Post by angryfan on Mar 23, 2007 0:52:31 GMT -5
Here we go guys. It's a little different, as most of the "mainstays" (HHH and Flair actually) don't make an appearance, but still, I hope you guys like it. Special thanks to everybody from last weeks thread asking for ideas.
(Scene opens with Orton and Edge arguing backstage)
Edge: Look, can I have one moment? Can you maybe do one thing that’s origina?
Orton: Dude, chill, it’s a big match, and I want a title shot, too.
Edge: Fine, you’ve got a point, but you have to do something for me.
Orton: Sure, just point her out.
Edge: Uh…no, I was actually referring to Matt, he’s –
Orton: (cutting him off) No, absolutely not. Say what you want about me, but no.
Edge: Would you relax? It’s nothing like that.
Orton: OK, fine, it’s just, I get a little worried sometimes. Go ahead, what do you need?
Edge: Well, he’s been really annoying me lately. All I’m doing is talking to people, yet every time I even talk to a woman, he freaks out and says I’m stealing them from him.
Orton: Oh, I get it, you want me to make fun of him for not getting any women, and then maybe hit him with the RKO, right?
Edge: Actually, no, that’s not even close.
Orton: Oh, so then you want me to maybe give him tips on how to pick up women, so he’ll leave you alone, then hit him with the RKO, right?
Edge: Dude, this has nothing to do with you hitting the RKO.
Orton: Chinlock?
Edge: No, no wrestling move of any kind is required for this favor.
Orton: And it’s nothing like what I thought you meant, right?
Edge: Right.
Orton: (exhaling with relief) OK, so what do I do?
Edge: (not making eye contact with Orton) I need you to dress in drag, and make Matt think you’re a woman so he’ll fall in love with you. Then I need you to get a picture, so we can make fun of him.
Orton: Man, this is crap! This is EXACTLY what I thought you meant in the first place!
Edge: OK, so it IS what you thought, but you said you’d help.
Orton: Sure, but there are limits, man.
Edge: True. (he thinks for a minute) But, would you do it for (he reaches in his pocket) a Klondike bar?
Orton: This better be chocolate chip. That, or anything but vanilla.
Edge: (holding out the ice cream bar) Come on, man, you know you want it.
Orton: (grabbing the ice cream) Deal.
Edge: (running out the door) Cool, and no take backs!
Orton: Man, this is gonna be sweet. (he unwraps the ice cream, and finds it is vanilla) You bastard!
(scene changes to Steph’s office, were C.M. Punk is waiting)
Steph: (entering the office, with Sledgie in a sling on her back) Good morning, Mister Pink.
Punk: It’s Punk.
Steph: Pardon me?
Punk: My name…is C…M…Punk.
Steph: Oh, right, right, sorry about that.
Punk: So, what did you need?
Steph: Well, I haven’t had much of a chance to get to know you, so I wanted to have you in for a talk. Would you care for something to drink? A wine cooler perhaps?
Punk: Uh…I don’t drink.
Steph: Oh, right, the no alcohol thing. Still, it’s just a wine cooler, does that count?
Punk: Yeah. Barely, but yeah.
Steph: Well, alright then. I wanted to talk to you (she stops and stares for a second) You’re sure?
Punk: Yeah.
Steph: Huh, learn something new every day. Anyway, what we wanted to discuss with you, is some ideas to broaden your appeal.
Punk: (under his breath) A chicken suit, right?
Steph: Pardon?
Punk: Nothing, go on.
Steph: Well, as I was saying, we figured that, seeing as the no smoking, drinking, or drugs thing can really appeal to the young people, maybe you could come up with other things that would help the kids out.
Punk: Such as?
Steph: We have a list.
Punk: A list?
Steph: (handing over a sheet of paper) See for yourself.
Punk: (scanning) C.M. Punctuation?
Steph: We figure you could be the new School House Rocky.
