, 2011 13:42:03 GMT -5
Ok, I went through something similar and here's my advice - dump her. Don't try to get her help, don't try to get her family involved, don't try to reason with her, it won't work. Dump her and don't look back. If she cares about you she'll get the help she needs herself and come back to you when she's ready. If she doesn't do that, then just know things would've never worked out in the first place and everything would've just gotten worse for you if you stayed together. Oh, and you mentioned a son. I don't know if you mean yours or hers, but if its hers and she has custody, call child protection. Don't play with this. Drug addicts are deluded when it comes to their kids. Despite being on drugs and making incredibly stupid decisions otherwise, drug addicts still believe they're great parents because they haven't accidentally drowned their kids in a bath tub or something. They don't realize the serious, long-term damage they're doing to their kid. That child needs to be seperated from her. I agree with you on that 2nd part but damn...you know, I just can't imagine that getting taken from your mom b/c she's on drugs doesn't cause serious long term damage either. The family next door has a lot of foster children that were taken from their parents for that reason, and they're some of the most demonic little bastards I've ever known. I'm sure it does, and it's horrible that this is the situation that the mother created, but at the end of the day I think child services is the lesser of two evils. Hopefully the child will get placed in a stable environment and that losing the child will give the mother the incentive to clean up her act. If she does then hopefully there can be some healing from both sides in the long-term. |
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Post by Hit Girl on Dec 13, 2011 14:00:47 GMT -5
So ive just found out that my GF has been smoking coke while out with her mates at the weekend. Not something ive ever had to deal with before. Shes a very emotional lass and near on impossible to talk to without an almost violent backlash. I dunno how to approach it and make her stop. Shes not addicted from what I can tell and its only occasional but i need it to stop for the sake of son, incase things go further or things go wrong. Never thought she would be so stupid. Ideas guys? Anyone been through anything similar? Ask her to stop. If she won't, threaten to leave her. If she still won't stop, then leave her. |
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Urethra Franklin
King Koopa
When Toronto sports teams lose, Alison Brie is sad
Posts: 11,089
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Post by Urethra Franklin on Dec 13, 2011 14:09:08 GMT -5
Crack isn't the occasional joint. It's seriously addictive and degenerative. Approach her and be completely honest with her: It's you or the drugs. You might be able to get her now, but sooner than later, it's gonna be the drugs.
I'm sorry to hear about this and best of luck.
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Post by Bishblast on Dec 13, 2011 14:29:27 GMT -5
Crack or free base cocaine, or really any use of any coke is not something to play around with from time to time... I've had my experiences witht this specific thing... there was a period of two months or so when I was in high school where a bestfriend's girlfriend had a sister, and she was the wife to the biggest coke dealer in the area at the time, so my friend's girl would get weight to flip. We were just bored... your typical bored, pot smoking, pill popping suburban kids... decided to smoke it just to see. Needless to say, it got out of control until my friend's girlfriend was cut off, thank god... I would go on to do other stupid things over the next few years, but thank god I didn't end up as a worst case scenario. The potential is there. Not trying to be such a downer, and if this comment is inappropriate, please do delete this.
If you feel like you have the will to, do all that you can to try to get her to reconsider her habits... if it gets bad, sometimes an ultimatun is a necessity, however, ultimatums can cause addicts to just run off and go wild. Do what you feel you need to, and you have my most sincere thoughts.
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Post by EvenBaldobombHasAJob on Dec 13, 2011 14:58:26 GMT -5
Crack is pretty serious. that's, IMO grounds for the "drugs or me" ultimatum by default. nobody just casually smokes Crack the way one does with pot.
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"Hollywood" Cactus Matt
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
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Post by "Hollywood" Cactus Matt on Dec 13, 2011 15:18:23 GMT -5
I'm going to delve into something that I don't like to talk about, but I feel as though it's important in this situation, mainly because there are children involved.
The people that have told you to leave are 100% correct. She won't listen to reason, she won't accept help, and she won't stop for her kid. How do I know this? I was in a similar situation about six years ago, and it led to some very dark points in my life.
