Spaz is a broken man in need of advice

[The Lach is very tired]

I sit here a broken man. My girlfriend's father has basically blackmailed her into breaking my heart. My gf is of Lebanese heritage & her father is old fashioned. He has daid that either we are over or she has to move out of home. As she is only 17 & needs the support of her family I can only see one possible outcome. She doesn't want to do it but I guess she thinks she must. We have been together more then 10 months. It has been the bets time of both of our lives, we are deeply in love & this is killing both of us. Just this Sunday we were talking about the next year of our lives together & I can't see my life without her in it. I have promised myself that I will fight for her & I fully intend to. I don't know where to start. Does anyone have any words of wisdom to help me in this situation?

[Cranjis McBasketball]

Watch "the Conversion" episode of Seinfeld and take notes.......

Help will be easier if you can answer the following

-How old are you?
- Are you in a position to house her?
- Can you take care of her?

[The Lach is very tired]

cdr said:

Watch "the Conversion" episode of Seinfeld and take notes.......

Help will be easier if you can answer the following

-How old are you?
- Are you in a position to house her?
- Can you take care of her?

I'm 22
Housing her is no issue
niether is taking care of her
The problem with that solution is that she will be shut out from her family (She is one of 5 sisters) & that would tear her apart.

[Cranjis McBasketball]

How far away are you?? Does her leaving her folks house constitute her being out of the family? Or just being kicked out?

[The Lach is very tired]

cdr said:

How far away are you?? Does her leaving her folks house constitute her being out of the family? Or just being kicked out?

I live about a 20 minute drive from her house. Her father has said that if she leaves he will shut her out completely.

[The Raven]

It sounds like the only issue here is her being torn away from her family. Since you can house and take care of her, and don't live too far away.


Well either way, I'll pray for you. Good luck dude.

[Erik Majorwitz]

That stinks dude.

[G✇JI☈A]

Chin up Tiger. I hope things work out for the better.

[EvilMasterBetty, Esq.]

Man this sucks. And it must be really hard on her as well. At least on the bright side if she does go with you you can take her in.

Now is the problem the age difference or that you're not Lebanese? Or is there some other reason, cause if it's just the age or something minor, you might be able to talk to him, although it sounds like an incredibly difficult option. But if it's a deeper traditional thing, then you're in for an incredibly hard choice.

[Boku AKA Da Green Guy]

I got nothing...

That totally sucks dude. Here's hoping it turns out well.

[willywonka666]

I hate to hear this, I guess leaving her family isn't an option, because to me it sounds like, if her family wouldn't stand by her for something that is this important, why stick with them? You are offering more support for her than her own family. Who's to say that they wont support her in other situations? What's her mother's stance on this?

Things have a way of working out when one parent is against something, and the other is a little more open minded. Good Luck

[Mad Johnny Maxx]

Jeez...first CactusMatt's woman leaves him and now you've got this crap goin' on, Spaz? Damn! Cupid seems to be a real prick to some of us on here lately. Been one to me all friggin' year.

[willywonka666]

Not to be a wise ass, but I'm really surprised when relationships break up right BEFORE Christmas-it's bad when they happen to good people in general,but I guess it would be real shoddy, if they held out till after Christmas,to get a gift -I know this is a different situation-just saying in general

[American Nightmare]

i really wanna help you bro, cuz i was in a similar situation, actually, the same EXACT one. Middle eastern fathers are the worst. Theyre terrible for some reason (i hate to say this, but shutting your daughter out of the family cuz she dissagrees with YOUR choice of boyfriend? thats terrible, you dont just give up on your kids like that, not at all, and not at an age where they need the most support).

But my story ended the same way. So i cant really give you a happy story to run with.

The best advice i can give, is to talk with her. Just have a long talk and figure things out. Its it cuz shes underage? If so, then wait til shes 18 and have her move in. If they dont want you at any time, then its a stronger issue. Ask her if she is prepared to let them run her life. If she is, even after she is of age, then its a lost cause homie. Cuz you will be battling them til they croak. The bottom line is, what is going to make you both happy, but leave you both stress free?

I have a feeling this isnt the first time you've got heat from her father over something.

[Kris]

Let her leave with you. The father saying that he will shut her out is probably just something to scare her. It is his baby girl, I am sure he will not be mad for too long. But I have been wrong before.

[Johnny Danger (Godz)]

Don't nessacarily do what I say, but, here's what I did.

My girlfriend's parents HATED me for like the first year or two we were together. Her dad got on her so bad about breaking up with me that she ran away to live with me for a while. He said he'd never forgive her or let her back in the house, etc.

The past two years in a row we've eaten thanksgiving dinner there.

Family is forever, but if you let go of one special person you might spend your life with, you may never find them again. The father will come around if he REALLY loves his daughter.

[Dr. T is an alien]

I have never had to deal with something like this, but here is what I know of fathers of that decent. I had a friend that I had classes with. She was a very pretty girl (though a little too bony for my taste). One day she and another friend of mine were walking to class (they parked near each other by coincidence. Halfway through their trip there she literally ran away from him in mid-sentence. She had seen a man in the distance who knew her father and was afraid that he would tell her dad that he had seen her talking to a young man that her father did not select for her. They were not dating. They hardly knew each other at that point. They were just innocently talking about the lab experiment that we were going to do that morning. Her situation scared her that much that she literally ran from something innocent to avoid a confrontation with her father over something we all would consider nothing.

Sounds like you may be in an uphill battle. Sorry.

[HMARK Center]

spaz442 said:

I sit here a broken man. My girlfriend's father has basically blackmailed her into breaking my heart. My gf is of Lebanese heritage & her father is old fashioned. He has daid that either we are over or she has to move out of home. As she is only 17 & needs the support of her family I can only see one possible outcome. She doesn't want to do it but I guess she thinks she must. We have been together more then 10 months. It has been the bets time of both of our lives, we are deeply in love & this is killing both of us. Just this Sunday we were talking about the next year of our lives together & I can't see my life without her in it. I have promised myself that I will fight for her & I fully intend to. I don't know where to start. Does anyone have any words of wisdom to help me in this situation?

Be strong, fight it, but don't do anything that will only hurt her because of it; in other words, don't do anything completely rash and reckless. Play it smart.

Stay in contact as much as possible, see how your relationship holds up when it's not in the typical "boyfriend/girlfriend" state. She's still young; she'll fully grow up, and be able to make her own decisions in the near future, so don't feel like everything's completely ruined just yet. If she still feels by then that you're what she wants out of a person, then she'll be free to choose you then.

But also remember: 17 is awfully young, emotionally speaking. Not to say it isn't possible to meet the person you love at a high school age (my parents began seeing each other when my dad was a high school senior, my mother a sophomore), but, at that age, you're still emotionally vulnerable to certain things, and don't quite have the worldly experience to fully realize what you want out of life, love, and relationships. Hell, despite my parents going out in high school, they didn't really act on having a serious relationship until both were well into college. For all anyone knows, she could really change as a person within the next couple of years; hell, you're only 22, so you might, as well.

Also, think long and hard about yourself, as well; yes, you can house her, but are you ready for that yet? Are you ready for that level of commitment, and the possible short-term repercussions it brings?

I'm sorry I'm mostly bringing up questions, but, when you're emotionally hurt, it's very easy to forget the big questions you have to ask yourself before acting. My only advice is to really, really analyze the position you're in, economically, emotionally, etc., and THEN make up an informed, thought out decision.