|
|
Post by Munkie91087 on Nov 21, 2013 13:00:18 GMT -5
So a few weeks back, my girlfriend and I were out with her friends for her birthday. We were at a relatively inoffensive dive bar. At one point in the night, she went to the dance floor to dance with her friends and I stayed back and watched the table. I then noticed a group of people at another table snorting cocaine. It really bothered me. I decided my girlfriend was too intoxicated to bother her with it at the time, so I waited until the next day. She seemed as bothered about it as I was.
Fast forward to this week. She went out with her friends to the same bar. I told her I wasn't super comfortable with the thought of her going back to said bar. She said she really wasn't that bothered by the people doing drugs there as it happens everywhere probably. Plus she didn't see it, so it changes her reaction. Had she seen it, maybe she would have been more bothered by it. Which really bothered me. I felt very mislead. Initially she told me she felt the same about the drug use as I did. Then she kind of flipped the switch. No idea why. I was pretty mad and felt like she didn't really take my feelings into account. I asked her if maybe she minded pitching a different bar to her friends for the evening. (The area has plenty of bars all in a row.) She did not want to do that and ended up going. Nothing happened, but I still felt very bothered by the fact that she went back to a bar where people were very openly doing hard drugs.
I guess my question is, is it a big deal? Maybe I just overreacted to it. Any advice is appreciated!
|
|
|
|
Post by EvenBaldobombHasAJob on Nov 21, 2013 13:11:02 GMT -5
nah I'd say you're just looking out for her, and a bar where people are snorting coke out in the open is beyond sketchy. if she takes in your concern and still goes there, well you did all you could.
|
|
Toxik916
Hank Scorpio
Sacramento Proud
Posts: 6,207 
|
Post by Toxik916 on Nov 21, 2013 13:15:24 GMT -5
You may have over reacted a bit. I've had some awesome times at dives where people are openly doing bumps of coke. If she isn't doing lines of blow with them then you have no reason to worry.
|
|
|
|
Post by Kevin Hamilton on Nov 21, 2013 13:55:17 GMT -5
Nah, I'm with you, no need to put herself in a potential bad situation even if she's not doing something personally.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2013 14:05:07 GMT -5
The place sounds sketchy, but if she wants to go, you can't stop her. I agree with you though. I wouldn't want to go someplace with people doing drugs out in the open.
|
|
|
|
Post by Amazing Kitsune on Nov 21, 2013 14:08:16 GMT -5
No, you didn't overreact.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2013 14:09:51 GMT -5
We don't know what you actually DID.
"Did I overreact" or "Did I handle this situation right" threads are always weird, because we get a bunch of reasons from a person why their side is dead on and very little about what they actually said to the other party.
|
|
|
|
Post by Hit Girl on Nov 21, 2013 14:46:03 GMT -5
You are looking out for her. Sounds reasonable. If she wants to go, she accepts the risk. Her problem.
|
|
|
|
Post by willywonka666 on Nov 21, 2013 15:22:24 GMT -5
Idk if we'd have this discussion in the 80s
|
|
Bo Rida
Fry's dog Seymour
Pulled one over on everyone.
Got away with it, this time.
Posts: 23,534
|
Post by Bo Rida on Nov 21, 2013 16:27:22 GMT -5
Which really bothered me. I felt very mislead. Initially she told me she felt the same about the drug use as I did. Depends what she specifically said when you discussed it, did she say she was against using drugs herself, friends using them, strangers using them, the trade in general? Did you make it clear you seem to be against all drug use or just you two and maybe close friends using? It's impossible to tell from what you posted but she may not have deliberately mislead you. |
|
|
|
Post by Munkie91087 on Nov 21, 2013 17:01:48 GMT -5
Which really bothered me. I felt very mislead. Initially she told me she felt the same about the drug use as I did. Depends what she specifically said when you discussed it, did she say she was against using drugs herself, friends using them, strangers using them, the trade in general? Did you make it clear you seem to be against all drug use or just you two and maybe close friends using? It's impossible to tell from what you posted but she may not have deliberately mislead you. I am against drugs for personal use, as is she. The being mislead thing was her telling me she was also really uncomfortable with people using drugs at the bar. Then it changed to well she didn't see it, so she can ignore it and while it makes her uncomfortable, it isn't enough to avoid the bar. Then it switched to, she just isn't that uncomfortable with it since drug use probably happens everywhere and you can't avoid every place where people are potentially using drugs. |
|
|
|
Post by "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay on Nov 21, 2013 18:15:36 GMT -5
Depends what she specifically said when you discussed it, did she say she was against using drugs herself, friends using them, strangers using them, the trade in general? Did you make it clear you seem to be against all drug use or just you two and maybe close friends using? It's impossible to tell from what you posted but she may not have deliberately mislead you. I am against drugs for personal use, as is she. The being mislead thing was her telling me she was also really uncomfortable with people using drugs at the bar. Then it changed to well she didn't see it, so she can ignore it and while it makes her uncomfortable, it isn't enough to avoid the bar. Then it switched to, she just isn't that uncomfortable with it since drug use probably happens everywhere and you can't avoid every place where people are potentially using drugs. Yeah, I don't think she's actually against drugs, buddy. ...Also, where is this bar? *cough* |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2013 18:48:50 GMT -5
I would of probably did the same thing but I'm the first to admit I can be a bit overly protective. Really I can't make a true judgment call unless I know the situation personally.
|
|
AdamAFL was sooooo wrong
Hank Scorpio
note to all: he's a pants-less heathen
I Survived The Impact Spoilers 7/22/15-7/30/15
Posts: 7,096
|
Post by AdamAFL was sooooo wrong on Nov 21, 2013 19:16:27 GMT -5
Stuff like this generally doesn't bother me that much so I'd probably have taken the same stance as her but at the same time I don't think you overreacted. You were acting with her best interests at heart and were just worried about her but you didn't forbid her to go - which would have been an overreaction. Given your personal feelings on the subject I think you handled it pretty well, I wouldn't bring it up again though - she decided to take the risk, that's on her. There's no reason to risk a bad argument over something you can't really change. But that's just my opinion.
|
|
|
|
Post by Citizen Snips Has Left on Nov 21, 2013 19:49:13 GMT -5
Where's the overreaction part of this story? Did you throw a chair at her when she came home or something? Otherwise, it's just a disagreement/argument...or is this thread the overreaction itself? Trippy....
|
|
trollrogue
Hank Scorpio
Nashville City of Music!!
Posts: 5,605
|
Post by trollrogue on Nov 21, 2013 19:51:10 GMT -5
It seems like a situation where her friends who actually want to go to the club (and are probably regulars) were telling her that you were overreacting, and she incorporated that into her opinion of the drug use which ended up changing her mind. I can understand how it would make you a little salty that your GF is seemingly with you on certain issues behind closed doors and yet does a 180 when her peers/friends go "no it's all good don't worry about the coke" to her in public.
The thing to remember is that it's okay to express concern but it's 'overreacting' only if you like forbade her from going out on threat of breaking-up or witholding 'relationship benefits' because of the disagreement. In short no, you didn't overreact and were actually pretty cool about letting her have fun at the coke-nest despite your concerns.
|
|
