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Post by Virus aka Captain No-Nuts on Aug 5, 2006 23:11:59 GMT -5
(The lights suddenly go out in the EWT arena. A video begins to play on the CrapTron. We are in a highly sterile medical research facility, as everybody is wearing full haz-mat gear. The lab researchers don't seem to notice the camera, passing right by it as we weave through varied passageways and sterilization chambers. Finally, we reach a sealed door with a window cut into it. The door is labeled "Highly Volatile Specimen -- Has shown ability to penetrate haz-mat suits." From inside the chamber comes a blood-curdling scream. The door bursts off its hinges as we the video fades out.)
PA system: PREPARE... TO BE... INFECTED!
(The crowd pops massively as Heaven's a Lie begins to blare over the PA system for the first time since Saturday Night Special!)
JR: Could it possibly be, King?! Could it possibly be... Virus?!
(JR doesn't have to wait long for his answer, as Virus himself comes out from under the CrapTron! Virus roars with adrenaline, playing to the crowd on both sides of the ramp as the crowd chants "WELCOME BACK!" to the 6'10" beast.)
King: IT IS! VIRUS IS BACK!
(Virus goes to speak, but has to stop as the chants intensify for a brief moment. Virus makes the "I am not worthy" bowing gesture, and finally the crowd quiets down.)
Virus: DAMN, it's good to be back in the EWT! (Another pop from the crowd.) And while I know some guys in the back aren't too happy with my prolonged absense, I assure you there was a reason for it. But it doesn't matter. Because I am BACK, dammit, and I'm here to take care of some unfinished business!
(The crowd pops as they know Virus is about to finally officially answer Pain's challenge.)
Virus: PAIN! I know I speak for Canceler when I say this... because we've got two words for you and Omega: WE ACCEPT! And come Crap-a-Mania 3, we will prove that you are NOTHING without us! Rest assured, that if you don't believe that... YOU HAD BETTER PREPARE... TO BE... INFECTED!
(Virus slams the microphone down to the ramp to a large pop. Virus acknowledges the crowd once again, and we fade to commercial with Virus going out into the crowd to get up close and personal.)
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Ratings
Dennis Stamp
Has a box of scraps
"YAY!"
Posts: 4,236
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Post by Ratings on Aug 6, 2006 6:11:53 GMT -5
"CRAP TIME!"
"So much lamer than life!"
"CRAP TIME"
***********Crap-a-Mania III - 21 days a way***********
(FADE IN)
(BK3K are shown walking backstage, still fuming over their "match")
MAXX: "I can't believe this. I CAN'T FRICKIN' BELIEVE THIS! This was suppose to be the most memorable night in EWT history: BK3K vs. The Original Boogie Knights; and we were humiliated!"
ERIK: "Don't worry man. Whoever did this, whoever is behind this... they'll pay. Nobody makes fun of BK3K, am I right? Nobody makes fun of the Elite."
(Laughter can be heard from the side, causing the duo to stop and turn towards the source of the chuckles. There stands THE SUICIDE IDOLZ; TWIZTED pointing and laughing at the duo and AMERICAN SAINT standing with his back against the wall, chuckling along with his partner. MAXX & ERIK exchange looks before approaching the IDOLZ)
MAXX: "Something funny?"
TWIZTED: "Yeah. We were just talking about watching you two get played like a pair of punk asses a couple days ago. Damn, your mentors really let themselves go, didn't they?"
(MAXX gets up close to TWISTED)
MAXX: "Those weren't OUR mentors! And you should be wise on how you talk to us!"
(AM.SAINT leans over TWIZTED's shoulder and glares at MAXX)
AM.SAINT: "And if we don't?"
(MAXX is somewhat intimidated by the bigger man's glare)
MAXX: "We... We would tell you... again, but... n-nicer."
(ERIK grabs onto MAXX's shoulder)
ERIK: "Come on, Maxx. Forget them. We don't need to take any crap from the likes of them."
(The begin to walk away until AM.SAINT stops them)
AM.SAINT: "Likes of what?"
(ERIK turns around and goes face-to-face with AM.SAINT)
ERIK: "What? Isn't it obvious. Look at you two and look at us. We're from two different worlds. Your world is life on the streets, our world is life owning the streets. Guys like Maxx and myself, are destined for greatness. Guys like you, well, are destined to achive nothing since the day you came out of that crack wh*** of a mother."
AM.SAINT: "You son of a--"
(AM.SAINT punches ERIK and the begin to brawl along with MAXX & TWIZTED. They battle for sometime until EWT security, officials and road agents arrive and break up the melee)
(FADE OUT)
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Post by Superior Dragon on Aug 6, 2006 17:09:04 GMT -5
We cut to the back where Twizted and AmSaint are preparing for their match.
AmSaint: Can you freakin' believe that those two had the balls to say that my moms was a crck wh***?! What kinda bull s*** is that?!
Twiz: Y'know that's just some bulls*** that they do to make themselves feel better. Seeing as how their "idols" went to hell in a handbasket.
AmSaint: Yeah, but I'm gonna get them back for that. But for now, we got a match against Rock and Foley.
Twiz: Dang, that's right. C'mon. *starts walking towards the entrance*
AmSaint:.........Lazy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"IF YA SSSSMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN'?"
The Rock and Mankind start to walk towards the ring when AmSaint and Twizted attack them from behind. AmSaint targets Mankind and hits him with a deadly looking DDT right onto the steel ramp as Twiz Irish Whips Rock into the steel barricade before hitting him with a running clothesline. Rocky is on the ground as Twiz walks behind him and sets him up before hitting the Curb Stomp onto steel! Rocky is down as Twiz walks over to AmSaint and Makind. AmSaint gives him a kick in the junk before he and Twiz hit the Get Well Soon!! Mankind is down as AmSaint goes to the top turnbuckle. AmSaint leaps off and hits the Black Jesus Stomp!! Mankind is dead to the world now as AmSaint and Twiz grab Rocky and roll him into the ring. Twiz drops an elbow on Rocky as AmSaint hits an elbow to the gut. Both men then pick Rocky up before they hit the Reality Check!! Rocky is down and out as AmSaint locks in the Crossface as Twizted locks in the Haas of Pain, and they debut their new finisher the Soliloqui!! The ref checks on Rocky and raises his arm once before signaling for the bell.
