Oak: Certified Jade Hater
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Edgier than Wayne Brady, Harder than Chinese Arithmetic, and Higher than the ratings for Blade: The Series
TOP ROPE CATCH A VIBE YEAH I SWERVE WHEN I DRIVE
Posts: 15,411
|
Post by Oak: Certified Jade Hater on Jul 26, 2015 17:29:19 GMT -5
Breeze with the Supermodel Plex.
Sorry, I enjoyed that promo moreso than TJ's.
|
|
Waffel113
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Ain't no Rap Mobile with his Waffels
Posts: 19,020
|
Post by Waffel113 on Jul 26, 2015 17:35:11 GMT -5
The three men circle for a bit, looking to feel each other out, before Axel puts his hand up for the test of strength.
Odd thing to do, given it's a triple threat.
Breeze accepts the test, when TJ enters the fray and takes an arm each from both men!
Strange minds think alike, Ashley. Looks like we have a three-way test of strength!
Axel and Wilson share a look, and start to put the pressure on Breeze, who starts to go down. Breeze is nearly bent all the way back, when Axel suddenly breaks the hold and takes Wilson down with a Thesz Press!!
Well that alliance didn't last very long. With his talk about TJ not being a Hart, I'm not very surprised.
Axel lays in with shot after shot and finally lets up to cover, but Breeze cuts him off with a suplex and covers Wilson himself!
1!
Wilson kicks out!
Undeterred, Breeze hits a quick elbow on Curtis and covers him.
1!
Axel kicks out!
Can't fault the champ for trying both of them. And it may be his strategy. Making both challengers expend energy early plays to his favor, especially when he's the youngest man in that ring by a good margin.
Tyler looks to remain on the offensive and stays on Axel, but the challenger thumbs him in the eye! The champion staggers back and right into Wilson, who hits a neckbreaker! Wilson covers.
1!
Axel pulls Wilson off and covers Breeze himself!
1!
Breeze kicks out!
And this match is already devolving into a bit of a scrum. No one man gaining an advantage.
Curtis backs off into the corner and catches his breath as we effectively return to square one, no one man making a move. Suddenly, Breeze makes a run at Wilson and hits a dropkick, knocking him out of the ring! Axel whips Breeze off the ropes, the champ catches him with a wheel kick on the rebound!
And that flurry shows exactly why Breeze is one of the best young stars in the business!
Breeze with a cover!
1! 2!
Axel kicks out!
The action stays fast and furious as Wilson makes his way back into the ring, quickly locking up with Tyler. He quickly maneuvers Breeze into a wristlock, before taking the champion over into a cross armbar!
And we're seeing some new tricks from Wilson tonight! Working over the champ's arm, we'll see how it pays off.
TJ keeps cranking back on the arm, not letting Breeze try to roll over and reverse the pressure. Wilson continues to pull back, but Axel suddenly blindsides him with the neck snap!
And now it's Axel getting an edge here! Taking TJ out of commission and maybe looking to pick up the scraps!
Wilson slumps over and releases his grip on Breeze. The champ tries to get up, but Curtis hits him with a big splash! Cover by Axel!
1! 2!
Breeze kicks out!
Breeze barely escaped that one. He's in a bad way right now.
Axel lifts Breeze up and hits a quick suplex. He gets up, presumably for an elbow, but Wilson springs in from out of nowhere and hits the Blockbuster!
Can you believe the height he got on that leap? What a move from TJ Wilson!
Wilson covers!
1! 2!
Breeze breaks it up at the last moment!
And Tyler Breeze may have just saved his Intercontinental Championship!
Breeze pulls Wilson up and slings into the corner. The champ puts him on the top rope, and hooks him for a superplex, but Axel slides underneath and grabs Breeze by the legs. Tower of Doom!
Oh my God! All three men are down! That Intercontinental Championship is going to go to whoever gets up first!
Axel and Breeze get to their feet first, trading blows back and forth. Breeze starts to get an advantage and staggers Curtis, Unprettier knocks him out cold!
That's it! Breeze is gonna do it! Hold on, it looks like he wants to prove his dominance here...
Breeze pulls TJ up by the neck and drags him around, talking trash. He finally goes for the Unprettier, but TJ counters it into the Sharpshooter!
Sharpshooter! Sharpshooter! Breeze just sealed his own fate! The champ's got nowhere to go!
Breeze struggles to break out of the hold, trying to pull himself up by the ropes, but TJ takes control and pulls him back into the middle of the ring! Tyler taps out!
Here is your winner, and the NEW Intercontinental Champion, TJ Wilson!
And TJ Wilson will be the final Intercontinental Champion! What a fantastic showing! For one of the most underrated wrestlers in the company for years, there can't be anything sweeter than this!
TJ grabs the championship and hugs Britani, before running to somebody on the ramp.
And look who came out to celebrate! His wife, Natalya!
Natalya and TJ talk for a moment before TJ suddenly pulls her in and kisses her, to the roar of the crowd!
What a wonderful moment this is for TJ Wilson. Congratulations, champ!
We fade backstage on the trio walking up the ramp.
