The Pain of Death Milestone Anniversaries

[chazraps]

TW: Death

So, this has been kicking around my head lately and I thought I'd share it here incase anyone has any personal experience with this sort of thing.

My first best friend from age 6 to 21 was named Matt. We met the first day of first grade as the only two kids who had X-Men and Batman stuff on our backpacks/lunchbox. Through my friendship with him, we discovered together all of the passions that really shaped my life's journey and who I still am today.

He died unexpectedly in an accident back in spring of 2008 right before my college graduation. Death sucks, processing it sucks, and having to grieve at a time of such immense stress, pressure and change was a very complicated very challenging thing.

In the years since, therapy's helped tremendously and I can think back and remember all the memories, his positive contributions to my life that I feel daily and I try to honor he legacy whenever I can. Eventually it becomes a part of life - a happy part of a very sad part of life.

But, it hit me last week that I've now known a world without him longer than a world with him. Of course there's always been the wondering what his life would have been like, how we would have been there for each others' milestones, etc. But I guess him now being gone for as long as my entire friendship with him just makes that gap, that divide just feel so far away.

Anyone care to share any similar experiences or how you've (or people you've known who've gone through it) process that kind of thing?

[ayumidah]

My father passed away 15 years ago this August 16th. He had been ill a long time, with various health issues from being a Vietnam veteran. It was a three year period where I lost my grandfather in 2006, a cousin in 2007, and then Dad. I still have random dreams about hanging out, watching wrestling with Dad, which is always bittersweet when I wake up. Processes are different for people because grief is different for every person. Just have to be patient with yourself and take things a day at a time, some will be better than others, even when this much time has passed.

[Big BosskMan]

"What is grief, if not love persevering?" - Vision, WandaVision

My Mom's been gone for 14 years, my Dad a little over 2. I would say I mourned my Mom moreso than my Dad.

While he provided for us well, he had his flaws namely infidelity. Not sure if it was ever physical, but it was definitely emotional which hurts no less. I miss him but it's not as acute as it is with my Mom.

I visit graves every birthday, Mothers and Fathers Days, and other holidays to lay flowers.

For me, it has gotten easier over time. Just last week my daughter wanted to look at my Mom's jewelry and she picked out a few items to wear. She never got to meet her Mom Mom as my Mom died just days after we learned we were expecting.

To see my kid wear something of my Mom's makes me happt, and I know it makes my Mom happy wherever she is.

[pinja]

My father died 2017. It feels far away, it is in terms of experiences I gathered since, but really, it is just six years. I've learned to live with it very, very fast and still it is a topic I want to talk about with people of importance to me. When my mother grew older than he was when he died, I unintentionally started thinking "huh, she's x years older now than dad".
Last year my best friend of recent years died the same age that I was when my father died. We met after my father died and never would have if not for my father's death. My friend was buried on the date my father died. It didn't give me any more grief. I just thought "well, what a coincidence". IDeath will always be awful, but I somehow just stopped giving it more power than it deserves in my mind.

[EvenBaldobombHasAJob]

My father died when I was 12, on my birthday no less. Last year was very humbling because I was now older than he was when he died. I would be a very different person in many ways if he hadn't died. But I'm happy with who I am now and I think he'd be proud of me too. I like to think some day I'll be able to ask him.