Post by phentari on Feb 9, 2006 16:40:16 GMT -5
Just in case a freak lab accident tomorrow transforms me into a physical juggernaut, and I land a career with WWE and chance to find myself in a feud with the Undertaker, I will observe the following rules:
1. I will not panic and cringe in superstitious terror when the Undertaker's voice comes out of thin air. Instead, I will remember that the chubby eight year old in the Cena shirt in row 3 could do the same thing, given access to the arena's PA system.
2. I will carry a flashlight with me at all times. That way, when the lights mysteriously go out, I will be prepared.
3. I will not attempt to kill the Undertaker. It never works. Instead, I will attempt to PIN the Undertaker, which occasionally works.
4. I will not light the Undertaker on fire. It never helps.
5. If I knock the Undertaker flat on his back, seemingly out cold, I will not pause to gloat, and thereby give him a chance to sit up abruptly. Instead, I will grab a chair and beat him soundly about the head and shoulders while he's still flat on his back.
6. Immediately upon arriving in a new town, I will contact the Local 400 Druids' Union and spread some cash around to ensure that the Druids are on my side. While I acknowledge that the Undertaker can't be killed by fire, being bludgeoned with torches by a half-dozen guys is still probably going to smart.
7. If I'm foolish enough to stagger up the runway and stand right where the Undertaker's "fire and lightning" pyrotechnics invariably go off, I will not be surprised when they do, in fact, go off. I will simply acknowledge that I deserved it for being stupid enough to stand there.
8. If the Undertaker is making his way to the ring, and I don't wish to confront him for whatever reason, I will not cower in fear in the corner of the ring. Instead, I will remember that it's possible to go under the ring ropes, and given the length of the Undertaker's intro, I have a good five minutes to make myself scarce.
1. I will not panic and cringe in superstitious terror when the Undertaker's voice comes out of thin air. Instead, I will remember that the chubby eight year old in the Cena shirt in row 3 could do the same thing, given access to the arena's PA system.
2. I will carry a flashlight with me at all times. That way, when the lights mysteriously go out, I will be prepared.
3. I will not attempt to kill the Undertaker. It never works. Instead, I will attempt to PIN the Undertaker, which occasionally works.
4. I will not light the Undertaker on fire. It never helps.
5. If I knock the Undertaker flat on his back, seemingly out cold, I will not pause to gloat, and thereby give him a chance to sit up abruptly. Instead, I will grab a chair and beat him soundly about the head and shoulders while he's still flat on his back.
6. Immediately upon arriving in a new town, I will contact the Local 400 Druids' Union and spread some cash around to ensure that the Druids are on my side. While I acknowledge that the Undertaker can't be killed by fire, being bludgeoned with torches by a half-dozen guys is still probably going to smart.
7. If I'm foolish enough to stagger up the runway and stand right where the Undertaker's "fire and lightning" pyrotechnics invariably go off, I will not be surprised when they do, in fact, go off. I will simply acknowledge that I deserved it for being stupid enough to stand there.
8. If the Undertaker is making his way to the ring, and I don't wish to confront him for whatever reason, I will not cower in fear in the corner of the ring. Instead, I will remember that it's possible to go under the ring ropes, and given the length of the Undertaker's intro, I have a good five minutes to make myself scarce.
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