Stories of awful school assemblies

[crash1984]

I was browsing Youtube and came across a video of a school assembly that was awful. So that leads me to question what have been some of the worst assemblies you have ever had to sit through while in school.

When I was in middle school every fall the big fund-raiser was selling Christmas items especially wrapping paper. Now this stuff they had everyone sell was your typical fund-raiser stuff, over-priced and not really worth it. The cheapest item in the catalog was a $4 box of peanut brittle that you could get at the local Family Dollar for about $1. When this fund-raiser would start there would always be an assembly where the guy said "People expect students from this school to sell wrapping paper, and you all are going to sell wrapping paper" One of the rewards for selling twelve items was that there would be a party and the first thing he would say about the party was that "and the music is going to be loud" usually when he said those lines there would be snickering by students. One of my friends went to another middle school and one time was making fun of said guy.

The worst assembly though I have ever had to sit through was during my junior year of high school. They decided to bring a motivational speaker in. Usually a motivational speaker you expect to have a lot of zeal this guy had none to the point that just about every student fell asleep. Later on my algebra teacher was even talking about how terrible it was and hinted that she had trouble staying awake.

There is another assembly from high school about HIV/AIDS. I am not going into details but there was one part where he talked about chickens.

[Crappler El 0 M]

In my high school, we had a guest speaker who had HIV or Aids via blood transfusion in the early 1980s.

At one point, the speaker called for any questions. Some wiseguy asked him if he still masturbates and if so, does he take special precautions to ensure that his specimen is safely and properly disposed of. He asked the question almost in a clincal, matter-of-fact way. The speaker was very uncomfortable and brushed off the question saying that he wasn't going to talk about that and called on someone else. All of the teachers and administrators were blushing and/or fuming. I am not aware that the student was punished. He was not led out of the assembly, though he could have been disciplined after the assembly.

[DSR]

The only bad assembly I remember was when they brought all of the students into the gym to watch the school's wrestling team compete against another school. The poor kids rolled around on the mat, trying their best to win, but everytime they got into a position even remotely "gay" looking, there was a lot of snickering.

[Glitch]

Pretty much any assembly that required you to sit indian style. Even worse when you're crammed in really tightly next to each other. Shouldn't be called indian style, it should be called "we don't have a budget for chairs" style.

[Deleted]

We had a guest who tried to inspire the school doing 1000 push-ups in 10 minutes. He didn't make it in ten minutes and couldn't eke out the 1000 anyways. I guess that's not actually bad, I actually enjoy that story more than if he had made it.

My grade 3 class had to dance the Macarena for an assembly once. There must have been someone in our class that the teacher wanted killed.

[xCompackx]

Aug 4, 2013 1:15:34 GMT -5 Glitch said:

Pretty much any assembly that required you to sit indian style. Even worse when you're crammed in really tightly next to each other. Shouldn't be called indian style, it should be called "we don't have a budget for chairs" style.

God, I remember several assemblies where I'd get horrible leg cramps and can't do anything because I'm between two people. On topic though, I think the most awful high school assembly was this one pep rally and it was so unbearably hot in the gym and it made everyone whiny which ended up forcing them to end it early because nobody would shut up.

[Wolf Hawkfield no1 NZ poster]

Not really awful for me but for others...

In 5 fifth form some poor bastard was made to stand up and it turned out that he had a massive stiffy and everyone and including some of the teachers started laughing uncontrollably. Also during same year a guy pissed his pants and I was only seated a row behind him.

The year after that one of the school prefects did a speech and unfortunately for her she slipped and gave the entire school a massive panty shot.
Turns out she was wearing anime style kitty panties.

[Deleted]

I don't remember the details, but I'm pretty sure I accidentally knocked myself out on the gym floor for a few minutes during an assembly in elementary school. Like I swung my head back and hit the floor and was out of it. Nobody noticed though, which was weird.

[Young Game]

That one time I threw up NERDS cereal, and it was brightly colored, lemme tell ya...while a priest was talking to my 4th grade class.

[Mochi Lone Wolf]

My story probably won't be nearly as interesting as a lot of others but my friends that I went to high school and I still occasionally have a laugh about this:

The high school I went to was very football-oriented. Almost every other sport aside from Track and Field and maybe Volleyball meant f*** all unless they made it to some sort of postseason.

So, the school decided that since assemblies for Football were very loud and very fun, that popularity would transition into an assembly for winter sports. They had the cheerleaders, the dance team, the basketball team, the wrestling team, the marching band, etc. They did all the same things that got students pumped for Football games in the fall. They had the cheerleaders doing the same cheers they did for Football games, they had the mascot going crazy, they had the band playing the fight song and all the other songs they played to get the crowd hyped for a football game........to silence. No one in the stands got any louder than normal conversation volume. It was eerie just how much the contrast in noises between the people on the floor of the gym and the students in the stands were. No one in the stands gave a shit. I didn't help that it was also the last day before Winter break so everyone was more than ready to get the hell up out of there.


