Desperation in girls

[Perfect Timing]

Desperation,low self esteem. How do you feel about it? do you give them a chance or avoid them like the plague?

There is this girl I worked with a while back and they said she always liked me but she was always shy with it at work but it came across like disinterest. We kissed at a work party last September but I felt there wasn't much point in bothering with her as we were working. She left this year so we went out on a date and I felt that she didn't have a great deal of personality. She texts me from time to time asking me to take her out and telling me to let her know etc. She posted a picture on facebook today with a before and after pic of her from about 4 years ago of when she was fat. It made me feel she still doesn't really have the confidence and it turned me off a bit. I was going to give her a chance but I like a bit of a challenge.

["Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay]

To be brutally honest, you're not coming across particularly pleasantly here bud.

Girls with low self confidence still deserve attention. Why do you think their confidence is low? It's probably because people never give them attention!

I will never understand people finding a lack of confidence to be a turnoff, but then that's just me.

You're also asking multiple different questions at once in this thread.

Guys get plenty desperate too. Desperation doesn't come from nowhere. And desperation doesn't make someone not worthy of interest or affection or a relationship. So yeah, I would give desperate girls, or guys, or in between, a chance, and in fact I have done. I have also been that desperate person. You never been desperate in your life? Should people just blow you off when you're desperate? If nobody ever gave me a chance when I was desperate and my self esteem was low (and by the way, that low self-worth can come back at any time, it's not just gone away because I generally like myself more now) then I would never have got any confidence, ever. Again, why do you think people have low self esteem? Because of how they've been treated in the past.

This girl in particular? Well you insulted her lack of personality as you perceived it, so I'd say you're better off apart regardless. She deserves to be with someone who discusses her in a more respectful manner, and you deserve to be with someone you actually like rather than someone who is 'a challenge.'

[Deleted]

Regarding the OP, if you made it absolutely clear that you're not interested in seeing her after your first date, then she's basically just harassing you by continuing to prod your for a date. But if you just left things up in the air and never really made your lack of interest clear, then that's kind of a lame move.

Generally speaking. I've yet to meet someone who doesn't have moderately low to very low self-esteem. Even the people who act like they're hot shit, usually are the ones covering for having low self-worth and once you actually get to know them you see through that veneer to who they actually are. So it's tough for me to judge people like that because 99% of people out there are suffering from low self esteem for some reason or another.

But to quote Good Will Hunting when it comes to keeping people at arm's length because of their imperfections... "I think that's a super philosophy, Will; that way you can go through your entire life without ever having to really know anybody... "

We all put our best, idealized self out there as a front, then as trust is established the flip side of that is revealed. The imperfections, the worries, the anxieties, the flat out weirdness. To me, that's when you REALLY get to know a person and the difference between dating someone to make yourself feel good and dating someone to actually be with someone.

[Perfect Timing]

What I want is someone that wants to be with me for with am I and not just because they don't feel they could find anyone else.

[edgestar]

You never know what someone is going through, and to be honest, you could be a very nice guy, bit, it sounds like she's being treated unfairly.

I will admit, I am a confident woman, but recently, some of my family has made me feel worthless. I've seen them lie and steal, and get to live ideal lives, where I've tried to be helpful and treat people well, I haven't stolen, and I have restrictions in life. I can't drive, I will probably live the rest of my life on anti-seizure medicine. While I have felt worthless to some of my family, I try to make the most of life, and being a nice person gives me confidence.

I hope that things will work out, for both you and the girl.

[Fade]

Eh. If you're not feeling it, just cut it off. If you wanna stick with it and bring her up, do it.

Desperate, depressed, a lack of confidence is not attractive to either of the sexes.

[canal]

Jul 25, 2016 12:09:55 GMT -5 edgestar said:

You never know what someone is going through, and to be honest, you could be a very nice guy, bit, it sounds like she's being treated unfairly.

I will admit, I am a confident woman, but recently, some of my family has made me feel worthless. I've seen them lie and steal, and get to live ideal lives, where I've tried to be helpful and treat people well, I haven't stolen, and I have restrictions in life. I can't drive, I will probably live the rest of my life on anti-seizure medicine. While I have felt worthless to some of my family, I try to make the most of life, and being a nice person gives me confidence.

I hope that things will work out, for both you and the girl.

That is very cool.

[Hanzo]

When I think of desperate women, I think of women who after spending all day with you, call you five minutes after you get home crying and saying "I can't live without you! Please come back!! I miss you so much!". Am I right about that or no?

[Perfect Timing]

I'm attracted to confidence. She comes across like she has little and wears tons of make up, doesn't have a lot to say but seems the type that wouldn't want a bit of fun and would want something serious.

[Perfect Timing]

She dropped me a text after months of not seeing her and I flirted a little with her because I don't want to be mean but yeah I worked with her for awhile and even seen her when she has had a drink and she is still quite boring.

[Starshine]

OP, you've made it abundantly clear your only interest in this girl is superficial at best. The meanest thing you can do is lead her on. Just tell her you're not interested in a relationship with her.

[Display Name]

Yeah, you're not interested in a romantic relationship with her..but have you considered just a sexual one? From my experience, girls like her have been the most fun in that department.

["Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay]

Jul 25, 2016 23:53:41 GMT -5 Perfect Timing said:

She dropped me a text after months of not seeing her and I flirted a little with her because I don't want to be mean but yeah I worked with her for awhile and even seen her when she has had a drink and she is still quite boring.

Flirting with someone you aren't interested in is meaner than being straight up with them.

edit: While we're at it, you're still talking about her like she's a complete asshole. How would you feel if other people talked about you this way? You don't want to be mean, so you'll just denigrate her personality to others?

[Rudy Gobert Fadeaway]

Yikes

[Kalmia]

If you're not into her and don't want to date her, then just don't. You don't need to come up with a million reasons about her dull personality or low self esteem, just tell her you're not interested. She'll get over it, soon enough. You're not doing her any favors by flirting back. And the more reasons you give and the more you criticize her, the worse you look, to be honest.

[edgestar]

Again, I hope you both can find happiness, but, you coming across a bit unfair here.

[abjordans]

I get one some people are saying about everyone having a varying degree of self esteem issues. However, coming across outwardly deaperate or having low self esteem is an unattractive characteristic. Women say it all the time, men feel the same way.

That being said, I am a bit unsure of the question being pised here. Are you asking us if you should still pursue something with a woman you are not attracted to? I mean, I don't see how that needs to ve asked.

[edgestar]

She may not be physically attractive to you, but she could very well have a good personality, even if you say she doesn't.

[Perfect Timing]

Jul 26, 2016 1:08:14 GMT -5 Display Name said:

Yeah, you're not interested in a romantic relationship with her..but have you considered just a sexual one?

That would be nice. Considering we worked together for so long I suggested she should come to mine sometime and she told me it's too soon. She is indian and spent most of our date telling me how protective her brother was, so I was quite turned off.

[Duke Cameron]

You insult her online and are pretty clear about not wanting a relationship with her, but you're okay with having sex with her as long as it's just sex? That's pretty damn despicable to me.