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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Feb 6, 2007 0:08:17 GMT -5
So I don't hafta slog thru eighty pages, anyone help a dude out?
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Post by G✇JI☈A on Feb 6, 2007 0:12:21 GMT -5
From F4Wonline.comWWE RAW (Commentators - Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler)
After a recap of The Undertaker winning the Royal Rumble and then messing with the three champions minds, his dong sounds, and Mr Taker makes his way down to the Raw ring. He doesn't seem to be in a rush. Before Undi has a chance to do anything other than take his hat off, John Cena's music hits and Raw's champ comes down to the ring. He travels considerably faster than Undertaker did. Then it's Bobby Lashley's turn to appear. I don't think he really needs to be here, does he? Finally, it's Batista. Alright Dave?
The three champs stand in the ring and look at Undertaker. Taker stares them down one by one, trying not to laugh as he passes by Lashley. The decision is made, as Taker signifies that it's Batista who will face his wrath. Or something like that.
Shawn Michaels pops out pretty sharpish, as he's spotted that there is a space for a challenger to face John Cena at WrestleMania. Randy Orton comes out, and demands that it is he to get the shot. Guess who's next? Well done, it's Edge. He thinks that his spotless WrestleMania record means that he takes precedent. Oh, who ever will sort this mess out? Oh look, it's Vincent McMahon. Vince has noticed that everyone is challenging Cena, but nobody wants to face Lashley, possibly because he's the best champion around. Yeah, that's it. But someone will face Lashley tonight for the ECW title. I do hope it's Test. Also, it'll be Orton Vs Edge Vs Michaels for the number one contendership to Cena's belt at the big show. Ross and Lawler seem terribly surprised.
Everyone leaves except for Batista and Undertaker. They have a good old-fashioned stare down, Dave shows off his belt, but Undertaker gives him a pretty impressive chokeslam.
Carlito & Cryme Tyme Vs Chris Masters & The World's Greatest Tag Team: Everyone brawls to begin the match, but it officially gets under way with Benjamin and JTG in the ring. Shelton gets the upper hand and brings in Charlie and his new Haastyle. Nice belly-to-belly overhead throw from Haas gets a two count, then it's Chris Masters turn to have a go. He throws an elbow. Back to Charlie, but JTG avoids a suplex and tags in Carlito, who springboards off the ropes with a double back elbow to TWGTT. Masters looks for the Masterlock, but Carlito wriggles free and Shad clotheslines Masters to the outside. Carlito rolls up Haas, but with the ref disturbed, Shelton comes off the ropes with a springboard blockbuster to Carlito, allowing Haas to reverse positions and get the win. Winners: Chris Masters & TWGTT (Time 3:03)
Last week, Donald Trump gave the audience what they wanted - their money back. This week, Vince whines about it to Jonathan Coachman. Kenny Dykstra comes in for a chat, offering to face Lashley tonight. Vince agrees. Well that was easy. Coachman gives Vince a letter from Trump. Next week, The Donald will appear live on Raw with a business proposal. Coach offers to get security to ban Trump from the building, but Vince says nuh-huh, he wants Donald to join a very elite club.
Elsewhere backstage, Maria interviews Ric Flair. He seems all excited, because if he can beat Jeff Hardy tonight, he gets to fight him again at WrestleMania for the Intercontinental Title. Easily excitable that Flair. Maria and Pigface have a word. I don't know what was said, Piggy's face scared me into deafness. Thankfully she leaves, and is replaced by the much prettier face of Johnny Nitro, who says that he's gonna teach Super Crazy a lesson.
Balls Mahoney is in the ring. Nobody knows why. Jonathan Coachman comes out and explains that Mr McMahon has been having problems with ECW originals, so someone has been hand-picked to take care of Mahoney. Just as I was expecting Khali to appear...
Balls Mahoney Vs Umaga: Balls tries to get a kick in early, but Umaga's having none of it. Umaga jumps on Balls, then gives him a Samoan Drop and a running butt in the corner. The deadly spike of death gives Umaga the easy victory. Winner: Umaga (1:52)
Johnny Nitro Vs Super Crazy: Melina comes out with Johnny, but she's already dressed for her big title match with a certain CHAMPION OF THE WORLD later tonight. Even more excitingly, that very champ accompanies Crazy to the ring, in all her bouncy gloriousness. Johnny gets control early on, but Super Crazy floats over in the corner into a sunset flip for a two count. Nitro soon regains the heat, looks for a Sunset flip of his own, but Crazy rolls through and dropkicks Nitro in the face. Melina trips Crazy allowing Nitro to roll him up for a two, so Mickie repays the favour and Crazy hits two dropkicks and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Crazy looks for a moonsault, but Nitro cuts him off and sets up a superplex. Crazy fights him off, hits the moonsault and gets the three count. 'Twas a very nice moonsault. Winner: Super Crazy (2:59)
I hope that this doesn't mean that Mickie is losing. For that would make me sad. Well it won't take long to find out...