Punk: (staring blankly)
Steph: Well, if that’s not to your liking, we have other ideas. Why not take the list and try some out throughout your day, maybe one will grow on you.
(Punk departs and scene changes to Orton talking with Ashley)
Orton: Look, don’t be nervous, I just need a favor.
Ashley: I am SO no lending you my gym bag.
Orton: But that was just a rumor! Besides, it’s really not for me, it’s for Edge.
Ashley: (looking dreamy eyed) Edge sent you?
Orton: Yeah, he did. I’m doing him a favor, but I need one of your dresses.
Ashley: One of my WHAT?
Orton: It’s a long story, but there’s a Klondike bar and Matt Hardy involved, now can you help me or not?
Ashley: Oh, well that makes perfect sense.
Orton: Look, I know it sounds weird, but…wait, it does?
Ashley: Yeah, like those commercials? (she begins to sing) What would you do for a Klondike bar?
(Jillian Hall bursts in)
Jillian: That’s gimmick infringement, skank!
(Jillian tackles Ashley, and the two roll out of the room in a cloud of dust and flying limbs)
Orton: Sweet, that was easy. (he grabs the dress and departs)
(scene changes to Matt Hardy standing in a hallway)
Matt: Jeff, come on, man, this isn’t funny! I really need to talk. Hello? Helloooooooooooo!
(Super Porky enters, dragging a whole roast pig on a spit behind him)
Porky: Que?
Matt: Oh, hi, I didn’t see you there.
Porky: (beginginng to devour the pig) Que?
Matt: Well, you’re not my brother, but you seem like a good listener. It’s just all so crazy. (he slumps against the wall, with his legs sprawled into the hallway) I can’t keep a girlfriend, because Edge is out to get me.
Porky: (stares blankly, and begins eating a submarine sandwich that was stuffed in the pig’s mouth)
Matt: Yeah, I know, it sucks. But, it’s like –
(Matt stops talking as Kendrick and London, now dressed as giant sunflowers, cartwheel down the hallway)
Kendrick: You really think this’ll work?
London: It’s so going to work, man, and Steph’ll have to love it! It’s original, it’s catchy, and, uh, it’s catchy!
Kendrick: Heck yeah it is!
(Kendrick and London continue to the end of the hallway, simultaneously back flip around the corner, and disappear)
Matt: So, like I was saying, it’s just so not fair, right?
Orton: (appearing at the end of the hallway in drag, but with no makeup or wig, and wearing is wrestling boots, and speaking in a very forced soprano) I’ll say it’s not.
Matt: I…I…wow.
Orton: It’s just not right that Edge keeps stealing women from you.
Matt: (still stammering) I…yeah, It’s…not…wow, and uh, wow.
Orton: (barely containing laughter) So, see anything you like?
Matt: Wow, I’ll say so!
Porky: (with his mouth full of roast pig and submarine sandwich) Es un hombre, senor!
Matt: Yeah, I know she’s hot, but I saw her first!
(Porky shakes his head and goes back to eating)
Orton: So, how about we go somewhere?
Matt: Sure, how about the cafeteria?
Orton: (in his regular voice) Hell no, someone might see me.
Matt: Huh?
Orton: (back in soprano) Uh, maybe somewhere quiet?
Matt: (staring lovestruck) Sure.
(scene changes to Punk no standing outside Steph’s office, staring at the piece of paper)
Punk: Man, this is idiotic.
Anderson: (walking by carrying an armload of “you can do it, Bobby” signs) What’s a matter, kid? Still whining?
Punk: I’m just trying to figure out this list of suggestions. Steph wants me to pick one, but they don’t make any sense. Like, what would I do foyr C.S.I. Punk?
Anderson: Solve mysteries?
Punk: But what does that have to do with wrestling?
Anderson: (barely above a whisper) Are you insane? Don’t say that around here.
Punk: Oh, right, sorry. By the way, what’re the signs for?
Anderson: Fit and I have a meeting with Lashley to work on his promos. We figure if we put these up, it’ll at least make him smile.
