Wooo's The Boss (Cook Outs and Cake)
May 7, 2014 0:11:27 GMT -5
Chainsaw, Crappler El 0 M, and 14 more like this
Post by angryfan on May 7, 2014 0:11:27 GMT -5
Rare though they are, they can still happen. Here's the latest.
(scene opens with the Trips and Steph relaxing on their back porch while Sledgie floats on a wrestling ring shaped raft in the large swimming pool)
HHH – You know, it’s been too long since we had a relaxing day at home, we need to do this more often.
Steph – I’ve been saying that for two years, but you keep saying that you’re needed on TV.
HHH – Well, I need to be there. I need –
(he is interrupted by Flair, wearing only a “chops ‘n flops” apron strutting onto the porch and heading toward a gigantic barbecue grill with a platter of steaks)
Flair - Woooooooooooo! (he sets the platter down and begins knife-edge chopping the steaks one at a time onto the grill)
HHH – I love steaks! (he checks his watch) Everyone should be here soon, and then we can….wait. Steph?
Steph – Yes?
HHH – What are we celebrating?
Steph – I told you already, it’s a surprise.
HHH – Will I like it?
(Steph says nothing, but goes back to reading her book)
HHH – Steph? Will I like it?
Steph – (without looking up from her book) You will as long as you stop asking about it. Now maybe help get the food ready?
HHH – (glaring at Steph while she’s not looking) Fine. (he stands and begins to stomp into the house)
Steph – What was that?
HHH – I said I’d love to (he walks the rest of the way quietly into the house)
(HHH begins to putter around the kitchen, grumbling about surprises when the doorbell rings)
HHH – (yelling) It’s open!
(the door opens and Orton and Batista walk in, with Randy looking around nervously)
HHH – Hey guys, glad you made it. (he sees Orton glancing around and then looks at Batista) What’s his deal now?
Dave – No clue. His phone keeps ringing, he keeps silencing it, and he’s punched my car’s dashboard like twenty times. (to Orton, as if talking to a small child) C’mon Mr. grumpy, what’s the problem?
Orton – (in a very slow, deliberate tone, as if trying to control his temper) My phone keeps ringing because he keeps calling me then laughing and hanging up.
Dave – See? Was that so hard? Have a Werther’s, buddy.
Orton – (snatching the candy) I’m not your buddy, and don’t you have some diva to hit on?
Dave – (deadpanning) Yes, but I have an app for that.
HHH – (looking up from slicing a tomato) An app?
Dave – Yep, it’s one of them things on the phone where –
HHH – (interrupting) I know what an app is, but how the hell do you use an app to hit on the divas?
Dave – (continuing as if HHH hadn’t said a word) – you can go and download it, then you hit the jiggamawhatsit and then one of them messages goes to somebody and they can respond to it and –
HHH – (trying to stop the rambling) Dave.
Dave – you then get pictures and even one of them smiley mooshicons or whatever you –
HHH – (a bit louder) Dave!
Dave – call ‘em. The ladies love it and they always respond nice and fast too. Reminds me of a time when –
(HHH looks at Orton and nods. Orton leaps up and RKO’s the still talking Dave to the floor)
(a cabinet pops open and JBL pops his head out)
JBL – RKO! Downloading non-WWE apps! I LOVE IT MAGGLE!
(a second cabinet opens)
Ron Simmons – Damn!
(a third cabinet bursts open)
Cole – That’s trending world wide!
(the cabinets close)
HHH – (stares for a moment, then looks back at Orton) Thanks man that was getting tedious.
Orton – (nods) Yeah, the whole ride over was like that.
HHH – So…what was the deal with the phone?
Orton – Edge, again.
HHH – He snag your girlfriend or something?
Orton – No, five wives but I have plenty. He’s got…um, well you know about the pictures and the whole Matt Hardy thing, right?
HHH – The what thing? Pictures of Matt Hardy?
Orton – (blushing) Oh, uh….never mind, it’s just a thing, no biggie.
HHH - Must be, you’re blushing.
Orton – I am not.
HHH – Then tell me.
Orton – Drop it.
