Russoize NOC

[Big Bad Kahuna]

NOC begins with Steph and HHH declaring they will get divorced TONIGHT IN THIS VERY RING

1) John Cena beats Rollins by DQ when a stable of 4 undercarders (Fandango, Slater, Axel, Sandow) in all-white gear suddenly attack Cena midmatch without any explanation

Backstage interview: Nikki dedicates her upcoming title defense to the Make-A-Wish foundation

2) Dudley Boyz beat New Day for the tag titles - 3D on Xavier (who wasnt an official participant in this match) finishes, afterwards Bubba sticks the Trombone up Xavier's booty

Cole informs the audience that Ziggler vs Rusev will have an extra stipulation added: winner keeps both women, loser leaves WWE

Vignette of a mysterious masked woman is shown

3) Ziggler beats Rusev when Summer Rae throws her shoe in Rusevs face while he applied the Accolade - afterwards all 3 heels sing the Goodbyesong

Rusev, with tears in his eyes, announces his retirement from the wrestling business

4) Ryback beats Owens in a minute after hitting two Shell Shocks - afterwards he stuffs two apples inside Owens' mouth, one for each Shell Shock

5) Charlotte defeats Nikki after the entire Divas division turns on Nikki (all 7 women interfere) - announcers say its because they are sick of Nikki's reign and her constant bragging - Brie declares that Alicia is her true sister - mysterious masked vignette woman appears and attacks all 8 heels with a broomstick, identifies herself as The Everywoman Eva Marie

Ambrose and Reigns promise a special special dream partner

6) Wyatts beat Reigns, Ambrose and Ernest The Cat Miller after Miller turns on his partners and says he's the higher power behind the Wyatts - a happy heel dance takes place

HHH and Stephanie sign their divorce papers in the ring, Vince cries and tells HHH he's fired - HHH furiously attacks Vince, Cena and Orton come out to save Vince

7) Sting beats Rollins with the SDL while a bloodied Rollins passes out from the pain - the 4 allwhite undercarders suddenly attacked Rollins during the match while the referee took a nap - Stephanie comes out and slaps Rollins - for some reason Sting lays the belt down in the middle of the ring and leaves, suddenly Bob Holly appears and steals the title

End show

[Deleted]

Kane returns during Sting vs Rollins, pins Rollins and Rollins retains the title. Kane comes out during Rollins vs Cena, he pins the referee then a 6'8" black hermaphrodite comes from the under the ring, kisses Kane which causes a DQ which causes Cena to win the US title.

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}BRO

[Bo Rida]

The Undertaker kicks Stings in the balls giving Seth the title.

As Sting sits outside the ring the 'Taker we all know and love apologises and says he had to do it because the man outside the ring was not the original Sting before adding "I should know because that the rumours were all true and I'm not the original Undertaker!".

Sting gets up from the apron in a similar way to that evil bloody Vince moment but is wearing one of those Sting masks.
Fakertaker backs off at the sight of him, Sting takes off the mask to reveal the same old Sting before saying "that's OK because I'm not the original Sting".

The two look at each other for a moment before a teary embrace. Michael Cole says "What a historic moment, These Urban Legends are set to dominate the wrestling business for another decade".

[Rolent Tex]

The entire PPV goes off smooth with all clean finishes and no overbooked finishes.

The WWE Title does not switch hands 2-3 times.

What a twist!

[Deleted]

Rollins shows up as Reigns and Ambrose's partner and after they defeat the Wyatts, he turns on them again.

[JCBaggee]

Every match ends in DQ after Buff Bagwell run ins.

[gr1990]

Charlotte cuts a promo on Nikki before the match calling her a bitch, a slut and a whore because these are the only words women insult each other with. Nikki then says that screwing over Flairs runs in the family and introduces her real father... Eric Bischoff! This brings out Ric and they spend ten minutes talking about backstage politics and incidents in WCW from 20 years ago that no one knows or cares about.

Charlotte has the upper hand in the match until Brie suddenly grabs the microphone and tells Charlotte she's beating up a pregnant woman. This distracts Charlotte and allows Nikki to roll her up for the win. Nikki takes the mic and confirms that yes, she is pregnant, and the father... is Ric Flair. Ric gets in the ring, kisses Nikki's belly and shakes hands with Bischoff. Becky runs away from ringside crying and screaming 'they're coming for us!' mid-way through the match. It is never explained why.

[hargh]

SWERVE! It's Hell in a Cell, bro!

[bmfjules]

Sting turns on himself in the main event. Does a 15 minute beatdown ala Jim Carrey in the Men's Room in Liar Liar.

[Andy Martin]

Let the posters of FAN book NoC. Clusterf*** of epic proportions.

[Perpetual Nirvana]

Sept 17, 2015 11:20:26 GMT -5 gr1990 said:

Charlotte cuts a promo on Nikki before the match calling her a bitch, a slut and a whore because these are the only words women insult each other with. Nikki then says that screwing over Flairs runs in the family and introduces her real father... Eric Bischoff! This brings out Ric and they spend ten minutes talking about backstage politics and incidents in WCW from 20 years ago that no one knows or cares about.

Charlotte has the upper hand in the match until Brie suddenly grabs the microphone and tells Charlotte she's beating up a pregnant woman. This distracts Charlotte and allows Nikki to roll her up for the win. Nikki takes the mic and confirms that yes, she is pregnant, and the father... is Ric Flair. Ric gets in the ring, kisses Nikki's belly and shakes hands with Bischoff. Becky runs away from ringside crying and screaming 'they're coming for us!' mid-way through the match. It is never explained why.

That's sounds much better than the Diva's Revolution. At least it's more entertaining.

[Deleted]

- Bryan is the 2/3rd Shields new partner, halfway through the match Reigns walks out on his partners and the Wyatts win. In a backstage interview Reigns angrily blames the "marks" and the "sheets" for favoring Bryan over him meaning he didn't win at WM. The next night Reigns/Ambrose and Bryan team to defeat the Wyatts and its not mentioned again.

- The New Day defeat the Dudleys when Dvon turns on Bubba. Dvon joins the New Day and claims that their dancing days are over and they aren't going to be "held down" also many references to recent political events in the United States are made. The next night the New Day are still doing the positivity gimmick and Dvon doesn't appear on TV for 6 months before reuniting with Bubba.

- Sting is taken out backstage by Big Show, "Sting" then comes out for his match despite it's obviously Big Show in Sting makeup, he lays down for Rollins to pin him.

- Ryback and Owens is a decent match but ends in a messy DQ due to run ins by Miz, Cersaro and the Godfather for some reason.

- Charlotte v Nikki is a 3 minute cat fight with not one wrestling move being used, Nikki wins despite Charlotte kicking out at 2.

- Lana kicks Ziggler in the balls costing him the match, Rusev leaves with both girls.

- Big Show (still in Sting make up) comes out during the main event and knocks out Cena and Rollins. Sheamus (also in Sting makeup) cashes in MITB but leaves with the US title for some reason. A returning Kane (yes, in Sting makeup) reveals himself as the mastermind behind the new faction which calls itself "the purge of the believers" or something stupid like that. It's based on zombies or motorbike gangs or evil clowns or whatever was popular on tv 3 years ago which Russo has just caught up to on netflix.