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Post by The Barber on Mar 29, 2017 8:00:55 GMT -5
Malibu Stacy : Get ready to match the 'stars': Hawk Hart , Sigma: Current SRW Champ! , Milkman Norm , @sandman , Porky's Butthole , and...Hugh Jackman!?!...How in the hell did we book him? He knows where he is, right? Regardless...let's get ready to play the 'star-studded', 'big money' Match Game '17! And now here's the 'star' of Match Game '17...THE BARBER!!!
TB: Hello everyone. Hello stars.
Sigma: I miss our old host, Annette . She would give us compliments and bake us cookies and not make us pay for our own parking spaces or these podiums.
TB: *points to Sigma* Well, she's not here and I am, so ZIP IT!!!  *faces back to camera*  Let's meet our two contestants. Introduce yourselves to the public.
pegasuswarrior : They call me Pegasus Warrior.
TB: Why do they call you that?
PW: I...I...  ...I have no idea.
FHgrad99 : ACH... Enough of this jabroni. I'm FHGrad99 because I graduate FH high school in '99.
TB: Who taught you English there?
FH: The Iron Sheik. Iron Sheik NUMBAH ONE! HOKE HOGAN...ACK PTOOEY! *FH spits on the ground*
TB: We just cleaned that  . I've got to ask, how did you know Hulk Hogan?
FH: That son of a BITCH taught math. My teacher, THE IRON SHEIK, hated his guts. You should have heard the things he said about our Science teacher, the Ultimate Warrior.
TB: I'd rather not. Let's begin. Pegasus, since you won the coin toss backstage, you get to go first.
FH: There was a coin toss backstage? When?
TB: That's why he won the coin toss. Warrior has chosen card A. "According to the Wrestling Observer newsletter, NBC wants to expand into more wrestling-orientated programming. Dave Meltzer doesn't think that's a good idea because NBC just greenlit a show called, 'How To Book Wrestling' starring _____." What's your answer, Peggy?
PW: Peggy?  I'll go with my gut and say Vince Russo.
*audience applauds and FHgrad99 nods in agreement*
TB: Good answer. I'll see if you matched up with our group of ungrateful bastards known as our panel. Hoot, you're first.
HJ: I went with my good buddy, Vince Russo - O
TB: That's a match. Siggy Azalea, what say you?
Sigma: You really suck at nicknames, you know that? When Annette was here, she called me...
TB: WHATEVER!!! GIVE ME A DAMN ANSWER!!!
Sigma: She was also patient with our replies, you ass. I went with M. Night Shyamalan. - X
Norm: I would watch the hell out of that. I wrote down...well, you know.
TB: Who?
Norm: You know...
TB: No, I don't. Who are you talking about?
Norm: *slyly looking at The Barber* You know...*wink, wink, wink*
TB: Chris Benoit? I'm giving you an X regardless. SandmanBrawl who may or may not be obsolete, what do you have?
SM: *standing up in his chair* I *hic* I put down the same as Hooty over there...Vince Russo. - O
TB: Two matches so far. Doctor, doctor, give me the news...
DJ: What news?
TB: It was a song, remember?
DJ: I don't remember it. That was before me time. I wrote down Dixie Carter - X
TB: *mean grimace to Doctor* Lousy young punks. Let's see our residential Hollywood heartthrob Hugh Jackman has written the same.
Hugh: I'm actually from Australia mate, but since I don't know much about this here rasslin', I went with a great friend of mine, Lauren Graham. Let me tell you fellas something, she could star in a series about the phone book and it would get huge... - X
TB: Sure it would, Paul Hogan.
FH: HOGAN!!! WHERE IS THAT NO GOOD PIECE OF SHIT!?!
TB: Calm down Sheiky Jr., here's your card. "My official WWE Internet Search app might be broken. Everytime I ask type in the words 'masturbation material', it shows me photos of _____. "
FH: If it's anything like mine, it would show that hot piece of ass Mae Young.
TB: *shutters* Hootie and no blowfish, you have Mae Young?
HJ: HELL NO, I went with the hotter Roman Reigns. - X
Sigma: I agree with Hoot. I got Roman, too. - X
Norm: I, too, went with a hot piece of ass from years past. Unfortunately, I went with the sexier Uncle Elmer. - X
TB: What is wrong with you people?
SM: You wrote these questions, not us *hic*. I said Andre The Giant. - X
*audience groans*
SM: f*** YOU! LIKE YOU WOULDN'T. *flips off the crowd*
TB: I knew I shouldn't have asked this question.
DJ: You're right. What pervert would have that answer Oh yeah...me. *shows card with MAE YOUNG written on it* - O
Hugh: I don't know who that woman is, but she seems like a lovely woman. I, however, went with a beautiful little thing from England called Paige. - X
PW: Beats what I had...James Ellsworth. - X
TB: You guys are SICK. Its 2 - 1 with Pegasus Warrior in the lead. I'm gonna watch '2 Girls, 1 Cup' to clear my head. We'll be right back!