HHH – Please? Seriously, what’s the big deal.
Orton – (takes a deep breath, trying to speak quickly) EdgehaspicturesofmeinadressandMattHardysawthemandnowhe’sstalkignme (he begins to gasp as he finishes)
HHH – (looking more confused than ever) He has pictures of Matt Hardy in a dress and is a stalker?
Orton - …Yes?
HHH – That’s cool. (he goes back to slicing tomatoes) Is Dave dead?
Orton – (looks down, sees Batista begin to stir) Nah, I have to do this like once a day.
Dave – (rising to his elbows and knees) Wh-what happened?
Orton – You fell again.
Dave – (shaking his head) Did…did I get lucky?
Orton – (staring blankly) Why would you?
Dave – I’m a movie star, Randall, it comes with the territory.
Orton – (muttering under his breath) I miss Edge. (louder) Yes, Dave, you got lucky. You’re a star.
Dave – Damn right, sonny, now where’s the steaks?
(they walk toward the porch and HHH goes back to prepping sandwich toppings and the scene changes)
(Steph is still on the back porch, as Orton and Batista come outside. Dave flops in a deck chair and Randy wanders over to the grill. Steph’s phone rings)
Steph - (glancing at caller ID) Yes? Oh, wonderful, when will it be here? OK, perfect, thank you. (she hangs up the phone)
Orton – (wandering over from the grill, where Flair is flipping steaks around and strutting in place) What was that all about?
Steph – Well, I’m having a cake delivered for a very special event.
Orton – (looking confused) Wrestlemania? The Marine 4?
Steph – No.
Orton – Well, I’m out of guesses. (he wanders back to the grill)
Dave – Betamax?
Steph – What?
Dave – Is that why we’re having cake?
Steph – Why would – (she is interrupted by The Shield stepping onto the porch) Oh thank God, hi boys, welcome to the party. How do you like your steaks?
(the three men look at each other, then over at Flair)
Reigns – Romeo
Rollins – Alpha
Ambrose – Romeo
Reigns – Echo
All three in unison – Rare!
Steph – Uh…ok, so that’s three rare steaks then.
(Disco music begins to play as Disco Inferno dances across the yard in front of the pool)
Steph – (sighing) I keep chasing him off (she looks at the Shield) would you three mind helping?
(The three men look at each other, then at Steph and nod in unison)
Reigns ROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! (he cocks his fist and goes on a dead run, leaping in the air and Superman punching Disco into the pool)
Rollins – (looks at Steph) Me next?
(Steph nods and Rollins runs toward the pool, somersaulting onto Disco as Reigns moves aside)
(Steph looks over to where Ambrose was, but he is already gone. She looks back to the pool and Ambrose has Disco pinned to the raft with Sledgie holding him down)
Disco – Help! I’m being double teamed! Someone! Help!
(John Cena comes running in from the side of the house)
Cena – I’m coming! Hustle! Loyalty! Water wings!
(a ref steps in front of Cena, stopping him in his tracks)
Ref – John, don’t, this isn’t who you are.
Cena – (looking from the ref to the pool where Disco is now being triple powerbombed off the diving board) But…
Ref – John, remember who you are, don’t do this.
Cena – I must…I must…
Wyatt – (hanging upside down from a nearby tree limb) Do it, give into your instincts!
(Cena looks between the two, then to the pool where Sledgie is back on his raft)
Sledgie – (tilts to his left)
Cena – (shrugs then looks out at Disco) Sorry, dude, you’re on your own. (Cena skips away)
Wyatt – (swinging back and forth on the tree branch) He’s got the whole world in his pool!
Steph – (without looking up from her book) It’s not his pool.
Wyatt – Fair enough (he hops down and wanders off)
(Triple H wanders out onto the porch, carrying a plate with the sliced tomato on it)
HHH – Here are the toppings.
Steph – One tomato?
HHH – It’s perfect!
Curtis Axel – (popping out the back door) It’s better than perfect!
HHH – See? The age of Magilla Gorilla agrees!
Axel – My name is –
(he is interrupted by a billowing voice coming from inside the house that gets louder)
Heyman – My name is Paul Heyman!