MICKIE JAMES, CHAMPION OF THE WORLD Vs Melina: (Women's Championship) Mickie attacks Melina at the bell and we have something of a catfight. Some hair pulling gets both women admonished, so the two ladies move into some basic arm stuff. Melina seeks comfort in Nitro's arms, then necks Mickie on the ropes to take control. Some 'Mickie' chants are evident. I like this crowd. Mickie fights free of a double arm choke, but Melina retains control of the match. That is until Mickie wins a punching duel and throws Melina down by the hair. A Mickiecanrana is assisted by Crazy who stops Nitro from interfering, but the move only gets a two count. Mickie is sent to the floor, but re-enters with a sunset flip attempt. Melina sits down on it but the ref notices her attempt at rope assistance and doesn't make the count. Mickie hooks Melina's arms, reverses the pin and retains the gold. Winner: WORLD CHAMPION MICKIE JAMES (4:40)
Post-match, the paparazzi get in the ring to take pictures of the doubly losing couple, so Nitro beats them up.
Jeff Hardy Vs Ric Flair: To reiterate - this is a non-title match, but if Flair wins he gets a shot at the IC Title at WrestleMania. Flair acts a little heelish to begin with, so Jeff slaps him. Some chops are exchanged in the corner, then after a whip Hardy floats over but has a bad landing and starts selling his knee. Heelishly, Flair begins straightaway to work on the knee, whilst of course taking the time to include some chops. I'm sure Flair knows a hundred ways to work over a knee, and he uses a fair few of them here. Hardy eventually gets up and hits an en zuguiri, but Hardy collapses from the move quicker than Flair flops. Flair takes his obligatory back body drop, but then is too close for the Whisper in the Wind and Hardy virtually goes right over the top of him. After a successful Twist of Fate, Flair moves out of the way of the follow up Swanton, and goes right back after the knee. Finally Flair decides it's time and looks for the figure four leglock, but Hardy cradles him for the pinfall. Winner: Jeff Hardy (5:40)
Flair isn't happy, but he'll save the heel turn for another day as he shakes Hardy's hand after the match. Hardy bows down to Flair and gives him some applause.
Todd Grisham speaks to Batista. He seems quite chipper about Undertaker choosing him, all things considered.
Kenny Dykstra Vs Bobby Lashley: (WWECW Championship) Kenny gets some shots in early on, but Lashley sends him over the top rope with one punch. Silly, but cool. It's not long before Dykstra is dumped to the outside again, but after Lashley follows him out, Kenny takes him down and rubs his face into the ramp. Back inside, Dykstra does some stuff before locking on a chinlock on the canvas. Once Lashley manoeuvres his way up and free he clotheslines Kenny down hard. Dykstra comes back though as he dropkicks Lashley to the outside, which takes us to a break.
As we return, Kenny has Bobby grounded again. This time as Bobby rises, he takes to throwing Kenny around like a ragdoll, then does the delayed one handed vertical suplex. Lashley looks for a spear, but Kenny gets his boot up. Nevertheless, Lashley picks Kenny up military press style into his destroyer for the win. Winner: Bobby Lashley (10:04)
Edge and Randy Orton have a pep talk. Hmm, it sems like they agree they should work as a team, but can't agree on who should get the pin. I wonder what will happen. Carlito and Torrie Wilson bump into Flair in the corridor. He castigates them for being about to leave the arena before the main event. Flair goes off on one, calling Carlito a lazy son of a bitch, with no passion or guts. And that's a shoot, brother. Flair says that the whole world knows who he is, excepts himself sometimes. That would be the Alzheimers setting in.
Shawn Michaels Vs Randy Orton Vs Edge: (Winner gets WWE Title shot at WrestleMania) Edge and Orton do indeed team up and go straight after Michaels at the bell. They take it in turns to stomp him, and throw him from corner to corner, but Michaels avoids a double clothesline. He knocks both men down and gives them atomic drops: then he flying shoulder blocks Edge down to the canvas and sends Orton to the outside. HBK goes up top for the elbow drop, but Orton shoves him down. He ends up on the outside, where Edge partakes in some mocking, only to turn around and see Orton stalking him. They back off as we head to the final ad break of the show.
Back we come, and Orton gets sent over the top rope to the outside by a HBK who is in Edge's sleeper hold. HBK baseball slides Orton over the announce table and dives at Edge, pounding on him, but Edge gets up and knocks Michaels down with a big boot. Edge rises to the top, but HBK cuts him off. Orton returns and pulls HBK down, then pushes HBK into Edge who falls from the top to the outside. Orton stomps on Michaels, and gives him one of his pretty dropkicks for a two count. Michaels nearly steals the win with a backslide, but Orton recovers to hit an RKO. Edge pulls Orton off the cover, then Orton repays the favour and the two square off.
At last, they go at it, trading blows. Orton nearly gets the RKO, and Edge almost hits the spear, then they knock each other down with simultaneous cross bodies. HBK climbs to the top, and hits the elbow on Edge. All three men are now down. Surprisingly Michaels doesn't kip up, but he fires himself up and tunes the band. Edge ducks the superkick and Orton blocks it, but HBK avoids a spear, sending Edge into Orton. HBK superkicks Edge and pins Orton. Winner: Shawn Michaels (12:25)
Cena appears straight after the decision, and he and Michaels stand nose to nose. Then Batista decides to come out, and he stands on the ramp. The lights dim and the Undertaker makes his through the stage entrance. He and Batista square off again, but then the two of them stare down at the ring. That's right, forget about WrestleMania for a while, we've still got No Way Out to come first.
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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Feb 6, 2007 0:13:08 GMT -5
Thank ya sir. I appreciate it. I can't be the only idiot who cracked up reading the first sentence o' that.
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