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Post by Malibu Stacy on Nov 16, 2018 22:09:01 GMT -5
Man, I’m out of shape. I’m out of breath From putting my phone on the charger I hope you realize that if your battery runs out, it doesn't help to run after it
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Post by blissified on Nov 16, 2018 22:45:43 GMT -5
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it
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Post by DASH 243✅ on Nov 17, 2018 0:51:43 GMT -5
What did the rude prism say to the light beam that smacked into him? Get bent!
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Post by blissified on Nov 17, 2018 0:58:35 GMT -5
Country Music Awards was the other night.
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Post by DASH 243✅ on Nov 17, 2018 1:21:57 GMT -5
What's brown and sounds like a bell? DUNGGGgggg
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Post by bibboid on Dec 1, 2018 11:43:42 GMT -5
I told my girlfriend she was penciling in her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
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Post by DASH 243✅ on Dec 1, 2018 23:01:39 GMT -5
Q: What did the bird say after his cage fell apart?
A: "Cheap, cheap!"
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Post by bibboid on Dec 7, 2018 13:59:18 GMT -5
A recent study showed that dairy farmers who regularly talked to their cows got more milk from them.
Apparently it is a case of in one ear and out the udder.
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Post by blissified on Dec 7, 2018 23:52:23 GMT -5
How does a Penguin build it's house?
Igloos it together
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Spider2024
Patti Mayonnaise
Dedicated 6,666th post to Irontyger
I believe in Joe Hendry.
Posts: 39,274
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Post by Spider2024 on Dec 10, 2018 5:33:13 GMT -5
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Post by DASH 243✅ on Dec 11, 2018 0:24:19 GMT -5
Q: What goes all the way around a baseball field but never moves?
A: The fence.
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MiLB Fan
Fry's dog Seymour
Posts: 20,397
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Post by MiLB Fan on Dec 11, 2018 1:45:04 GMT -5
I heard this one on NPR many years ago:
A man is traveling to visit relatives for the holidays and stops for breakfast at a small-town cafe. When he orders his eggs Benedict with hollandaise sauce, he’s surprised when the food arrives and the plate is made of metal. Curious, he asks the waitress why the cafe uses plates like this.
She replies, “Because there’s no plates ... like chrome ... for the hollandaise.”
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Post by Father Dougal McGuire on Dec 11, 2018 1:50:45 GMT -5
How long is a Chinese name?
Yes. How Long is a Chinese name.
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Spider2024
Patti Mayonnaise
Dedicated 6,666th post to Irontyger
I believe in Joe Hendry.
Posts: 39,274
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Post by Spider2024 on Dec 14, 2018 8:37:42 GMT -5
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The Unconquered Sun
King Koopa
He has no pants! What a heathen!
Lord of Storms and Kittens!
Posts: 11,548
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Post by The Unconquered Sun on Dec 14, 2018 12:03:13 GMT -5
A man we telling his friend that he had cheated on his wife. His friend suggested that he confess to his wife and after some soul searching he realized that he had to tell her the truth. Understandably his wife was furious and demanded to know who he slept with. “It was Sherri, wasn’t it?” She screamed “She’s always hated me and would do anything to hurt me!” “Honey, what maters now is...” the man began. “Oh, it was Mary! I know it was her! She’s wanted to f*** you for so long!” “Baby, I know you’re mad but...” “Terri, that bitch! It was her! She’d have sex with anything, anytime!” The argument went on for a while longer. But the next day the man talked with his friend about it. His friend asked him how it went. The man replied, “Great, better than I thought. She gave me 3 new leds on women I have a chance with!”
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Post by blissified on Dec 14, 2018 12:35:47 GMT -5
When I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked!
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Post by bibboid on Dec 21, 2018 18:28:21 GMT -5
If the US ever switched to the metric system, there would be mass confusion.
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Post by Porky's Butthole on Dec 21, 2018 19:14:06 GMT -5
There were three moles, living underground. One day, they wake up to the smell of pancakes cooking. The first mole sticks his head out of the hole and says "I smell pancakes!"
The second mole sticks his head out of the hole and says "I smell syrup!"
The last mole tries to stick his head out of the hole, but gets stuck behind the other two, so he said "All I smell is molasses."
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Post by DASH 243✅ on Dec 22, 2018 0:58:34 GMT -5
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.
Suddenly he hears someone say, "Hey, nice tie!" The man looks up to try to find out who said it, but no one was around.
"Hey! Nice shirt!" The man looks up again, but there's nobody there.
"Hey! Nice suit!" The man then calls the bartender over and asks him if he keeps talking to him.
The bartender replies, "It's not me; it's the complimentary peanuts."
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Post by blissified on Dec 22, 2018 2:04:21 GMT -5
What’s the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?
A rock guitarist plays 3 chords in front of thousands of people, and a jazz guitarist plays a thousand chords in front of 3 people.
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