Biff
: And yet nobody wants my clocks. Man, f*** those guys.
Sticky
: I'm sure out west they'll appreciate your work.
CJ should be out that way also.Sally
: So are we leaving soon? I can't wait to head out and just have some fun.
Raymond
: Like hell am I dying in this backwards hole. I'm getting out of Nauvoo and Illinois, even if it kills me.
Ima Gerl: How expected that a scrawny little bastard would be trying to screw me on price.
Jake Finn: Everyone in this town takes turns at screwing everything. Like my wife.
Now I do declare that you will have plenty of shopping to do and disposable income. I do believe that we can help each other.
Biff: Are you in the market for Grandfather Clocks? Because I have them and if you aren't buying then I will be very cross.
Sally: How cross?
Biff: I will write a very angry letter about how cross I am. I'll also throw a burning clock through their window.
Sticky: That seems rather familiar. Are you sure you aren't CJ?
Biff: Son, I have no idea what the f*** a CJ is and I don't care. Always talking about the times you killed some aliens, what the hell is an alien.
Ima Gerl: You bought over 500 pounds of bacon.
Biff: Yes.
Ima Gerl: The hell is wrong with you? You've purchased more bacon then any other kind of food put together when it'll probably rot sooner rather than later.
Biff: I am drunk sir and I will not put up with such dissent. Shut up.
Jake: That's a lot of whiskey.
Biff: Are you going to complain also?
Jake: No, I think I made the right choice leaving this place.
Raymond: Damn kids, can't we leave already?
Biff: All in favor of the old geezers suggestion?
Everyone: Aye
Sally: You really shouldn't call him a geezer, it's not polite at all.
Biff: Ah, how long will he have to put up with this?
Sticky: So this one time, me and CJ were playing with explosives and he made one do a loop-de-loop around an alien.
Ima Gerl: Sticky, go to the back of wagon and do not bother me. Bad enough that there's all this oxen and all we have to eat is Bacon.
Ima Gerl: Oh good, and now we have a river to worry about.
Jake: So what now? We can't turn back and the river is too deep to drive the wagon through. Plus I doubt Raymond can swim.
Sally: There's a ferry. for free.
Raymond: We could turn the wagon into a boat and sail across like the Pilgrims.
Sally: Or we could not drown and take the ferry, which is a boat and is for free.
Biff: LAME!
Ima Gerl: And now we're stuck with the unwashed masses for a day. Perfect.
Sally:
And so we continue on our way when suddenly!
Raymond: THE BRITISH ARE INVADING! HIDE THE ELDERLY!
Jake Finn: You were born after the Revolutionary war.
Raymond: I don't trust you, you British spy.
Sally: So should we slow down or press on? This storm doesn't seem safe to go about in.
Biff: We are going east as quickly as possible! We're getting out of Illinois, not sticking around.
Sally: That's really not a good-
Sally: idea.
Ima: Well that's just perfect, how do you propose to fix this? And if you say grandfather clocks or bacon I will beat you round the head with the broken yoke.
Jake Finn: This is the Des Moines river. What shall we do here?
Biff: Let's drive through.
Sticky: Badass.
Ima: No, that's just insane. The water is 13 feet deep at it's deepest.
Biff: We're fording the river.
Ima: Well, I'm taking the ferry and not going to drown. I expect that you fools will not know better than to do so also.
Biff:......
Ima:.......
Sally: You're drunk again, aren't you?
Biff: WE ARE GOING INTO THE RIVER!
WHEN SUDDENLY!
Biff: NOOOOOOOO! NOT THE BACON! OR MY PANTS AND BULLETS!
Sally: You've forgotten something else.
Biff: What might that be?
Biff: Ah.
Sally: We have to bury him. It's the right thing to do.
Sticky: Or we can float him down the river for one last thrill.
Ima:.........
Sticky: What?
Sally: That is the worst thing that I've ever heard anyone say.
Sticky: Well this one time, my buddy CJ shot a bear with a laser.
Ima: What does that have anything to do with anything?
Biff: No, he does have a point. Fighting a bear would be amazing.
Biff: Well, we're out of Illinois. Shame Raymond still has to be there until he rots.
Sally: BIFF!
Biff: What?
Sally: too soon.
Well, we've reached our checkpoint more or less alive. But should we ford/caulk/take a ferry over all of the rivers that we find like cowards?