*The camera goes to black with the Sandman asking the camera for a beer* |
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Post by The Barber on Mar 29, 2017 9:03:28 GMT -5
*The show comes back with Sandman drinking a six pack of beer*
The Barber: For the love of Samuel Adams, put your pants back on!
@sandman : Blow me.
TB: Nevertheless, after begging and pleading with our sponsors backstage, they've agreed to keep advertising on our show for now, so we're back. FHgrad99 is up next and he picked card B. "Taylor Swift wants to become a wrestler. She has her own theme song called '_____ On My Guitar'"
FH: Leg Dropping, like that punk muthaf***a, HOKE HOGAN!
TB: That answer is terrible.
FH: YOU WANNA FIGHT WIT ME!?! *FH stands up* COME ON! MY DICK IS BIGGER THAN YOUR 35 POST COUNT.
TB: Ugh...someone call security or the police.
FH: I SAY FACK THE SECURITY AND FACK YOU!
TB: OK, I'm sorry.
FH: I teach you good lesson. If you ever disrespect me like that again, I suplex you, put you in camel clutch, break your...
TB: OK, OK, I won't disrespect you again. Hoot, you match with General Adnan over there?
Hawk Hart : Unfortunately, no. I put down Backdrops. - X
TB: Backdrops? Let's see of Smegma over here has a better answer.
Sigma: Current SRW Champ! : I said Bad Blood on her guitar, Beiber. - X
TB: NO ONE CALLS ME THAT! *ahem* Milkman Norm do you have a matching answer?
Norm: Feast - X
@sandman : Hey, I finally matched with someone *hic*...I said Blood! - X
TB: *though gnarled teeth* You matched with the wrong person.
Porky's Butthole : I didn't match, either. I put down Piledriver. - X
Hugh Jackman: Well mates, I've heard quite the tune from this here lady and said Pickin' for my answer. Taylor could star in any movie I make and be all over the soundtrack. Y'know what I mean, Yankee? - X
TB: No, I don't.
PW: I said Headshots. Do I get a point?
TB: NO! WOW, you struck out big time, bud. Here's your card, pegasuswarrior : " Ultimo Gallos has the greatest girlfriend a PRO WRESTLING fan could ever ask for. When asked if he could get married in a _____, she agreed!"
PW: Wrestling Ring.
*audience applauds*
FH: WHAT KIND OF JABRONI GETS MARRIES IN A WRESTLING RING? I GOT MARRIED IN A STEEL CAGE AND I GOT TAUGHT BY THE GREATEST CHAMPION OF ALL TIME, NOT THAT HOLLYWOOD BLONDE JAB...
TB: I would have said wrestling mask, but let's see if they all agree with me or like not getting holiday bonuses. Hoot?
HJ: Bonuses? We don't even get any numbers to the left of the period in our checks. I said Boiler Room. - X
Sigma: That sounds kinda romantic. *The Barber stares at her in confusion* What is more romantic than that is being married in a Wrestling Ring. - O
TB: Norm...
Audience: NORM!
TB: *facepalm* I really hate this audience...what is your answer?
Norm: I suggested this with my ex girlfriend...let's just say that this is the reason why she's my ex, the Chamber Of Horrors. - X
Sandman: I *hic* I actually got married at this place, the Locker Room. - X
TB: I thought you'd be married at the Budweiser plant in St. Louis or something.
Sandman: I *hic* tried that, but those commies at Budweiser wouldn't let us use their *hic* Clydesdale horses for our wedding. By 'our wedding', I mean honeymoon. By 'honeymoon', I mean our Internet sex website where I...
TB: Please don't go into any more detail. I beg you. Doctor, do you have anything for me?
DJ: Is that an old song lyric again. I told you I don't listen to the oldies station.
*The Barber gets angry*
DJ: I do want to get married in a wrestling ring one day, so I put that down *holds up card that says RING on it* - O
Hugh: I remember coming across a segment on the old Australian Championship Wrestling as a kid and seeing this fella name Outback Jack or something like that and he had this fancy setup in the backstage area and I thought it was elegant so I picked Backstage Segment. - X
TB: Pegasus just annihilated Nikolai Volkoff's old tag partner.
FH: My teacher told me about him. He is another cheap jew son of a bitch. He...
TB: Go shove a Persian club up your ass, bitch.
FH: FACK YOU, PUNK!!!
TB: Peg Bundy here will play for Super Match after this. Stay tuned for...UH OH!!!
*The camera fades to black as FHgrad99 chases down The Barber with a Persian club* |
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pegasuswarrior
El Dandy
Three Time FAN Idol Champion
@PulpPictionary
Posts: 8,748 
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Post by pegasuswarrior on Mar 29, 2017 11:35:35 GMT -5
My answer for Taylor Swift was definitely not "chairshots."
