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Post by Long A, Short A on Sept 29, 2014 11:32:29 GMT -5
My thoughts are with you. Your situation sound so sticky and stinky.
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Post by SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman on Sept 29, 2014 11:40:52 GMT -5
I've said it before and I'll say it again: STOP. GIVING HIM. CHANCES. He's been exploiting you without making a single effort to improve, he's been stealing from you, lying to you and every single time you gave him yet another chance, what happened? He said he was going to make efforts and every single time it turned out he only said that to get more stuff from you and exploit you to feed his drug and crime habit. He's even TOLD you he doesn't give a shit about you. On multiple occasions no less so until he ACTUALLY gets his shit together and goes to rehab ON HIS OWN, drop him and burn your bridges with him. You've told us yourself he's done stuff that could kill the lot of you, for crying out loud!! And if he keeps showing up then CALL THE F'N COPS, get a restraining order against him or SOMETHING, don't just take him back! I'm sorry dude but it's getting a little hard to sympathise with you when you keep falling for the same traps. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me and all that. He's not gonna stop leeching off you if you keep letting him leech off you. Are you waiting for him to finally succeed in setting the house on fire after huffing gas with an open flame one too many times so none of you can have a place to sleep? Next chance you get, kick him out and don't let him back in. Again, apparently in Indiana I have to actually evict him, which means that I have to get the courts involved and he has the legal right to stay there until the process is done. Do you feel like dealing with someone on a daily basis that you are in the process of evicting, especially if the process takes a month or so? Well it's better than just proving him right about being able to get away with it by letting him live in your place until he ends up killing your entire family because he's too dumb to realize that smoking next to gas fumes is a stupid idea or just kills your entire family outright because he's obviously a psychopath (and I mean that very literally: someone antisocial incapable of empathy or remorse)! Stop making excuses for him and KICK HIM OUT. He can legally stay? Let him call the cops! I'm sure they'll love to hear about how you're not letting him in because he keeps doing drugs and endangering the whole neighbourhood with his antics. Show him your shed and tell them about what he's been doing there, tell them what you've told us. He literally a threat to your life and to that of the people around you, there's no way they're going to let him stay after that.
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Post by Jimichiro Likes Erick Rowan on Sept 29, 2014 12:27:29 GMT -5
I can't tell you how to run your life, but if I were in your spot, I'd have a long talk with my wife that culminated with "It's me (& the kids) or him." This isn't worth your life. This isn't worth the well being of your other children.
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Post by Kash Flagg on Sept 29, 2014 13:44:00 GMT -5
Honestly, I'm surprised you guys haven't lost your other kids to child services due to having this obvious danger in your house. Maybe THAT is something to bring up with your wife. Ask her is it worth it to possibly lose your other kids because she won't (not can't, WON'T) stand up to her son?
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Glitch
King Koopa
Not Going To Die; Childs, we're goin' out to give Blair the test. If he tries to make it back here and we're not with him... burn him.
Watching you.
Posts: 12,716
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Post by Glitch on Sept 29, 2014 15:41:51 GMT -5
This is some complicated shit. It seems that this problem would have been solved very easily if his wife had not been a huge enabler. I'm guessing this is the only reason this druggie asshole gets any chances. And this is probably why the situation is easier said then done.
I can't really sit here and call him a spineless coward since he is in a bind where he could easily risk his marriage(any relationship is harder to alter when you look at it from the inside). The thing I can say is that he has to face reality and has to make a choice(whether he likes it or not).
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Dr. T is an alien
Patti Mayonnaise
Knows when to hold them, knows when to fold them
I've been found out!