Needless to say, we never had another one of those kinds of assemblies ever again.

[Cranjis McBasketball]

The worst I recall is a girl friend deciding to f*** off from one and I'd taken the responsibility, of getting her to and from school. without telling me, and freaking out where she was.

Other than that, just mundane shit. They all sucked.

[Gummydavidson]

Almost every assembly in my school someone ended up passing out, one time when it happened it caused about 5 people to fall back like a domino effect.

[The Ichi]

Summer + not enough people using deodorant.

[wallabylikeyou]

The one where we where our principal confronted us with the stark reality that we were graduating into an environment of economic uncertainty and no jobs.

[Zaq "That Guy" Buzzkill]

My Elementry/Junior High School was a Catholic school, so naturally many of our assemblies doubled as a mass. It was typically the usual stuff of the preist saying "love thy neighbour" and other Christian stuff so no big issue there.
However on several ocaisons we had skits. Simplified Christian stories performed by awful actors toned down to be kid0friendly and the added perk of the the people trying to be 'hip.'
It was as awful as it sounds.

[Ryback on a Pole!]

Only one assembly really stand out for me.

At my middle school, the teachers sat on chairs at the front just behind whichever teacher was conducting the assembley and facing the students. Anyway, this one occasion a mid - late 50s, plump, female teacher with iron gray hair was sat in such a position that the skirt she always wore (usually knee length) had ridden up so you could see her white panties. There was lots of snickering, nudging and giggles.


Edit: In fact, I do remember my school having these AWFUL Christian "entertainers"/"comedians" appear for one assembley. They sand songs, told "funny" stories and jokes all with some sort of moral to them. I can't remember much about it except for one skit where one of them was singing about having a "speck of dust" in his eye and needing his brother to get it out, but he couldn't because his brother had a "log" stuck in his own eye. His brother was marching about holding a big branch to his eye whilst the first guy sang a song that I oddly remember that went like "log log log in my brothers eye, speck speck speck in my own eye eye. To get the log, from my brothers I. I must remove the speck from my own eye, eye". It was bizarre.

["Gentleman" AJ Powell]

I remember one when I was about 9, the younger kids were sitting on the floor, and one kid just started throwing up everywhere. Covered about 5 kids in Cheerios.

Then once in high school, we had an assembly about giving blood, and a lad in front of my just fainted in his chair. I kinda sat there like "What the hell's going on?", only me and the guy next to me noticed.

We had to call a teacher over, who thought we were messing about and got really pissed until she realised he had legit fainted. Apparently it wasn't because of the blood, just coincidence, but we called bullshit on that.

[triplethreatmark]

My specific class at the high school I went to was pretty bad at assemblies by Junior/Senior year. I was absent when this happened, but apparently at a pep rally for Basketball or Soccer, somebody blew up a like four or five condoms, tied them at the open ends and started throwing them around like beach balls in the Senior section of the gym. Suffice to say, the whole class got in some pretty serious trouble that day. Besides that people would always sneak beach balls or party favors and throw the balls around or make noise and troll whoever it was that was talking. We would also chant crap at the Sophomores and Freshmen.

[Urethra Franklin]

I went to a very old, all-boys private high school.

Every Remembrance Day (Veteran's Day in the US,) we would have a massive assembly in the gym to honour the school's war dead from both World Wars. Now, during gym class of only 30 students, the gym would be really hot, so you can imagine how hot it got with 1000 kids in there all in full uniform (blazer, shirt and tie.) The assemblies always ran long and there were no chairs, so routinely, you would hear a thud over the course of the presentation, as somebody had passed out.

This happened EVERY year I was there and often multiple times.

[Sephiroth]

When I was in jr. High we had to take the EWT (early warning test) and they hyped us on it for weeks, making it out to be the most terrifying thing in the world but reminding us it would not effect our GPA in any way. The week before we took them they had an assembly to brief us about it, and the vice principal read us a poem he wrote called "the ABC's of the EWT's." he wa always doing stuff line that to show kids how hip and cool he was, even though he was a practically the living embodiment of Seymoure Skinner.

Also the very last assembly I ever did, the morning I graduated high school, was pretty bad. The principal was acting line a total douche bag all through the rehearsal, yelling and shouting at everyone. Part of me didn't blame him, because no one was really listening to him-it was graduation day after all. But acting like a jerk didn't make anyone want to listen to him much either.