Punk: Okayyyyy, well, good luck with that.
Anderson: Thanks, and remember kid, you’re lucky to be here. (he departs)
(Punk begins to wander down the hall way, and is met by the Great Kahli)
Punk: Hey, big man, how you doing?
Kahli: BLAAGRAFRAWULFRARRRRR!
Punk: Huh?
Kahli: BLAAGRAFRAWULFRARRRR!
Punk: Sorry, but I didn’t catch that.
Kahli: (removing the caramels) I said I’m doing fantastic, how about you?
Punk: I’m ok, just trying to figure out the list here. (he hands it over)
Kahli: (scanning the list) Interesting. What one was troubling you?
Punk: Well, all of them, but Steph wants me to pick one and kind of work it in. Any ideas?
Kahli: Well, I would say that –
Gerwitz: (appearing behind Kahli) Ahem.
Kahli: Oh come on, I’m not even on the clock!
Gerwitz: Your contract states at all times, how much clearer do I have to be?
Kahli: Fine. (he jams the caramels back in his mouth and stares down at Gerwitz) BLARGRAFRAWLRAAR?
Gerwitz: Yes, I am happy now.
(Gerwitz and Kahli depart)
Punk: How the hell am I going to pick one of these tings?
(a ceiling tile falls at Punk’s feet)
Punk: What the hell?
(Jeff Hardy pops out of the ceiling)
Jeff: Pick the one that’s extreeeeeeeeeeeeeme!
Punk: Uh, okay. What the hell are you doing in the ceiling?
Jeff: It’s extreeeeeeeeeeeme!
Punk: If you say so, man.
(Jeff recoils back into the ceiling)
(Orton and Matt appear in the hallway, with Matt constantly trying to grab Orton’s hand)
Matt: Oh come on, it’s just holding hands.
Orton: I already told you, I’m not that kind of, uh, person.
Punk: (staring open-mouthed) What the hell?
Matt: (stepping in front of Orton) Hey, back off, man, I saw her first!
Punk: I’m not trying to…wait, what?
Matt: She’s mine, damn it! None of you are going to ruin this for me!
Punk: You do know that’s Randy in drag, right?
Matt: It is NOT!
Punk: Matt, he’s not even wearing a wig, and he’s got his wrestling boots on.
Matt: (covering his ears) I’m not hearing this, lalalalalalalala, you’re not really talking!
Punk: (slapping Matt) Wake up, it’s a guy!
Orton: (with his hands on his hips) You’re just jealous! You wish you could get someone as hot as I am.
Punk: Back off, Randall, I will sock you right in the Adam’s apple!
Matt: (still with hands over his ears) This is not happening!
Jeff: (popping out from yet another ceiling tile) Sorry, bro, but the obviousness of it being a dude is extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeme!
Matt: No. No, no, no, no, NO!
(Edge comes running in and takes a picture)
Edge: Got it!
Orton: Can I please take this off now?
Edge: Sure, if you really want to.
Orton Yes, I really do. (he takes the dress off, but puts it into his own bag) And by the way, you owe me another Klondike Bar!
Edge: Do not!
Orton: Do to!
(the two depart arguing)
Matt: (collapsed on the floor) Damn it, damn it, he did it AGAIN!
Steph: (coming down the hallway and stepping over the weeping Matt Hardy) Hey, Punk, have you picked one yet?
Punk: Well, uh, I’ve been trying to get some advice, and, uh –
Steph: We really need an answer, so we can get to work on it.
Punk: Fine. (he points to a name on the list without looking) I’ll take this one.
Steph: Ooooohh, this is one of my personal favorites.
Punk: It is?
Steph: (beaming) Yep, I always knew you had good taste.
Punk: Holy hell, what one did I pick?
Steph: Don’t be such a downer. I know it’ll be fantastic.
(Punk sinks to the floor next to Matt)
Punk: Just tell me, please, what is it?