Steph – We know you are, Paul.
Heyman – Yes, of course, and thanks for inviting me. But as I was saying. (he clears his throat) My name is Paul Heyman. And my client, Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrock Lesnar would like to conquer the steak! Medium rare, maybe with some of those crispy onions. But it will definitely be conquered!
(Lesnar walks onto the back porch wearing Hawaiian print trunks and a life preserver. He does his entrance dance)
Heyman – Oh, and a baked potato! My client, Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrock Lesnar would like to conquer a baked potato!
(the doorbell rings and Steph heads in to answer it)
(Scene changes to Steph opening the front door. Mark Henry, Albert, and Santino Morella are standing by a cart with a four layer cake on it. Henry is fidgeting noticeably)
Steph – Great, you made it. The cake looks…Mark, are you ok? You’re drooling a little. I know you love cake, but is that normal?
Henry – That’s what I do!
Steph – Fine. Just bring it around back.
Santino – It’sa the nice cake for the Stephanie McMahons! We are –
(Gorilla Monsoons ghost appears behind him)
Gorilla – Will you stop?
(the ghost disappears)
Santino – (in a voice with no hint of accent) OK, fine. Whatever. C’mon guys, let’s get this around back. The door is too high up, so we could –
Albert – (cutting in) I got this. (he clears his throat) BLAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGG! (He runs through the wall, through the house, and out the back wall onto the porch, then wanders back to help wheel the cart) There we go.
Santino – Why didn’t we just lift it?
Albert – (to Henry) Why didn’t we lift it he says.
(both men laugh and the three carry the cake and cart to the back porch while Santino looks confused)
Steph – Everyone! Everyone! The cake is here, so now we can celebrate!
(Everyone gathers around the large cake)
Steph – Today is a very special occasion. Today is the twentieth anniversary of the day when my husband, Triple H –
HHH – (interrupting) Beat Chris Jericho for the first time!
Steph – No, and please don’t interrupt. As I was saying, it’s the anniversary of the first time that –
Flair – Wooooo?
HHH – No, that’s not it. Why would we celebrate Alex Wright?
Flair – Woooo!
HHH – No, it’s NOT a crowning achievement! Steph!
Steph – (rubbing her temples) What, Hunter?
HHH – Tell him that me losing to Alex Wright isn’t a crowning achievement!
Steph – It isn’t, and that’s not why we’re celebrating!
(Mark Henry begins twitching more and more noticeably, then throws his head back)
Henry – CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!
(He begins devouring the cake by the handful)
Steph – Why do I bother? (she walks over and sits by the pool)
(everyone piles on, grabbing handfuls of cake)
HHH – (wanders over) So now will you tell me what we’re celebrating?
(Sledgie tips to the right as he floats by)
HHH – Wait….seriously? We’re celebrating HIM? What did HE do that was so special?
Steph – Well, in his newest role as director of international object relations, he’s scored a huge coup for us! We have exclusive rights to sign any and all ladders in Europe.
HHH – But they’re ladders! I’m the King of Kings, the Game, The Cerebral Assassin! That deserves a cake!
Steph – Then go eat some cake, it’s right over there.
(HHH looks over to see the cake demolished)
HHH – It’s almost gone, and this is so not fair. But at least he only gets a cake.
Steph – Well…not just that.
HHH – What else?
Steph – He now gets use of both the corporate jet and his own bus.
HHH – That is not fair! Why can’t he just ride in the luggage compartment!
Steph – Executives do not ride in the luggage compartment!
HHH – But –
Steph – No, it’s done, he’s getting a bus.
HHH – How could this get any worse?
(the now mostly demolished cake bursts open, with Alex Wright popping out)
HHH – Wait…what is…how did?
(Alex Wright begins dancing, then dives in and rolls HHH up. Sledgie tilts and lands on the side of the pool, bouncing three times. Wright’s music begins to play)
HHH – (from the ground) What…what just happened?
Flair – Woooooooooooo!
HHH – I did NOT just lose to Alex Wright again!
Flair – Woooooooooooo!
HHH – No I didn’t!