-----Ding Ding Ding-----
JB: He-
AmSaint: Gimme that. BK3K, you think that you can walk in hereand just automatically become the best? Get real! Let this be a warning boys, you f*** with us, we'll s*** on you. Because....
Both: WE DO THE DAMN THING!!
"Enter Sandman" hits as The Suicidal Idolz walk to the back as we fade to commercial.
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Post by Toom E. Guci on Aug 6, 2006 21:58:11 GMT -5
*Toom E is sitting in his office.*
You know, Crap-a-mania is about prestige. It's about honor. It's about our roots.
And that it why I have decided at Crap-a-mania to bring a special match back that we have not seen since our birth. For you see, before the Elevators, escalators, cages, & what not...there was BARBED WIRE!!!
And you see, 2 men will enter a ring enclosed in barbed wire. The ropes will be removed & replaced with barbed wire. The ring mats will be removed to expose the plywood underneath with barbed wire running across the boards.
And the two men to enter this ring will at least have a reason to do so. For you see, the winner of this match will gain a chance to face the Toolshed Champion, whether it be Joe Ragnal or Spyke Johanson, down the road. It won't be immediatly, but you will get a chance when the time is right...your time, that is.
And the two men who get to do so are none other then Chance Confidence & the Great Hugo. The question is, when will you recuperate from the barbed wire to declare yourself the #1 Contender to the Toolshed Championship?
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Post by ppv14 on Aug 6, 2006 22:08:15 GMT -5
As we return from commercial, A Rather familiar figure stands looking at an EWR Banner. L - So this is EWR. I was here once before but that was oh so long ago. I believe a young jobber named ppv got dismantled by Heiden-Dorf. Yet again that was long ago. Today I stand before you not as a Jobber, But as a legend of KPW and GWE. Lotus turns to another camera now.You ask yourself this. What could be important enough to drag Lotus from GWE and KPW to here. EWR? (He holds up the belt in his possession in front of the camera) RATINGS:Take a look, boppers. It's the GWE Heavyweight title. Well, not the one the current champion holds but the one I was given by DMR himself after I won the championship a while back. Somewhat of a trophy, one can think of it. Such a nice little trophy, too. However as I stated earlier, I want nothing to do with GWE, so with that said... (He snickers and tosses the belt over his shoulder into the dumpster behind him) RATINGS: Allow me to cast the first stone in the downward spiral that will be known as the second demise of GWE. I made GWE famous, and without me... it's nothing. Well there's that or even..... So case in point. Ratings, our rivalry has gone on for far to long. It has spanned Three federations and needs to end. Now before I go this goes out to everyone else in EWT. I don't have no fancy catchphrases to spit out or any stupid looking signature moves like the five knuckle shuffle. I'm a wrestler. I don't come out here to look stupid or gain respect from a crowd whom I could care less for. I guess all I'm saying is I don't give a damn what happens to me as long as I get my check at the end of the night.
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ape
Unicron
Aunt Blabby Tells All.
bea wants all you sweathogs to take a look at what a REAL man is supposed to look like
Posts: 3,223
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Post by ape on Aug 6, 2006 22:24:27 GMT -5
*static fills the television screen. the static slowly fades away to show a dusty old room inside an abandoned house, it appears to be a library...small beams of light shoot through a boarded-up window on the side, slightly illuminating the torso of a man in front of the camera. the camera is swaying side-to-side as if it's tied up and hanging from the ceiling. the man begins to speak.*
hehe my body tells a story...i love stories....hehe....but my story doesn't have a prince in shining armor saving a damsel in distress in it....oh, no....my story is about an ugly little troll hehe...an ugly little troll who had it all in a magical jungle where battles took place....he was king....and then....his crown was stolen....his hair was cut off....he was robbed of his eye....hehe and finally, his mobility taken away. he was no longer king of that magical jungle....hehe....he crawled off to lick his wounds....to come back and fight another day....hehe....so let me tell you this tale...
*the man pauses for a moment, then slaps himself in the head.*
....oh, golly...hehe....i seemed to have forgotten the words to this tale....but i remember how it goes....i remember how the blood was spilled....i remember how the scars were formed....hehe...and really, actions speak louder than words....i can't wait to share my story with all of you once again...hehe....i'm.....i'm coming home!
*the man grabs a book in the darkness and begins to bludgeon himself in the skull with it until the seams loosen up and the book's pages begin to pour out of the binding. the man begins to screech out a manic laughter as the swaying camera quickly fades to static....and then to black.*
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Ratings
Dennis Stamp
Has a box of scraps
"YAY!"
Posts: 4,236
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Post by Ratings on Aug 8, 2006 11:26:49 GMT -5
(FADE IN)
("Keep on Liftin'" is playing throughout the arena as RATINGS stands in the center of the ring, dressed in his casual wardrobe. A REFEREE stands beside him, his face hinting that he was forced into this situation by RATINGS. As the music begins to fade out, RATINGS takes a moment while the crowd boos him viciously before speaking)
RATINGS: "Now I know you are all expecting the epic encounter between yours truly and "The Ocean's Behemoth" Maelstrom -- A clash between two of the most dominate superstars in EWT today. Unfortunately, something due to an injury sustained to his back, Maelstrom cannot compete tonight or any other night in the near future. Or so he says..."
NICK RUSS: "What? What does he mean by that?"
RATINGS: "Tell me Maelstrom, when you looked at the match board and saw that you were facing me, did your eyes widen? Did your knees begin to shake? Did you feel your palms beginning to sweat? I've been thinking about this for quite sometime and I've reached a probable conclusion: Maelstrom, YOU fear me. YOU FEAR RATINGS!"
RUSS: "WHAT!? Is he insane!? Wasn't Ratings the one shaking in his boots about this match earlier in the week?"
JEROME "THE LORD" EAST: "Well, obviously not, NR. One of them is scared of the other, and Ratings is here and Maelstrom is nowhere to be found."
RUSS: "Do you watch the same that I'm watching?"
