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Post by DASH 243✅ on Oct 21, 2018 11:46:14 GMT -5
A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail when they decided to break out. The girls broke out and the brunette said, "Let's hide in that barn, they'll never find us."
So they climed up the ladder and then the blonde threw it down.
The next morning, the cops said, "Come out with your hands in the air!"
The red-head said, "Hide in those baskets, they'll never find us!"
So the Brunette got in the first one, the red-head got in the second one and the blonde got in the third one. Meanwhile, the cops were getting a ladder set up and trying to get up there. Once they got up, the seargent ordered them to kick the baskets.
So the cop kicked the first one: "RUFF."
"It's just a damn dog!" yelled the cop.
The cop kicked the next one: "MEOW."
"It's just a damn cat," yelled the cop.
The cop kicked the next basket and the blonde yelled, "POTATOES!"
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Post by blissified on Oct 21, 2018 12:49:10 GMT -5
Why does Piglet smell?
Because he plays with Pooh.
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Post by DASH 243✅ on Oct 21, 2018 19:06:27 GMT -5
Q: What do you call a 350-pound stripper?
A: Broke
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Perd
Patti Mayonnaise
Leslie needs to butt out for fear of receiving The Bunghole Buster
Posts: 32,028
Member is Online
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Post by Perd on Oct 21, 2018 21:43:13 GMT -5
Your kids, nieces, or nephews will love this one:
What do you call a teacher that won’t teach in public?
A private tutor.
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Post by DASH 243✅ on Oct 21, 2018 21:49:55 GMT -5
A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper looks surprised and asks, "You have a drink named Steve?"
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Post by DASH 243✅ on Oct 26, 2018 18:08:40 GMT -5
A gorilla walks into a bar and says, "A scotch on the rocks, please." The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill.
The bartender thinks to himself, "This gorilla doesn't know the prices of drinks," and gives him 15 cents change.
The bartender says, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas in here."
The gorilla replies, "Well, at $9.85 a drink, I ain't coming back, either
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The Unconquered Sun
King Koopa
He has no pants! What a heathen!
Lord of Storms and Kittens!
Posts: 11,553
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Post by The Unconquered Sun on Oct 26, 2018 18:52:32 GMT -5
Happy Halloween A man was walking down the street alone on a dark foggy night. As he walked he heard a noise behind him. THUMP...THUMP...THUMP the man looked behind him and only saw fog. But as he walked away he heard it again THUMP...THUMP...THUMP the man looked again and this time saw a shape hidden in the thick fog. He started to walk faster but heard it again. THUMP...THUMP...THUMP with fear in his quick beating heart, he look behind him again and this time he saw it. a casket lurching after him. THUMP...THUMP...THUMP it sounded each time it landed on the darkened ground. in a blind panic the man raced down the street, but the casket pursued him with murderous glee. THUMP...THUMP...THUMP the man ran into his house and quickly locked the door. but the casket crashed though the front window shattering his short lived sense sense of safety. and with each step in the man's house the casket sounded THUMP...THUMP...THUMP the man, not knowing what else to do ran to his bathroom hoping against hope the casket would leave him be. he slammed the door shut, but the casket broke down the door and encroached on him. THUMP...THUMP...THUMP desperately the man reach to his counter top, in search of any kind of weapon. finding something in his shaking hand, he threw a bottle of cough syrup at the casket. it was that moment, drench and coated in cough syrup the coffin stopped
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Post by DASH 243✅ on Oct 26, 2018 20:19:44 GMT -5
Q: What goes in hard and pink but comes out soft and mushy?
A: Bubblegum -- and you should be ashamed of yourself.
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Post by bibboid on Oct 27, 2018 0:53:40 GMT -5
A man vacations on a tropical island and the first thing he hears is drums. He goes to the beach and hears the drums. He eats lunch and hears the drums. He tries to sleep but can't...because of the drums. Finally he storms over to the manager. "I've had it! Can't you make the drums stop?"he begs.
"No!" Says the manager. "It's very bad if the drums stop."
"Why?" asks the man.
"When the drums stop, the bass solo begins."
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Post by arrogantmodel on Oct 27, 2018 3:51:33 GMT -5
Why can't Frankenstein have kids?
Because his nuts are bolted to his neck.
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The Unconquered Sun
King Koopa
He has no pants! What a heathen!
Lord of Storms and Kittens!
Posts: 11,553
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Post by The Unconquered Sun on Nov 2, 2018 6:22:33 GMT -5
I named my hard drive Dat Ass, so once a month my computer will ask if I want to back Dat Ass up
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Post by DASH 243✅ on Nov 2, 2018 16:58:14 GMT -5
Q: What do you call a masturbating bull?
A: Beef Strokinoff.
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ERON
Hank Scorpio
Posts: 6,792
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Post by ERON on Nov 2, 2018 19:40:05 GMT -5
A man goes to the doctor for a physical. The doctor finishes checking the man's private area and says, "That's odd. You have three testicles." The man is puzzled and asks the doctor, "Doesn't everybody?" The doctor explains to the man that most men only have two.
Later, on the way home, the man tells his cab driver, "You know what's funny? The two of us together have five testicles." The cab driver replies, "You only have one?"
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Post by blissified on Nov 2, 2018 19:59:14 GMT -5
What's green and fuzzy, has four legs and would kill you if it fell from a tree?
A pool table
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The Unconquered Sun
King Koopa
He has no pants! What a heathen!
Lord of Storms and Kittens!
Posts: 11,553
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Post by The Unconquered Sun on Nov 9, 2018 12:43:50 GMT -5
Man, I’m out of shape. I’m out of breath From putting my phone on the charger
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Post by DASH 243✅ on Nov 9, 2018 18:32:40 GMT -5
A nun wanted to enter a racehorse into a race, but then she realized that they cost way too much money, so instead, she bought a donkey.
The next day, she enters it into a contest, and it comes in third.
The headlines read, ''Nun's Ass Chokes.''
The next day, she entered it in another competition and this time it came in first.
The headlines were, ''Nun's Ass Wins Grand Prize.''
The following day, the owner scratched the donkey from the race.
The headlines read, ''Booker Scratches Nun's Ass.''
And on the next day, the nun sold the donkey for a really cheap price.
The headlines were ''Nun Sells Her Ass for $5.
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ERON
Hank Scorpio
Posts: 6,792
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Post by ERON on Nov 9, 2018 23:09:06 GMT -5
What did the house wear to the party?
Address
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Post by bibboid on Nov 10, 2018 2:49:49 GMT -5
How do you drown a hipster?
Throw him in the mainstream.
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Post by blissified on Nov 10, 2018 3:49:37 GMT -5
Why doesn't Stephanie McMahon fight in heels?
Cause she knows she has no chance in heels.
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ERON
Hank Scorpio
Posts: 6,792
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Post by ERON on Nov 16, 2018 21:09:49 GMT -5
How do you get down from an elephant?
You don't. You get down from a duck.
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