*The camera pans to the backstage interviewing area where Kyle Edwards is standing by with Toshiro Sakamoto*
Toshiro, tonight, at what may possibly be the WWE's last event, you take on Matt Sydal, one on one. Since your arrival in late 2012, you went on to accomplish many things and win many important matches, earning the credit to being one of the most successful Japanese wrestler in WWE history. With all that is going on, what are your thoughts?
Well, Kyle, as you said, I have had some impressive highs....and some not so impressive lows. There are some things, both decided in the ring and out that I did not handle very well, at times, but true success is not always measured in how you win, but how you recover after you lose. It has taken me a while to relearn this lesson, which seemed natural in my memory so long ago. It is a pity it came when it all is about to end.
I do not know what will happen from here, but it looks like it will be my last match on American soil. Perhaps I am wrong, but no matter what, I wish to go back home, at least for a while, to rediscover myself some more.
Now, onto this actual match. I have wrestled Matt Sydal before, and I know what to expect from him. To keep it simple, I will keep him grounded, then throw him around and then smash him down until he stops moving. Sorry that I am not to talkative tonight, Kyle. I have a lot on my mind. But, as usual, the fans will know my actions speak more then my words, and I will be fully eloquent as I leave with my head held high.
*Sakamoto then leaves*
We see Matt Sydal training in a lightly lit room.
So this is it. One last chance to show the world to look to the skies, because when it is all said and done, I will be the one everyone talks about.
Let me give you all a reminder of who the hell I am. I am the Superkick that was heard at Wrestlemania 28. I was the man that defied all that was known when I beat Hunter one year later. I am the man who beat The Demon Kane...trademarked...and Jack Swagger to become the hardcore champion. Didn't happen? Doesn't matter because it's my promo and I will say whatever I want, because that is my freedom, and nobody can tell me otherwise.
Now, tonight I face a man that I have truthfully never fought before, and truthfully am a bit nervous going into this match...Toshiro Sakamoto.
Man, you want to talk power and technicality, he is the man you talk to. The thing is though is that I have been training for this match with everything in my arsenal. I've had gym time, I've had meditation, and I've even gotten fan letters from people who want me to show that the spirit of a fighter can come in any size. One of the wrestlers...even gave me his mask before he walked away...to show that the fire will not die.
Toshiro tonight in what will be on many highlight reels, you and I will do battle. No matter who comes out on top...it has been an honor fighting with you...Sir.
Tonight the odds are against me but the odds I will defy. Because I will show I was born to win and definitely born to fly. Look into the stars, and see something truly original. Because the final product will be smooth...and forever a criminal.
Sydal sighs and walks towards the door.
Sigh...I'm gonna miss this place.
He turns off the light and heads towards the ring.
|
|
Waffel113
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Ain't no Rap Mobile with his Waffels
Posts: 19,020
|
Post by Waffel113 on Jul 26, 2015 17:40:19 GMT -5
The following contest is scheduled for one fall!Bakusho Sengen (Remix)Introducing first, from the Machida-Shi Ward in Tokyo, Japan, weighing in at 215 pounds, Toshiro Sakamoto!Sakamoto had a legendary run with the Double Crown Championship in 2012 through 2013. People talk about Curtis Axel or Tyler Breeze as having good runs, but if you want a great run with what is now the Intercontinental Championship, you don't need to look further than this man right here!Sakamoto has had ups and downs over his WWE career, much like his opponent tonight. You can bet Toshiro would like a final win here in WWE before returning to Japan.Some were born to fight... Some were born to sin...Born to WinAnd his opponent, from St. Louis, Missouri, weighing in at 175 pounds, Matt Sydal!There's a pause, but nobody shows up. What's going on?Hold on, something coming on the screen!We quickly pan up to the TitanTron where we see Sydal throwing a series of punches, each one connecting with...something. He finally lets up and we see some sort of gunk on his hands. What...the hell...is that?Finally, revenge is mine!Sydal grins and heads off. We pan down and see what Sydal was attacking... A crushed squash. Ha! Finally, he gets one back from the squash!Sydal finally comes on to the stage and starts making his way to the ring as his theme restarts.Matt Sydal was a fan favorite, someone who was downright despised, and everything in between, but he's always been one of the most exciting cruiserweights WWE has ever seen, and this Madison Square Garden crowd is thrilled to see him back!People forget that Sydal came within inches of knocking off John Morrison at No Way Out 2013 to win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. If you're talking underrated superstars of the last five years, Matt Sydal is certainly in the conversation.Toshiro Sakamoto vs. Matt Sydal 10 Minutes (6:50)
|
|
|
Post by MikeyMania on Jul 26, 2015 17:41:45 GMT -5
Sydal with a standing moonsault.
|
|
Waffel113
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Ain't no Rap Mobile with his Waffels
Posts: 19,020
|
Post by Waffel113 on Jul 26, 2015 17:42:29 GMT -5
Sydal rubs the remains of the squash into Sakamoto's face, blinding him!
|
|
suave
Dennis Stamp
"I only got on my knees for God and maybe to lick a girl's pussy" -Teddy Hart
Posts: 4,207
|
Post by suave on Jul 26, 2015 17:42:36 GMT -5
Sydal with a shooting Sydal splash
|
|
TOO SWEET
Grimlock
Not a doctor, nor do I play one on tv.