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Post by The Barber on Mar 29, 2017 22:09:04 GMT -5
My answer for Taylor Swift was definitely not "chairshots." My bad. FIXED. |
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FHgrad99
Vegeta
Never mind that s***, here comes Mongo!
Posts: 9,019
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Post by FHgrad99 on Mar 30, 2017 12:01:58 GMT -5
I think it's hilarious that I turned into the Iron Sheik, somehow.
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Hawk Hart
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Sold his organs.
The Best There Is, the Best There Was, and the Best That There Ever Will Be
Posts: 15,296
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Post by Hawk Hart on Mar 31, 2017 10:53:56 GMT -5
Top row, first slot, like a true star.
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Post by The Barber on Apr 1, 2017 7:29:28 GMT -5
I think it's hilarious that I turned into the Iron Sheik, somehow. If I don't get anymore new contestants, you REALLY don't want to see who I turn you into next...
{Spoiler} ...bro!
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Post by The Barber on Apr 2, 2017 1:14:25 GMT -5
*The show comes back with The Barber running from behind the curtains and out of breath*
TB: Did...*gasp*...did I make it...*wheeze*...back in time? I think I lost him at the concession stand. *looks at camera* I DID! Anyway, I'm here with pegasuswarrior and we're ready to play Super Match. We 'poled' another forum and got their answers to this: __________ Awards. Good news, if you can call it that, is you can select three panelists to help you choose. Pick one.
PW: Hmm... Hawk Hart .
HJ: I'm such a huge wrestling fan, I said Slammy Awards.
*audience applauds*
TB: Next pick.
PW: Sigma: Current SRW Champ! .
Sigma: Academy Awards.
* @sandman nods in agreement, then passes out*
TB: Two good ones so far, one more to go.
PW: Milkman Norm .
Audience: NORM!
TB: WILL YOU STOP THAT!!!
Norm: Emma Awards, oops, I meant Emmy Awards.
TB: All perfectly good choices. I'm sure their was cheating involved, but until I get those hidden cameras under the podiums to work, I have no evidence. Pick one or go with one of your own.
PW: I'll go with my gut and say Grammy Awards.
Porky's Butthole : Good choice. I said the same thing. Apparently, FHgrad99 did too judging by the graffiti he left on our wall.
PW: Uh-oh. In that case, I'll change it to MTV Music Awards.
Hugh Jackman: Good choice, mate. I put that down since they won't nominate me for 'Logan' or my band, 'Knifey-Spooney', or my short lived TV show, Las Vegas. Did you ever see that show? It had it all: babes, songs, bright lights,...
PW: Uhh...I'll stick with my original answer of Slammy Award.
TB: He goes with Hoot. Let's see if he's right. Show me #3:
#3 Grammy - 100
#2 Academy - 250
#1 SLAMMY! - 500
TB: Congrats. You somehow beat the Vegas odds of 1000-1 and actually got an answer on the board. You can play for 10x that amount and get 5000 points. You must pick one celebrity and match with them to win. Pick a celebrity.
PW: Since he's so goddamn cute, I'll pick the good Doctor.
TB: Your loss. Your word: King Of __________.
PW: King Of The Ring.
*FH nods in agreement somewhere far off in the shadows of the set eating a hot dog*
HJ: *pfft* You should have said King Of The World. Remember Titanic?
SM: *stands up and does the pose* I'm the king of...*hic*...king of this bitch!
*Sandman falls down. Sigma and Hugh Jackman nod in agreement*
TB: Just like The Rock, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU SAID!!!. All that matters is whether you matched with Doctor Who over there.
DJ: Doctor WHAT!?! Man, you're old Barber. I went with my gut and picked ring *shows card with 'THE RING' on it*
TB: CONGRATS Pegasus, you've won the points! How are you gonna spend them?
PW: I...I...uhh...wait...what AM I gonna do with those points? It's not like I can use them anywhere. What are they good for? Why am I still playing this game? Why are there...
TB: We'll be right back with more Peggy Sue and another contestant for him to battle. Stay tuned for more because if you don't, this show will get cancelled and replaced with "Don Knotts' Best TV Episodes Hosted By SHAKEMASTER TV9 is Don Knotts " and I KNOW they get better ratings than this shitty show. *whispering* Just don't tell our channel boss, SkullTrauma that. Shh... 
*The show fades to black with Pegasus Warrior sitting on the steps pondering what in the hell he is still doing on the show if the points don't matter* |
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Post by The Barber on Apr 13, 2017 6:18:45 GMT -5
*The show comes back from commercial with the producers ( Big Bad Brad and @dante ) trying to convince pegasuswarrior to play another round*
@dante : IT'S IN THE RULES, NOW GO BACK OUT THERE DAMMIT!
PW *being dragged back onstage by the producers*: I told you guys, I have to be somewhere.
Big Bad Brad : Sure you do, get back out there chump, I mean champ.
PW: *sigh*
The Barber: We're back for more Match Game. Let's say hello to Peggy's opponent. Who are you and what are you doing here?
