On anxiety, and the benefits of therapy

[Clash, Never a Meter Maid]

So roughly three months ago, I was dealing with a myriad of family issues coming to a head, and it was affecting my production at work to the point where I needed to have a sit-down with my boss on how to "get my groove back", as it were. Now I've never been a particularly problematic employee, which is why he took enough concern to find out what was going on with me. It was him that suggested going to speak with a therapist, something I had thought about in the past, but never committed to because I didn't want to deal with any possible stigma.

But the sessions have done wonders for me so far. I don't want to delve into a long history or any nitty-gritty details, but long story short I've had on and off again anxiety issues for most of my life. Not to suicidal degrees or to where I'm questioning my identity, but more the kind where there's a voice in your head telling you that you're worthless, everyone hates you, you have no talent and your opinions are shit.

Sometimes I'm afraid that comes out in my posts. I don't mind debating stuff but often it's hard for me not to get down on myself, because that personal sense of security and confidence isn't there. It's like a sickness you can't get past, and I'll have to step away from a conversation because I'm getting too emotional (internally, I'm not a visibly dramatic guy) about the subject.

A lot of the time on the boards, I feel I've pissed someone off with something I said without meaning to, and then I'm taking jokes too seriously or I'm having trouble digesting someone else's point, because even when I somewhat agree, I can't get past my feelings. There are some old threads I just look back on and cringe, because I'm embarrassed by how I came off. I have no idea what my image on the forums actually is now, but in the back of my head there's a voice that often tells me it's pretty godawful- even when nothing major has occurred to spark it.

The anxiety also impacts how I feel about my capabilities, like for the longest time I was petrified about showing people my artwork because that voice in my head is telling me I'm not good enough, that no one could possibly like it. Even when I'd receive compliments, it would be hard to shake those negative feelings.

I guess my main point is: if you have something similar eating away at you, at least speak with someone you feel you can trust. It doesn't need to be a professional, and I know some people have had bad experiences with pros, and/or they self diagnose. I have no idea what I have, I haven't been officially diagnosed or branded myself anything as of now, but my advice is to try to reach out to someone, even a family member or a close friend, as a form of mental medicine.

Otherwise, your negative emotions are going to consume you and it's gonna negativity affect your production, your relationships, etc. Don't get caught up in people thinking you're an "aspie", r***** or any other abelist crap, because that's what led to me putting it off for so long.

"Purging" all that internal bullshit- and it is bullshit, because depression and anxiety lies to you - is an important first step. I don't see myself as a newfound expert in mental health now or anything, but so far this has been my experience.

[Dub H]

Good to know it Helps you, i have been throught a lot wondering if i need Anxiety therapy for a few good months now and guess funny enough,i'm afraid that there is something wrong to solve .

[Brood Lone Wolf Funker]

Therapy has been very beneficial to me, I have a severe anxiety issue, PTSD, and bi-polar sometimes it gets the best of me and I talk to my therapist about it and she is understanding about. Finding the right therapist is key its very much like shopping you have to find one you feel comfortable with and that understands your issues. I also free write to get things out as well just how I am feeling during that moment. Congrats on feeling better its one day at a time and a long process

[Gecko]

Great to hear that it's working for you. You're right that seeing a professional isn't always the right option for people, especially if you have a bad experience with the first person you try, but talking to someone usually helps.

The thoughts and emotions you mentioned all sound familiar to me in that they turn up and the ones that are actually based on stuff that's happened (and aren't just random "you're not good enough" type thoughts), automatically go for the worst possible outcome.

[FALLOUT Goldashausen #BLM]

Congrats for taking that step. I'm right there with you. It's something I've dealt with for most of my life and it's affected a lot of professional and personal relationships. And it's sadly one of the reasons why my CAW show has not had many episodes since, like, 2008. I got bogged down in all this internal infighting that it made my own hobbies suffer.

I recently sought the decision to seek help and it's helped out a lot. It's been tough opening up to people about it, because, as you said, that stigma remains, but nearly everyone has been supportive.

It's good to know I'm not totally alone in this battle. We all deserve a little help once our situations take a turn for the worse. Sadly many people would rather write it off as immaturity, laziness or weirdness. But I'd rather lose a few ignorant friends/judgmental people than my overall happiness.

[Deleted]

That's awesome to hear, dude. It sounds like you found a good fit pretty quickly too, which is huge. There's so many different theoretical frameworks, and they've all blended together over the years.

I'm having trouble finding the right course for treatment, myself. I was seeing a therapist for the last 4-5 months, and things really hadn't improved and had gotten worse in ways, so I decided to leave her care. The treatment I was doing was based in cognitive-behavioral therapy (by far the most prevalent form of therapy in the States), which to me felt too surface-level and structured. It's all about getting educated on negative automatic thought patterns and challenging them, and over time you extinguish the power of those thoughts, and you learn "skills" to use in times of distress. There's lots of charts and stuff. I wasn't really responding to any of it. I know the thought patterns, I know the skills, and I know that I'm not worthless and my opinions aren't shit and that I have talent and all that jazz. I just don't give a f*** about myself a lot of the time. I have suicidal thoughts regularly, and violent images of myself dying, like getting the shit beaten out of me or falling off a cliff and bouncing on rocks. And I'm pretty much normalized to it, which makes me feel dead inside. I think what I have going on is something more visceral, and I'm not entirely sure how I want to try to tackle it.

[Clash, Never a Meter Maid]

Apr 13, 2016 12:48:32 GMT -5 @lovehater said:

That's awesome to hear, dude. It sounds like you found a good fit pretty quickly too, which is huge. There's so many different theoretical frameworks, and they've all blended together over the years.

