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Post by 'Foretold' Joker on Jun 19, 2014 10:48:22 GMT -5
So was reading an article about who might be the best star trek crew and thought it was kind of interesting, but then wondered who would be the worst. I came up with this lovely combination, can you do better? (I limited myself to characters involved in science fiction film, TV & video games) Mission: To Explore the universe for 5 years. Spaceship: USG Ishimura with Marker (Dead Space) - A giant planet mining ship with an odd monorail to get around and a large alien artifact that causes weird alien lifeforms to spawn in dead bodies. Sounds good already. Captain: Zapp Branigann (Futurama) - Possibly the worst star ship captain ever and Kiff isn't even around to help him. First Officer: Rune Haako (Trade Federation: Phantom Menace) - I thought this guy did nothing as the guy who stands next to Nute Gunray who also did nothing but make bureaucratic errors and underestimate jedi. Tactical & Chief of Security: Arnold Rimmer (Red Dwarf) He thinks he would make the best leader ever, but he wouldn't. Also a complete coward and blames eveything on others. Communications: Neelix (Star Trek Voyager) - I know he's more a culture aid but still he seems to know very little about the delta quadrant and keeping morale up with this lot would be an amusing fail. Chief Engineer: Slippy Toad (Starfox) - Finding a fictional incompetant engineer is very difficult, heck Slippy is good in his own right. But the constant need for help and naive optimism is not a good trait. Science Officer: Dr. Weir (Event Horizon) - Black Hole powered drives should speed up the process ... aw Hell. Helmsman: Porkins (Star Wars) - If I can count on anyone to drive under pressure, Porkins is the man for the job  Doctor: Mad Dok Grotsnik (Warhammer 40k) - Incompetent medical doctors are hard to find. So I went with a large Ork who's idea of anesthetic is hitting you with a hammer. Other/Extra Role: Joh Yowza (Singer - Star Wars: RotJ) - This crew need entertainment and the singer from Jabba's Paalce in the extended edition of return of the Jedi should do wonders. I expect him and Neelix to be at each others throats in 30 minutes ... or doing a duet. |
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Post by A Platypus Rave on Jun 19, 2014 11:12:07 GMT -5
Chief Engineer: Slippy Toad (Starfox) - Finding a fictional incompetant engineer is very difficult, heck Slippy is good in his own right. But the constant need for help and naive optimism is not a good trait. Doctor: Mad Dok Grotsnik (Warhammer 40k) - Incompetent medical doctors are hard to find. So I went with a large Ork who's idea of anesthetic is hitting you with a hammer. From what I remember the engineer from Star Trek Voyager was relatively incompetent. Not completely but there were multiple times when she made things worse and responded with "I don't know" a few times on information she should have known... Also Grotsnik is a great doctor! Sure he might replace your brain with a squig... but other than that... |
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Post by Clash, Never a Meter Maid on Jun 19, 2014 14:28:46 GMT -5
All of us.