FHgrad99 : Listen bro, my name is FHgrad99 and I'm from Brooklyn, bro. LET'S GO GIANTS!!!
TB: Uhh...didn't we already have you on here.
FH: Swerve bro. That wasn't me, that was someone else. That guy is over there. *points to someone in the shadows*
TB: I don't see anyone over there.
FH: Bro, let me tell you something bro. Bro, he's over there, but you just can't see him, bro. I know he's there, bro.
TB: I'm gonna put an end to this 'bromance' right now to say hello to our escaped circus freaks known as our panel. Hello, stars!
Porky's Butthole : I...
TB: NO TALKING TO THE HOST! Blah, blah, blah, the rules, blah, blah, blah. Now, let's play the game. New Yorkie here gets to go first, what card do you want?
FH: Isn't it obvious, I'll go with Card B, for BRO, bro.
TB: Figures. Hornswoggle got so pissed off at The Big Show that he punched The Big Show in the _____.
FH: I've known both since they were both kids, bro, so I went with Nut Sack.
*audience applauds*
PW: You should have gone with Ankle. That should have more matches. - X
FH: Shut up, bro, I got this.
TB: Well, it beats what that other doofus would have said.
*The Barber hears a voice in the distance yell out, 'FACK YOU PUNK!'*
TB: Let's see if our panel agrees. Do you agree, Hootie?
Hawk Hart : Yes, I do agree that you are a punk. *audience laughs*
TB: SHUT UP!
Hoot: I got in the general vicinity and said Shin. - X
Sigma: Current SRW Champ! : I got closer and said Knee. - X
@sandman : *stands up* Listen here, brah *hic* I didn't match, but *hic* for the rec...*hic* for the record, I should have put that instead of my answer of Kneecap. X
TB: It wasn't your turn, it was Milkman Norm 's turn, you drunk.
Audience: NORM! *The Barber facepalms while thinking about moving into a new, audience less arena*
Norm: It's ok. I got the right answer in Wee wee. - O
TB: Judges agree. The Doctor of Style, what do you have?
Porky's Butthole : Oh, I'm not AJ Styles' doctor. I'm sure he has a fine practitioner where he works at. *The Barber facepalms while CM Punk walks in from the audience and gets into Doctors face.*
CM Punk *grabbing the mic from The Barber*:  He doesn't. I know how that company works. I bang AJ Lee daily.
TB *yanking the mic away from CM Punk before getting kicked in the face*: Hey, give that back...OWW!
DJ: I had a hard time with this one, lots of options...but I'm going with Ballbag - O
Hugh Jackman: What a surprise. You never know what you are gonna get here at Match Game, am I right mates? I wrote down Balls. Did anyone think I was gonna say that, mate? - O
TB: No, I did not. That's three for Vince Russo's clone. pegasuswarrior will get card A.
FH: Swerve, bro. He picks Card B.
TB: He can't pick Card B. It was already taken by...*looks at Card B slot and sees a card already in there* I...  ...how...what...I...whatever. The wicked witch asked the magic mirror, "Mirror mirror, on the wall, who's the _____-ist one of all?" The magic mirror replied, "The Barber". OH, HAHAHA. VERY FUNNY ASSWIPES. JUST FOR THAT, NO CHRISTMAS BONUS THIS YEAR! *a light hits The Barber on his head* OWW, f***ER!!! *points middle finger at the ceiling* Whatever your name is, what is your response?
PW: Beefiest, you gym rat.
*audience laughs*
TB: There was no need for sarcasm.
HJ: Beef doesn't describe you. Weird, however, does. - X
Sigma: Weird, HAHAHA, that does fit him. So does my answer of Booty-est. You get it Bootyman? - X
TB: *sigh* Yeah, I get it.
Norm: Leechie-ist - X
Sandman: Learn to *hic* learn to spell. I got to know you, Barber, quite well on this show and I got the most truthful answer anyone has ever said on here and wrote, CHEAP. - X
*everyone in the building applauds in agreement*
TB *going into the audience*: SIT DOWN, ALL OF YOU. I SAID...HEY, PUT ME DOWN! WHERE ARE YOU DRAGGING ME TO?
Malibu Stacy *over the loudspeaker*: This is your announcer Sugar Pixie. Please bring The Barber back down to the stage. We can't be doing this at every show. I don't care how much of an ass he is, we need him to finish hosting the show so we can all go home. Thank you.
TB *brushing off his suit* : Punk ass audience. They wouldn't be doing this if Annette hosted. Are we done yet?
DJ: Not yet. I put down something like who's the Oldest of all. Sorry, don't know too much about you.  - X
Hugh: Don't worry mate. I don't know I'm either, but he seems like a nice gentleman *the whole audience eyerolls to where it causes a shockwave* What the hell was that, mate? I wrote down Sveltist-ist one of all. - X
FH: I told you, bro, to go with Oddest. It would have won. - X
TB: No, it wouldn't have. We'll be back for more Match Game after this commercial break.
