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Post by Alexander The So-so on Jul 29, 2015 22:36:53 GMT -5
Ha, I still need to come out to my extended family. I'm out to my parents, and they're supportive. The extended family will run the gamut between supportive and intolerant, though. No skin off my teeth if any of them refuse to see me.
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Post by Alyce: Old Media Enthusiast on Jul 30, 2015 12:18:11 GMT -5
Ha, I still need to come out to my extended family. I'm out to my parents, and they're supportive. The extended family will run the gamut between supportive and intolerant, though. No skin off my teeth if any of them refuse to see me. My family really doesn't know I'm gay to be honest. Barely any of them knew when I started to come to terms with a lot of this.
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Post by bigjohnsons on Jul 30, 2015 21:21:20 GMT -5
Everyone in my family thinks I'm gay but I'm not
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Post by CATCH_US IS the Conversation on Jul 31, 2015 3:48:56 GMT -5
Everyone in my family thinks I'm gay but I'm not On the bright side, if down the line it turns out you are you won't have to come out to them.
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Post by Alexander The So-so on Jul 31, 2015 5:26:04 GMT -5
Ha, I still need to come out to my extended family. I'm out to my parents, and they're supportive. The extended family will run the gamut between supportive and intolerant, though. No skin off my teeth if any of them refuse to see me. My family really doesn't know I'm gay to be honest. Barely any of them knew when I started to come to terms with a lot of this. Do you think they'd react negatively?
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Post by Alyce: Old Media Enthusiast on Jul 31, 2015 6:44:26 GMT -5
My family really doesn't know I'm gay to be honest. Barely any of them knew when I started to come to terms with a lot of this. Do you think they'd react negatively? Net entirely sure actually. Still a little concerned either way.
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Post by Alyce: Old Media Enthusiast on Aug 2, 2015 13:28:52 GMT -5
As someone who is bi just figured I would check in. Girl I am dating (that I have a kid with) is cool about it. She said she doesn't care as long as I'm faithful to her. Some of my family knows and some don't. Living in the south there are still a good bit of people who don't exactly look too fondly on anyone who isn't straight. Is what it is I suppose. I have an aunt that is super supportive and has basically allowed me to get things off of my chest. Awesome to see that you do have that support group, and you've pretty much come to terms with everything
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LuchaBella
Team Rocket
No pants = heathen
Be careful with me.., it's not a threat, it's a warnin'
Posts: 973
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Post by LuchaBella on Aug 2, 2015 14:15:25 GMT -5
I figured I'll post here though I'm no bear. I never really called myself bisexual as I always just considered myself sexually fluid. Im attracted to men and women equally. It was never something that I even thought to question, but as I was growing up, I kept those feelings to myself, because being from a Mexican/Italian Catholic family, I was always told that people like "that" get diseases and burn in hell. My parents would take me to church, and being around people with those type of view's, I started to question my existence, and thought that maybe there was something wrong with me. Thankfully I left that religion at 14 and left that crappy way of thinking behind. I would hook up with girls but on the down low, because while I no longer thought anything was wrong with me, I thought my family would disown me, and I was terrified of that. Today, only my boyfriend and 2 other people in my life know, even though people have suspicions. It baffles me how most haven't figured it out yet, or maybe they have, and don't say anything. I don't really care anymore. Im a grown woman with a very accepting child of my own, and I love who I love. Its cool to see a thread like this with support like this. Much love to you all.
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Post by Alyce: Old Media Enthusiast on Aug 2, 2015 14:19:04 GMT -5
It's good that you're in a much happier place.
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Post by Alexander The So-so on Aug 7, 2015 12:32:51 GMT -5
Update: I may have to reevaluate my previous stance on online dating. Last week, I dusted off my old OKCupid account, changed my orientation, and decided to see what happens. Lo and behold, next Saturday evening, I'm meeting a cute guy who I've had a good back-and-forth conversation with over the past week.
I'm really inexperienced with this sort of thing, and have been trying to do my homework on what to do/not do. Any tips? Advice?
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Post by Alyce: Old Media Enthusiast on Aug 7, 2015 12:34:17 GMT -5
I don't know how to help on that. I've never tried online dating. Then again, I've managed some decently stable relationships online, so I dunno
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Post by Alexander The So-so on Aug 11, 2015 7:20:57 GMT -5
Make that two dates now. One this Saturday, one (possibly) next Friday. 'Cause I'm a charmer.
Seriously, I'm looking forward to them, but the simple fact is that I haven't dated guys until now. I'm basically making it up as I go along.
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Post by Hit Girl on Aug 11, 2015 8:13:00 GMT -5
Everyone in my family thinks I'm gay but I'm not They've shoved you into the closet.
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Post by Alyce: Old Media Enthusiast on Aug 11, 2015 10:29:45 GMT -5
I think I finally get my interests. Sexually attracted in men, and only want intercourse with them, but I do have some physical attraction to women, but I have no desire whatsoever for any intercourse. I think that evens it out.