Flair – Wooooo.
HHH – I did not! Steph!
Steph – The referee’s decision is final, Hunter.
HHH – Damn it!
(scene opens with the Trips and Steph relaxing on their back porch while Sledgie floats on a wrestling ring shaped raft in the large swimming pool)
HHH – You know, it’s been too long since we had a relaxing day at home, we need to do this more often.
Steph – I’ve been saying that for two years, but you keep saying that you’re needed on TV.
HHH – Well, I need to be there. I need –
(he is interrupted by Flair, wearing only a “chops ‘n flops” apron strutting onto the porch and heading toward a gigantic barbecue grill with a platter of steaks)
Flair - Woooooooooooo! (he sets the platter down and begins knife-edge chopping the steaks one at a time onto the grill)
HHH – I love steaks! (he checks his watch) Everyone should be here soon, and then we can….wait. Steph?
Steph – Yes?
HHH – What are we celebrating?
Steph – I told you already, it’s a surprise.
HHH – Will I like it?
(Steph says nothing, but goes back to reading her book)
HHH – Steph? Will I like it?
Steph – (without looking up from her book) You will as long as you stop asking about it. Now maybe help get the food ready?
HHH – (glaring at Steph while she’s not looking) Fine. (he stands and begins to stomp into the house)
Steph – What was that?
HHH – I said I’d love to (he walks the rest of the way quietly into the house)
(HHH begins to putter around the kitchen, grumbling about surprises when the doorbell rings)
HHH – (yelling) It’s open!
(the door opens and Orton and Batista walk in, with Randy looking around nervously)
HHH – Hey guys, glad you made it. (he sees Orton glancing around and then looks at Batista) What’s his deal now?
Dave – No clue. His phone keeps ringing, he keeps silencing it, and he’s punched my car’s dashboard like twenty times. (to Orton, as if talking to a small child) C’mon Mr. grumpy, what’s the problem?
Orton – (in a very slow, deliberate tone, as if trying to control his temper) My phone keeps ringing because he keeps calling me then laughing and hanging up.
Dave – See? Was that so hard? Have a Werther’s, buddy.
Orton – (snatching the candy) I’m not your buddy, and don’t you have some diva to hit on?
Dave – (deadpanning) Yes, but I have an app for that.
HHH – (looking up from slicing a tomato) An app?
Dave – Yep, it’s one of them things on the phone where –
HHH – (interrupting) I know what an app is, but how the hell do you use an app to hit on the divas?
Dave – (continuing as if HHH hadn’t said a word) – you can go and download it, then you hit the jiggamawhatsit and then one of them messages goes to somebody and they can respond to it and –
HHH – (trying to stop the rambling) Dave.
Dave – you then get pictures and even one of them smiley mooshicons or whatever you –
HHH – (a bit louder) Dave!
Dave – call ‘em. The ladies love it and they always respond nice and fast too. Reminds me of a time when –
(HHH looks at Orton and nods. Orton leaps up and RKO’s the still talking Dave to the floor)
(a cabinet pops open and JBL pops his head out)
JBL – RKO! Downloading non-WWE apps! I LOVE IT MAGGLE!
(a second cabinet opens)
Ron Simmons – Damn!
(a third cabinet bursts open)
Cole – That’s trending world wide!
(the cabinets close)
HHH – (stares for a moment, then looks back at Orton) Thanks man that was getting tedious.
Orton – (nods) Yeah, the whole ride over was like that.
HHH – So…what was the deal with the phone?
Orton – Edge, again.
HHH – He snag your girlfriend or something?
Orton – No, five wives but I have plenty. He’s got…um, well you know about the pictures and the whole Matt Hardy thing, right?
HHH – The what thing? Pictures of Matt Hardy?
Orton – (blushing) Oh, uh….never mind, it’s just a thing, no biggie.
HHH - Must be, you’re blushing.
Orton – I am not.
HHH – Then tell me.
Orton – Drop it.
HHH – Please? Seriously, what’s the big deal.