RATINGS: "You've seen what I am capable of doing in this ring and that sent chills down your spine, didn't Maelstrom? You knew that as soon as you entered this ring, you wouldn't be facing the PTA; you wouldn't be facing Generation Tech... no. You would be facing your greatest challenge to date in the form of "The Palm Springs Playboy", yours truly... Ratings. So what did you do, Maelstrom? You did the smart thing, you thought about your career and backed off. And in doing so, forfeiting the match. With that said, I would Toni Garcya to enter this ring and make the ruling of the match official."
(GARCYA looks up at RATINGS from the outside, confused)
RATINGS: "Yeah, yeah you Garcya." (sarcastically) "No, no, I'm talking to the other ring announcer who suffers from p**** envy."
(GARCYA pauses as he makes his way up the ring steps to give RATINGS hurtful look)
RATINGS: "Quit screwing around and get in the damn ring!"
(Upon entering the squared circle, RATINGS whispers something into GARCYA's ear. Afterwards, GARCYA looks at RATINGS, showing signs of reluctancy. RATINGS gets in his face and orders him to do whatever he told him moments earlier. With a loathing sigh, GARCYA speaks into his microphone)
GARCYA: "Ladies & Gentlemen, due to Maelstrom's injury and that he's..."
(He trails off and looks over at RATINGS, who points his finger at him sternly. GARCYA swallows his pride and resumes the announcement)
GARCYA: "...That he's scared s***less! The winner of the match... RATINGS!!!"
(Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" begins to play while gold confetti and balloons fall from the rafters. Inside the ring, RATINGS demands the REF to raise his hand, to which the REFEREE apathetically obeys. Afterwards RATINGS poses on the turnbuckles while the crowd boos him and pop the balloons that fall)
RUSS: "Look at this! Ratings didn't win any match and he's celebrating like he won the EWT Heavyweight Championship!"
EAST: "I can only imagine what kind of party he'll throw for that!"
(The music fades out and RATINGS takes the mic once again)
RATINGS: "What you have all witnessed here tonight is yet another step upwards to the top of EWT. According to the Crap-a-Mania III card, Maelstrom was in line for a title shot. Now being the intellect I am, having just defeated Maelstrom has pretty put yours truly... into the EWT Heavyweight title picture. Afterall, there's not many people around here who are worthy for the title of... "Maelstrom Slayer". So Toom E., you go ahead handle the paperwork and start the promotions and whatever, cause that belt is coming around my waist really soon. But now onto current affairs. Crap-a-Mania, the creepy uncle of them all, is right around the corner; and my opponent is a man is not an EWT regular, but who has been my greatest rival since the start of my professional wrestling career: "Formerly 'PPV'" They man they call Lotus."
(RATINGS pauses as the mention of Lotus gets a mixed--though mostly favorable--reaction from the crowd)
RATINGS: "Lotus, we've fought many times throughout our careers. We've fought in GWE, we've fought in KPW, we've battled for titles and we've battled simply because we hate one another. It wasn't until recently that I realized something: Lotus... you and I have never wrestled one-on-one in a regular wrestling match. We've had ladders, we've triple threats, but never straight up single wrestling. So, I talked to Toom E., I talked to you, Lotus and we came to the conclusion that this match should happen. And what better place than the biggest stage of professional wrestling, Crap-a-Mania! For I refuse to go back and wrestle for those small time promotions I made famous. This is EWT, Lotus... and around here, one match can make you or it can break you! And Lotus... at Crap-a-Mania... I. Will. Break. You."
("Keep On Liftin'" begins to play as RATINGS departs to the back)
(FADE OUT)
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Post by ppv14 on Aug 8, 2006 15:33:51 GMT -5
Some Time has passed since Ratings last spoke and now Lotus has heard his comments and has some of his own to make. Lotus is dressed in casual clothes of jeans boots and his new t-shirt (Now on sale at EWTShop.com!!!!!!!)
How to start this interview. You know the hardest thing about interviews is how to start them Once you get past this point the rest falls into place. The points you make and the ending fall into place rather nicely after that.....ending. Anyways I've been reading around and hearing some early predictions for Crap-a-Mania and quite honestly Im not happy with them. Everyone seems to be selling me short because they just don't know what Im capable of. Everyone in the major leagues only knows of Ratings. But You know that's cool with me. Im used to hardships and having to prove myself to people, which I shouldn't need to because when you think of GWE you think of DMR, ppv, Joker, and Damn it You think of Ratings. You think of KPW and you think of some of those newcomers obviously but you also Think of DMR, ppv, Joker, and Ratings once again.
What's left to say about our feud Ratings? Everything that needs to be said has been said. The I hate you this and the I hate you that. Every time we fight you always prevail in the end. Your the Raven to my Tommy Dreamer Ratings. We've been through so much. People shouldn't have to go through the abuse we've been through. Cages, Ladders, hell I think DMR once tried to put us in an Inferno Match even.
Lastly My point is don't sell Lotus short. Some people think Im just living off what little respect and fame ppv garnered. That's not the point. Lotus will become an enigma and one day will hold all Three World Title belts at once. KPW, GWE, and EWR.
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Ratings
Dennis Stamp
Has a box of scraps
"YAY!"
Posts: 4,236
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Post by Ratings on Aug 8, 2006 16:08:33 GMT -5
(FADE IN)
THE ELITE (RATINGS, MAXX AWESOME & ERIK MAJORS) are checking out the match board for the week
RATINGS: "Check it out fellow elitists. It appears we are facing our Crap-a-Mania opponents for this week."
ERIK runs his hands together
ERIK: "Good... good. I didn't get to do much damage on those punks, the Suicide Idolz, last week and now I get a kick their asses before Crap-a-Mania."
MAXX chuckles at the statement
MAXX: "You said it, Erik. Twizted and American Saint had no right to insult us. Who knows, maybe we'll finish them off before Crap-a-Mania. That means my dance card will be free that for tha ladies!"
MAXX does a little spin and pose
RATINGS: "And Toom E. even threw Lotus into the mix this week. Didn't he say he got his ass kicked the last time he fought in EWT?" (snickers) "I guess he's in the mood for a second helping. Afterall, he's getting into the ring with "The Original Thriller" Maxx Awesome, "Semper Fi" Erik Majors, and me... "The Palm Springs Playboy", "The "It" Athlete", and now known throughout the world as... "The Maelstrom Slayer"... Ratings."
