Just Had A Massive Blowup With My Parents (Advice Needed)

[BRAINFADE]

I really just want to vent and get people's opinions here.

So I'm getting married in less than two weeks. Pretty much everything is done- final guest numbers, table plan, seating arrangements, dietary requirements for food, etc.

Last week, one of my relatives dropped out of coming to the ceremony and dinner in the afternoon. Upon hearing this (before me, I might add), my Dad took it upon himself to tell my brother that he should invite his friend to take her place. Before asking me about it. Now, keep in mind that not only is all the arrangements sorted, I have only met this guy one time in my life. I did say to my brother he could invite a few friends to the night time party, but we just want the daytime to be close friends and family.

So when I explained all of this to my parents, apparently they can't understand why we are being so unreasonable, and that there is a space open so we shouldn't have a problem. I again explained that the space is not the problem, the fact that it screws up the table plan, the food, and thatthe guy is practically a stranger to us is the problem. They then came back with that it is one of their guests that has dropped out, therefore they should be allowed to pick who they want to replace her (never mind the fact that me and my fiancée have friends that we would like to invite but are not).

They then started to point out that they're paying for half of the venue and have helped us out financially in other ways that we should be able to "return the favour" by letting my brother's friend attend our wedding. Which is where it got really heated, and I don't wanna go in to much of what was said after that.

Am I in the wrong here? I'm just a little bit in shock that my own parents would be doing this mere weeks before the biggest day of my life, and I honestly don't know if I'm missing something. Is it that unreasonable to want final say over who attends my wedding? Please help me.

["Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay]

You aren't in the wrong. You're completely in the right. It's your wedding, and you should be the people who get to choose who comes to your wedding. What I'd like to say is, 'f*** 'em, they can stay at home and so can that idiot they invited.'

However, you still have to cave. If they've paid for half the wedding, you're kind of stuck waist deep in the favour bank. It's not at all fair, because I'm sure that money didn't come with any caveats initially, but the other option is that they could pull their money or you end up owing them it. Or, if you were going to repay them anyway, they can shove forward that payment deadline.

Sadly, being right does not mean winning, and it's often not much comfort either.

Sorry.

[fw91]

Jun 26, 2017 10:57:36 GMT -5 "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay said:

You aren't in the wrong. You're completely in the right. It's your wedding, and you should be the people who get to choose who comes to your wedding. What I'd like to say is, 'f*** 'em, they can stay at home and so can that idiot they invited.'

However, you still have to cave. If they've paid for half the wedding, you're kind of stuck waist deep in the favour bank. It's not at all fair, because I'm sure that money didn't come with any caveats initially, but the other option is that they could pull their money or you end up owing them it. Or, if you were going to repay them anyway, they can shove forward that payment deadline.

Sadly, being right does not mean winning, and it's often not much comfort either.

Sorry.

Man, nail on the head right here.

[Nickybojelais]

This is exactly why if I ever get married, I'm dong it at that drive-thru chapel where Triple H and Stephanie got married.

No stress, no hassle, no fuss and no arguments. I hear so many horror stories about wedding planning.

[Shy Guy]

weddings and funerals bring the worst out of people\family

[dirtyoldman]

We went away and got married in Australia and saved all those problems. Our folks still came over too for the cermony though.

Shouldn't your brother have checked with you first too? And why are your parents so keen for this guy to come if youve only met him once?

[BRAINFADE]

Jun 26, 2017 13:17:15 GMT -5 dirtyoldman said:

We went away and got married in Australia and saved all those problems. Our folks still came over too for the cermony though.

Shouldn't your brother have checked with you first too? And why are your parents so keen for this guy to come if youve only met him once?

I really have no idea. It would be understandable if it was a family member or something, but it's someone who we don't really know. I don't know why they're taking up for my brother instead of me on this. If he were getting married, I would never do anything like this.

Honestly, this is one of the worst feelings I've ever had. I feel like I'm being bullied in to this.