Steph: (talking to herself) I can see it now, up in lights. C.N.N. Punk!
Punk: DAMN IT!
(scene ends):
(Scene opens with Orton and Edge arguing backstage)
Edge: Look, can I have one moment? Can you maybe do one thing that’s origina?
Orton: Dude, chill, it’s a big match, and I want a title shot, too.
Edge: Fine, you’ve got a point, but you have to do something for me.
Orton: Sure, just point her out.
Edge: Uh…no, I was actually referring to Matt, he’s –
Orton: (cutting him off) No, absolutely not. Say what you want about me, but no.
Edge: Would you relax? It’s nothing like that.
Orton: OK, fine, it’s just, I get a little worried sometimes. Go ahead, what do you need?
Edge: Well, he’s been really annoying me lately. All I’m doing is talking to people, yet every time I even talk to a woman, he freaks out and says I’m stealing them from him.
Orton: Oh, I get it, you want me to make fun of him for not getting any women, and then maybe hit him with the RKO, right?
Edge: Actually, no, that’s not even close.
Orton: Oh, so then you want me to maybe give him tips on how to pick up women, so he’ll leave you alone, then hit him with the RKO, right?
Edge: Dude, this has nothing to do with you hitting the RKO.
Orton: Chinlock?
Edge: No, no wrestling move of any kind is required for this favor.
Orton: And it’s nothing like what I thought you meant, right?
Edge: Right.
Orton: (exhaling with relief) OK, so what do I do?
Edge: (not making eye contact with Orton) I need you to dress in drag, and make Matt think you’re a woman so he’ll fall in love with you. Then I need you to get a picture, so we can make fun of him.
Orton: Man, this is crap! This is EXACTLY what I thought you meant in the first place!
Edge: OK, so it IS what you thought, but you said you’d help.
Orton: Sure, but there are limits, man.
Edge: True. (he thinks for a minute) But, would you do it for (he reaches in his pocket) a Klondike bar?
Orton: This better be chocolate chip. That, or anything but vanilla.
Edge: (holding out the ice cream bar) Come on, man, you know you want it.
Orton: (grabbing the ice cream) Deal.
Edge: (running out the door) Cool, and no take backs!
Orton: Man, this is gonna be sweet. (he unwraps the ice cream, and finds it is vanilla) You bastard!
(scene changes to Steph’s office, were C.M. Punk is waiting)
Steph: (entering the office, with Sledgie in a sling on her back) Good morning, Mister Pink.
Punk: It’s Punk.
Steph: Pardon me?
Punk: My name…is C…M…Punk.
Steph: Oh, right, right, sorry about that.
Punk: So, what did you need?
Steph: Well, I haven’t had much of a chance to get to know you, so I wanted to have you in for a talk. Would you care for something to drink? A wine cooler perhaps?
Punk: Uh…I don’t drink.
Steph: Oh, right, the no alcohol thing. Still, it’s just a wine cooler, does that count?
Punk: Yeah. Barely, but yeah.
Steph: Well, alright then. I wanted to talk to you (she stops and stares for a second) You’re sure?
Punk: Yeah.
Steph: Huh, learn something new every day. Anyway, what we wanted to discuss with you, is some ideas to broaden your appeal.
Punk: (under his breath) A chicken suit, right?
Steph: Pardon?
Punk: Nothing, go on.
Steph: Well, as I was saying, we figured that, seeing as the no smoking, drinking, or drugs thing can really appeal to the young people, maybe you could come up with other things that would help the kids out.
Punk: Such as?
Steph: We have a list.
Punk: A list?
Steph: (handing over a sheet of paper) See for yourself.
Punk: (scanning) C.M. Punctuation?
Steph: We figure you could be the new School House Rocky.
Punk: (staring blankly)
Steph: Well, if that’s not to your liking, we have other ideas. Why not take the list and try some out throughout your day, maybe one will grow on you.
(Punk departs and scene changes to Orton talking with Ashley)
Orton: Look, don’t be nervous, I just need a favor.