*The show fades to black while The Barber ponders who in the hell would advertise on this shitty show* |
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Post by The Barber on Apr 13, 2017 7:14:19 GMT -5
*The show comes back with The Barber holding a product*
The Barber: We're back and if you're wondering what I have in my hand, its a laptop with the TNA 24/7 app on it. What does the app do? Well, for the monthly fee of $99.99 plus tax and other fees, like shipping and handling...*audience looks confused*...you can get every TNA PPV and Impact ever in existence. Just like Don West says *mumbling under his breath* or if he even bothered to show up like we paid him to do...'get the brown bag today'! Now it's time for more Match Game. pegasuswarrior gets to go first. He picks Card B. __________ Coat. Wait, this is for Super Match. What is this doing here?
FHgrad99 : Swerve, bro.
TB: Swerve? You can't do that here.
FH: Sure I can. By the way, bro, the correct answer would have been Fur.
* Hawk Hart nods in agreement*
PW: I disagree. I would have said Trench.
*Hugh Jackman nods in agreement*
FH: Who cares what you think, bro.
Sigma: Current SRW Champ! : Winter. *sings aloud* WINTER SHADOWS...something, something...HANDS OF THE WICKED!
Milkman Norm : Green.
@sandman : Sp...*hic*...sport.
Porky's Butthole : Over.
TB: Well, it looks like you both would have tied if any of this crap really mattered. Let's pick another card. __________ Blue. What...again?
FH: Another swerve. Bro, don't look at me like that, bro. I'm helping your ratings, bro. Bro, you know us New Yorkers are big on hockey, bro, so I chose St. Louis Blue.
PW: Hockey? What's that? I'll say Little Boy Blue.
*Doctor Jackstraw nods in agreement*
HJ: Hey, what do you know? Me and Sigma matched. We both said Baby.
Norm: Vida. Remember him?
TB: No.
Sandman: True Blue *hic*
Hugh Jackman: Well mate, I love a good fabric to cover up me bare bum in the bed, so I picked Velvet Blue. Ever feel the softness of velvet on your entire body, mate?
TB: No, I haven't George Costanza. Let me pick ANOTHER card from the deck *yanks on a card from Card A slot* Chocolate __________. COME ON NOW!
FH: Syrup, bro. Back in Central Park, bro, we'd all go to...
PW: Pie. I'm hungry. When do we eat?
HJ: On this show? Food? HA! I would have said Bar if that was what we were going to go with.
Sandman: Did you say Bar? I did, too *hic*.
Sigma: I don't think he meant that type of bar. Bar? Oh, please don't mention food. And don't mention anything to drink either, like Milk. Oh, damn.
Norm: I won't. I'll mention a famous NBA player by the name of Chocolate Thunder.
DJ: I'll mention a Youtuber, then. He sang a song about Chocolate Rain.
Hugh: Chips. No, not the fried potatoes, but the tiny chocolate morsels we Aussies would put in our ice cream.
TB: Producers, give me anther card. Medicine __________. OK Russo, what do you do with my cards?
FH: Bro, why are you looking at me, bro? I didn't do anything except increase your sagging ratings , bro. Those original questions were garbage, bro. Back to the game, the big money answer is Medicine Shoppe, bro.
PW: Ball is better.
*Sandman drunkenly agrees*
TB: Fine. Let's see who agrees with these two flunkies.
HJ: Man.
*Norm shakes his head in agreement*
Sigma: Cabinet.
*audience applauds and Doctor Jackstraw nods in agreement*
Hugh: I've been to many places in the world, mate, and one of the places I've been to is Medicine Hat, Alberta Canada. I...I got lost going to Winnipeg.
TB: Enough of this. We'll be back with more Match Game after this 'brief' message. *The Barber snaps his fingers* Hanz, Franz...advance on this guy.
*The show fades to black while Big Bad Brad and @dante hang FHgrad99 upside down and shake him until the right card falls out of his coat pockets. Numerous cards come out.*
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2017 19:43:17 GMT -5
This has been a Blink and Bliss Production.
no refunds
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2017 12:09:20 GMT -5
I was gonna complain about being a drunk, but then again it hit me: I think I'm the only one that fit in with the classic Match Game crew. It was a 30-minute "happy hour" 5 days a week. (Although I got stuck in the lousy 4th chair - bottom row, 1st seat - that's where the brain-dead starlets who take the game seriously reside.)
Shame I didn't get to swing my cane, though.