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Futureraven: Beelzebruv
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
The Ultimate Arbiter of Right And Wrong
Spent half my life here, God help me
Posts: 15,080
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Post by Futureraven: Beelzebruv on Jun 19, 2014 14:48:56 GMT -5
Chief Engineer: Slippy Toad (Starfox) - Finding a fictional incompetant engineer is very difficult, heck Slippy is good in his own right. But the constant need for help and naive optimism is not a good trait. Doctor: Mad Dok Grotsnik (Warhammer 40k) - Incompetent medical doctors are hard to find. So I went with a large Ork who's idea of anesthetic is hitting you with a hammer. From what I remember the engineer from Star Trek Voyager was relatively incompetent. Not completely but there were multiple times when she made things worse and responded with "I don't know" a few times on information she should have known... Also Grotsnik is a great doctor! Sure he might replace your brain with a squig... but other than that... There was also the time B'Elanna (the Voyager one) couldn't identify manure even with a tricorder, so she literally doesn't know shit. |
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Post by A Platypus Rave on Jun 19, 2014 14:49:52 GMT -5
Yeah, that's her name my brain wasn't working this morning
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Post by Amazing Kitsune on Jun 19, 2014 16:00:01 GMT -5
Ship: USS Nitro Captain: Eric Bischoff He's Captain just for the fortune and fame. He has no real authority over his crew members and really wants to be liked more than anything else. He's a nice captain to serve under, but he's a poor leader. First Officer: Hulk Hogan In many respects, a tremendous choice for First Officer. He's strong, skilled in hand-to-hand combat, a masterful leader of men, a lover of exotic space ladies, and he rocks a bandanna that's totally against Starfleet regulations. He's a badass and he doesn't care about regulations, brother. Still, he never wants to promote anybody, constantly in fear of losing his unassailable position on the ship. He constantly overrules Captain Bischoff and has no regard rank. Despite being almost overly qualified for his position, he is a deadly dose of poison when it comes to ship morale. He is, to his credit, said to be a pretty nice guy by civilians. Security Officer: "Big Sexy" Kevin Nash He's likeable, funny, and intelligent. He also has skinny chicken legs and a reputation for getting injured during sparing sessions, walking onto the bridge, and doing daily tasks. He once had a suspicious "cardiac event" happen when it came time for him to fight the Garzondian Champion. Luckily for the crew, the match was rescheduled and he was replaced by First Officer Hulk Hogan, who predictably destroyed the Garzondian Champion and thereby saved the entire crew from being sold into slavery. Still, in spite of this Nash still draws a huge pay check, despite never having once saved the crew from any kind of disaster. He's really funny though, so nobody cares. Science Officer: "Big Poppa Pump" "The Big Bad Booty Daddy" Scott Steiner He's not very eloquent or well-spoken. He rambles on and on about percentages, but is normally too marble-mouthed to say anything intelligible. He's constantly getting into fights with low-ranking members of the crew like Ensign Matt Hardy, ridiculing them for their bodily imperfections. Does not seem to know that much about science. Ship Counselor: Raven He's underpaid, gets little respect, always drones on and on about what he did on another ship, and is probably crazy. A small contingent of the crew literally worships him and there's been rumors that he's planning a mutiny. They're unsubstantiated at the moment, but represent a possible danger on the voyage. Communications: Sting Seemingly a mute 99% of the time. When he does speak, he doesn't say anything very bright or memorable. He wears some weird white and black facepaint at almost all times, causing most of the crew to think of him as something of a primadonna. He does not know any alien languages. He has caused several cultural misunderstandings, and one major war, because he has a strange obsession with pointing a baseball bat at various aliens, and First Officer Hogan. Helmsman:  Nobody knows who drives the ship. First Officer Hogan claims to know and says that he's a cool guy. At the same time, First Officer Hogan once claimed that he punched a six ton asteroid in half. All that is known about the helmsman is that he (she?) was once known for driving a white hummer back on Earth. Sometimes just referred to in conversation among the crew as "Whoever drove the white hummer." Ship Doctor: Ms. Hancock Nobody knows if she's even qualified to practice medicine. Nobody cares. |
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Post by Hit Girl on Jun 19, 2014 16:21:07 GMT -5
Janeway as captain. No doubt about it.
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Post by Sir Woodrow on Jun 19, 2014 23:36:20 GMT -5
You're still mad about the time Mister Pigwell almost piloted the Starship FAN Forum into the fifth sun of Urectus 7 |
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Post by Mister Pigwell on Jun 19, 2014 23:43:27 GMT -5
You're still mad about the time Mister Pigwell almost piloted the Starship FAN Forum into the fifth sun of Urectus 7 Urectus? Idamnnearkilledus! |
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Mozenrath
FANatic
Foppery and Whim
Speedy Speed Boy
Posts: 121,125
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Post by Mozenrath on Jun 19, 2014 23:49:59 GMT -5
The crew from Prometheus.
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Post by crashmatsbazz on Jun 20, 2014 1:47:45 GMT -5
The Kardashians.
i don't think having all of them on board would work, Khole would be constantly fighting with Gul Dukat
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2014 2:00:54 GMT -5
All Mantis crew with no teleporter
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