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Post by Aceorton on Feb 6, 2014 11:22:11 GMT -5
Bundy squashes Little Beaver at WrestleMania 3. The next week on Superstars, Craig DeGeorge turns heel and produces DNA tests proving Bundy is Little Beaver's son. Bundy becomes a babyface and holds a 24/7 vigil for Beaver/Dad in the hospital, where he is attacked by the new heel team of Outback Jack and Sivi Afi, whose gimmick is they want everyone to believe they have large penises. Craig DeGeorge is their manager. This builds to a DeGeorge vs. Beaver match on Saturday Night's Main Event where the loser has to get a vasectomy.
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Post by James Fabiano on Feb 6, 2014 11:36:01 GMT -5
Russo runs with the Hogan promo on Main Event and turns Earl Hebner into a plastic surgery addict, who gets jobs through funding from Ted DiBiase. This culminates of course in what Goldust wanted to do.
After the Matilda kidnapping, Bobby Heenan and the Islanders invite the British Bulldogs to a luau ("But Mr. Russo, Hawaiians are the ones who do luaus!" "Hawaii, Tonga, it's all the same! I'm an American, and I just want to watch Americans anyway!"). The pig on a spit? Isn't it interesting how it has a Bulldogs t-shirt on still?
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Post by James Fabiano on Feb 6, 2014 14:23:35 GMT -5
Russo runs with the Hogan promo on Main Event and turns Earl Hebner into a plastic surgery addict, who gets jobs through funding from Ted DiBiase. This culminates of course in what Goldust wanted to do. Bobby Heenan and the Islanders invite the British Bulldogs to a luau ("But Vince, Hawaiians are the ones who do luaus!" "Hawaii, Tonga, it's all the same! I'm an American, and I just want to watch Americans anyway!"). The pig on a spit? Isn't it interesting how it has a Bulldogs t-shirt on still? Tito Santana would sell Amway. Paul Orndorff would look up to Hulk Hogan and want to form the "Hulk 'n' Bulk Connection" with him, despite Hogan acting like a jerk to him constantly...oh wait, that really happened? Jack Tunney would have at least one WWF title reign. As would, um, Dolly Parton by virtue of her music video with Hogan (and the match ends like the Madusa/Karagias one).
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Post by James Fabiano on Feb 6, 2014 14:24:25 GMT -5
Bundy squashes Little Beaver at WrestleMania 3. The next week on Superstars, Craig DeGeorge turns heel and produces DNA tests proving Bundy is Little Beaver's son. Bundy becomes a babyface and holds a 24/7 vigil for Beaver/Dad in the hospital, where he is attacked by the new heel team of Outback Jack and Sivi Afi, whose gimmick is they want everyone to believe they have large penises. Craig DeGeorge is their manager. This builds to a DeGeorge vs. Beaver match on Saturday Night's Main Event where the loser has to get a vasectomy. Little Beaver...the (Russo) comedy writes itself. Also, under Russo, the Red Rooster WOULD get over...guess what kind of puns he'd use to do so? Ricky Steamboat gets KIDNAPPED BY NINJAS!
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Goldenbane
Hank Scorpio
THE G.D. Goldenbane
Posts: 7,331
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Post by Goldenbane on Feb 6, 2014 16:45:52 GMT -5
William "The Refrigerator" Perry wins the Wrestlemania II battle royal and goes on to defeat Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania III.
Now guys, guys, before you get upset, think about it. Will Perry is a professional football player! Is he big? Yeah. Is he strong? Yeah. Is it realistic that he could defeat 19 other guys in a battle royal? Of course it is! You see, you guys are looking at this from a wrestling puristist's point of view. I'm not looking at it that way at all! I mean, William Perry had a G.I. Joe action figure! He was all over the media, he was one of the top players in the NFL at that time! The publicity alone would put the then WWF on the map! No one was talking about us, and this would have gotten people talking! You see, you have to think real. William Perry could have held the title for only a couple of weeks. There absolutely is no bad publicity. I think this would have been great! Think about it...over thirty years later you guys would STILL be talking about those two Wrestlemanias! I'm just trying to be realistic and bring realism into the WWF! I mean, yeah, we could have had Andre win that battle royal, and maybe have him go after Hogan at Wrestlemania III, but I've seen that type of story line play out a billion times in literature, comics, movies, and games! Nobody would have seen Will Perry winning! You guys certainly wouldn't have expected it, and that's the whole point! That's real, that's surprising. You can't think of it from a wrestling puristist's point of view, guys!
