Does anyone get messages from girls first on OKcupid?

[psychokiller]

It seems when a girl messages me on there, it's never anyone I find attractive. It kind of sucks, because I wish there would be a girl I'm attracted to who would message me, instead of ones I'm not.

[Lila]

You should try messaging a girl you're attractive to instead of waiting on one to message you.

[psychokiller]

Apr 14, 2013 1:37:51 GMT -5 Lila said:

You should try messaging a girl you're attractive to instead of waiting on one to message you.

true, but it's so much better when they do it to you because you right away know they have some interest. lets face it, women have it way easier than guys with online dating. they just have to look good, & their probably getting a 100-200 visitors a day.

[Futureraven: Beelzebruv]

True, but you might as well try. Worst case scenario, they ignore you, so you're in the same situation as now. if they answer, you're in a better situation. At least you'll have tried.

[Classy Lady]

Women have it a bit easier, but it's still not "easy" per say. We get a lot of messages, but most of them are just "hi" or "dtf?" or sadly, really nice messages from guys I am not attracted to at all.

And then for all those 100 to 200 visitors I get a day, I'll message someone first, and be the one to not get a reply, haha.

Editted because I tried to quote that and it came up a HOT MESS. y u no work new proboards

[mizerable]

Perhaps those attractive girls don't find you attractive.

Perhaps those attractive girls are waiting for even more attractive guys than they to message them. And so on and so forth.

["Gentleman" AJ Powell]

You've gotta take the plunge, be willing to make the first move and maybe be a bit flexible on your standards to start with.


And don't take any advice from the last person who made an OK Cupid related thread on here!

[Piccolo]

Apr 14, 2013 2:49:10 GMT -5 psychokiller said:

lets face it, women have it way easier than guys with online dating. they just have to look good, & their probably getting a 100-200 visitors a day.

So correct me if I'm reading you wrong, but it looks like the assumptions here are that a) it's easy to look good (you already belied that in your first post with the comment about how no one you find attractive is messaging you... clearly it's not easy for everyone), and b) the guys who are messaging these women are, unlike the women messaging you, uniformly attractive to the women they're messaging.

Everyone, men and women alike, has the same "problems" as you, to be honest... they have to sift through the ones they don't find attractive to get to the ones they do. Sometimes that does involve putting yourself out there and messaging first. After all, these women aren't psychic... they can't know whether you find them attractive or not before they message you. So if that's your main problem, you need to start messaging the ones you do find attractive.

[Deleted]

I go for personality over looks. Everyone ends up old and gross. I just want a special girl to pull my finger

[Non Banjoble Tokens]

Why can't women just want to do sex with me despite the fact that I'm a hideous, quivering mound of failure?! WHY ARE YOU ALL SO SHALLOW?!!

[agent817]

I have had some girls message me first on there and on POF. However, most of them don't even write back once I respond.

[Deleted]

I've had a handful of women message me first, but mostly I have to use my copious amounts of charm in a message to them.

Online dating is a weird thing though, I've had outright gorgeous girls message me back and go on multiple dates with me but then I've had decidedly average girls not give me the time of day. It's a crapshoot, and it should be more of a supplementation to ones current dating strategies and not the full attempt.

[Phosphor Glow]

Sure, it feels better when they message you first, but why not give it a shot and send some out anyway?

Oh, and to answer your question, my girlfriend messaged me first. So OKCupid actually does work, if you're patient.

["I'm Batman..."]

Online dating is weird, I don't like it. I went on one date.

[twiggy101]

I received a quite a few first messages on POF. Many of them were not my physical match, to put it lightly, but I received messages from girls who were attractive. I've been called a cutie and was told that I have a nice smile so it's good to know that I'm not that hideous.

[agent817]

The one thing that is worse than not getting a response are the vague 1-3 word responses. I tried messaging this girl last week and had these clear and thorough messages and she gave me these responses with very few words and no other detail. I have heard that girls do that because they are not interested but still. I figured that I was wasting my time.

I remember one girl doing that and I tried messaging her first because POF said that it was a mutual attraction because of the "Meet Me" feature. I later realized that it doesn't mean a damn thing because a lot of the time I push "Maybe" but POF sometimes treats that button as "Yes" and I am guessing that girl pushed "Maybe" as well. After that, I decided that the "Meet Me" feature in meaningless.

[khali]

I actively message girls, and occasionally I get girls who message me first as well. What is kind of funny to me is that when they do, it's usually just a message saying "hey" which apparently a lot of girls get from guys too. Usually those messages actually turn out to lead to good conversations though (except for one girl who turned out to be really creepy . . .) A few other times the girls messaged me because we had a lot in common. But yeah. It does happen.

I've had less luck with girls I've messaged first, but if we have stuff in common there's a decent chance they'll reply back to me.

[Bone Daddy]

You probably just need to fine tune your profile a bit. There are plenty of guides out there on how to make your profile more attractive

[Milkman Norm]

For the OP: Are you just looking for dates/hook ups/ more than friendship. Even if you're not interested in these women physically maybe they're cool people you could be friends with and maybe the have friends that they could help introduce yourself to. Never turn down a marketing opportunity.

Re Classy Lady: I agree with the OP and you regarding the volume of messages that women get over men in the online dating world. I think the problem is that neither gender really recognizes the difficulty in it. For women you like you said you get initiated with messages all the time. For us we barley get through or get very few replies to the ones that women get. And it can get very frustrating.

[psychokiller]

Apr 14, 2013 11:04:58 GMT -5 Milkman Norm said:

For the OP: Are you just looking for dates/hook ups/ more than friendship. Even if you're not interested in these women physically maybe they're cool people you could be friends with and maybe the have friends that they could help introduce yourself to. Never turn down a marketing opportunity.

Re Classy Lady: I agree with the OP and you regarding the volume of messages that women get over men in the online dating world. I think the problem is that neither gender really recognizes the difficulty in it. For women you like you said you get initiated with messages all the time. For us we barley get through or get very few replies to the ones that women get. And it can get very frustrating.

Well, mainly I would like to go out with someone if the opportunity arises. But I'm not looking for anyone to marry or have kids with anytime soon.