Posts: 31,353
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Post by Dr. T is an alien on Sept 29, 2014 16:16:26 GMT -5
I've said it before and I'll say it again: STOP. GIVING HIM. CHANCES. He's been exploiting you without making a single effort to improve, he's been stealing from you, lying to you and every single time you gave him yet another chance, what happened? He said he was going to make efforts and every single time it turned out he only said that to get more stuff from you and exploit you to feed his drug and crime habit. He's even TOLD you he doesn't give a shit about you. On multiple occasions no less so until he ACTUALLY gets his shit together and goes to rehab ON HIS OWN, drop him and burn your bridges with him. You've told us yourself he's done stuff that could kill the lot of you, for crying out loud!! And if he keeps showing up then CALL THE F'N COPS, get a restraining order against him or SOMETHING, don't just take him back! I'm sorry dude but it's getting a little hard to sympathise with you when you keep falling for the same traps. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me and all that. He's not gonna stop leeching off you if you keep letting him leech off you. Are you waiting for him to finally succeed in setting the house on fire after huffing gas with an open flame one too many times so none of you can have a place to sleep? Again, apparently in Indiana I have to actually evict him, which means that I have to get the courts involved and he has the legal right to stay there until the process is done. Do you feel like dealing with someone on a daily basis that you are in the process of evicting, especially if the process takes a month or so? Well it's better than just proving him right about being able to get away with it by letting him live in your place until he ends up killing your entire family because he's too dumb to realize that smoking next to gas fumes is a stupid idea or just kills your entire family outright because he's obviously a psychopath (and I mean that very literally: someone antisocial incapable of empathy or remorse)! Stop making excuses for him and KICK HIM OUT. He can legally stay? Let him call the cops! I'm sure they'll love to hear about how you're not letting him in because he keeps doing drugs and endangering the whole neighbourhood with his antics. Show him your shed and tell them about what he's been doing there, tell them what you've told us. He literally a threat to your life and to that of the people around you, there's no way they're going to let him stay after that. First, I would like to disabuse you of a few misconceptions you seem to have here: 1) I am not looking for any sympathy. I am not even looking for any answers. As the title of the thread suggests, I am mainly looking to vent. I know my situation. I know what I want done. I know what the consequences might be if I get what I want. It pisses me off and every once in a while I just need to vent. 2) I am fully aware of what my role in my current situation is. I also know what everyone else's roles are as well. I know that if I had put my foot down when he got arrested and not let him back in the house in the first place none of this would be a real issue for me, but I have always tried to give him the same opportunities, resources, and support my own children get. I honestly thought that he might have gotten scared straight. It happened once before, when he got thrown into juvie at 14 and flew straight for 3 years or so. I thought that if he went another stretch of time being scared straight that he might finally grow up and fly straight without being scared. I was wrong, and as a result I am in the mess I am in. 3) My wife and I have done a decent job sheltering the kids from the situation, for the most part. I am not saying that they do not know what is going on, because they do, but they do get sheltered from the degree to which it all happens is. 4) As I said, I don't expect answers when I post here. If anyone knows what it is like to be an addict, their input is welcome because I don't understand even a fraction of what is going through his head.
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Post by OVO 40 hunched over like he 80 on Sept 29, 2014 16:25:15 GMT -5
I don't have anything to add I just hope that your situation gets handled quickly and everything works for the best, your home should be the one place you can find peace and I hope it will become that place again for you.
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Mozenrath
FANatic
Foppery and Whim
Speedy Speed Boy
Posts: 121,039
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Post by Mozenrath on Sept 29, 2014 20:26:10 GMT -5
You cannot kick him out without evicting him, right? But if he has drugs on your property, can you not turn him over and just not bail him out? Maybe that'd seem like a betrayal, but at this point, I can't say I'd think it was anything of the sort.
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Post by "I'm Batman..." on Sept 29, 2014 21:19:34 GMT -5
Addicts will only get help after they hit bottom. That bottom is different for every addict. It seems that it just hasn't gotten bad enough for him yet. No one ever gets and stays sober for anyone else, they have to do it for themselves.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2014 13:27:11 GMT -5
Many people have mentioned this idea of calling the cops on him for having drugs and other illicit substances on your property - why don't you just do that? He gets arrested and thrown out, and then you don't have to let him back in...
