Post by noobeast on Jan 3, 2022 2:40:42 GMT -5
This is most likely going to be long, rambling post, but truth be told, I just need to vent a little, and say a "Goodbye, at least for now."
Since March 27th, 2018, my life has been on a pretty constant downhill slide. On that day, I confronted my wife about her cheating, which had been happening for years. Within a couple hours, I had lost my wife, my step-daughters, my dog, my car, my home, and pretty much everything I owned. She went so insane, getting physically abusive, and said things that I could never dream of saying to someone I was supposed to love. I left that day with a gym bag full of clothes and an acoustic guitar. Thanks to a friend, I was able to recover a couple more of my instruments and the rest of my clothes. I never stepped foot in the house again.
In the time that has passed since, my life has been one piece of bad luck after another. Just to hit bullet points, in no particular order:
My uncle, who I was close to my entire life, was revealed to have molested my cousin/his niece
My grandparents abandoned the family and hid my pedophile uncle, obviously ending contact with any of them
Since then, my grandma has died from covid, which has been extremely confusing emotionally
The dog my wife kept away from me just to hurt me died a few months after we separated, I was trying to get him from her but she wouldn't allow it
I have legitimately lost count of how many of my friends have died, not even joking. Well into double digits over the last 5 years. This includes one of my best friends of over 20 years, whom I was not on speaking terms with at the time they passed.
My mom, one of the closest people to me in my life, has had health problem after health problem, many of which have been absolutely terrifying, including a minor stroke and a possible upcoming surgery to remove a piece of her skull.
I've completely cut contact with my dad after a lifelong rocky relationship. Kinda positive, but still a very confusing thing to process
One of my most successful, lucrative projects fell apart due to one member who decided to make off with a large chunk of money that didn't belong to them
...I could legitimately go on, but I think I've whined enough. You get the point.
I tell you all this to say that my lifelong anxiety and depression have been progressively worsening, and these days, my mental state is an absolute shambles. I barely leave my house, I can't bring myself to cook or clean most days, even showering takes what feels like Herculean effort. I spend a large portion of my days just laying in my bed, hugging my dog. I have 2 states of being; crying and trying not to cry, that's it. I'm a f***ing mess.
I'm making some serious efforts to get better, though. I'm seriously looking for the right therapist right now, and having my medications changed (they aren't working anymore). I'm also starting a small workout routine tomorrow (thanks DDP).
Along with the obvious changes I can make, I've been taking stock of all areas of my life, wondering where and how I can reduce and remove stress or sources of just plain unhappiness. And I've realized that there is one area that causes me more unhappiness than just about anything else I do willingly...
Social media and the IWC have got to go.
Not only am I tired of being the type of person who will argue tooth and nail about things that just don't matter in the end (I can't resist), but frankly...I miss just being able to ignorantly enjoy things.
Everytime I turn around, I'm being bombarded by every wrong thing that every person I have ever liked has done wrong. Or I'm reading about the dark side of wrestling. Or some singer I enjoy has said a wrong syllable and now everyone wants to publicly hang them. Or there is some fedora-tipping know-it-all who just has to "whell aktually..." everything and spark arguments.. It's just...always f***ing something.
This current situation with TK and Swole is kinda the final straw. They both come off like absolute f***heads. And the worst part? Not a God damn bit of it is any of our problem or business. But EVERYTHING has to be a matter of public opinion these days.
I miss being ignorant. I miss not knowing every single thing that every person in the world does or thinks. I'm tired of every decision being a public one that I'm expected to follow and base all future decisions on.
Social media has robbed me of more of my joy. It has robbed me of my ability to just enjoy things. Even, or maybe especially, wrestling had been ruined for me by being a part of the smark den for so long.
So, I'm walking away from all of it. Facebook, Reddit, Twitter, this place, all of it.
I'm gonna go fix myself and see what the world looks like through the eyes of someone who isn't constantly being fed opinions and information. I'm gonna try to see what things were like back before we all had a phone in our hand every minute of everyday.
And I know I sound like a grumpy old man yelling at clouds, and maybe I am. But you know what? I don't give a shit. I think I might have figured out a way to shake some unnecessary stress and weight around my neck, and I owe it to myself and the few loved ones I have left to try.
