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Post by DASH 243✅ on Jan 11, 2019 19:56:00 GMT -5
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming like the passengers in his car.
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The Unconquered Sun
King Koopa
He has no pants! What a heathen!
Lord of Storms and Kittens!
Posts: 11,548
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Post by The Unconquered Sun on Jan 11, 2019 22:03:59 GMT -5
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Post by blissified on Jan 11, 2019 22:35:06 GMT -5
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Post by Father Dougal McGuire on Jan 11, 2019 23:50:37 GMT -5
A Batman joke.
Robin: "I'm calling on the batphone, from the batcave. The batmobile won't start!"
Batman: "Have you checked the battery?"
Robin: "What's a tery?"
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Post by DASH 243✅ on Jan 12, 2019 0:32:05 GMT -5
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
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Post by blissified on Jan 12, 2019 10:33:22 GMT -5
Not really a joke but does describe the over reaction to this time of year in my state.
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The Unconquered Sun
King Koopa
He has no pants! What a heathen!
Lord of Storms and Kittens!
Posts: 11,548
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Post by The Unconquered Sun on Jan 17, 2019 21:00:30 GMT -5
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ERON
Hank Scorpio
Posts: 6,773
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Post by ERON on Jan 18, 2019 22:48:35 GMT -5
A guy walks into a bar and says, "Ow! Who put that bar there?"
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Post by blissified on Jan 18, 2019 23:14:23 GMT -5
What do you call a Dalmatian that listens to music?
A Spotty-fi
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Spider2024
Patti Mayonnaise
Dedicated 6,666th post to Irontyger
I believe in Joe Hendry.
Posts: 39,203
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Post by Spider2024 on Jan 19, 2019 6:56:41 GMT -5
What do you call a Dalmatian that listens to music? A Spotty-fi I myself like to listen to music while cooking, so I bought something similar to this: It's from Mexico. It's called a Pan-Dora. (Came with a free backpack too.)
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Post by Main Event Mark on Jan 20, 2019 18:42:51 GMT -5
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a well dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire.
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Post by DASH 243✅ on Jan 20, 2019 20:49:15 GMT -5
We have a Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. Why'd we put them together? I called them up. 'Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.' I said, 'Yeah, what bourbon goes with an M-16?'
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Post by blissified on Jan 25, 2019 16:08:13 GMT -5
Three blonde girls are walking through the forest when they come upon a set of tracks.
The first one said, "These look like bear tracks!"
The second one said, "You're a moron. These are clearly wolf tracks."
The third one said, "Those are obviously mountain lion tracks. You guys are so stupid."
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
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The Unconquered Sun
King Koopa
He has no pants! What a heathen!
Lord of Storms and Kittens!
Posts: 11,548
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Post by The Unconquered Sun on Feb 1, 2019 9:07:07 GMT -5
The other night I was on the sofa and was very comfy. So comfy in fact I farted by accident. “Eww, Puss-Puss!” My wife shouted at the cat. What luck, she thought the cat did it. I was so relieved that I farted again. “Puss-Puss! Seriously?” My wife again exclaimed. With her blaming the cat I felt comfortable enough to do it again but this time it was a ten second machine gun fart. My wife shouted, “My God Puss-Puss, get over here before he shits on you!”
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Post by DASH 243✅ on Feb 1, 2019 18:10:45 GMT -5
What do mermaids use to was their fins? Tide
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Spider2024
Patti Mayonnaise
Dedicated 6,666th post to Irontyger
I believe in Joe Hendry.
Posts: 39,203
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Post by Spider2024 on Feb 6, 2019 8:20:25 GMT -5
"I always seem to take the right turn at Albuquerque. Mainly because it always leads me to a city that's not Albuquerque."
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The Unconquered Sun
King Koopa
He has no pants! What a heathen!
Lord of Storms and Kittens!
Posts: 11,548
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Post by The Unconquered Sun on Feb 15, 2019 17:22:03 GMT -5
If Finn and Rey ever hooked up, he'd be the first storm trooper to actually hit something.
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No Longer a Produceman
Dennis Stamp
Will Make You an Offer You Can't Refuse
Evolving into Geckoman
Posts: 4,368
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Post by No Longer a Produceman on Feb 15, 2019 17:32:51 GMT -5
If Finn and Rey ever hooked up, he'd be the first storm trooper to actually hit something.
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The Unconquered Sun
King Koopa
He has no pants! What a heathen!
Lord of Storms and Kittens!
Posts: 11,548
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Post by The Unconquered Sun on Feb 22, 2019 17:40:18 GMT -5
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Spider2024
Patti Mayonnaise
Dedicated 6,666th post to Irontyger
I believe in Joe Hendry.
Posts: 39,203
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Post by Spider2024 on Feb 24, 2019 7:02:12 GMT -5
You're so lazy, you couldn't finish a wooden table in a Minwax factory!
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