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Post by Sickfit, King Of The Fits on Jan 2, 2008 18:16:09 GMT -5
In Soviet Russia, 80's Comedian Becomes YOOOUUU!
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Post by wildojinx on Jan 2, 2008 18:21:58 GMT -5
and now for filthy nursery rhymes! Jack and jill went up a hill, and then had sex! Little miss muffet, sat on a tuffet, and then got laid! if you're gonna do that atleast make them good I thought we were supposed to do INTENTIONALLY bad jokes here. I mean, if we were here to do GOOD 80s jokes i'd just quote old eddie murphy routines. |
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Post by Hulkshi Tanahashi on Jan 2, 2008 19:53:41 GMT -5
*comes out* Good evening. Suck my dick. f***, shit, cock, ass, bitch! f*** you, motherf***er. Good night! *walks off stage*
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Post by BoilerRoomBrawler on Jan 2, 2008 20:00:27 GMT -5
*edging here between 80's and 90's*
*Lights up a cigarette*
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Post by G✇JI☈A on Jan 2, 2008 20:09:40 GMT -5
Damn I was hoping this thread would link to a mad lib type thing.
Good Evening Ladies and Germs.
What A Great Audience.
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Post by Macho Dude Handy Damage on Jan 3, 2008 17:57:03 GMT -5
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Post by Original Gansta - Charisma on Jan 3, 2008 18:39:50 GMT -5
Aren't men stupid ladies?
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BHB
Hank Scorpio
Posts: 5,778
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Post by BHB on Jan 3, 2008 19:04:41 GMT -5
What if ET and Mr. T had a baby? Well then you'd get Mr. ET, wouldn't you? And I think he'd sound a little something like this: "I PITY THE FOOL who doesn't phoooone hooome." Man, I'd hate to be Mr T. right now. |
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Post by Rapper & Actor Sammy Davis III on Jan 3, 2008 23:25:49 GMT -5
Airline food is terrible.
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Post by The Booty Disciple on Jan 3, 2008 23:28:16 GMT -5
 No. Words. Necessary. In Soviet Russia, joke makes you! |
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Post by The Booty Disciple on Jan 3, 2008 23:30:33 GMT -5
and now for filthy nursery rhymes! Jack and jill went up a hill, and then had sex! Little miss muffet, sat on a tuffet, and then got laid! No, no, no... Little Miss Muffett sat on her Tuffett eating her curds and whey... Along came a spider who sat down beside her and said 'WHAT'S IN THE BOWL, B----?'  Have a Dice day! |
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NIXON
Unicron
Hail to the Chief Bootknocker
Posts: 3,354
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Post by NIXON on Jan 4, 2008 0:17:33 GMT -5
You ever notice that wood on the side of station wagons? What's the deal with that? Is the recession so bad that these auto makers are having to chop down trees to complete their cars? Is my side impact zone that much safer with a 2x4 plastered on the door? What happens if my Grand Marquis gets termites? Do I tent the car?
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Post by Dick Foley on Jan 4, 2008 0:41:31 GMT -5
Fundamentalist Christianity. Fascinating. These people actually believe the world is 12 thousand years old. Swear to God! Based on what? I asked them. "Well, we looked at all the people in the Bible, and we added them up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages – 12 thousand years." Well, how f***ing scientific! Okay. I didn't know that you'd gone to so much trouble there. That's good.
You believe the world's 12 thousand years old? "That's right." Okay, I got one word to ask you. A one word question. Ready? "Uh-uh." Dinosaurs.
You know, the world's 12 thousand years old and dinosaurs existed, and they existed in that time … you'd think it would have been mentioned in the f***ing Bible at some point. "And lo, Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus … with a splinter in his paw. And O, the disciples did run a-shrieking: 'What a big f***ing lizard, Lord!' But Jesus was unafraid, and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus's paw, and the big lizard became his friend. And Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a loch for O, so many years, inviting thousands of American tourists to bring their fat f***ing families and their fat dollar bills. And O, Scotland did praise the Lord: 'Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord.'"