MAXX & ERIK exchange bewildered expression and look back at RATINGS
MAXX: "Umm... Ratings, about that nick name you've given yourself. Although catchy and to the point, I think you might be treading into dangerous waters with this."
RATINGS: "I beg your pardon?"
MAXX: "Well, you could be bleeding in the ocean and sharks are swarming in..."
RATINGS: "I'm sorry... what?"
MAXX: "I'm just saying..."
ERIK: (interrupting) "...Maelstrom might kick your ass when he finds out."
MAXX points to ERIK
MAXX: "What he said."
RATINGS: (snickers) "Come on, guys. Think about it. Maelstrom didn't even show up for our match."
MAXX: "But that's because he was injured by Gaso..."
RATINGS continues, cutting MAXX off from finishing his sentence
RATINGS: "You know, I must admit, I thought I was going to have quite the challenge fighting him, but I was wrong, which in itself is a rarity. I had thought that Maelstrom was all brawn, but he proved that his mind indeed functioned. He knew what he was getting into and got out of Dodge. And if he is as smart than I think he is, then he'll never want to step into the ring with me. Now let us depart, gentlemen. The clubs and ladies await."
RATINGS exits, leaving MAXX & ERIK watching him walk off
MAXX turns to ERIK
MAXX: "If Maelstrom comes back, I get Ratings' stereo system."
ERIK: "Fine. I get his Porsche."
MAXX: (slapping himself on the forehead) "AGH! I forgot about the Porsche!"
The duo follow RATINGS towards the exit
(FADE OUT)
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Ragnal
Game Genie
Yanno what they say: All toasters toast El Dandy
Posts: 8,677,836
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Post by Ragnal on Aug 9, 2006 9:54:52 GMT -5
*Mike and Joe, with the Toolshed belt over his shoulder, are looking at this week's matchboard.*
MIKE: Oh, sweet. We got Spyke and Bret in a tag match.
JOE: Geez, that'll be easy. I mean, c'mon, we're former tag team champions. Twice, even.
MIKE: Yeah, but Bret's like, a THREE time tag champion. *eyeroll*
*Linda walks up to her younger siblings.*
LINDA: Hey, guys.
MIKE: Yo, where were you last week?
LINDA: I had some...stuff I needed to take care of. Any idea who I have this week?
JOE: Looks like...Jaqueline.
LINDA: Not a problem. Oh, Joe, I got something for you.
*She hands an envelope to Joe. Joe rips it open and pulls out...*
JOE: Aw, NO!
LINDA: What is it?
JOE: Remember Flora? The Harlot that was too young to be around?
MIKE: Yeah, so?
JOE: She sent me an invitation to her birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese's. I mean, what're the odds that her party'd be the same day as my match?!
MIKE: Bro, this is wrestling we're talking about here. There's never any logic to anything.
JOE: Hm. Good point. Shall we get going?
MIKE: Let's. See you later, Linda.
LINDA: Later, guys.
* Linda turns her attention to the matchboard, when suddenly...*
??: Linda Ragnal.
*Linda jumps, terrified, and turns around. She looks surprised.*
LINDA: Who are you?
*A man dressed in a black cloak with a black hood on approaches Linda.*
??: I am Saix. I am number VI of the Cold.
LINDA: You...you're one of those hoodlums hanging around Ms. White!
Saix: Correct. I am here because Ms. White wanted me to remind you...it wasn't your fault.
LINDA: But...But I was driving! I should have been more-
SAIX: Relax yourself. It was never your fault.
*Saix walks away, as Linda breathes deeply, trying to release her fears.*
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Post by chanceconfidence on Aug 9, 2006 10:14:46 GMT -5
We immediately cut to Chance, standing by backstage, looking as smug as ever, wearing a pair of green tinted shades and an open button up blue silk shirt. Sum Guy is just staring at him.
Sum: I'm Sum Guy and it burns when I pee. I'm here with Chance....
Chance: ... CONFIDENCE!!!
Sum looks a bit caught off guard.
Chance: Oh come on you peon.... you knew that was coming.
He gives a satisfied smirk, leaning back against the wall.
Sum: Er... yeah. So Chance... it seems you not only may have an opportunity to take the number one contender slot for the Ox Division title... BUT... you may also be at the same time the Toolshed Division Number One Contender. And as we all remember last time, you had the belt until Crauswell screwed you out of your shot against...
Chance holds a palm up in front of Sum's face, shoves him back and takes the microphone.
Chance: SUMMY SUMMY SUMMY... what are these " Opportunities " you're talking about?
Sum looks back over.
Sum: Well obviously you're booked this week in a qualifying bout against Merc.
Chance nods.
Chance: Oh yeah... that wacko who rode the horse.
Sum: No that's Outlaw...
Chance: Whatever... same guy. Only difference is he's not playing cowboys and indians anymore. No, you see he's getting in the ring... with a former Tri-State Champion, a man who nearly became EWT Champion, a man who is practically...NO... totally flawless in every way.
Sum: Curt Hennig?
Chance smacks Sum right in the face
Chance: NO YOU MORON... I was referring to Chance...Confidence!!! You should know that by now... but then again you are a totally inept waste of space. I guess I can't blame you.... but I will anyway. And by the way, Chance doesn't get " Opportunities " Chance... gets GUARANTEES!!! And I guarantee Merc... Mediocre Fungo
Sum: Grea...
Chance shoves Sum off screen, still talking.
Chance: At Crapmania III... I will become both the #1 Contender for the Toolshed AND Ox Division title.... and afterwards, I shall become... the first ever Ox-Tool...Shed-Ox... ahhh screw it. I'll be both champions. And everyone else will be left... JUST JEALOUS!!!
Chance lowers his shades, looking quite sure of himself as he heads off. Sum Guy meanwhile walks back over and reappears on screen.
Sum: Well I'm Sum Guy and I like pouring water on cats.
