Just Jay
Unicron
DIESEL!?!?!
Posts: 3,282
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Post by Just Jay on Oct 4, 2007 20:01:06 GMT -5
Oh, that can't be right. I saw what was left of him..
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Mozenrath
FANatic
Foppery and Whim
Speedy Speed Boy
Posts: 121,116
Member is Online
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Post by Mozenrath on Oct 4, 2007 20:08:06 GMT -5
Zelda should see this thread. Someone send her a Link!
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Spyke the Pacers Fan
El Dandy
Still hates himself for missing the last episode of Murder She Wrote
Go Indiana!
Posts: 8,061
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Post by Spyke the Pacers Fan on Oct 4, 2007 21:17:50 GMT -5
A guy was kayaking down a cold river. He began shivering so much, he started a campfire in his kayak. Of course it burned a hole in the kayak and it sank. It just goes to show...
You can't have your kayak and heat it too.
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Mozenrath
FANatic
Foppery and Whim
Speedy Speed Boy
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Post by Mozenrath on Oct 4, 2007 21:23:20 GMT -5
A guy was kayaking down a cold river. He began shivering so much, he started a campfire in his kayak. Of course it burned a hole in the kayak and it sank. It just goes to show... You can't have your kayak and heat it too. ;D
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Post by Insomniac on Oct 4, 2007 21:30:03 GMT -5
Here's one I heard a long time ago:
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The Boston Symphony Orchestra is performing one night, and they are playing Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. There's a long section of the performance where the bass players don't play, about 20 minutes or so. They all decided that when that portion came up, they wouldn't stand around on the stage with nothing to do. They all came to the agreement to head out to the bar across the street and have a few rounds. They figured they'd have more than enough time to have a few beers before they needed to get back.
After about 15 minutes, one of the bass players thought it was time to get back.
Another said, "Don't worry about it, we've got a few more minutes. I played a joke on the conductor. Before the performance started, I tied a string around all the pages of his score. He'll have to untie each one to go to the next page. We'll use the extra time to have another round."
So they had another round and made their way back across the street to the stage to finish up Beethoven's 9th. Upon getting on stage and getting to their positions, they all noticed how upset, angry, and nervous the conductor was.
"Hey, why do you think he looks so tense?" one of them asked.
"I think it's obvious," replied another. "It's the bottom of the ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded."
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Post by Tha Kid Joker on Oct 4, 2007 21:34:37 GMT -5
I was standing in a park one day, wondering why frisbees got bigger as they got closer. Then it hit me.
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Mozenrath
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Post by Mozenrath on Oct 4, 2007 21:49:24 GMT -5
These puns are brilliant. Thank you, guys.
I have a heartless pun. Skip the rest of the post if you don't want to read it. As far as I know, I'm the creator.
"What do you call Michael J. Fox with a joint? Shake and Bake."
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Mozenrath
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Foppery and Whim
Speedy Speed Boy
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Post by Mozenrath on Oct 4, 2007 22:16:28 GMT -5
That, uhh, going too far?
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Post by Insomniac on Oct 4, 2007 22:20:57 GMT -5
The Energizer bunny was arrested last night. He was charged with battery.
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The OP
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
changed his name
Posts: 15,785
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Post by The OP on Oct 4, 2007 22:28:36 GMT -5
The police caught a burglar last night after he broke into a bathroom window, stood on a set of scales and gave himself a weigh.
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Mozenrath
FANatic
Foppery and Whim
Speedy Speed Boy
Posts: 121,116
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Post by Mozenrath on Oct 4, 2007 22:37:16 GMT -5
Not really a pun exactly, but I call my sattelite remote Joey RaMote.
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nonrev
Don Corleone
Posts: 1,303
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Post by nonrev on Oct 5, 2007 8:16:41 GMT -5
two nuts walk down an alley one got assaulted
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nonrev
Don Corleone
Posts: 1,303
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Post by nonrev on Oct 5, 2007 8:17:41 GMT -5
Adam did his best to properly raise Cain but he wasn't Abel
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Mr. Mediocre
Hank Scorpio
Bert Early?... sorry, that's a typo. Butt. Ugly.
Much better since I was last here.
Posts: 6,249
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Post by Mr. Mediocre on Oct 5, 2007 8:24:36 GMT -5
A Classic:
Two vultures board an airplane; each is carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
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Post by amsiraK on Oct 5, 2007 9:35:22 GMT -5
Lovin' these!
And of course, there was the All Points Bulletin about the midget fortune teller on the lam. Police had to keep their eyes out for a Small Medium at Large.
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Mr. Mediocre
Hank Scorpio
Bert Early?... sorry, that's a typo. Butt. Ugly.
Much better since I was last here.
Posts: 6,249
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Post by Mr. Mediocre on Oct 5, 2007 9:39:31 GMT -5
Lovin' these! And of course, there was the All Points Bulletin about the midget fortune teller on the lam. Police had to keep their eyes out for a Small Medium at Large. I bow down to you, ma'am. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his Mother to go and ask the friars to get out of the business. They ignored her too. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
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Just Jay
Unicron
DIESEL!?!?!
Posts: 3,282
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Post by Just Jay on Oct 5, 2007 9:56:33 GMT -5
That's amazing man. Really. I appreciated that.
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The QC Loser
Hank Scorpio
Come on follow my Twitter I'm cool!
Posts: 6,241
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Post by The QC Loser on Oct 5, 2007 11:06:03 GMT -5
Hey everyone I can row a boat canoe?
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Post by Juliana on Oct 5, 2007 12:01:50 GMT -5
My personal favorite:
Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher? He couldn't control his pupils.
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Ace Diamond
Patti Mayonnaise
Believes in Adrian Veidt, as Should We All.
mmm...flavor text
Posts: 36,043
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Post by Ace Diamond on Oct 5, 2007 12:02:52 GMT -5
Three men walked into a bar, the fourth one ducked.
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