Posts: 13,109
|
Post by TOO SWEET on Jul 26, 2015 17:42:38 GMT -5
THE SQUASH! THE SQUASH! THE SQUASH!
THE GREATEST FEUD IN SMACKDOWN HISTORY HAS BEEN REIGNITED!
SYDAL WITH THE SUPERSQUASH SUPERKICK TO SAKAMOTO!
|
|
Matt
El Dandy
Posts: 8,727
Member is Online
|
Post by Matt on Jul 26, 2015 17:43:13 GMT -5
Sakamoto with a non squash slam.
Really liked both your promos.
|
|
|
Post by Fake Jesus on Jul 26, 2015 17:44:29 GMT -5
Sakamoto with an axe-bomber/
|
|
|
Post by cageking666 on Jul 26, 2015 17:46:24 GMT -5
Sydal with a superkick
|
|
Waffel113
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Ain't no Rap Mobile with his Waffels
Posts: 19,020
|
Post by Waffel113 on Jul 26, 2015 17:50:10 GMT -5
The match gets off to a fast start, with the two locking up. Sakamoto's technical excellence gets him a quick edge, but Sydal's quickness keeps it in check. Sakamoto finally manages to slow the cruiserweight down, and hits a short-arm lariat! Cover from Sakamoto.
1!
Sydal kicks out.
Sydal has a lot in the tank. Sakamoto must be trying to get Sydal to tire himself out. Never underestimate how cerebral Toshiro Sakamoto is. I worked with him earlier this year, and he's always thinking two or three steps ahead.
Sakamoto pulls Sydal up and goes for a suplex, but Sydal quickly turns it into a small package!
1!
Sakamoto kicks out!
...but with that mentality, he can be prone to overthinking it in there, leading to mistakes like that. Nice cover, Graves.
Sydal stays on top of Sakamoto and looks for the moonsault press. He leaps, but Sakamoto gets the knees up just in time! Sydal recoils, Toshiro gets up and hits a Northern Lights Suplex!
1! 2!
Sydal kicks out!
Shutting down Sydal's high-flying offense is a priority for Sakamoto in this one. He keeps this up, he'll be well on his way to winning it!
Toshiro lifts Sydal up and whips him off the ropes. Sakamoto dodges the wheel kick and catches Sydal with a huge shoulder tackle as he recovers!
Sakamoto not going for the cover there, preferring to remain on the attack. When you outweigh your opponent by 40 pounds, opting to keep going is a very good option.
Sakamoto throws Sydal into the corner and sets him up for a superplex, but Matt catches him with a big kick! Toshiro stumbles around, Sydal dives and hits him with the knees to the face!
And there's the excellence of Matt Sydal on display! What a move!
Sydal covers!
1! 2!
Sakamoto kicks out!
Big kickout from Sakamoto. I don't know many other people who could've taken that move and kicked out. But look at how slow Sydal is to get up. Both men have to be exhausted by now!
The two are tiring out by this point and start to trade blows. Sakamoto starts to lay in with a series of chops, and Sydal can barely respond. Sakamoto climbs onto the second rope, crossbody! Both men are out of it!
And I don't think I've ever seen a move like that from Sakamoto! But that took as much out of him as it did out of Sydal. There's a reason you've never seen something like that from him, Cole!
Sakamoto pulls himself up and motions for Sydal to get up. He hooks him for the Michinoku Driver No. 2, Sydal fights it! Sakamoto tries again, Matt spins out into a reverse DDT!
Sydal just escaped certain defeat there! He has Sakamoto right where he wants him!
Sydal slowly climbs the ropes and gets in position as the crowd roars. He leaps, Shooting Star connects!
Shooting Star Press! Nobody does it better!
Sydal rolls on to cover!
1! 2! 3!
Here is your winner, Matt Sydal!
And Matt Sydal is victorious in a phenomenal match! A one night only return for Sydal, and it's clear he hasn't lost a step! And the fans are giving it up for both of these men, Michael! What a showing from Sakamoto and Sydal!
Sydal helps Sakamoto up and celebrates with him as we fade backstage.
We cut to backstage, around a loading dock. Lance Action, Bill Traven, and Percy Watson are sitting around, drinking brown bags, talking.
...and I told him, hey, I ain't even booked tonight, as usual-
Wait, Lance, you're booked tonight, right?
Yeah. It's no big deal though. Jager is basically Gatorade to me. I'm gonna kick so much ass tonight.
Yeah, I feel ya. Evolution, what a crock of shit.
Last time you were in a stable, it didn't end so well, isn't that right, Bill?
Aw, f*** off, Perc. That sure was a fun and exciting IC Title run you had-
Hey! At least I held a title.
And nearly ruined it's prestige...
My brother, prestige is in the eye of the beholder.
You weren't a very good beholder then-
Jeez, guys, chill. You sound like 40 year old men talking about high school football.
The three are quiet for a few seconds.
Man...
What?
It's just...tonight's the end, man. The WWE is coming to a close.
So is the known universe, my brother. It's the day of reckoning.
Man, we're done.
In a way, yes. But I have an idea.
You're gonna save the universe?