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Post by Alyce: Old Media Enthusiast on Aug 12, 2015 11:14:44 GMT -5
Make that two dates now. One this Saturday, one (possibly) next Friday. 'Cause I'm a charmer. Seriously, I'm looking forward to them, but the simple fact is that I haven't dated guys until now. I'm basically making it up as I go along. Hope they go well
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Post by Alexander The So-so on Aug 30, 2015 7:21:50 GMT -5
So...I really have to reevaluate my previous OKCupid-related judgments now. Yesterday was my third date with one of the guys I met online. We kissed and cuddled. I'm pretty much on my way to having my first boyfriend in...ever. I feel great. But my family's kinda freaking out. I'm basically going too fast for them. In my view, I've just done what any two people who decide to build a relationship would've done: gotten to know each other, spent time, and escalate things after several dates where you make a personal connection. But my parents keep asking if I "need more time" to explore my new sexuality, or if I should date other people "just to be sure." It's obvious that the underestimate how comfortable I am with myself, and that they themselves were pretty much hoping against hope that I'd "experiment" and then decide I was straight, so I could get back to my duty of finding a woman to make grandbabies with. I hate feeling that something really good that I have with someone is being treated as something my (self-described liberal and tolerant) parents are disappointed in.
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Legion
Fry's dog Seymour
Amy Pond's #1 fan
Hail Hydra!
Posts: 22,730
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Post by Legion on Aug 30, 2015 10:22:19 GMT -5
With all due respect to your parents, but really, screw them.
Your life, you're happy, you aren't doing anything wrong and frankly, to get to three dates and not have had sex and never spoken again, is, in the gay world, half a blood miracle!
Your parents are likely worried about you and have their own hang ups, but in the end, you are feeling happy and that is what matters. They can appreciate that, or they can bugger off.
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Post by Alyce: Old Media Enthusiast on Aug 30, 2015 11:31:27 GMT -5
Keep doing what you're doing, even if your parents don't approve. It's their fault if they aren't supportive.
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Post by Alexander The So-so on Sept 13, 2015 15:29:46 GMT -5
So. I've hit a snag in my relationship. Could use some advice.
Me and the guy I've been with, who I was starting to consider to be my boyfriend, have been seeing each other for about a month now. So far, things have been good.
But on Friday night, we were at his place, becoming more intimate (I don't have to draw you a picture; you know what I was going for)...when he stops, and says that he needs time to think about our relationship, because I'm bisexual, and he's never dated a bi guy before.
He asked me why, if I'm bisexual, I don't "choose" to be straight, since it makes life easier and I could meet a girl, get married, and have kids, which is what my parents would probably want. He then asked what it is that bisexuals want when they date guys.
I tried to explain that it's not a matter of "choice;" I consider myself attracted to individuals, not genders, and that just because something is "easier" or more likely to be approved by my family, doesn't necessarily mean it's what I want for my life in order to be happy. I then countered by asking what gay and straight people want when they date. When he said, "to find true love, I guess," I tried to say that bis were no different.
I controlled myself and was tolerant and understanding when I left last night, and he seemed to want to still keep seeing me sometime soon. He also texted me yesterday to check in on me, which is usual for us. But now that I've had time to think about it...I'm hurt and angry.
I thought I wouldn't have to run into biphobia with him. He knew from the beginning what I was, and yet it's coming up now, and it never gets easier to deal with. I hate it when people think I'm some promiscuous whore who's going to drop my SO for someone of the other sex at the drop of the hat. Look at the Ashley Madison scandal and tell me how great straight people are at keeping it in their pants. Hell, sometimes I wish I WERE capable of being promiscuous; at least then, I might not feel so alone.
And the topic of parental approval is just something that bothers me even more. He himself is not out to his parents yet; they don't know he's gay. He should know what it's like to be afraid of disappointing one's parents. One of my biggest struggles in coming out was having to tell my own folks, and them being disappointed that they were losing the chance that I'd dutifully sire their grandbabies for them. That's one of the reasons why I'm attracted to him: I felt that we had an important thing in common that we could both relate to. And now he makes it sound like I could simply choose to be straight at the turn of a switch, and everything in my life will be easy-peasy.
I want time to cool down. And then, after I do, I'm thinking of having a long, honest talk with him where I explain about what it's like to be bi, arguments against biphobic myths, and be honest about the fact that, yes, what he said was kind of hurtful to me. I want to empathize with the fact that he's never dated a bi guy before, and that biphobia is a common knee-jerk reaction among both gay and straight people. But I just hate having to explain myself all the time just because of who I am. And I'm worried if this lack of trust will be a recurring thing, and if so, if I should just end things right now.
*sigh* Welcome to the rest of my life as a bisexual, I guess.
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Post by Alyce: Old Media Enthusiast on Sept 13, 2015 15:32:33 GMT -5
Sorry to hear all that, man
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