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pegasuswarrior
El Dandy
Three Time FAN Idol Champion
@PulpPictionary
Posts: 8,748
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Post by pegasuswarrior on Apr 14, 2017 21:30:48 GMT -5
I was gonna complain about being a drunk, but then again it hit me: I think I'm the only one that fit in with the classic Match Game crew. It was a 30-minute "happy hour" 5 days a week. Shame I didn't get to swing my cane, though. I think I was the one drunk ... I was gonna complain about being a drunk, but then again it hit me: I think I'm the only one that fit in with the classic Match Game crew. It was a 30-minute "happy hour" 5 days a week. (Although I got stuck in the lousy 4th chair - bottom row, 1st seat - that's where the brain-dead starlets who take the game seriously reside.) Shame I didn't get to swing my cane, though. ...because I'm seeing double. {Spoiler}Also, lol@braindead starlets observation. Nice. |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2017 8:27:16 GMT -5
I was gonna complain about being a drunk, but then again it hit me: I think I'm the only one that fit in with the classic Match Game crew. It was a 30-minute "happy hour" 5 days a week. Shame I didn't get to swing my cane, though. I think I was the one drunk ... I was gonna complain about being a drunk, but then again it hit me: I think I'm the only one that fit in with the classic Match Game crew. It was a 30-minute "happy hour" 5 days a week. (Although I got stuck in the lousy 4th chair - bottom row, 1st seat - that's where the brain-dead starlets who take the game seriously reside.) Shame I didn't get to swing my cane, though. ...because I'm seeing double. {Spoiler}{Spoiler}Also, lol@braindead starlets observation. Nice. I typed it at work, and the connection was bad. Didn't think the first one went through. Edited it. |
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pegasuswarrior
El Dandy
Three Time FAN Idol Champion
@PulpPictionary
Posts: 8,748
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Post by pegasuswarrior on Apr 15, 2017 11:26:58 GMT -5
I think I was the one drunk ... ...because I'm seeing double. {Spoiler}{Spoiler}{Spoiler}{Spoiler}Also, lol@braindead starlets observation. Nice. I typed it at work, and the connection was bad. Didn't think the first one went through. Edited it. Oh, I had no problems with it. Just was in a jovial mood and knew you wouldn't take it the wrong way. When I see posts of mine with typos, it's usually because I'm on the go or autocorrect or such. I do it all the time. |
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Post by The Barber on May 22, 2017 1:51:09 GMT -5
*The show comes back with FHgrad99 back in his seat and a pile of cards on the ground*
The Barber *picking up a card from the ground*: In accordance with the rules, FHgrad99 should go first since he has the most points. But since *points middle finger at FH* (SCREW) YOU to Vinnie Ru Jr. over there, I'll give Pegasus the first card: According to TMZ, famous FAN moderator A Platypus Rave had a profile on AshleyMadison.com. They knew it was him when he offered to _____ other men on the site. What is your answer?
PW: 'Like' men, Barber.
TB: Like...does Hawk Hart 'like' other men, too?
HJ: No, because I'd prefer to Ban them instead. - X
*audience applauds*
TB: Sigma: Current SRW Champ! , do you 'like' other men?
Sigma: Let's just say that if I know The Banker like others do, he's Foreclose on them. - X
*audience boos*
Sigma: f*** YOU! *throws card at audience*
Milkman Norm : I guess we know two different Bankers because I thought that he'd Lick other men. - X
@sandman : I...*hic*...I know him personally because he lives right next door to the bar I frek...frecen...frequently...*hic*...go to weekly and I said he'd Lay Eggs for other men. - X
TB: I think you might want to cut back on the bar trips there, buddy.
SM: Who do you think you are, my...*hic*...my AA coun...cown...con...*hic*...coo...
Porky's Butthole : I think our what our inebriated friend is trying to say is counsellor.
SM: Who?...*hic*...
DJ: Nevertheless, I also said he would Ban them. - X
HJ: Y'know mate, back in Australia, we had this banker who was the sexiest woman you had ever seen in your life, mate. She had the finest breasts tucked into the sluttiest dress this future actor had ever seen before. I always had this fantasy about doing her so I figured your Banker would be the same way, so I said he'd f*** other men. - X
Banker *running from the crowd*: YOU SON OF A BITCH!
*before he makes it to Hugh, Sandman hits him with his Singapore cane*
TB: Where did you get that from? And WHERE did you hide it when we searched you? The only thing you had on during the pat down as a thong.
SM: What...*hic*...what cane?
TB: Oh boy *facepalms*. I guess your next Vic Venom. Peter Pan said to Captain Hook: Don't tell anyone Captain, but Tinkerbell is __________!
FH: Let me just say for the record, bro, the for the previous question, I would have said Wrestle and won the round, bro.
TB: No, you wouldn't have. No one said wrestle.
FH: Sure I would have, check Norms card again, bro.
*checks Norms card again*
TB *shocked*: I'LL BE DAMNED! Wait...I thought you put down Lick? I know for sure you did. How did you change...
FH: Bro, don't worry about that, bro. That's old news, bro. I think Pan said that she is a transvestite, bro.
TB: Do you think Tinkerbell is a transvestite, Hoot?
HJ: I think she would be something entirely different...Hornswoggle. - X
TB *shutters*: That is creepy. Enigma?
Sigma: No, my name is...whatever. I said she's a Man. - O
TB: The judges bought that? Norm...
Audience: NORM!!!