Psh. No. That'd be so much work. And it wouldn't even be fun.
So what do you suggest we do?
Here. Follow me.
The three get up. Quick cut to inside the time machine. There's posters of movies like "The Sperms of Endearment", "Anyone You Can Do, I Can Do Better", and "Twelve Angry Sluts", all with Lance on the front. There's also a family portrait of Ted Dibiase, Lance Action, and Big E. Percy and Bill look around in awe.
My brother, this thing is incredible.
Bill rummages around in a drawer.
Hmm...there's a lot of letters here from Montana.
Yeah, that's where I'm from. Wolf Point.
Bill opens a letter.
Heh. Who's this "Vince" guy, and why does he keep calling you his son-
DON'T TOUCH THE LETTERS, JESUS!
Alright, alright.
Wait, why does it say "Property of Reyals" on this-
Eh...it's no biggie. So, where do you guys want to go?
I dunno. How about #WallBrawl?
Did you just say "hashtag" out loud?
I feel dirty.
Let's go.
Lance presses a button, and the three are suddenly in the middle of a huge fight. People are throwing things at each other, and a wall is being built. Raj Dhesi is running around, screaming about Darren Young.
This was fun.
Yeah, remember when Darren Young held the briefcase for like a year? Now we're lucky if new guys stay here for a year.
f***ing kids.
Savio Iroikos runs by, holding a brick and screaming. In the distance, we see a flash.
Wait, what-
Oh. OH. I remember this.
Remember what?
A few months ago, Ron Jeremy took me and Biggie on a time traveling adventure. We wound up here. And if I remember right...
Lance, Biggie, and Ron are standing in the distance, when Lance suddenly runs over to the scene. He approaches AJ Lee.
Goddamn, you're beautiful.
I-
I WANT TO WEAR YOUR THIGHS AS EARMUFFS.
Lance sweeps AJ off her feet and walks into a supply closet.
...heh. One of my finer moments.
Earmuffs?
Hey, it worked in college.
Everything worked in college.
Especially whiskey.
You two are perverts...
After a few minutes, we see past Lance running out of the closet back to the time machine, and AJ getting out, looking disheveled and somewhat annoyed.
You're a real people pleaser, Lance.
I do what I can.
Lance, Biggie, and Ron get back in the time machine. It disappears.
And now...we wait.
For what?
You'll see.
The three look off into the distance.
Y'know, maybe I should find past me and tell him to promo more.
Meh, he's fine. Oh, here it is.
A flash in the distance appears, and it's Lance, Biggie and Ron again. Past Lance runs over to Percy, Bill, and Lance.
DON'T DO IT! DON'T HOOK UP WITH AJ!
Nah, it's fine.
What?
Listen. I'm you from 2015. The WWE is ending, and me, Bill, and Percy are screwing around with the time machine during the last show.
Last show? Aren't you booked?
Hell yeah. I'm in the co-main event.
SWEET! Are you the WWE Champ yet?
...uh...no. Not yet.
Why not?
Well...I didn't really promo as much...and then Sting-
WAIT, STING COMES BACK?
...yeah, trust me, it sounds a lot cooler than it actually is.
Do you get to kick his ass?
Uh...look, let me just tell you this. Those guys you're with right now? Summer, Eva, Biggie, Ron, cherish them. Because you'll have some of the best times with them that you've ever had.
Hell yeah. Remember when Eva did the-
YEAH!
Lance high fives Lance.
Wait, Summerslam 2013. That's the show where we-
2013 Lance Action walks through the door. He sees the other two Lances. He looks at them confused.
Wha...what the hell...it's like I'm seeing double...FOUR LANCES...THIS STUFF IS AWESOME!
2013 Lance walks back through the door.
Oh yeah, we were hammered for like all of Summerslam.
Heh. That was fun. Did that threatened lawsuit ever become a thing?
Dunno.
Ah.
Wait, I have a question.
Ask away.
...doesn't this kinda destroy the Space-Time-Continuum?
Man, f*** the Space-Time-Continuum!
DAMN RIGHT!
The Lances high five. 2014 Lance looks back to Biggie and Ron.
I should get going now. Summerslam 2014 is coming right up. Do the Presidents-
Yep.
And does the voting cabaal-
Yep.
And we never get another-
Yep. Sucks, but that's life.
Alright, gotcha. Well, I'm gonna head out. Until we meet again?
Until we meet again.
The two Lances hug each other.
GAY!
Shut up, Bill.
As the other Lance walks off, present Lance yells out.
Wait!
2014 Lance turns around
What is it?
Tell Big E Langston to go f*** himself.
Oh, I will.
2014 Lance walks off.
Wow, that was awfully nice.
We should probably head back now.
Yeah, sure thing.
Lance pulls out a controller and presses a button. The three transport back to the locker room. Percy and Traven head out.
I'm gonna go meet up with some of the guys.
Same. See you after the show?
Sure, I'm down.
Percy and Bill walk away. There's a knock on the door.
Come in.
Eva and Summer walk in.
Eva...Summer...you guys-
Hells yeah!
Do you want to do the thing with the-
You mean the versace chain-
And the bubble bath-
And the six pack of-
I thought you'd never ask.