Take it easy, FAN. Until we meet again.
Since March 27th, 2018, my life has been on a pretty constant downhill slide. On that day, I confronted my wife about her cheating, which had been happening for years. Within a couple hours, I had lost my wife, my step-daughters, my dog, my car, my home, and pretty much everything I owned. She went so insane, getting physically abusive, and said things that I could never dream of saying to someone I was supposed to love. I left that day with a gym bag full of clothes and an acoustic guitar. Thanks to a friend, I was able to recover a couple more of my instruments and the rest of my clothes. I never stepped foot in the house again.
In the time that has passed since, my life has been one piece of bad luck after another. Just to hit bullet points, in no particular order:
My uncle, who I was close to my entire life, was revealed to have molested my cousin/his niece
My grandparents abandoned the family and hid my pedophile uncle, obviously ending contact with any of them
Since then, my grandma has died from covid, which has been extremely confusing emotionally
The dog my wife kept away from me just to hurt me died a few months after we separated, I was trying to get him from her but she wouldn't allow it
I have legitimately lost count of how many of my friends have died, not even joking. Well into double digits over the last 5 years. This includes one of my best friends of over 20 years, whom I was not on speaking terms with at the time they passed.
My mom, one of the closest people to me in my life, has had health problem after health problem, many of which have been absolutely terrifying, including a minor stroke and a possible upcoming surgery to remove a piece of her skull.
I've completely cut contact with my dad after a lifelong rocky relationship. Kinda positive, but still a very confusing thing to process
One of my most successful, lucrative projects fell apart due to one member who decided to make off with a large chunk of money that didn't belong to them
...I could legitimately go on, but I think I've whined enough. You get the point.
I tell you all this to say that my lifelong anxiety and depression have been progressively worsening, and these days, my mental state is an absolute shambles. I barely leave my house, I can't bring myself to cook or clean most days, even showering takes what feels like Herculean effort. I spend a large portion of my days just laying in my bed, hugging my dog. I have 2 states of being; crying and trying not to cry, that's it. I'm a f***ing mess.
I'm making some serious efforts to get better, though. I'm seriously looking for the right therapist right now, and having my medications changed (they aren't working anymore). I'm also starting a small workout routine tomorrow (thanks DDP).
Along with the obvious changes I can make, I've been taking stock of all areas of my life, wondering where and how I can reduce and remove stress or sources of just plain unhappiness. And I've realized that there is one area that causes me more unhappiness than just about anything else I do willingly...
Social media and the IWC have got to go.
Not only am I tired of being the type of person who will argue tooth and nail about things that just don't matter in the end (I can't resist), but frankly...I miss just being able to ignorantly enjoy things.
Everytime I turn around, I'm being bombarded by every wrong thing that every person I have ever liked has done wrong. Or I'm reading about the dark side of wrestling. Or some singer I enjoy has said a wrong syllable and now everyone wants to publicly hang them. Or there is some fedora-tipping know-it-all who just has to "whell aktually..." everything and spark arguments.. It's just...always f***ing something.
This current situation with TK and Swole is kinda the final straw. They both come off like absolute f***heads. And the worst part? Not a God damn bit of it is any of our problem or business. But EVERYTHING has to be a matter of public opinion these days.
I miss being ignorant. I miss not knowing every single thing that every person in the world does or thinks. I'm tired of every decision being a public one that I'm expected to follow and base all future decisions on.
Social media has robbed me of more of my joy. It has robbed me of my ability to just enjoy things. Even, or maybe especially, wrestling had been ruined for me by being a part of the smark den for so long.
So, I'm walking away from all of it. Facebook, Reddit, Twitter, this place, all of it.
I'm gonna go fix myself and see what the world looks like through the eyes of someone who isn't constantly being fed opinions and information. I'm gonna try to see what things were like back before we all had a phone in our hand every minute of everyday.
And I know I sound like a grumpy old man yelling at clouds, and maybe I am. But you know what? I don't give a shit. I think I might have figured out a way to shake some unnecessary stress and weight around my neck, and I owe it to myself and the few loved ones I have left to try.
Take it easy, FAN. Until we meet again.
