Grindhouse at the Speed of Death!

[Baixo Astral]

Yes, the thread title makes no sense, but this grindhouse pitch generator is tight!

See what I made...

Dear Mr. Rodriguez:

I love your work. I’ve been a fan of yours since I was 27. Like any right-thinking person, I consider Sin City a legendary achievement, and I think your work on The Faculty is both underrated and Huge.

I’m excited that you’re bringing attention back to the grindhouse scene. I love slasher flicks, and I have a pitch that you’ll want to greenlight right away. The idea hit me when I was Dying in my Bedroom, and I was so inspired I knocked out a treatment in two days. It’s like Halloween meets Aliens, directed by John Carpenter. Check it out:

The setting is a whorehouse lacking decent security and washrooms. Spike, a cab driver who likes driving stakes through vampires, befriends an alluring but quiet companion with lots of grenades after the two share hard-luck stories at a bar. Following one hard-drinking night together, Spike returns home to discover that Dr. Tong!!! killed his Sister and he swears revenge. After several protracted battles with Painful henchmen, Spike and his loyal grenade-lobbing comrade corner and vanquish the wily doctor using blades of steel! A grateful populace cheers the duo for destroying this menace and rewards them with Diamond.

It’s a can’t miss idea! With my creative direction and your mentorship, there’s no way this will make less than $1,000,000 on the opening weekend.

I look forward to your response.

Sincerely,
Martin

[DrBackflipsHoffman]

Dear Mr. Rodriguez:



I love your work. I’ve been a fan of yours since I was 32. Like any right-thinking person, I consider Sin City a legendary achievement, and I think your work on The Faculty is both underrated and tropical.



I’m excited that you’re bringing attention back to the grindhouse scene. I love slasher flicks, and I have a pitch that you’ll want to greenlight right away. The idea hit me when I was f***ing in my Bathroom, and I was so inspired I knocked out a treatment in two days. It’s like zombie holocaust meets blade runner, directed by brian de palma. Check it out:


The setting is a blazing hot desert that may be someone’s psychosexual projection. Blacklips Ramirez, a well-armed militia member, befriends a topless dancer after the two share hard-luck stories at a bar. Following one hard-drinking night together, Blacklips Ramirez returns home to discover that the scent of a long-absent evil killed his loner and he swears revenge. After several protracted battles with rotten henchmen, Blacklips Ramirez and his loyal half-nude partner in arms corner and vanquish evil for good (or at least until the sequel) using the Longest Gun Ever Wielded by a Manly Man! A grateful populace cheers the duo for destroying this menace and rewards them with Pirate Gold.



It’s a can’t miss idea! With my creative direction and your mentorship, there’s no way this will make less than £1,000,000 on the opening weekend.



I look forward to your response.



Sincerely,

Steve hoffman