Orton – (takes a deep breath, trying to speak quickly) EdgehaspicturesofmeinadressandMattHardysawthemandnowhe’sstalkignme (he begins to gasp as he finishes)
HHH – (looking more confused than ever) He has pictures of Matt Hardy in a dress and is a stalker?
Orton - …Yes?
HHH – That’s cool. (he goes back to slicing tomatoes) Is Dave dead?
Orton – (looks down, sees Batista begin to stir) Nah, I have to do this like once a day.
Dave – (rising to his elbows and knees) Wh-what happened?
Orton – You fell again.
Dave – (shaking his head) Did…did I get lucky?
Orton – (staring blankly) Why would you?
Dave – I’m a movie star, Randall, it comes with the territory.
Orton – (muttering under his breath) I miss Edge. (louder) Yes, Dave, you got lucky. You’re a star.
Dave – Damn right, sonny, now where’s the steaks?
(they walk toward the porch and HHH goes back to prepping sandwich toppings and the scene changes)
(Steph is still on the back porch, as Orton and Batista come outside. Dave flops in a deck chair and Randy wanders over to the grill. Steph’s phone rings)
Steph - (glancing at caller ID) Yes? Oh, wonderful, when will it be here? OK, perfect, thank you. (she hangs up the phone)
Orton – (wandering over from the grill, where Flair is flipping steaks around and strutting in place) What was that all about?
Steph – Well, I’m having a cake delivered for a very special event.
Orton – (looking confused) Wrestlemania? The Marine 4?
Steph – No.
Orton – Well, I’m out of guesses. (he wanders back to the grill)
Dave – Betamax?
Steph – What?
Dave – Is that why we’re having cake?
Steph – Why would – (she is interrupted by The Shield stepping onto the porch) Oh thank God, hi boys, welcome to the party. How do you like your steaks?
(the three men look at each other, then over at Flair)
Reigns – Romeo
Rollins – Alpha
Ambrose – Romeo
Reigns – Echo
All three in unison – Rare!
Steph – Uh…ok, so that’s three rare steaks then.
(Disco music begins to play as Disco Inferno dances across the yard in front of the pool)
Steph – (sighing) I keep chasing him off (she looks at the Shield) would you three mind helping?
(The three men look at each other, then at Steph and nod in unison)
Reigns ROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! (he cocks his fist and goes on a dead run, leaping in the air and Superman punching Disco into the pool)
Rollins – (looks at Steph) Me next?
(Steph nods and Rollins runs toward the pool, somersaulting onto Disco as Reigns moves aside)
(Steph looks over to where Ambrose was, but he is already gone. She looks back to the pool and Ambrose has Disco pinned to the raft with Sledgie holding him down)
Disco – Help! I’m being double teamed! Someone! Help!
(John Cena comes running in from the side of the house)
Cena – I’m coming! Hustle! Loyalty! Water wings!
(a ref steps in front of Cena, stopping him in his tracks)
Ref – John, don’t, this isn’t who you are.
Cena – (looking from the ref to the pool where Disco is now being triple powerbombed off the diving board) But…
Ref – John, remember who you are, don’t do this.
Cena – I must…I must…
Wyatt – (hanging upside down from a nearby tree limb) Do it, give into your instincts!
(Cena looks between the two, then to the pool where Sledgie is back on his raft)
Sledgie – (tilts to his left)
Cena – (shrugs then looks out at Disco) Sorry, dude, you’re on your own. (Cena skips away)
Wyatt – (swinging back and forth on the tree branch) He’s got the whole world in his pool!
Steph – (without looking up from her book) It’s not his pool.
Wyatt – Fair enough (he hops down and wanders off)
(Triple H wanders out onto the porch, carrying a plate with the sliced tomato on it)
HHH – Here are the toppings.
Steph – One tomato?
HHH – It’s perfect!
Curtis Axel – (popping out the back door) It’s better than perfect!
HHH – See? The age of Magilla Gorilla agrees!
Axel – My name is –
(he is interrupted by a billowing voice coming from inside the house that gets louder)
Heyman – My name is Paul Heyman!
Steph – We know you are, Paul.