Funky music starts playing, as Eva and Summer walk into the time machine. Lance looks at the camera, winks, and slams the door shut. We hear giggling from the inside, as we fade to commercial.
|
|
Waffel113
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Ain't no Rap Mobile with his Waffels
Posts: 19,020
|
Post by Waffel113 on Jul 26, 2015 17:55:09 GMT -5
We cut backstage to Steve Austin, alone.
So this is the last ride, ain't it? After all that time, bleedin' for this company, bustin' my ass for this company, nearly dyin' for this company...it's all done tonight. I lace up the boots one last time, and then...boom. It's gone.
I guess it was a good run, but I'll be damned if the last time I step in a ring is to lose to Hunter and his goons!
Ryan Nemeth walks in.
Yeah, to tell you the truth, Steve, I didn't go through rehab and PT only to find out that I only have one more match in this company. But if it means I get to shove it in Dolph's face that I beat his little boy's club at the last WWE show for eternity, I can't be too upset.
Plus, I finally get to stick it to that prick Gabriel and his manservant Borev. I don't know about you, but the rest of this team had better save them for me!
Christian enters the frame.
To tell you the truth, I wasn't even sure I wanted to be in this match when I was called up for it. But then I remembered Triple H. Triple H, the dick who always told me I just wasn't good enough to get anything done. The guy who stole my world championship from me with Santino's f***ing briefcase! The guy who made my life a living hell for months afterwards!
Sure, Hunter. I may have beaten you in that other company, but I haven't beaten you in a WWE ring. I want to humiliate you here tonight, because you f***ing suck, and I'm damned if I go out without reminding you of that fact!
I've worked here for almost twenty years. I'm the last one of the TLC tag trio left standing. You better believe I'm not going to go out quietly. Evolution? Personally, I don't give a shit about you. But I'm going to make sure you get beaten anyway, because I can.
Screw you.
Love, Christian.
LIVE...
The three look to the door in confusion, and Lance Action walks through, with Eva Marie and Summer Rae beside him.
God, it feels good to do that again.
LIVE, FROM THE MADISON SQUARE GARDEN...
He's badder than the Bad Presidents. More heated than Darren Young and Percy Watson. Cockier than Raj Dhesi. Bigger than Isis. Reigning longer than the Englightenment, fighting harder than Sakamoto, and crazier than Jayson the Grimm...
He's the Charlie Sheen of causing a scene. The Bradley Beal of keeping it real. The DMX of casual sex, the JR Sweezy of keeping it sleazy, the Shaquille O'Neal of copping a feel, the Warren Sapp of spreading the clap, and the AJ Green of keeping it clean...
His hardcore matches against Shaka Khan in PXW are world renowned. He once fought a bear in a steel cage match. He's a 6 time OPP Tag Team Champion, a DSW Hall of Famer, and Wrestling and Versace Magazine's 1991 Newcomer of the year...
He smells like malt liquor and success. He's worshiped on 6 seperate Pacific Islands. Women want to be with him. Men want to be him. Transexuals want both. He's an arrogant, foul mouthed, perverted, obnoxious alcoholic-and you love him for it...
HE IS THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE INDIVIDUAL THAT'S GOING TO PUT AN END TO EVOLUTION TONIGHT...
...and a heck of a nice guy too...
LANCE MOTHERf***ING ACTION!
Yay!
Wow. It sure does feel good to be back here. After months of free time, poor decisions, and 12 illegitimate children, I'm back in the E. What did I miss?
Lance, the fed's rebooting.
What? Is that what we do when I'm drunk and really want to-
No, Eva. We're restarting. Meaning that this is the last show.
Oh. Why?
Iunno.
It was probably Super Porky's fault. It usually is...
Look, that stuff isn't important. What matters is, this is our final show. One last curtain call. And we've got the task of defeating Evolution. So who are my teammates here...
Well, there's a two hasbeens, called Steve Austin and Randy Orton, there's Dean Ambrose, a guy who's lucky not to be homeless, there's Ryan Nemeth, who, let's face it, is the lesser Nemeth, there's Kevin Steen, who's basically let a guy get off with DDTing his girlfriend, and then there's me, the single greatest wrestler to ever exist.
Ooh, Steve Austin! Is that the Jewish guy?
No, that was Barry Horowitz.
I thought IRS was the Jewish one.
Eva, at this point, we've got enough people mad at us already, so I'm just gonna steer clear there.
We've got Stone Cold, one of the greatest legends of all time. He's won titles around the world, drank a shit ton of alcohol, and has a rap sheet as long as my arm. He's like a balder, fatter version of me.
Dean Ambrose is a scary hobo. I'm glad he's on my side in this tag match, rather than asking me for twenty bucks so he can catch a train.
Ryan Nemeth is like his older brother, only he's angry, bitter, and dated Damien Sandow for like a year.
Kevin Steen is a fat beta male, which explains why the internet loves him.
There's Christian, who...yeah, there's Christian.
And then there's Randy Orton, who has-
LET ME TALK HERE!
Ooh, it's Scott Steiner!
What? No. Shut up. I'm Randy Orton, and I have something to say.