Ashley: I am SO no lending you my gym bag.
Orton: But that was just a rumor! Besides, it’s really not for me, it’s for Edge.
Ashley: (looking dreamy eyed) Edge sent you?
Orton: Yeah, he did. I’m doing him a favor, but I need one of your dresses.
Ashley: One of my WHAT?
Orton: It’s a long story, but there’s a Klondike bar and Matt Hardy involved, now can you help me or not?
Ashley: Oh, well that makes perfect sense.
Orton: Look, I know it sounds weird, but…wait, it does?
Ashley: Yeah, like those commercials? (she begins to sing) What would you do for a Klondike bar?
(Jillian Hall bursts in)
Jillian: That’s gimmick infringement, skank!
(Jillian tackles Ashley, and the two roll out of the room in a cloud of dust and flying limbs)
Orton: Sweet, that was easy. (he grabs the dress and departs)
(scene changes to Matt Hardy standing in a hallway)
Matt: Jeff, come on, man, this isn’t funny! I really need to talk. Hello? Helloooooooooooo!
(Super Porky enters, dragging a whole roast pig on a spit behind him)
Porky: Que?
Matt: Oh, hi, I didn’t see you there.
Porky: (beginginng to devour the pig) Que?
Matt: Well, you’re not my brother, but you seem like a good listener. It’s just all so crazy. (he slumps against the wall, with his legs sprawled into the hallway) I can’t keep a girlfriend, because Edge is out to get me.
Porky: (stares blankly, and begins eating a submarine sandwich that was stuffed in the pig’s mouth)
Matt: Yeah, I know, it sucks. But, it’s like –
(Matt stops talking as Kendrick and London, now dressed as giant sunflowers, cartwheel down the hallway)
Kendrick: You really think this’ll work?
London: It’s so going to work, man, and Steph’ll have to love it! It’s original, it’s catchy, and, uh, it’s catchy!
Kendrick: Heck yeah it is!
(Kendrick and London continue to the end of the hallway, simultaneously back flip around the corner, and disappear)
Matt: So, like I was saying, it’s just so not fair, right?
Orton: (appearing at the end of the hallway in drag, but with no makeup or wig, and wearing is wrestling boots, and speaking in a very forced soprano) I’ll say it’s not.
Matt: I…I…wow.
Orton: It’s just not right that Edge keeps stealing women from you.
Matt: (still stammering) I…yeah, It’s…not…wow, and uh, wow.
Orton: (barely containing laughter) So, see anything you like?
Matt: Wow, I’ll say so!
Porky: (with his mouth full of roast pig and submarine sandwich) Es un hombre, senor!
Matt: Yeah, I know she’s hot, but I saw her first!
(Porky shakes his head and goes back to eating)
Orton: So, how about we go somewhere?
Matt: Sure, how about the cafeteria?
Orton: (in his regular voice) Hell no, someone might see me.
Matt: Huh?
Orton: (back in soprano) Uh, maybe somewhere quiet?
Matt: (staring lovestruck) Sure.
(scene changes to Punk no standing outside Steph’s office, staring at the piece of paper)
Punk: Man, this is idiotic.
Anderson: (walking by carrying an armload of “you can do it, Bobby” signs) What’s a matter, kid? Still whining?
Punk: I’m just trying to figure out this list of suggestions. Steph wants me to pick one, but they don’t make any sense. Like, what would I do foyr C.S.I. Punk?
Anderson: Solve mysteries?
Punk: But what does that have to do with wrestling?
Anderson: (barely above a whisper) Are you insane? Don’t say that around here.
Punk: Oh, right, sorry. By the way, what’re the signs for?
Anderson: Fit and I have a meeting with Lashley to work on his promos. We figure if we put these up, it’ll at least make him smile.
Punk: Okayyyyy, well, good luck with that.
