Depression Back With A Vengeance

[theryno665]

Alright, so I've had my fair share of depression but it seemed like I had gotten a hold of it over the past year or so once I started getting the stand-up comedy thing rolling. But last night the depression slammed back into me hard. I'll elaborate later because I'm tired, I'm kinda sick of talking about it and I just want to sleep. But here's the situation in convenient outline format:

-Liked a girl, asked her out, got rejected and ignored. Don't know why, still don't almost 2 years later. This is normal procedure for me but this hit me hard because I thought this girl was different.

-Spend the next 2 years or so trying to forget about her. I block her on Facebook so I don't have to see her. The whole nine yards. I focus on doing comedy. Things are going well.

-Last night, she shows up to one of the biggest local comedy shows of the summer. I wasn't performing but the second I saw her walk in, I bolted. I didn't know what else to do.

-I already knew she was friends with another female comic, which is how I met said female comic in the first place before I actually started doing comedy. Today I find out she works with a couple of the other comics and is mutual friends with a few others.

-I freak out. I tell a few people (and have yet to tell others) that I can't be in a room with her. I will have to leave just like I did at the show last night. I don't want to get depressed. I don't want her to see me like that. And I don't want to bring anyone down with me.

I feel like shit, to be honest. I didn't sleep much last night, worked 8+ hours today and have not eaten much at all, so most of my energy has been spent trying not to cry all day. This is the worst I've felt since before I started doing comedy, when I had no purpose and I was damn near suicidal. Now I feel like I'm back where I started. And worse of all, if she's going to show up at these comedy shows, I can't be there. Now I feel like the thing that has made me happy and given me purpose in life can't even help me anymore.

Seriously, I feel like going all Spoony and just ranting and raving about the whole thing. But I don't have the energy. And I don't want to drive people away, I've done enough of that already. So I posted this on Facebook not too long ago:

I know I've said something like this before but I'm posting it for real and I expect people to hold me to it: I'm giving up on women and dating altogether. That's it. It's not worth it anymore. I'm sick of going through the inevitable cycle of being attracted to someone, getting my hopes up, asking them out, getting rejected, them avoiding me like poison and me wondering what the hell I did to deserve it. I'm not getting any answers from it. I'm not growing from it. I'm not changing, which is what I need to do because I know I'm not any woman's type. If I'm going to stay true to myself, I need to get used to being alone. That's just how it is. Yeah, I'm depressed but this makes sense to me. This cycle keeps repeating over and over and it's not worth the pain. So I'm done.

I'll keep you guys updated. I'm trying my best. It just seems like when I thought I was depressed before, in retrospect I was just being lazy. This is full bore depression here, people.

[Dat Dude]

A lot of us have been there man. Hell with the string of bad luck I've had this past month, family members have worried about me as well. But what gets me through the really low times, is that I'm too damn stubborn to quit fighting for happiness. You can feel that life is never fair, "the game" is rigged, that hard work never pays off, and you wonder how for other people things always fall in place so easily for them, while you have to constantly fight for things "they" take for granted every day. It's a very seductive mindset to fall prey to.

But you still have to fight and struggle for happiness. And you can't feel like a failure if things don't work out. You never fail if you try, because not trying at all is true failure.

Don't sell yourself short either. You're a comedian for god's sake, which means you have to be funny in order to get gigs. And chicks love a guy that makes them laugh. Sure a female comedian may not be impressed, but an everyday gal sure would. And hey, as I said before: use your misery for your art. It could possibly be therapeutic and your might stumble upon some comedic gems.

[theryno665]

Now I'm getting yelled at by my mom via Facebook chat about how I "only go after the hot girls", which I can't even remember the last time I've done that. I've accepted that the super attractive girls won't give me the time of day. But apparently, none of the rest of them want to either.

She also thinks I should see a therapist but that's kinda hard when your last therapist basically gave up on you because they didn't know what else to do. Comedy has been my therapy all this time. Now I'm afraid I might lose it. Or even in the short term, there's no way I can do comedy like this. Then it would just be sad, and my material is sad enough as it is.