I'm having trouble finding the right course for treatment, myself. I was seeing a therapist for the last 4-5 months, and things really hadn't improved and had gotten worse in ways, so I decided to leave her care. The treatment I was doing was based in cognitive-behavioral therapy (by far the most prevalent form of therapy in the States), which to me felt too surface-level and structured. It's all about getting educated on negative automatic thought patterns and challenging them, and over time you extinguish the power of those thoughts, and you learn "skills" to use in times of distress. There's lots of charts and stuff. I wasn't really responding to any of it. I know the thought patterns, I know the skills, and I know that I'm not worthless and my opinions aren't shit and that I have talent and all that jazz. I just don't give a f*** about myself a lot of the time. I have suicidal thoughts regularly, and violent images of myself dying, like getting the shit beaten out of me or falling off a cliff and bouncing on rocks. And I'm pretty much normalized to it, which makes me feel dead inside. I think what I have going on is something more visceral, and I'm not entirely sure how I want to try to tackle it.

Yeah, I haven't gotten into the treatment process quite just yet with my therapist, it's mostly just going over life events and breaking the ice. I'll have to play it by ear and hopefully I'll soon know whether or not it's working, but I know there's a chance I might need something different if one method isn't cutting it.

[Rican]

Thanks for your vulnerability, I know how hard it is to do that and be so introspective. Glad your therapy has been helping you!

[Magic knows Black Lives Matter]

I'm glad to hear that you found something that works for you, my friend. Some people might remember that I posted a thread about my own struggles with depression and being in a bad state of mind a few months ago. Well, shortly after posting that thread, things got worse for me and long story short, I kinda had a mental breakdown. It took lots of convincing from my mom but I finally started seeing a therapist after that and I love it. He's a great guy and just being able to talk to somebody about all my insecurities and doubts that I experience has done wonders for me. I've also started taking anti-depressants, which I didn't want to do for the longest time due to the stigma surrounding mental illness in the black community but since I started taking the medication, I can honestly say that I feel like I'm in a better place mentally than I was before it. Now, I'm going to the gym every day, I've severely cut down on smoking weed (which used to be an every day thing for me as a way to cope with depression/anxiety) and I'm honestly excited for the future, which I haven't felt in a while.

So, yes. I absolutely co-sign the benefits of talking to somebody about your problems.

[2coldMack is even more baffled]

My wife suffers from anxiety and depression, and she was in a really bad, low place around Christmas last year. Finally, after an ugly confrontation with her sister, and quitting her job due to it's utter toxicity, she finally got herself into therapy. The turnaround was mindbogglingly quick. Now she's in a new job, medicated, sleeping on a regular schedule, and just overall in a much healthier place. I can't advocate therapy and good psychiatric care enough. Thanks for sharing your story, man, hopefully it induces other people to get help if they so need it.

[Sam Punk]

I'm happy for you, my friend.

[Clash, Never a Meter Maid]

So I recently scheduled another series of appointments with the same providers, but probably a different therapist. Over the past year I feel I've made a good amount of progress. But I still have days where I can't snap myself out of that funk, so I still plan to stick with this.

I've found taking occasional breaks from social media helps with my mood. Especially when my feed is just a slew of bad current events/news.

[Annette]

I could really really... really benefit from something like that. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I have really negative thoughts in my head on an almost nonstop basis. My problem is that I have no interest in talking to someone who's being paid to do it because my brain is like "They're literally getting paid to put up with you, they dont really give 2 shits about you." I don't know how to get past that.

[edgestar]

I've had times where people have made me feel worthless (someone called me useless, last summer). That, with having health issues, made me tell my mom that maybe I'd benefit from talking to a therapist. I haven't, but, I've been lucky enough to have friends and family, that let me open up, and I feel better, afterwards.

[The Unconquered Sun]

So my own issues with depression have in the past few weeks really been kicking my ass. Because of a lot of things going on in my life, I've just been miserable. Let's just say that I'm hoping that it is a tumor and not a stress headache, it's been that bad. My usally techniques of coping are not helping now. And since I'm new in the area and I don't have a doctor yet I can't take anything at this time.
I holding it together as best as I can, but right now it's not enough, I don't know what I going to do.
Wishing all of us peace and hope right about now.

[wakko]

As someone with anxiety issues, I am curious as to where I would even start to look for something like this. With my epilepsy, I get panic attacks and anxiety just walking out my front door and turn right back around. Finding help would be great. But I am clueless as to where to start.

[Fauxnaki]

I can't help much but I don't think you should dwell on past posts you've made on this forum to much. I've made a lot of awful posts that I regret, but you just gotta look at it as a learning experience, which is kinda what forums are about putting your stupid opions that you wouldn't talk about in real life as much and seeing if you get BTFO or not and hopefully it will make you a better person because of it.

Or I'm just sharing my stupid opinion again

[OldDirtyBernie]

I started for a brief time while I was in college as o was dealing with some stuff and had just had my first in a long few years of dealing with deaths of people I was close to (My neighbor, who was essentially my 2nd grandpa was the first in 2001 when I was 18/19, and I've had at least one every year since then.)
I stopped therapy when I left college, which coincided with the rise in my drug use, which got a LOT worse when my mom died in 2008.
Started therapy a couple of years ago as my anxiety and depression have gotten exponentially worse since I got clean and spent time in jail. The therapist is actually the one who suggested I be tested for ADD and possibly being on the Autism spectrum, and began treatment for those things recently.
The unfortunate thing is that my dad is seeking treatment after the episode where he disappeared recently and ended up getting a DUI, so he's experiencing all of this now.

[Big Poppa Pumpkin]

Glad to hear you are making progress, dude. Chalk me up as another one who saw a lot of improvement from therapy and medication, it can be SO difficult to take that first step but it is worth it. It takes a lot of courage to talk about this shit even online so I've got nothing but love and goodwill for you guys. Keep fighting.