TB: Everytime? Really?
Norm: I'd wish that she'd be like this show...a Hallucination. - X
TB: You and me both, brother.
FH: Hey bro, that's my gimmick, bro.
SM: Hey, did anyone here watch...*hic*...watch that show Doug? I used to whack...*hic*...whack my meat to Patty Mayonnaise *grabs cane and moves his hand up and down while making Skeeter Valentine noises* - X
TB: I'd figure you were more of a Mrs. Dink guy.
SM: I...*hic*...I was *grabs cane and imitates Mr. Dink's laugh*
TB: Gross. Good Doctor?
DJ *doing a really bad Austin Powers imitation*: SHE'S A MAN, BABY!!! - O
HJ: Speaking of remembering things from the past, mate, I remember this old looking woman sing about dudes looking like a lady. What was their name...Air-o-plane? No. Airsmith? No, that's not it. It was Air something or other.
SM: Air Supply? I...*hic*...I love them. *sings All Out Of Love before passing out*
HJ: Uhh..I like air supply, too. I mean, who doesn't like to breathe, mate? *The Barber facepalms* I chose to put A Dude for my answer. - O
FH *jumping up and down*: I WON! I TOLD YOU, BRO! *looks at pegasuswarrior * WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE PUT DOWN, MAGICAL?
PW *sad, looking down at his feet mumbling*: hawwwwt.
TB: Apparently, FHgrad99 has won. We'll be right back for...hey, who are you?
Retro: My name is retro . I'm @sandman 's AA counsellor. Please Sandy, come back to the meetings so we can talk over...
SM *atop the Match Game '17 sign*: Who...*hic*...who...who...who are you?
HJ: THE WHO!!! CSI: MIAMI THEME!!! I'M GOOD AT THIS GAME! *smug looking smile on his face*
Retro: You remember? I'm the guy who told you if you didn't end your drinking, you'd end up in some filthy, stinking, scummy hellhole like a druggie filled alleyway or the Match Game set?
TB *shocked and angry look on his face*: WHAT!?! *Enter Sandman plays over the loudspeaker* WHAT THE HELL?!?
*Sandman comes down and canes everyone on the stage and some people in the audience*
SM: We'll be...*hic...*...we'll be back with this word from...*hic*...from Jack Daniels...and here it is *burps into the boom mike and looks into the camera* No, YOU'RE DRUNK!
*The show fades to black while Big Bad Brad and @dante try to hold back Sandman. They are unfortunately caned as well * |
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Post by The Barber on May 22, 2017 3:14:09 GMT -5
*The show comes back from commercial with @sandman drinking a beer atop the Match Game '17 sign*
The Barber: Welcome back to the show. Luckily for us, Sandy up there stopped caning us when his music stopped. I'm just glad we didn't have G✇JI☈A as a panelist or we'd REALLY be screwed, am I right?
*Natural Born Killers plays over the loudspeaker*
TB *scared as hell*: HE'S HERE!?! WHEN DID HE GET OUT OF PRISON!?! *the music immediately cuts out* Don't play with us like that Malibu Stacy . You know what he can be capable of doing.
FHgrad99 : Another patented "FHgrad99 SWERVE", bro.
TB *brushing himself off*: Not funny, Ru. I'm unfortunately here with *pointing to FHgrad99*...HIM...going to the big bucks. Here is your first Super Match: _____ Store.
FH: Grocery, bro. That's where I booked 'Stunning' Steve and GI Bro to fight at in ECW, bro.
*The sound of Dave Meltzer's head exploding is heard from in the audience*
TB: What was that sound? *looks back at FH* Do you even know the rules? You first have to pick three of our panelist before giving your answer. Pick three people.
FH: Fine, bro. I'll go with The Sandman, who, I might add, bro, was booked by me to win the WCW Heavyweight title back at Super Clash 3, bro.
*Brian Alvarez's head explodes in the audience*
DJ: I'll take...*hic*...his answer of Grocery.
FH: Great choice, bro. I'll pick Hawk Hart next, bro.
HJ: Convenience.
*audience applauds and pegasuswarrior nods in agreement*
FH: That answer sucks, bro. It ain't gonna draw anyone except for a few dozen Internet fans, bro, and who cares what they think. Porky's Butthole , give me a better answer.
DJ: Hmm...I don't have an answer. I'm drawing a blank.
TB: THAT'S MY GIMMICK!
Sigma: Current SRW Champ! : Say Shoe.
Milkman Norm : No, say Hardware.
Hugh Jackman: Better yet, say Candy, mate.
DJ: I got an even better answer than that...Dollar.
TB: You have grocery, convenience, and dollar. You can choose one of those or give your own...you know what, I'm not gonna finish the rest. Let's look at the board.
#3 GROCERY - 100
#2 Convenience - 250
#1 Dollar - 500
TB: Too bad, you only get 100.
FH: Swerve, bro. I get 500. Look at the board again.
TB: I will. It distinctly says...