Fade to commercial
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ape
Unicron
Aunt Blabby Tells All.
bea wants all you sweathogs to take a look at what a REAL man is supposed to look like
Posts: 3,223
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Post by ape on Aug 9, 2006 10:22:43 GMT -5
*the camera fades to what appears to be a boiler room. there is a swaying light in the background, dimly lighting the area that it hangs over....the camera slowly zooms in. a quiet laughter is heard and the camera slowly pans right. it's stops on the silhouette of a man.
the swaying light illuminates his face every few seconds. half of his hair is shaved off and half of it looks to have been grown out for quite some time...but it's not done neatly...it's as if a blind man tried to shave his scalp. one of his eyes is badly damaged...there is no white in that eye...only red...and while the pupil expands and contracts in accordance to the light in his good eye, the pupil in the bad eye stays still, only slightly twitching from time to time. it was similar to the man's face...as it looked frozen in time with a sadistic smile plastered below his nose. the man says nothing....he just slowly looks downward to the floor.
the camera pans down and to the right, following the gaze of the man and stops on a sheet of paper. it contains a message created out of cut-up letters individually pasted to form the words...similar to a ransom letter. the letter says the following...
"i'm coming home...you are all my family....we're...blood."
a few seconds pass and suddenly a few droplets of blood shoot onto the paper....moments after that, the man drops head-first in front of the camera....facial expression not changing....and there's a giant gash in his left arm....and in his right hand is a knife with the words "home sweet home" written on the blade. the camera slowly zooms in on the words on the knife as the camera fades to black.*
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Sajoa Moe
Patti Mayonnaise
Did you get that thing I sent ya?
A man without gimmick.
Posts: 39,683
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Post by Sajoa Moe on Aug 10, 2006 15:57:11 GMT -5
"Lean" Gene Cummerbund is backstage with Great Hugo.
Lean Gene: Great Hugo, you are in line to face Chance Confidence, a veteran here in the EWT, at Crap-A-Mania III in a number-one contender's match for the Toolshed Championship. However, it will prove to be a bloody and brutal contest, as it will be a Barbed Wire match. Your thoughts?
Hugo: Fifteen years ago, when I was a younger man in my high school years, I was introduced to a Japanese promotion called FMW: Frontier Martial Arts Wrestling. They had the most unbelievable deathmatches and hardcore matches you've ever seen. ECW? CZW? That was a walk in the park compared to the torture and sadism seen in an FMW ring. They had barbed wire, they had razor wire, they had exploding rings, exploding cages, fire, electrical wires, you name it! I was instantly hooked by the immense pain threshold of each of the competitors, and I knew I could withstand as much pain as they could. I'm not a trained hardcore style wrestler, but in Japan, I was put through cage matches, barbed wire matches, exploding ring matches, and every time I came out alive and wanting more. So if a smarmy little punk like Chance Confidence thinks a barbed wire match with me is going to be a cakewalk, let's see what he does when his body is torn to pieces and blood is seeping out of every crevice and pore, and I'm standing before him as the number one contender to the EWT Toolshed championship!
Lean Gene: Great Hugo, on to your match this week. You face Heiden-Dorf in a rematch of a contest which you won by disqualification, when Dorf appeared and the two of them hit you with the Dorf Attack. What are your plans for the Dorfs?
Hugo: As soon as I take care of Heiden-Dorf this week, the Dorfs will be nothing but a blip on the radar, because I'll have my sights set on championship gold, and the path to that championship gold first goes through Chance Confidence!
Hugo leaves.
Lean Gene: You heard it from Great Hugo. He's ready for Chance Confidence at Crap-A-Mania III.
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Post by Rick Raskall on Aug 10, 2006 17:43:54 GMT -5
MICHAEL COLE: Hello everyone, and welcome back for more EWT action! We've got a great lineup of superstars and matches, so let's get started! I'm Michael Cole, here with John Bradshaw Layfield at ringside!
JOHN BRADSHAW LAYFIELD: It is a great day to be an American, Michael Cole! Of course, every day is a great day when you're the Announcing God, John Bradshaw Layfield!
HEI! DEN! HEI-DEN-REICH! HEI! DEN! HEI-DEN-REICH!
Heidenreich comes marching out from behind the curtain.
TONY CHIMEL: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from New Orleans, Louisiana, weighing in at 295 pounds, Heidenreich!
JBL: This Heidenreich is a big bull of a man! Those fists of fury will put any opponent out for the count! Michael Cole, I know you've had some encounters with Heidenreich as well.
COLE: I prefer not to speak about such things, thank you very much.
He's so sexyyy... I am the sexy... He's so sexyyy... So vurry sexy... He's so sexyyy... You want the sexy... Meet you today, have you home by tonight
Sexy Dynamo comes out from behind the curtain, holding a rose in his hand.
CHIMEL: And hailing from "Sexico", weighing in at 230 pounds, Sexy Dynamo!
COLE: Sexy Dynamo is a rather flamboyant superstar, but the ladies love him!
JBL: I don't get how anybody could get into this guy. There he is, dancing around like Scotty 2 Hotty on estrogen, and yet these women can't get enough of him.
COLE: None of these EWT fans can get enough of Sexy Dynamo!
JBL: I bet you can't either, Cole.
COLE: You can say that again, partner!
JBL: I ain't your "partner", Michael Cole. I am your "broadcast associate". You call me "partner" one more time and I'll pull off your dainty size 6 loafers and shove 'em where the sun don't shine.
COLE: Okay, you can stop with the hostilities. Gosh.
Sexy Dynamo hands his rose to a woman in the audience, who blushes.
COLE: And there he goes, charming the ladies like only he can!
JBL: And you wish you could.
Sexy Dynamo hops into the ring and the bell rings.
COLE: And this match is under way!
Heidenreich charges at Dynamo, and Dynamo dodges. He charges again, Dynamo dodges. He yells "Ole!"
JBL: Ha ha! Give this guy a red cape and he's Tito Santana!
COLE: Who?
Dynamo plays to the crowd too much, and Heidenreich drops him with a clothesline. He raises his arms and goes "ARRRRGGHH!!" The crowd is indifferent. He picks up Dynamo and tosses him into the corner. He backs up and charges, but Dynamo sunsets flips him into a pin.
1...2...kickout.
Heidenreich rolls out of the pin, but Dynamo dropkicks him in the face. He then goes onto the apron and hits a flipping senton.
1...2...kickout.
COLE: Another close call!
Heidenreich gets up and charges with a clothesline, but Dynamo ducks and hits a dropkick to the back of Heidenreich's leg, dropping him to his knee. Dynamo runs off the ropes and leaps up, hitting a mushroom stomp on the kneeling Heidenreich. He then hits a flipping leg drop to the back of Heidenreich's head and goes for a pin.