Over the years, I've felt...mistreated, to a certain degree. Granted, I still work here, and granted, I'm better off than most, but I've always felt a degree of disrespect shown to me by the WWE roster. Especially Evolution.
I hate Evolution. Evolution's been told that they're the future of the business, but that's what that douchebag Hunter told me and Dave in 2003. Now Dave's gone, and I'm an upper midcarder.
I'd say just a midcarder-
Shut up! What matters tonight is I'm getting revenge. By hook or by crook. I'm stepping into that ring tonight, and by God, all of those cowardly f***s will feel my wrath. Aiden English? DEAD! Neville? DEAD! Borev? DEAD! Ziggler? DEAD! Gabriel? DEAD! Biggie? DEAD! Show? DEAD!
And Hunter...
Hunter, you told me a while ago that we were gonna see Evolution rise to the top. You told me it was gonna be me, you, Dave, and Ric at the top. But now you come back touting a new future, a different one than you promised us. Hunter, I'm gonna do this for Dave. And for Ric. I'm gonna tear your new buddies apart piece by piece, and then I'm coming for you. Hunter, you told me that the day would come when I was the apex predator. Well, it's here. I'm going to hunt you down like a dog and finish you in that ring. You told me the day I beat you would be the future?
Well, Hunter, the future is now.
Once upon a time, Triple H called you the coal who would become the next diamond. Now, I think it's pretty clear to see that he was right, but I don't think that he ever could have called this one!
Hunter, let me give it to you straight: it's pretty clear to see that none of us like each other that much. In fact, I can think of a few people in this room who I wouldn't trust as far as I can throw! But you know what the big deal is? Even though we may downright despise one another, we still recognize that you're enough of an asshole that we needed to band together to take you and your boy's club down!
This is the last night this company has, and personally speaking, I'll be damned if you and your flunkies get the last word.
Yeah! If we're gonna go out, we're gonna go out on a high note!
Screw Dolph Ziggler and his stupid hair and dumb jokes. He's like Billy Gunn but somehow even less cool.
Screw Aiden English and his sex offender facial hair.
Screw Neville and his elflike face and terrible accent.
Screw Miroslav and his lust for "BEEG AMERICAN TITTIES!". You used to be cool man, what happened?
Screw Justin Gabriel and his hair, and beard, and sparkly abs. He's gayer than a three dollar bill.
Screw Show and his being fat and old and bald and stupid.
Screw HHH.
But most of all? Screw Biggie.
Biggie, we were enemies, but then we were friends. We had a time machine. We did all kinds of crazy shit together. We had a pet pig, a pet midget, and a pet Ron Jeremy. We fought terrorists. We fought gangbangers. We fought Reyals. And now, you're selling out to join Evolution, a stable designed to feed HHH's ego. Well, f*** you. f*** your hopes, f*** your dreams, f*** your stupid hair, f*** your man boobs, f*** your being 5 feet tall, f*** Ted Dibiase, and f*** Evolution. If this is the last episode of RAW we have, then I'm gonna end things on a high note by taking you out for good. There's one show left. One last opportunity to f*** your shit up. And you can best believe I'm taking it. Biggie, I'm gonna wreck your shit. And I'm gonna enjoy it.
This one's for John Holmes.
You know...
Dean Ambrose enters.
Apart from Dolph Ziggler, I never really had a problem with Evolution. You would think for the last ever WWE show, they'd want to showcase a former World Champion who held the Intercontinental Championship simultaneously. A former Money in the Bank winner and main eventer of the last ever WrestleMania. Instead, I get chucked into the seven vs. seven elimination match. The first name I hear mentioned to me as a partner is Randy Orton and the wheels start turning in my head. I'm still in touch with Grimm and Crowe, The Ascension aren't doing much. Maybe The Disease can ride together one last time.
Who do I get though? Ryan Nemeth, the guy I cashed in on. Christian, the guy who screwed me out of the IC title. Stone Cold Steve Austin, the man that everybody calls the first Dean Ambrose. Kevin Steen who might be the only one on this team to have any sense because he hasn't bothered to show up yet, and Lance Action who... actually, I don't have any problem at all with you Lance.
Still... I didn't come this far to fail. So I figure as long as none of us get in each other's way, we should all be fine and hell, it's elimination anyway. Go ahead and get in my way if you want but for those that care about being the last men standing, you'll know what a stupid thing that would be.
Evolution? Nah, I prefer survival of the fittest. You're looking at four former World Champions here, five if Christian counts. You're looking at Lance motherf***ing Action and if he shows up, you've got to deal with Kevin Steen as well. We've got to get through all seven of you so you're in for a real long night.
Kevin Steen appears in the shot
Was it ever in doubt that I would show up? It's the last WWE event in history of course I'll be here! I'll be honest if I had to pick 6 people to team with for my last match in WWE... you probably wouldn't be the six people I would have chosen.....
I mean yeah definitely Ryan, because you know 1 year as tag champs is as impressive as all f***, Stone Cold, because well He's f***ing Stone Cold. But the rest of you I'll be honest I don't like any of you.