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Post by Ron Woodsman aka Shempaholic on Feb 6, 2014 17:41:36 GMT -5
- At Summerslam '88 Miss Elizabeth takes off her skirt to reveal a thong and then removes her top to distract the Megabucks (she's wearing pasties but the camera only sees this from behind). - The Saba Simba character would somehow become more racist. - Some sort of angle would be set up to mock Brutus Beefcake's parasailing accident shortly after it happened. - Bob Eucker somehow wins the Intercontinental Championship. - Ric Flair reveals that Miss Elizabeth was his favorite prostitute before she married Randy Savage.
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Post by James Fabiano on Feb 7, 2014 13:15:10 GMT -5
Kevin Von Erich slams the cage door into Kerry's head, because SWERVES = TICKETS!
Eddie Gilbert and company wrap the Soviet flag on Bill Watts, then tie him to a cros...er, symbol.
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Post by James Fabiano on Feb 7, 2014 14:46:40 GMT -5
Dirty White Girl still claims that DWB beat her, but when Tom Pritchard comes out someone runs a GTV video of her putting the paint on herself. Mad that his name was sullied, Tony Anthony ends up teaming with Pritchard instead.
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Post by James Fabiano on Feb 7, 2014 14:47:35 GMT -5
Jason the Terrible and Zodiac are outed for "believing their characters" when they try sacrificing Stampede faces to Luke for real.
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Post by Aceorton on Feb 7, 2014 15:18:41 GMT -5
Roddy Piper is arrested on-camera for the murder of "Quickdraw" Rick McGraw. The next week he shows up for a match against "Flashdance" Lanny Poffo with no explanation given for how he got out of jail. After beating Poffo by choking him out with his own legwarmer, Piper delivers a scathing shoot on Russo and demands a match with Mr. T where if Piper wins, Russo "gets my charges dropped." Rick McGraw's widow appears on Piper's Pit a week later and begs Piper not to kill Mr. T like he killed her husband. Piper puts her out with a sleeper, which the crowd cheers for. At WrestleMania 2, Piper is waiting in the ring for Mr. T's entrance when Little Mr. T, the midget from the AWA, comes out from under the ring and low-blows him. Rick McGraw's widow and Russo then come out and reveal that the real Mr. T was never signed to appear. They reward Little Mr. T with a briefcase filled with the McGraw life insurance money.
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Post by James Fabiano on Feb 7, 2014 16:46:10 GMT -5
Baby Doll actually DOES miscarry when Jim Cornette hit her with his tennis racket. Cause miscarriages = RATINGS! They do them all the time on Friends! BUT...it was all a trap to get Jim and the MX to feel sorry for her and buy her tampons. She then teams up with Precious, who broke up with Jimmy Garvin because GTV revealed that he was boning Sunshine again. Together, Precious and Baby Doll form the 30 Day Warning.
And with him finally involved in this thread, I propose someone make Mr. Cornette aware of it.
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Post by James Fabiano on Feb 8, 2014 12:40:01 GMT -5
After that incident in 1987, Hacksaw Jim Duggan invades a Superstars taping and does a SHOOT about how Vince made him and his good friend the Iron Sheik fight each other, and tried to villify them for their mistakes in life when everyone knows the boys in the back are doing crack and steroids and etc.
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Post by Aceorton on Feb 9, 2014 13:13:57 GMT -5
After Jake throws Damien on Andre and gives him a "heart attack," Andre goes to see a psychiatrist for his "snake phobia." Over the course of several on-camera therapy sessions, it's revealed that Andre is obsessed with his mother and wears (very large) women's underwear. To Bobby Heenan's distress, Andre begins openly cross-dressing and demands to be called "Andrea."
After a few weeks off of TV, Andre reappears in his normal ring gear and destroys Heenan. Jake comes out and reveals that he now controls Andre after sending his wife Cheryl to Andre's hotel room to "cure" him of his hangups. Andre and Jake win the tag team titles from the Pilots of Pain (Warlord and Barbarian in a babyface "Top Gun" gimmick) the next week, but their alliance becomes uncertain when Cheryl Roberts announces she is pregnant. Is it Jake's baby or Andre's?
SWERVE. It's Sam Houston's. He's been screwing around with his own sister-in-law. This gets less than the desired reaction because no one knew Jake and Houston were related.
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Post by James Fabiano on Feb 9, 2014 14:48:13 GMT -5
Instead of making him into Beetlejuice, Piper makes Art Barr into Richie c***ingham, who loves and lusts after his mother, a Marion Ross lookalike with big boobs.
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Post by James Fabiano on Feb 10, 2014 12:33:20 GMT -5
Since all fans read the Observer, clearly, Russo decides to do a storyline where he takes Meltzer's "Junkfood Dog" nickname literally. JYD now refuses to wrestle or is too distracted because all he does is sit there eating Twinkies, bags of Doritos, etc. Then one night he comes way down from an intense sugar rush, and decides to climb up the bleachers and end it all. Captain Lou and George Steele come out to stop him, with George even breaking out of his retard character because "this is Jim talking to Sylvester." SHOOTS = MONEY!! The refreshment vendor, who has been JYD's pusher, "accidentally" pushes him off but he is saved by, well, the fact that entrance areas weren't as high as the Titantronned ones of later on.