Anderson: Thanks, and remember kid, you’re lucky to be here. (he departs)
(Punk begins to wander down the hall way, and is met by the Great Kahli)
Punk: Hey, big man, how you doing?
Kahli: BLAAGRAFRAWULFRARRRRR!
Punk: Huh?
Kahli: BLAAGRAFRAWULFRARRRR!
Punk: Sorry, but I didn’t catch that.
Kahli: (removing the caramels) I said I’m doing fantastic, how about you?
Punk: I’m ok, just trying to figure out the list here. (he hands it over)
Kahli: (scanning the list) Interesting. What one was troubling you?
Punk: Well, all of them, but Steph wants me to pick one and kind of work it in. Any ideas?
Kahli: Well, I would say that –
Gerwitz: (appearing behind Kahli) Ahem.
Kahli: Oh come on, I’m not even on the clock!
Gerwitz: Your contract states at all times, how much clearer do I have to be?
Kahli: Fine. (he jams the caramels back in his mouth and stares down at Gerwitz) BLARGRAFRAWLRAAR?
Gerwitz: Yes, I am happy now.
(Gerwitz and Kahli depart)
Punk: How the hell am I going to pick one of these tings?
(a ceiling tile falls at Punk’s feet)
Punk: What the hell?
(Jeff Hardy pops out of the ceiling)
Jeff: Pick the one that’s extreeeeeeeeeeeeeme!
Punk: Uh, okay. What the hell are you doing in the ceiling?
Jeff: It’s extreeeeeeeeeeeme!
Punk: If you say so, man.
(Jeff recoils back into the ceiling)
(Orton and Matt appear in the hallway, with Matt constantly trying to grab Orton’s hand)
Matt: Oh come on, it’s just holding hands.
Orton: I already told you, I’m not that kind of, uh, person.
Punk: (staring open-mouthed) What the hell?
Matt: (stepping in front of Orton) Hey, back off, man, I saw her first!
Punk: I’m not trying to…wait, what?
Matt: She’s mine, damn it! None of you are going to ruin this for me!
Punk: You do know that’s Randy in drag, right?
Matt: It is NOT!
Punk: Matt, he’s not even wearing a wig, and he’s got his wrestling boots on.
Matt: (covering his ears) I’m not hearing this, lalalalalalalala, you’re not really talking!
Punk: (slapping Matt) Wake up, it’s a guy!
Orton: (with his hands on his hips) You’re just jealous! You wish you could get someone as hot as I am.
Punk: Back off, Randall, I will sock you right in the Adam’s apple!
Matt: (still with hands over his ears) This is not happening!
Jeff: (popping out from yet another ceiling tile) Sorry, bro, but the obviousness of it being a dude is extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeme!
Matt: No. No, no, no, no, NO!
(Edge comes running in and takes a picture)
Edge: Got it!
Orton: Can I please take this off now?
Edge: Sure, if you really want to.
Orton Yes, I really do. (he takes the dress off, but puts it into his own bag) And by the way, you owe me another Klondike Bar!
Edge: Do not!
Orton: Do to!
(the two depart arguing)
Matt: (collapsed on the floor) Damn it, damn it, he did it AGAIN!
Steph: (coming down the hallway and stepping over the weeping Matt Hardy) Hey, Punk, have you picked one yet?
Punk: Well, uh, I’ve been trying to get some advice, and, uh –
Steph: We really need an answer, so we can get to work on it.
Punk: Fine. (he points to a name on the list without looking) I’ll take this one.
Steph: Ooooohh, this is one of my personal favorites.
Punk: It is?
Steph: (beaming) Yep, I always knew you had good taste.
Punk: Holy hell, what one did I pick?
Steph: Don’t be such a downer. I know it’ll be fantastic.
(Punk sinks to the floor next to Matt)
Punk: Just tell me, please, what is it?
Steph: (talking to herself) I can see it now, up in lights. C.N.N. Punk!
Punk: DAMN IT!
(scene ends):
helped $lim jinx NXT. Woops