Seems like that's a pretty simple, yet very conclusive, solution, no?
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Post by The Pixel on Sept 30, 2014 16:24:17 GMT -5
Go to a Dr regarding the passing out, get them to write you a note saying it was stress induced, take that to the courts along with any evidence you have of the shit he has put you through and get the restraining order on the basis that the fact him being there could kill you.
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crabbymelt
ALF
I'm going to kick the living POOP out of him.
Posts: 1,047
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Post by crabbymelt on Sept 30, 2014 16:42:31 GMT -5
I feel for your problems. I'm throwing in the towel on my aunt and her family because I'm sick of watching them passive aggressively take shots at each other and kill themselves with food. My aunt had a stroke last Christmas, and her kids are lazy shits. They don't do simple things to take care of themselves and are always bitching about how their life sucks, yet do enormously stupid things like get another cat (we have six) and take out pay-day loans. I am working as many hours as I can to get the f*^& out of this house, because I've finally accepted that I don't have to contribute to or watch this family implode. Here, there is a 5 month waiting list for public housing, but it's better than staying here. A couple suggestions for you. One, go ahead and do the eviction. Even if you think it'll do nothing, it might save your butt in the end so it's worth trying. Two, have you talked to Social Services in your area? Try this link: www.in.gov/fssa/dmha/2578.htm or call someone there to explain the issues and have them direct you to the right place. They may know other options we don't. Three, I guarantee your other child (ren?) is more affected than it seems. For that reason, maybe it is time to send her to a relative or trusted family friend to stay for a while, get a stable environment. That was how I ended up at my aunt's in the first place. It's not a permanent fix, but it did save me from hanging myself, so I suggest that to you for that reason. Four, bulldoze your shed. Seriously. Lastly, are you seeing anyone for counseling? I mean the personal kind. You and your wife have a lot of issues you'll need to work out to come through on this, but you need to first take care of your own mental health, and then try to get your wife to see reason. And it's gonna suck. There's no way to go about this without making some hurricanes, so just try something. Good luck, man.
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Sept 30, 2014 17:35:16 GMT -5
What's questionable about the restraining order? It seems like if you really want him out that is your best bet and it sounds like you have grounds for getting one. The eviction process can take months and months so that really doesn't seem like a realistic option in this case if he's doing stuff everyday that puts those around him in harm, sometime in serious harm.
Although I guess you might consider trying both avenues. I know you've been making these threads for a while and it seems like you're just going in circles. Even if the eviction process may take forever it is better to start now then contemplating it again in another 6 months.
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Post by Hot Noodle Truck on Sept 30, 2014 23:50:25 GMT -5
4) As I said, I don't expect answers when I post here. If anyone knows what it is like to be an addict, their input is welcome because I don't understand even a fraction of what is going through his head. Like a few others, I've followed your threads and really feel for your situation. Regarding this topic, I hope I can give you some idea of the thought process of an addict. There is none. I'm a recovering addict and alcoholic, starting from a young age. I can tell you from personal experience, we don't care. We don't care who we hurt, how many relationships we destroy or who we have to manipulate so long as we get our high. I've done and said some pretty damn terrible things to people through the years and threw away a lot of great relationships and friendships with a lot of wonderful people, all for my own selfish desires. My situation was very similar to yours. My mother enabled my behavior out of guilt but my step father was nowhere near as patient as you are. Still, we fought and argued and very nearly came to blows a few times and I never cared what it did to anyone. From my experiences, an addict will never change until they are forced to themselves. I nearly died and that's what set me on a path to recovery, but it can almost never be forced as we will never admit to having a problem. I will agree with those who have said that you should begin the eviction process. I know it puts you in a terrible position but you have other, younger children that are being put in danger. Believe me, it won't be long until you come home one day and his dealer is in your house hanging out. For the safety and well being of you and your family, please don't let it come to that. He does have to understand that there are consequences for his actions and words. You sound like a good man and I wish you the best in this situation and I sincerely hope that this helps you in some way.