You all annoy me in new and exciting ways. But I'll say this if we're looking at any team that could beat evolution it's this one! We have Christian one of the all time best tag competitors in history a former Intercontinental, Tag and World Champion! We have Dean Ambrose a Money in the Bank winner, the Title master who simultaneously held the Intercontinental and world titles! We have Randy Orton the Apex predator, and quite frankly you turn away for half a second and BAM! RKOOUTANOWHERE! We have one of the greatest Hardcore Champions ever, Lance Mothef***in Action!
And we have the sickest man in WWE, the man who was able to beat Jayson the Grimm into retirement, the man who everyone said was WWE's next breakout star, the man who was destined to be world champion, but now that's all gone.
See if this is going to be WWE's last show, I may never get to headline Wrestlemania, I may never win the WWE championship, and I may never get to mount Damien Sandow's head on the wall, but I will be damned, if I don't show the world exactly why Kevin Steen was called the future of WWE, I will be damned if I don't do everything in my power to destroy Evolution and rip it limb from limb.
Because you see in 2003 when I was just getting started in this business I would tune into raw and every week I'd see Evolution doing the same shit on a different day when they'd finally disbanded I was excited for the new possibilities. And then by the time I make it here, Evolution is back, just with some different faces.
I am not going to let Evolution have the last laugh over WWE, if this is really the last event, then I'm going to make sure that Evolution doesn't just die because the company did, I'm going to make sure that Evolution is killed, ad I say this for the last time on WWE television.
KILL STEEN KILL!!!
And that's the bottom line!
Hunter, I hope you're ready for Team WWE to open up a can of whoopass all over you and your goons.
Time to go down in the history books boys. For eradicating Evolution once and for all, well...
You can all thank us later.
The seven head off.
We cut to the back where we see Evolution all waiting inside their locker room. Triple H surveys his troops lined up before him, examining them all.
Well gentlemen, it's time to finally put an end to this. It seems that my father-in-law has once again screwed the pooch, and now we're going out of business. It's ridiculous. I should've taken over from that old man years ago! If I was in charge none of this crap would be happening!
But you know what? That's all in the past. Nothing we can do about it now. Still, if we're going out then tonight Evolution is taking down everybody with us! I know that you guys will all probably be looking for work after this. That's why I promise you if we win here tonight I will personally guarantee each and every one of you not only a big fat bonus in your severance pay, but I'll be happy to recommend you to any promotion in the world! Or hell, any job in the world. I'm a guy who can open doors for you, and I have for each and every single one of you!
I'm not gonna allow Stone Cold, Mick Foley, or anybody else to slam that door! Tonight WE FINISH THIS!
I'm honestly laughing at anyone who thinks this is over. Really, it's just the beginning! You think that because you're going to close our company and scatter us to the winds, that we're dead? I have one word for that and one word only: delusional! See, Evolution is a lot like the hydra of Greek myth: cut off one head, two more grow in it's place. You may have closed us down, but really, all you've done is turn us loose on the rest of the world.
So I'm sorry to say this to any of the particularly devolved out there, but Evolution is going to keep going for a long, long time. You won't see us on your TV screens, but you'll see us winning titles in California, Japan, Mexico, all over the damn world! We're going global, baby!
You wanna see what chaos looks like? You'll see that when see you a GIANT wreaking havoc in every promotion around the world! You think beating us tonight will break us? It won't! Evolution is forever, and men like us will continue to evolve even after this company is dead. Which it never would've been if you hadn't been stupid enough to take Hunter out of power in the first place! This is all on you, Foley and Austin!
You blokes think that you're so cute, believing you can suddenly clean up this company. You think you can deny us our opportunities. The ones we have shed blood, sweat, and tears for. Guys like me, who busted his arse all over the independent scene! I earned my way into this company by being one of the best out there! And even after tonight I'll continue to go out there and show everybody why they call me The Man That Gravity Forgot! But when I'm done, that'll be the only force on this bloody planet who forgets who I am.
It's really that simple folks, we're going down in history tonight. And if you don't know what's about to happen...well, why don't you fill 'em in, Miro?
Evolution will CRUSH this "Team WWE".
Exactly! No matter what happens, at the end of the day, we win. It's just that simple.
I dunno. I mean, it isn't like we've got a habit of winning singles matches without needing some help, so who's to say we're gonna win this tag match? Also, didn't we lose every single match at the last special?
Hey, that's not our fault! I blame shoddy officiating for that. So what if we lost all those matches? Or if you guys lost those matches? You have to have more confidence in us Biggie. You have to be believe in Evolution, just like each and every one of us.
Hey Aiden, you got any thoughts on this?
Aiden starts to speak.
Nobody cares about what Aiden English thinks! Jerk has the nerve to go and start some goofy film studio... and he didn't even bother to ask ME to be in one of his films! I mean c'mon! I was Captain Insano! I was Knucklehead! How could you exclude such a talented actor as myself?!
And Big E, as a fellow Big Guy I'd expect better from you. I mean look at us... look at Miroslav. People like us have the advantage of size. We've got strength that alot of people in this company would dream of having! We're the juggernauts! The titans! The monsters of this company! The WWE wants to try prove otherwise? Well then we'll just demonstrate that power for them first-hand! Believe me: I have no qualms whatsoever about showing the world just how big of a nasty bastard I can be!