After weeks of promos, Razor Ramon debuts...and then grabs the mic and speaks in a perfect American accent, going on a rant about how the gimmick is crap and how WCW gave him the Diamond Studd, and the Diamond Studd SUCKED. He then tells the WWF to watch out, because Big Scott Hall is back! (he then pulls out a stick-on pornstache and puts it back on to show he is serious)
Rick Rude would be a total face, and his feud with Jake ends when Cheryl leaves him for Rick, who taunts the Snake with their sex videos.
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Post by James Fabiano on Feb 10, 2014 12:39:30 GMT -5
Kane is beaten by Triple H and forced to unmask. He looks around the ring in confusion, when Rob Van Dam comes out to support him. However, Kane removes his mask to reveal..another mask! They laugh together and walk out through the crowd, stealing a fan’s popcorn along the way. Kane is then attacked backstage by A-Train, who reveals his true identity as Kane's other half-brother A-Bull. I see what you did there.
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Post by Aceorton on Feb 10, 2014 15:54:56 GMT -5
The Gobbledy Gooker hatches at Survivor Series and heads down to the ring with Mean Gene to dance and frolic! But then the party abruptly stops. The Gooker takes off his headpiece, revealing himself to be Paul Orndorff. He looks tired and humiliated. Gene gets out of there, surprised and shrugging to someone off-camera. Gorilla says, "This wasn't supposed to happen, folks. This is real life." Orndorff goes to say something, but his mic cuts off. He begins crying. Roddy Piper leaves the broadcast table and has a short conversation with Orndorff from the edge of the ring. He reaches into his coat pocket and gives Orndorff what looks to be a $20 bill. When Gorilla asks him what that was about, he says he was just helping an old friend going through a tough time this Thanksgiving.
Over the next several weeks, it's revealed that Orndorff is broke and homeless and taking any jobs he can to stay in wrestling. Mostly he sells souvenirs and programs and lives in the arenas, surviving on popcorn he finds on the floor and sips of fans' sodas. Eventually Tugboat feels bad for him and gives him a job as his "first mate." During a match against Earthquake, Tugboat is squashed unconscious. While tending to him, Orndorff finds a treasure map in Tugboat's pants and runs off.
At the Royal Rumble, he shows up in a suit and a fur coat with slicked-back hair and sunglasses and says he's now rich again as a result of finding Tugboat's treasure. He forms a tag team with Ted DiBiase called "Wonderfully Wealthy." They feud with Shane Douglas, Jim Powers and a stable of young guys who say the rich veterans are holding them down.
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Post by James Fabiano on Feb 10, 2014 17:19:13 GMT -5
In an alternate version of the Gooker hatching, he comes out and dances with Mean Gene...only to SWERVE him by clotheslining him or something. He then unmasks as Hector Guerrero, and goes on a SHOOT about how this disgraces his family's reputation in wrestling that has lasted decades.
This of course results in Gene wrestling to get revenge, and he does promos and interviews where he mentions "pissants" and tells people to "blow it out their ass."
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Goldenbane
Hank Scorpio
THE G.D. Goldenbane
Posts: 7,331
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Post by Goldenbane on Feb 10, 2014 17:32:39 GMT -5
In an alternate version of the Gooker hatching, he comes out and dances with Mean Gene...only to SWERVE him by clotheslining him or something. He then unmasks as Hector Guerrero, and goes on a SHOOT about how this disgraces his family's reputation in wrestling that has lasted decades. This of course results in Gene wrestling to get revenge, and he does promos and interviews where he mentions "pissants" and tells people to "blow it out their ass." OR...the Gooker hatches then beats the ever loving crap out of Mean Gene...and I mean beats him to a bloody pulp! Gene is bleeding all over the place, he's holding onto his rips, and the commentators guess they may well be broken. His eye is blackened, his nose broken and gushing blood, both legs are broken, Mean Gene is in bad shape, so bad in fact that they have to carry him off on a stretcher and into an ambulance. The next week the Hulkster proclaims he's going to get revenge on that "spoon" the Gooker! He hunts him down and confronts the Gooker in the ring! The Gooker raises his wings as if in surrender, then surprise clothlines Hulk Hogan, knocking him out! The Gooker then unmasks...revealing himself to be Mean Gene.
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NOwave
Don Corleone
Posts: 1,735
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Post by NOwave on Feb 10, 2014 17:38:52 GMT -5
I laughed so hard when I read this that I dropped the drink I was holding, because it's so true! You don't have to suspend disbelief AT ALL to buy this as a Russo script. Thanks for posting!
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