#3 Dollar - 100
#2 Vince Russo Is God - 2500
#1 GROCERY - 5000
TB *confused*: How in the hell did that just...the points went up...why...
FH: I just told you, bro. It was a patented Vic Venon swerve. What is my next Super Match question?
TB *still confused*: I...I...I...
retro : Don't tell me you've been drinking with Sandman again, have you? Do you need to join him in rehab?
TB: No, I just...whatever. Pick the person you want to match with.
FH: Me and Sigma: Current SRW Champ! look like we're compatible, bro.
TB: Here's your Super Match: New York _____. Oh boy *facepalms*.
FH: I'm from the greatest city in the world, bro. New York City.
* Porky's Butthole and pegasuswarrior nods in agreement*
TB: That may be up for debate, but let's see if you matched with Sigma. Did he?
Milkman Norm : Glad he didn't pick me. I would have said State Of Mind.
SM: Or me. I said...*hic*...New York, New York.
Hugh Jackman: I visit New York often, mate, and let me just say that is stinks sometimes. I put down New York, I Love You, But You're Bringing Me Down.
TB: Why do people blurt their answers even though they weren't called on?
Sigma: Sorry, FH. I saw your Yankees Jersey and figured you were a fan so I put down Yankees.
* Hawk Hart Hawk Hart nods in agreement*
TB: Oh well, too bad Grad. You don't get the money. *looks giddily at the camera* This is The Barber telling you all to spay or neuter your pets...
Norm: To help control the pet population?
TB: Sure...I guess. I'll see you next...
FH: Hold on, bro. I won the game.
TB: No, you didn't.
FH: Sure I did, bro. Ask the judges.
TB: Fine. Judges, did he win?...*waiting for a responce*...WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'YES'!?!...HE DIDN'T MATCH UP AT ALL!?!
FH: Sure I did, bro. You know how I know? I am one of the judges, bro.
*The Barber looks over at the judges table and sees FHgrad99*
TB *confused*: How did you do that? You aren't a judge here?
FH: Swerve, bro. I'm also the other guy who played earlier. Don't believe me? Just take a look.
*The Barber looks over and sees him take off his mask to reveal FHgrad99 again*
TB: 
FH: Another swerve, bro. I was also Alyce: Old Media Enthusiast *pulls out Retro mask*.
TB *stunned and shocked*: There is no way that this is possible.
FH: Believe it, bro. Ultimate Swerve, bro. I am also Hawk Hart .
TB: Now hold on. There is no way you're Hoot...*looks over at FH and sees that he is gone*...Wait...*looks over at Hoot and him tearing off his mask to reveal FHgrad99*...Huh?...*looks back over at FH and sees that he has disappeared*...How?...You two were in the same room together. I saw you bother at the same time...I just can't understand...
FH: Understand, bro.
TB: I think I need to relax and take a nap.
FH: Too bad, bro. All of the hotels and motels here have been booked solid, bro. But there is a keycard here with access to a suite at the GuyOfOwnage Hotel and Brothel. All you have to do is climb that pole, bro, and it's yours, bro.
*The Barber sees the pole and notices Doctor and Hugh Jackman climbing up the pole*
TB *tired and confused*: I'll think I'll be okay on this shag carpeting of this set.
Malibu Stacy : This is Sugar Pixie for Match Game '17. A Glitch - corndog Production. Stay tuned for Wrestling Love Connection With Brandon Walsh is Insane. , next on most FAN message boards *whispers into microphone* but I doubt it because on his last show, he sent our boss, Joe Neglia , to the set of a live, post-Super Bowl edition of To Catch A Predator instead of a restaurant. I'm just telling you.
*The show fades to black with the crew members rolling up the carpet with The Barber still in it while Doctor and Hugh continue to climb the pole for the keycard to the hotel* |
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Post by The Barber on May 27, 2017 19:08:50 GMT -5
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FHgrad99
Vegeta
Never mind that s***, here comes Mongo!
Posts: 9,019
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Post by FHgrad99 on May 28, 2017 8:31:12 GMT -5
I think a game like the Family Feud could work.
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Post by The Barber on May 29, 2017 8:20:33 GMT -5
I think a game like the Family Feud could work. Either that or the Newlywed/Dating Game. I was gonna do Hollywood Squares, but I don't know how to pull that off. |
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*faces back to camera* 
Let's meet our two contestants. Introduce yourselves to the public.
...I have no idea.
. I've got to ask, how did you know Hulk Hogan?
I'll go with my gut and say Vince Russo.
...how...what...I...whatever. The wicked witch asked the magic mirror, "Mirror mirror, on the wall, who's the _____-ist one of all?" The magic mirror replied, "The Barber". OH, HAHAHA. VERY FUNNY ASSWIPES. JUST FOR THAT, NO CHRISTMAS BONUS THIS YEAR! *a light hits The Barber on his head* OWW, f***ER!!! *points middle finger at the ceiling* Whatever your name is, what is your response?
- X