[domrep]

Yeah as soon as I read that your folks paid for half the wedding, you let them have some control. Just go with it man, you're getting married in 2 weeks and will have other stuff to worry about.

[Deleted]

You are in the right, but just do what your parents say. Is this really worth fighting with your parents about right now? Planning the wedding is stressful enough, you don't need to be fighting with your parents on top of it. Let that person come, but make it very clear to your parents that you are only doing it to avoid a fight.

["Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay]

Jun 26, 2017 13:39:16 GMT -5 BRAINFADE said:

Jun 26, 2017 13:17:15 GMT -5 dirtyoldman said:

We went away and got married in Australia and saved all those problems. Our folks still came over too for the cermony though.

Shouldn't your brother have checked with you first too? And why are your parents so keen for this guy to come if youve only met him once?

I really have no idea. It would be understandable if it was a family member or something, but it's someone who we don't really know. I don't know why they're taking up for my brother instead of me on this. If he were getting married, I would never do anything like this.

Honestly, this is one of the worst feelings I've ever had. I feel like I'm being bullied in to this.

That's because you are.

[Kevin Hamilton]

You're correct, but you have to decide how major an issue it is/will be.

I.E. don't let something minor cause a bigger thing than it should be even though you're in the right.

[Deleted]

You are 100% in the right and honestly if it was me, I'd tell them that it was my wedding and that I presumed the money for the wedding was a gift however if they feel that entitles them to start calling the shots that I'd work out a payment plan and pay it back

It's not even the inviting a stranger to the wedding, it's the entitlement that would get to me in this scenario

[Dub H]

I HATE when they throw "wow,us your parents that love you very much,helped you with money so we are owed this". This is why I never would ask for money from my parents. i would straight up say if this is all about the mine,that is our relation is gonna be after the wedding.


I probably would say that out of the heat of the moment but still.

In fact i'm living with my mother just because of that. As soon as my"debt" over college is over(we dont have loans here,so parents have to pay from pocket),it is goodbye.(dont let this happen to you tho )

[Hit Girl]

Jun 26, 2017 11:28:48 GMT -5 Nickybojelais said:

This is exactly why if I ever get married, I'm dong it at that drive-thru chapel where Triple H and Stephanie got married.

Hey!

Save that for the honeymoon.

[Starshine]

Honestly, all the crap involved Wedding processes puts me more off the idea of marriage than the idea of commitment or any other typical shaky groom stereotype.

[Capt Lunatic]

The important thing is to learn from this and not make the same mistake at your second wedding.

[unc40]

I used to work at a resort hotel in New Hampshire and holding a wedding by our flower garden was very popular because you were by a lake with mountains in view. One day there was a wedding scheduled and that morning the weather forecast was a chance of a thunderstorm. Sure enough as the time for wedding got closer you could hear thunder off in a distance and the wind began to pick up. There was talk of moving the wedding indoors but the bride threw a bitch fit and demanded the wedding take out place outside and on schedule. They got the wedding done and over with just in time because as people began to come inside the wind picked up, the rain came down in buckets and a bolt of lightning struck nearby.

People take weddings way to seriously.

[TWERKIN' MAGGLE]

You're not wrong, but is this the hill you want to die on? Some person you're going to shake the hand of and then never see again?

[Hit Girl]

I think they should have asked you first before inviting someone, but then again, is it really that big a deal? Unless your brother's friend is an utter dick who will give you a cobra in a box as a gift, it shouldn't be a problem.

[BRAINFADE]

Jun 27, 2017 3:07:35 GMT -5 Hit Girl said:

I think they should have asked you first before inviting someone, but then again, is it really that big a deal? Unless your brother's friend is an utter dick who will give you a cobra in a box as a gift, it shouldn't be a problem.

It's not that he is a dick, it's more that it just seems that my parents are showing no respect for my decisions that has upset me. And that they invited him without discussing it with me first.

Thanks for everyones advice, it's really appreciated. Even though I'm still not very happy about it, I've conceded this one to my parents. When it all comes down to it, I don't want to fall out with them, especially this close to the wedding.