My girlfriend at the time was - unbeknownst to me at the time we got together - a crack-smoker. I wouldn't go so far as to say she was addicted, although to be quite honest if she was it wouldn't surprise me either. The thing is, I was (and still am) a pretty big pothead, but she hated weed with a passion. I never really understood why, but I went with it because I was lonely. Painfully, terribly lonely.
So one night after work I got a phone call. It was about 2:30-3:00 in the morning (I worked the late shift) so it was kind of unexpected, but knowing that "Kathy" was a night-owl, I wasn't overly surprised to see it was her. She asked me, very matter-of-factly, if I would "pick up some baking soda and Chor-Boy from the 7-11 on the way over?"
I asked why. She said, "It's 3:00 in the morning and I got a sudden urge to clean. What do you think?"
So, like a good little boyfriend, I did it.
We then proceeded to stay up until 9:00 or so in the morning, smoking together. And that was my first experience with crack.
We smoked together about a dozen times after that, before the relationship fell apart. (although, again, to be honest, I'm sure it was damaged beyond repair long before then.) She stopped hanging out with her crackhead friends, moved her and her kids into a halfway house, and waited for her "real boyfriend" (her words, not mine) to get out of jail. (I never knew about the guy until she was almost done moving into the halfway house.)
About three months after dude got out of jail, I saw "Kathy" at a gas station. We chatted, she seemed happy, and told me she was pregnant. I congratulated her, but then immediately asked her about her "old habits." She was clean, but the boyfriend was still a drunk and was probably going back to jail soon. (that's where he is now, as far as I know.)
We haven't really talked in-depth about her/our drug problem, although after extensive counseling and therapy I was able to get to the root of my own problem. I have no idea what finally snapped her out of it, but I do know that (according to her Facebook) she's clean, sober, church-going, and married to what seems to be a really good guy.
I guess the moral of my story is that she's gonna need to snap out of it on her own, and there is very little that you can do about it. If that's your kid, get him the hell out of there until she is 100% clean and you are totally certain of that. If it's not, call CPS and inform them.
It's true what they say about addicts needing to hit "rock bottom" before they get help. I just hope, for your sake, that she realizes the direction her life is moving in and gets help before she really needs it.
Good luck to you, sir.
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Post by FUNK_US/BRODUS on Dec 13, 2011 15:25:10 GMT -5
Yeah, Id f*** her off completely.
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Post by "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay on Dec 13, 2011 16:22:34 GMT -5
As ridiculous as it may sound, there are people out there without addictive personalities who can actually manage shit like this without any major consequences.
Be that as it may, no such people should be parents, so if we've read this right and she has a son, I think that the 'threaten to leave, if she doesn't give it up then leave' attitude is the right one to take.
And also calling child services. As people have said, being taken away from a mother who smokes crack is shitty, but WAY better than being WITH a mother who smokes crack.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2011 17:00:51 GMT -5
It's not even worth the hassle to deal with this. Just go your own way.
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Post by "I'm Batman..." on Dec 13, 2011 20:36:05 GMT -5
crack is not something you "just do on the weekends".
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Libertine
Unicron
Cerebral Caustic
Posts: 3,082 
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Post by Libertine on Dec 13, 2011 20:43:24 GMT -5
Ditch her, take the kid and let her choose from there. Don't bother coming back in six months and doing a similar thread where the situation has fallen down the rabbit hole completely, because you've been given the best advice numerous times already and you'd be a fool to ignore it.
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Post by Piccolo on Dec 13, 2011 20:56:11 GMT -5
Yeah, I agree with everyone here. Step 1: explain to her why you want her to stop, and see if she does. If she doesn't, step 2: if the kid is yours, do what you have to do to get sole custody. If the kid not yours, call child protective services. Step 3: Wash your hands of it. This is a very personal problem and it's going to have to have a very personal solution... one that no one else can bring about externally.
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Post by bertheart90 on Dec 13, 2011 21:03:45 GMT -5
SEND FOR THE MAN !
but all seriousness if theres a kid involved its best off sorting it now before it spirels out of controle best of luck hope everyting works out for u m8
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