[theryno665]

Jun 28, 2012 20:53:08 GMT -5 Dat Dude said:

Don't sell yourself short either. Your a comedian for god's sake, which means you have to be funny in order to get gigs. And chicks love a guy that makes them laugh. Sure a female comedian may not be impressed, but an everyday gal sure would. And hey, as I said before: use your misery for your art. It could possibly be therapeutic and your might stumble upon some comedic gems.

I wish that were true. I'm sure women appreciate someone that's funny but when that's about all you really have to offer, it just isn't enough. I've been doing this for almost 2 years and not once have I gotten a girl interested in me because she saw me do a set.

[Dat Dude]

Jun 28, 2012 20:55:57 GMT -5 theryno665 said:

Jun 28, 2012 20:53:08 GMT -5 Dat Dude said:

Don't sell yourself short either. Your a comedian for god's sake, which means you have to be funny in order to get gigs. And chicks love a guy that makes them laugh. Sure a female comedian may not be impressed, but an everyday gal sure would. And hey, as I said before: use your misery for your art. It could possibly be therapeutic and your might stumble upon some comedic gems.

I wish that were true. I'm sure women appreciate someone that's funny but when that's about all you really have to offer, it just isn't enough. I've been doing this for almost 2 years and not once have I gotten a girl interested in me because she saw me do a set.

I'm not talking about picking up a girl after a set, I'm talking bumming into a girl somewhere, striking up a conversation, and letting your comedic side shine through. Hell even the low brow jokes could work, at the very least you're showing that you are so confident and secure in yourself that you'd think you could get away with it. And confidence is key. The wants and needs of women are impossible to measure due to everyone of them being different, but showing confidence is ALWAYS an attractive quality women find in men.

["I'm Batman..."]

I think it would kind of be a "f*** You" to her if she saw you perform. Why leave a place just because of some girl? Go and do your thing, don't let someone else make your decisions.

[theryno665]

Jun 28, 2012 23:44:05 GMT -5 "I'm Batman..." said:

I think it would kind of be a "f*** You" to her if she saw you perform. Why leave a place just because of some girl? Go and do your thing, don't let someone else make your decisions.

I wasn't going to perform that night anyway. Too many people were already booked. If I was going to, I probably will would have. But since I didn't I basically panicked and ran.

[riseofsetian1981]

No offense but you shouldn't have left the place. So what if she was there? You running away just gives her power that she doesn't deserve over you. My advice? Just flat out stop caring about whether you have a girlfriend or not, and just stop looking, you'd be surprised how many of them try to talk to you then.

On top of that you'd be surprised on how many talk to you AND those same one who rejected you, ignored you, and etc will try to talk to you again when they see you've found someone else.

[theryno665]

Jun 29, 2012 7:29:09 GMT -5 riseofsetian1981 said:

No offense but you shouldn't have left the place. So what if she was there? You running away just gives her power that she doesn't deserve over you. My advice? Just flat out stop caring about whether you have a girlfriend or not, and just stop looking, you'd be surprised how many of them try to talk to you then.

On top of that you'd be surprised on how many talk to you AND those same one who rejected you, ignored you, and etc will try to talk to you again when they see you've found someone else.

That's what I'm trying to do now. I'm trying to just give up because the cycle of getting my hopes up, getting rejected, getting avoided and getting depressed isn't really worth it anymore.

[riseofsetian1981]

Jun 29, 2012 8:32:46 GMT -5 theryno665 said:

Jun 29, 2012 7:29:09 GMT -5 riseofsetian1981 said:

No offense but you shouldn't have left the place. So what if she was there? You running away just gives her power that she doesn't deserve over you. My advice? Just flat out stop caring about whether you have a girlfriend or not, and just stop looking, you'd be surprised how many of them try to talk to you then.