1...2...kickout.
COLE: Another close pinfall for Sexy Dynamo! What will it take to put down Heidenreich?
JBL: A tranq gun and several darts, because there's no way that this fruit booty puts away Heidenreich on his own!
Dynamo gets up and whips Heidenreich, but Heidenreich counters with a clothesline. He gets to a prone position on Dynamo and starts laying into him with punches.
JBL: That's a familiar position for you, isn't it Cole?
COLE: Oh, be quiet, you big goof.
Heidenreich picks up Dynamo and puts him into position for the shoulder breaker. He gets Dynamo up, but Dynamo counters with punches to the head. He swivels around and rolls up Heidenreich in a victory roll pin.
1...2...kickout.
COLE: Oh my, another close call!
Dynamo gets to his feet. Heidenreich gets up and charges Dynamo, but Dynamo pulls the ropes down, sending Heidenreich to the floor.
COLE: And Heidenreich goes crashing to the floor! What's gonna happen next?
As Heidenreich gets to his feet, Dynamo comes running and hits a spectacular sideways shooting star press onto Heidenreich!
COLE: Oh my, what an incredible maneuver!
JBL: He cleared the top rope with such majesty! You won't see anything like that anywhere else in EWT!
Dynamo climbs back into the ring and blows a kiss to the audience. Some women scream with joy. He turns around and Heidenreich plows into him, driving him into the turnbuckle. As Dynamo starts to wobble, Heidenreich tries to attempt the shoulder breaker again, but Dynamo hooks the bottom rope with his feet. Dynamo grabs Heidenreich's legs and sweeps them out from under him, rolling him into a pin with his feet still on the rope.
1...2...3!
COLE: And Sexy Dynamo pulls out the victory!
JBL: That's not fair! This was a spectacular match, and Mister Dynamic Fruity Booty Whatchacallit ruined it with a tainted victory! Is there no justice in EWT?
COLE: Stop your whining, JBL. It's not like your career wasn't full of deceit and misdeeds.
JBL: You know nothing of my career! My career was built on blood and sweat, and hard work! You're only here because you got friendly with one of the storage boys several years ago!
COLE: How dare you bring Lester into this! ... I mean, I have no idea what you're talking about.
JBL: Instead of having a crying party over old boyfriends, maybe you should stick to the matter at hand. This Sexy Dynamo guy stole a victory from Heidenreich!
COLE: *sniff* Don't talk you me, you big brute.
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Oak: Certified Jade Hater
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Edgier than Wayne Brady, Harder than Chinese Arithmetic, and Higher than the ratings for Blade: The Series
TOP ROPE CATCH A VIBE YEAH I SWERVE WHEN I DRIVE
Posts: 15,391
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Post by Oak: Certified Jade Hater on Aug 10, 2006 18:12:58 GMT -5
We cut back to the EWT Arena as we focus on a skybox. We zoom and and it can be seen that it's Rated X in the skybox. Jessica is relaxing and getting a massage as Chad and Bolt are talking.
Chad: August 27th bro. Me and you challenging for the tag titles.
Bolt: It's gonna be awesome. The blandest stage of 'em all, the fans cheering, it's gonna be off the hook.
Chad: Damn straight. But I wonder if people think we're gonna win?
Bolt: Well, HMark has never lost a title match. It's a proven fact.
Chad: ALL streaks, all of 'em, have to end. HMark's will end on August 27, 2006.
Bolt: Well how 'bout we see who thinks we'll win, hold on.
*Bolt grabs a microphone and walks over towards the fans. He hops off the skybox (it's windowless) and goes over to a section of fans who's crowding him.
Bolt: Hey, I want to know who you think is gonna win at Crap-A-Mania III?
Random Fan #1: RATED X, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bolt: Alright, lay off the crazy pills. Now, who do you think is gonna win at C-A-M III?
Random Fan #2: Hey, no offense, but I think that the Prophecy Reborn are gonna beat you guys.
Bolt: No problem man, I can take some critisism. Now, who do-- Jason?!
*Indeed, it is former EWT Superstar Jason Maverick. He starts to speak.
Jason: Whatsup mang?
Bolt: What are you doing here?
Jason: Eh, I'm just here to watch some EWT action man. That's all.
Bolt: Aiight, who do you think is gonna win at C-A-M III?
Jason: No question, you guys. Show them who's boss.
Bolt: Alright. *hops back on to the skybox* See Chad, some people doubt us.
Chad: Doesn't matter. Come the Showcase of the Immorals (New name!), we'll be the ones that will walk out the new tag team champs.
Bolt: Because.....
Chad: uh....It's Peanut Butter Shelly Time?
Bolt: Eh...Close enough.
Chad: Knew it. Hey, let's watch V for Vendetta.
Bolt: Sweet. Viva La Revolucion!
Chad and Bolt pop in the DVD as we fade out.
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Post by thesunshinesquad on Aug 10, 2006 22:40:10 GMT -5
Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall!
The MNM theme starts up as a red carpet gets rolled down the rampway... as down to the ring heads Melina, with Nitro and Mercury, donned in their roadkill jackets, slinking down towards the ring.
Announcer: Introducing first, being accompanied by MNM, from Los Angeles California, weighing in at 122 pounds.... Melina!!!
Melina gets some decent heat as she heads down to the ring, stops, then proceeds to do her little splits thingy, sliding under the bottom rope into the ring. As usual, MNM block all the prepubescent young men from seeing.
Soon after, Sunshine and Lollipops starts up as Melina's opponent enters... with a microphone,
Vivian: Hello boys and girls!
Everyone: ...
Vivian: I said.... HELLO BOY AND GIRLS!!!
There can be some loud feedback heard as MNM, Melina, and half the crowd grimace, covering their ears.
Vivian: Melina... you seem like a nice gal, but I'm gonna have to beat you... kay?
She smiles... as the Sunshine Squad walks in from behind, all three of them heading down to the ring.
Announcer: And being accompanied by the Sunshine Squad, from the Land of Imagination, weighing in at 159 pounds, Dr.Vivian Anemone!!!