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Post by Dick Foley on Jan 4, 2008 0:50:01 GMT -5
Rick Astley? Have you seen this banal incubus at work? Boy, if this guy isn't heralding Satan's imminent approach to Earth, huh. "Don't ever wanna make you cry, never wanna make you sigh...never gonna break your heart." ...oh, I wouldn't worry about that without a dick, buddy. You got a corn nut! You got a clit! You're not even a guy! You're an AIDS germ that got off a slide! They're puttin' music to AIDS germs, they're puttin' a drum machine behind them in a metronome beat and Ted Turner's colorizing 'em, God damn it!
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Post by Dick Foley on Jan 4, 2008 0:52:27 GMT -5
I have been a comedian for a long time, so forgive me while I plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time.
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Post by Dick Foley on Jan 4, 2008 0:54:29 GMT -5
Do you all have different books in the Bible than I do? Are you all Gideons? Who are the f***ing Gideons? Ever met one, no! Ever seen one, no! But they're all over the f***ing world, putting Bibles in hotel rooms! Every one of them: "This Bible was placed here by a Gideon." When? I've been here all day and I ain't seen shit! I saw the housekeeper come and go, I saw the minibar guy come and go, I've never laid eyes on a f***ing Gideon! What are they, ninjas? Where are they? Where are they from? Gidea? Who the f*** are these people?!
I'm gonna capture a Gideon. Yeah, I'm gonna make that my hobby. I'll call up the front desk one day and say, "Uh, I don't seem to have a Bible in my room."
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Post by Milkman Norm on Jan 4, 2008 0:57:41 GMT -5
*puts nose on a table* sniffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
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Ace Diamond
Patti Mayonnaise
Believes in Adrian Veidt, as Should We All.
mmm...flavor text
Posts: 36,043
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Post by Ace Diamond on Jan 4, 2008 0:59:09 GMT -5
You want to help world hunger? Stop sending them food. Don't send them another bite, send them U-Hauls. Send them a guy that says, "You know, we've been coming here giving you food for about 35 years now and we were driving through the desert, and we realized there wouldn't BE world hunger if you people would live where the FOOD IS! YOU LIVE IN A DESERT!! UNDERSTAND THAT? YOU LIVE IN A f***ING DESERT!! NOTHING GROWS HERE! NOTHING'S GONNA GROW HERE! Come here, you see this? This is sand. You know what it's gonna be 100 years from now? IT'S GONNA BE SAND!! YOU LIVE IN A f***ING DESERT! We have deserts in America, we just don't live in them, assholes!"
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Post by Captain Wonderful on Jan 4, 2008 2:09:45 GMT -5
In honor of the Todd Glass I just watched on Comedy Central: - Men are different than women
- Women are different than men
- Men go "ho ho ho"
- Women go "he he he"
- Dogs are cool
- Cats suck
- People in L.A. are mean
- People in New York are mean
- Black people walk like this
- White people walk like this
- Kangaroos walk like this
- What's the deal with douche commercials?
- What's the deal with mattress tags?
- What's the deal with Don King's hair?
- What's the deal with little peanuts on the airline?
- What's the deal with MC Hammer's pants?
- The following has nothing to do with anything, but these people paid me $50 to mention their name on TV: Josh Sneed, Andy Scarpati, John Bederman.
- Whatever happened to Pez?
- Whatever happened to Fresca?
- Whatever happened to Gary Coleman's stand-in?
- Whatever happened to the kid that fell into the well?
- Whatever happened to Tab?
- Whatever happened to Harry and the Hendersons' craft service people?
- Whatever happened to Vinny Piscatelli? (A friend of mine, I haven't seen him since third grade.)
- Whatever happened to polio? ...Polio? Poli-Paulie, Paulie Shore.
- Whatever happened to Joe Piscopo and why didn't it happen sooner?
No, no, no... Little Miss Muffett sat on her Tuffett eating her curds and whey... Along came a spider who sat down beside her and said 'WHAT'S IN THE BOWL, B----?' Only funny thing that man has ever said. I know that bit, but who did it? |
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Post by Original Gansta - Charisma on Jan 4, 2008 4:26:12 GMT -5
*puts nose on a table* sniffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff That actually got a huge laugh...  |
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