On top of that you'd be surprised on how many talk to you AND those same one who rejected you, ignored you, and etc will try to talk to you again when they see you've found someone else.

That's what I'm trying to do now. I'm trying to just give up because the cycle of getting my hopes up, getting rejected, getting avoided and getting depressed isn't really worth it anymore.

What I mean is don't look for it. Don't look at it as in getting your hopes up, rejection, and being avoided. Just look at it as if you're going to live your life. For example, if you find that special someone soon then great, if you don't at the moment then it's no big deal either. Simply live your life and continue being who you are.

One thing that has helped me greatly is I will proudly admit that I am a jerk. I am a complete ass. I have that balance between nice guy and an ass, and a lot of what I say is either sarcastic to said girl or person in general, or flat out insulting. You'd be surprised how being somewhat of a jerk helps. But I just stopped caring and continued doing what I wanted to do, you know? I am no longer depressed, lonely, or feeling sorry for myself.

Trust me, it works.

[Corporate H]

Considering you are posting this online you are open to full criticism. That being said, you are being a total ****y about this whole situation. A girl rejected you, she obviously isn't the one for you, if you keep getting rejected maybe it's time to change your gameplan. You were either too desperate, or she wasn't physically or emotionally attracted to you. Either that, or she just plain wasn't into you. You don't have to make a huge todo about seeing her in the your actual life and you don't need to give up on dating and presumably ever having sex again with another person. That's madness. There's plenty of people out there willing to **** you, you just haven't met them yet or applied yourself correctly.

[Deleted]

Jun 29, 2012 8:42:35 GMT -5 riseofsetian1981 said:

Jun 29, 2012 8:32:46 GMT -5 theryno665 said:

That's what I'm trying to do now. I'm trying to just give up because the cycle of getting my hopes up, getting rejected, getting avoided and getting depressed isn't really worth it anymore.

What I mean is don't look for it. Don't look at it as in getting your hopes up, rejection, and being avoided. Just look at it as if you're going to live your life. For example, if you find that special someone soon then great, if you don't at the moment then it's no big deal either. Simply live your life and continue being who you are.

One thing that has helped me greatly is I will proudly admit that I am a jerk. I am a complete ass. I have that balance between nice guy and an ass, and a lot of what I say is either sarcastic to said girl or person in general, or flat out insulting. You'd be surprised how being somewhat of a jerk helps. But I just stopped caring and continued doing what I wanted to do, you know? I am no longer depressed, lonely, or feeling sorry for myself.

Trust me, it works.

omg, I'm like this as well. Currently, that is.

[Captain2]

Jun 29, 2012 12:31:44 GMT -5 Corporate H said:

Considering you are posting this online you are open to full criticism. That being said, you are being a total ****y about this whole situation. A girl rejected you, she obviously isn't the one for you, if you keep getting rejected maybe it's time to change your gameplan. You were either too desperate, or she wasn't physically or emotionally attracted to you. Either that, or she just plain wasn't into you. You don't have to make a huge todo about seeing her in the your actual life and you don't need to give up on dating and presumably ever having sex again with another person. That's madness. There's plenty of people out there willing to **** you, you just haven't met them yet or applied yourself correctly.

While I think this is a bit blunt and harsh the basic idea is valid. I've been shot down and then ignored more times than I can care to count but what I ended up doing was re-evaluating myself and deciding I was pandering to women too much. I'm now living with my girlfriend who is an absolute sweetheart.

A girl refusing to date you and then ignoring you isn't reason to retreat when you see her. I've been there, I found myself sitting next to a girl who had rejected me a couple weeks before and I made small talk and ended up walking away not missing any limbs.

The only thing you can do is not let it get to you. She seems to be living rent free right in your head mate. Evict her.

[theryno665]

I seem to be feeling better overall. But I'm still mostly pissed at myself for being incapable of attracting women, no matter what I do (or don't do). This girl wouldn't be on my mind so much if I had other options.