Vivian smiles, grinning like a lunatic and skipping down towards the ring. Nitro and Mercury see the Squad and immediately back up WAY BACK. Vivian vaults into the ring, turning around just in time to dodge a clothesline attempt by Melina.... which she counters with a drop toe hold, dropping her neck first onto the bottom rope. She gasps in pain as Vivian gets atop of her, applying some kind of Camel Clutch submission while she's placed there! Melina cringes in pain as the referee almost immediately starts counting 1...2....3....4.... Vivian lets go.
She then proceeds to yank Melina out of the ropes, proceeding to nail a double footed throat stomp, doing further damage to the neck. Melina gasps again in pain as Vivian goes for a cover. 1...2
Melina kicks out. Immediately after she sits up, Vivian drops down, locking in a Buffalo sleeper on her opponent before she can react. Melina immediately tries to fight out of it, reaching behind as she struggles to a knee, throwing Vivian off with a snapmare. She gets to a vertical base, proceeding to level Vivian with some nasty kicks to the back of the neck! Vivian groans a bit, clutching the area as Melina lifts her by the hair, grabbing and nailing a quick snap suplex. She immediately goes for a cover. 1....2
Vivian easily kicks out. Melina looks a bit annoyed now as she starts stomping angrily at her opponent's chest, attempting to soften the area up. However, this doesn't work for long as Vivian catches her foot in mid stomp, pushing her off! Vivian immediately gets to her feet as Melina is caught off guard. She then proceeds to nail some nasty looking forearms shots, sending her reeling back a bit. After a bit of this, she whips Melina off the ropes, catching her with a release northern lights suplex. The doctor quickly springs back up, catching Melina as she sits up with a rolling neck snap. Into another cover. 1....2...
Melina kicks out again. Vivian looks a bit confused, quickly running off the ropes and coming back for a flipping leg drop right across the neck! Melina gasps in pain as Vivian lifts her opponent up to her feet, nailing a few well placed knees to the chest, before grabbing and hitting her with an Exploder Suplex, launching Melina clear across the ring! The crowd gasps as Vivian walks over, locking in a Body Scissors on the grounded Melina as she torques at that already sore neck area of Melina. Her opponent yelps in pain... struggling to escape. Of course, Vivian is having none of that, keeping her legs around the torso tight... applying further pressure. Melina desperately tries rolling onto her stomach, so she can break the body scissors, resisting as Anemone continues to squeeze.
Soon enough Melina does it, then using her arms to propel herself up off the mat, slipping out of the submission move. Vivian looks up as Melina LEVELS her with a kick right to the back of the head! She goes for a cover. 1....2....
NO! Vivian manages to get a shoulder up. Melina looks a bit annoyed now. He hoists the Doctor up to her feet, grabbing and planting her face first into the mat with a DDT. Vivian bounces off the mat a bit as Melina quickly goes for a second cover attempt. 1.....2....
Again Vivian gets the shoulder up, Melina sighs, attempting to lift her up once more, big mistake. Vivian breaks away from the grapple, nailing Melina with a high knee to the face! Melina groans, clutching said face and stumbling back a bit. The doctor smiles even wider, charging and hitting her with a Hurracanarana... flinging her across the ring, Melina once again clutching that neck. Vivian smiles, signaling for the Smile High now... when MNM get right up onto the ring apron, trying to provide a distraction... only for Hal and Sal to walk up from behind, yank them off and throw them right into the barricade! The crowd cringes... as meanwhile Vivian climbs up high, leaping off and nailing her finisher, Melina going wide eyed. Vivian goes for the cover. 1....2....
3!!! This one is most certainly over.
Announcer: Here is your winner... Dr. Vivian Anemone!!!
Vivian celebrates in the ring, hopping up and down as Hal and Sal slide in, congratulating their... well, " friend ", hoisting her up on their shoulders as the crowd boos a bit.
Fade to commercial
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Post by talkingtoast on Aug 10, 2006 23:56:08 GMT -5
We now cut to backstage where interveiwer, Todd Grisham, is with the newcomer, "Stone Kool" Mike Auger. The newcomer is holding a pouch of Kool-Aid and he is wearing a Stone Cold style shirt witha skull on it reading "OH YEAH".
Todd Grisham: Hey EWE fans! This week I am with "Stone Kool" Mike Auger. Now Mike what are your intentions for EWE? Are there any wrestlers that you are planning to go one on one with?
Mike: Well I tell you what Todd! I am Stone Kool Mike UAger and I am not here to mkake any friends. i am not here to make any enemies. I am here for one thing and that is to... punch ass and drink my Kool-Aid! As for EWE they think that they are sooooo hot with there virgins and crap, but they haven't seen true crap before. And with my kool-id I will deliver crap to evryone. I am going to put butts in those chairs. And I am going to slurp me Kool-Aid while the audience cheers. This is EWE and I will dominate because Stone Kool told you so!
Mike is just about to march away, but Todd stops in.
Todd: Wait, but this interveiw isn't over.
Mike: Huh?
Todd; Well you see I was sent here to have you tell the EWE fans about yourself and what not, but you only answered one question.
Mike: Oh...... so whats the next question?
Todd: Well what wrestlers do your planning on going one on one with?
Mike: All of them!
Todd: What?
Mike: I am gonna go one on one with all of them! You know, the big ones, the fat ones, the skinny ones, the pointy ones and maybe even the small ones.
Todd: Okay....
Mike: Yep
Todd: Yep
Mike:Yep
Todd: Hmhm
Mike: Definately
Todd: Yes
Mike: Paris!
Todd; Ye- wait... what?
Mike: Ha I win because Stone Kool told ya so!
Mike chugs down his patch of Kool-Aid and walks away laughing to himself.
The screen the fades.
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Post by The Lach is very tired on Aug 11, 2006 1:33:19 GMT -5
*A car is shown pulling up in the lot & Sum Guy is standing by with a microphone.*
SG: I'm Sum Guy & I have Spiderman bedsheets. I am here in the EWT parking garage waiting for a superstar to arrive.
*The car door opens & Spaz steps out.*
SG: Spaz the EWT Champion is here! Spaz a few words please.
S: Sure Guy, what's on your mind?
SG: You have been away for quite a while. Where have you been?
S: Nowhere you need to worry about, just tying up a few loose ends.