They try to outrun us, but all we will do is run through them! They cannot hope to out-muscle us. They cannot out-think us. They cannot out-wrestle us! All they can do is beg for mercy.
Big E looks like he's about to say something, but remains silent.
What, you got something to say, Big E? Anything? Anything? Of course not. Dumbass.
So, this is it. Any last words, gentlemen?
Tonight Evolution reigns supreme. Tonight we go out there and prove to the world why we are the most dominant stable in this company! Like I said... tonight we finish this. One way or the other this company is going out of business, and I'm going to see to it that we go out on my terms.
Stone Cold... you and your little ragtag bunch of misfits better get ready. Because we're going to bury you in the middle of the ring. What a fitting way for things to end... with the so-called stars of this company laying in a heap in the middle of this decrepit company where they belong. All while Evolution ascends to new heights from here on out!
So let's go out there and put this damn company out of it's misery, Evolution style.
The men walk out, Langston taking up the rear.
|
|
|
Post by Fake Jesus on Jul 26, 2015 18:01:03 GMT -5
The following contest is a 14-Man Elimination Tag Team Match!Line In the SandIntroducing first, at a total combined weight of 1896 pounds, Adrian Neville, Aiden English, The Big Show, Big E Langston, Miroslav Borev, Justin Gabriel, and Triple H, EVOLUTION!Evolution making their last stand in a pair of matches tonight, later on we'll see Dolph Ziggler go one on one with Darren Young.They seem as confident as ever, but Team WWE is stepping up to the plate for sure.I Won't Do What You Tell MeAnd their opponents, at a total combined weight of 1648 pounds, Lance Action, Christian, Dean Ambrose, Ryan Nemeth, Kevin Steen, Randy Orton, and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, TEAM WWE!These men have been at each other's throats at several points throughout their careers, but they're presenting a united front tonight!So what? An all-star team that hates each other is just as good as anything else against Evolution.The two teams stare each other down. Lance and Big E share a look... Wait, what's going on?Big E hits Aiden English with the Big Ending! Oh my God! Big E just turned on Evolution!What the hell is Langston doing?!Langston throws English out of the ring and grabs a mic as the crowd is shocked. Triple H, Evolution, screw you guys. Joining you was the worst mistake of my life. Sure, I could handle the constant jokes about my height, and yeah, the bus was pretty sweet, but you sons of bitches said I couldn't have my pig with me, and since then, I've been plotting your downfall. I don't care who you get to replace me and our "friend" Aiden, but they'll probably suck a lot. You're going to lose right now for FIVE reasons.
1! You're the most ineffective stable I've ever seen.
2! The Big Show literally can't move anymore.
3! The other team has Lance Action, a man who I once watched burn down a TGI Friday's he didn't like the their logo.
4! Your team has Miroslav Borev on it. Has he ever even won a match?
5! f*** you, I say so.Big E throws the mic at the Big Show's head, causing the giant to stagger a bit on the ropes, before flipping the bird at Evolution and walking backstage, English in tow. Triple H yells at the time keeper to send a message backstage. Soon after, the New Age Outlaws run down to the ring! The complexion of this match has just drastically changed. Big E took out Aiden English, and now the New Age Outlaws will be filling in for Team Evolution!This is crazy, and the match hasn't even started yet!Elimination Tag Team Match Evolution vs. Team WWE Round One (5 Minutes, 7:05)
The Rules: You have one vote per round. Three votes eliminates somebody. Each round will last five minutes.
|
|
Waffel113
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Ain't no Rap Mobile with his Waffels
Posts: 19,020
|
Post by Waffel113 on Jul 26, 2015 18:02:12 GMT -5
ARRIBA!
Nemeth beats Road Dogg up!
|
|
Matt
El Dandy
Posts: 8,727
Member is Online
|
Post by Matt on Jul 26, 2015 18:03:18 GMT -5
Big E Big Ends Borev.
|
|
|
Post by MikeyMania on Jul 26, 2015 18:03:15 GMT -5
Austin with a stunner to Road Dogg.
|
|
suave
Dennis Stamp
"I only got on my knees for God and maybe to lick a girl's pussy" -Teddy Hart
Posts: 4,207
|
Post by suave on Jul 26, 2015 18:03:22 GMT -5
Randy with an RKO to BILLY GUNN
|
|
TOO SWEET
Grimlock
Not a doctor, nor do I play one on tv.
Posts: 13,109
|
Post by TOO SWEET on Jul 26, 2015 18:05:14 GMT -5
Christian hits Road Dogg with the killswitch
|
|
|
Post by Fake Jesus on Jul 26, 2015 18:08:26 GMT -5
Road Dogg is taken down by an RKO. Orton covers.
1!
2!
3!
ROAD DOGG HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
Round Three:
Lance Action, Christian, Dean Ambrose, Ryan Nemeth, Kevin Steen, Randy Orton, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin
vs
Justin Gabriel, Miroslav Borev, Aidran Neville, The Big Show Triple H
Billy Gunn
Road Dogg
|
|
Matt
El Dandy
Posts: 8,727
Member is Online
|
Post by Matt on Jul 26, 2015 18:09:17 GMT -5
Action kicks Billy Gunn.
|
|