Heyman – Yes, of course, and thanks for inviting me. But as I was saying. (he clears his throat) My name is Paul Heyman. And my client, Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrock Lesnar would like to conquer the steak! Medium rare, maybe with some of those crispy onions. But it will definitely be conquered!
(Lesnar walks onto the back porch wearing Hawaiian print trunks and a life preserver. He does his entrance dance)
Heyman – Oh, and a baked potato! My client, Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrock Lesnar would like to conquer a baked potato!
(the doorbell rings and Steph heads in to answer it)
(Scene changes to Steph opening the front door. Mark Henry, Albert, and Santino Morella are standing by a cart with a four layer cake on it. Henry is fidgeting noticeably)
Steph – Great, you made it. The cake looks…Mark, are you ok? You’re drooling a little. I know you love cake, but is that normal?
Henry – That’s what I do!
Steph – Fine. Just bring it around back.
Santino – It’sa the nice cake for the Stephanie McMahons! We are –
(Gorilla Monsoons ghost appears behind him)
Gorilla – Will you stop?
(the ghost disappears)
Santino – (in a voice with no hint of accent) OK, fine. Whatever. C’mon guys, let’s get this around back. The door is too high up, so we could –
Albert – (cutting in) I got this. (he clears his throat) BLAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGG! (He runs through the wall, through the house, and out the back wall onto the porch, then wanders back to help wheel the cart) There we go.
Santino – Why didn’t we just lift it?
Albert – (to Henry) Why didn’t we lift it he says.
(both men laugh and the three carry the cake and cart to the back porch while Santino looks confused)
Steph – Everyone! Everyone! The cake is here, so now we can celebrate!
(Everyone gathers around the large cake)
Steph – Today is a very special occasion. Today is the twentieth anniversary of the day when my husband, Triple H –
HHH – (interrupting) Beat Chris Jericho for the first time!
Steph – No, and please don’t interrupt. As I was saying, it’s the anniversary of the first time that –
Flair – Wooooo?
HHH – No, that’s not it. Why would we celebrate Alex Wright?
Flair – Woooo!
HHH – No, it’s NOT a crowning achievement! Steph!
Steph – (rubbing her temples) What, Hunter?
HHH – Tell him that me losing to Alex Wright isn’t a crowning achievement!
Steph – It isn’t, and that’s not why we’re celebrating!
(Mark Henry begins twitching more and more noticeably, then throws his head back)
Henry – CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!
(He begins devouring the cake by the handful)
Steph – Why do I bother? (she walks over and sits by the pool)
(everyone piles on, grabbing handfuls of cake)
HHH – (wanders over) So now will you tell me what we’re celebrating?
(Sledgie tips to the right as he floats by)
HHH – Wait….seriously? We’re celebrating HIM? What did HE do that was so special?
Steph – Well, in his newest role as director of international object relations, he’s scored a huge coup for us! We have exclusive rights to sign any and all ladders in Europe.
HHH – But they’re ladders! I’m the King of Kings, the Game, The Cerebral Assassin! That deserves a cake!
Steph – Then go eat some cake, it’s right over there.
(HHH looks over to see the cake demolished)
HHH – It’s almost gone, and this is so not fair. But at least he only gets a cake.
Steph – Well…not just that.
HHH – What else?
Steph – He now gets use of both the corporate jet and his own bus.
HHH – That is not fair! Why can’t he just ride in the luggage compartment!
Steph – Executives do not ride in the luggage compartment!
HHH – But –
Steph – No, it’s done, he’s getting a bus.
HHH – How could this get any worse?
(the now mostly demolished cake bursts open, with Alex Wright popping out)
HHH – Wait…what is…how did?
(Alex Wright begins dancing, then dives in and rolls HHH up. Sledgie tilts and lands on the side of the pool, bouncing three times. Wright’s music begins to play)
HHH – (from the ground) What…what just happened?
Flair – Woooooooooooo!
HHH – I did NOT just lose to Alex Wright again!
Flair – Woooooooooooo!
HHH – No I didn’t!
Flair – Wooooo.
HHH – I did not! Steph!
Steph – The referee’s decision is final, Hunter.
HHH – Damn it!