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Dr. T is an alien
Patti Mayonnaise
Knows when to hold them, knows when to fold them
I've been found out!
Posts: 31,353
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Post by Dr. T is an alien on Oct 1, 2014 10:24:54 GMT -5
I guess the next step is to figure out what the process of evicting someone is. I have never, ever done it. Do you contact the county government? The sheriff? The city? The state? I can't find anything online about WHOM to contact, only what forms to use and what standards have to be met in order to evict someone.
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Post by Hot Noodle Truck on Oct 1, 2014 10:45:13 GMT -5
I guess the next step is to figure out what the process of evicting someone is. I have never, ever done it. Do you contact the county government? The sheriff? The city? The state? I can't find anything online about WHOM to contact, only what forms to use and what standards have to be met in order to evict someone. I know it's most likely different where you live, but in my town in New York you have to go through the local courthouse to at least begin the process. Trying giving yours a call and see if they can point you in the right direction.
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Post by Hurbster on Oct 1, 2014 10:53:02 GMT -5
He huffs petrol ? Does he also do the other 80's substance abuses such as sniffing glue ?
Maybe you need to take the rest of the family, leave and sell the house.
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Dr. T is an alien
Patti Mayonnaise
Knows when to hold them, knows when to fold them
I've been found out!
Posts: 31,353
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Post by Dr. T is an alien on Oct 6, 2014 1:41:17 GMT -5
Well, tonight was fun. He went outside, got high and started noisily doing a stand-up routine in our backyard. My wife went out there and royally bitched him out and concluded the conversation with her new catchphrase, "Get some help or f***ing move out!". He came in, packed his backpack and declared that he was leaving.
How far did he get? He got as far as he did the last 5 times he made that declaration. We went out to our shed when he was out there, lit up even worse and screaming at "the guy sneaking around our backyard who was out there shooting at him". We had another hour long conversation with him pleading with him one last time to get help. He said he did not have a problem. We said he was destroying the relationships with the last people willing to help him, to which he acted flabbergasted. He said he did not see it that way. We asked him if he did not notice that everyone was pissed at him all of the time, to which he responded that if we got mad at him it wasn't his fault (I asked him if I knew of something that he did not want me to do and then went out of my way to do it every single day, would it somehow be my fault if he got mad at me? He did not answer as he could not argue with that without admitting that he was full of it).
Eventually, he declared that he does not have a drug problem, hasn't touched drugs in over a year (apparently huffing, booze, and pot don't count as drugs, and yes, he said that specifically), and he will never change because he made a promise to himself to never change. He declared that he was moving out and would spend tomorrow looking for a place to stay. He asked me to drop him off at Walmart (about a 5 minute drive), which I did. I did not do it because I thought he was actually intending to move out. I did it because it meant that he might not spend the rest of the evening in my shed yelling at hallucinations until my neighbors call the cops.
Do I think he is truly gone? No. I expect him to show up either tomorrow or Tuesday, hungry and stinking. Do I hope that he is gone for a little while, long enough for us to argue that he abandoned his residence with us? Hell yes. This would be the easy way out. The only reason why I did not actually push for eviction all along is that my wife truly could not take it. If it is a matter of refusing to let him back in the house, she can handle that.
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Glitch
King Koopa
Not Going To Die; Childs, we're goin' out to give Blair the test. If he tries to make it back here and we're not with him... burn him.
Watching you.
Posts: 12,716
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Post by Glitch on Oct 6, 2014 3:17:03 GMT -5
Let's hope that since he left of his own free will, he no longer can have the law on his side. How long does he have to be gone for him to count as abandoning?
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Post by Hit Girl on Oct 6, 2014 3:22:51 GMT -5
While he's gone, demolish your shed.
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