SG: Um ok then, your match for C-A-M III is now a 1 on 1 You v Gasoline. what do you have to say about that?
S: Interesting, I can't wait to face my friend Gas at the biggest show our company has ever seen. But when it comes down to it Gas will still feel The Shockwave & I will still be the EWT Champion! The hour is nearly here & Cometh The Hour Cometh The Man. I am the big time player & the is the biggest stage ever in EWT history. I will not fail!
SG: Gasoline has said he will do whatever it takes to win the belt. What do you have to say to that?
S: I know exactly how he feels coz I feel the same way. We both want the same thing & only one of us can have it. Somewhere, sometime, something will have to give. That is the beauty of this business. Two men absolute in their resolve to triumph when only one can. A night like Crap-a-Mania is a night to put aside personal rivalries, friendships, likes & dislikes & concentrate on what matters most, victory.
SG: Spaz is ready for the fight of his life. I'm Sum Guy & I'm wearing Silver Surfer underwear!
*CUT TO PROMO FOR C-A-M III*
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Post by Poker Joker on Aug 11, 2006 14:47:07 GMT -5
(The scene opens up in the back of the E.W.T. arena. E.W.T. Reporter Sum Guy is standing back there with his microphone in his hand. He's got a cheesey smile on his face, and looks like he needs a good punch in the eye. Beside him is Billy "The Virgin" Ubermark, who cracks his knuckles as Sum Guy opens up the interview.)
*SUM GUY*: Hello, E.W.T. fans! This is ace reporter Sum Guy, and I'm backstage in the E.W.T. arena with one of the former members of the Handsome Boys Modeling School, Billy "The Virgin" Ubermark! Billy, you've got a big match ahead of you at Crap-A-Mania! King Choculon, your former tag-team partner, has accepted your challenge, and the two of you will meet in the ring this August! You're feelings on this, please?
*BU*: I have only one feeling about this match: pure, unadolterated JOY! You see the self-professed King Choculon has always had a pretty healthy opinion of himself. But lately, his "majesty's" self-perception has gotten out of controll... even by his standards. His ego has become over-inflated, and its time someone let the air out of his head so it can shrink back down to its normal size. So, come Crap-A-Mania, I'm going to solve that problem of his. I'm gonna pop that over-inflated ego of his in the middle of the ring, and then watch it deflate. And believe me, NOTHING gives me a greater sense of joy than just thinking about being able to do that, and remind him exactly who carried whom to the E.W.T. Tag-Team Titles!
*SUM GUY* (still with the dumb smile on his face): Wow! So I take it that you've heard some of the things King Choculon has been saying about you.
*BU*: Of course I've heard him! When you've got a guy running around the lockerroom with a mouth that big, its hard NOT to hear him. And its even harder when you know what he's running his big mouth about. "Mr. Blue Balls?" "Billy Jaggoff?" Leave it to the King of Crass to resort to taking cheap shots at my virginity, and show what kind of person he REALLY is! And to be honest, it doesn't really surprise me. My sexual status makes me an easy target; it always has. Virgin Discrimination is nothing new to me, especially coming from my former partner. As far as I'm concerned, Ultimo Chocula can run his mouth as long and as loud as he'd like. Its just shows me that, like everyone else, he's too buys focusing on my sexual status, and not paying attention to the stuff that really matters. The stuff that made me one of the greatest Tri-State Champions the history of this company, as well as one of the hottest young superstars in the E.W.T., today! And believe me, when the two of us meet up at Crap-A-Mania, that'll cost him.... DEARLY!
*SUM GUY*: I see. Well, tonight, you're not going to get to put your hands on King Choculon. Instead, you have to deal with his 3 Jesters. According to King Choculon, they're the best his money could buy.
*BU* (rolling his eyes): Well, if that's the best that King Chumpula can buy with his money, then his credit cards must be maxed out, again. If Ultimo thinks that throwing his clowns in path is going to be enough to distract me from beating his skull in at Crap-A-Mania, then he's got another thing coming. You see, when I was part of the Handsome Boys Modeling School, I got blinded by the glitz and glamour. I lost my focus on what I was here to do. But now that I'm out of that cheesey lifestyle, I'm focused again. I've got my priorities in order, and I've got my goals set! And my first goal going to be to take Chocula's three jokers, and knock them down like a house of cards. And then, when I'm done with them, my next goal is going to be getting my hands on King Choculon, himself.
(Billy grabs the microphone away from Sum Guy and looks directly into the camera.)
*BU*: Ultimo Chocula.... King Choculon.... whatever name you want to go by..... Trying to take all the credit for the success of our tag-team was bad enough, but now you've resorted to something even lower.... VIRGIN DISCRIMINATION! You seem to think that, just because I'm a Virgin, you have the right to change the past and act like I was the weaker member of our tag-team! You seem to think that just because I'm a Virgin, you can use me to get to the top of the WWE.... some place you NEVER would've made it to on your own... and then discard me like a Kleenex! Well, at Crap-A-Mania, I'm going to change you thinking! At Crap-A-Mania, we're going to step into the ring together, and I'm going to prove, not just to you, but to the WHOLE WORLD who the REAL backbone of the Handsome Boys Modeling School was! At Crap-A-Mania, I'm going to slap that silly crown of your's off your head, and then wipe the goofy smile off your punk face! And at Crap-A-Mania, I'm going to send out a message,... not just to you, Ultimo Chocula, but to the entire E.W.T.... Virgin Discrimination, like what I've suffered from you and other people in this fed, will no longer be tolerated! At Crap-A-Mania, I'm going to start to usher in The Year of the Virgin.... and what a year its going to be!
(Billy hands the microphone back to Sum Guy by shoving it into his chest. Sum simply looks at Billy with a stupid smile on his face.)
*SUM GUY*: The year of the Virgin? Wow! I thought this was the Year of the Rooster!
(Billy gives Sum Guy a puzzled look. He then slaps Sum Guy in the back of the head and walks off.)
*SUM GUY* (rubbing the back of his head): OW! Maybe I should read the place mat at the Chinese resturant, again.
(Sum Guy is left rubbing the back of his head as the segment ends and the scene fades to black.)
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Post by talkingtoast on Aug 12, 2006 11:32:25 GMT -5
Stone Kool Mike Auger sits down on the couch and watches EWT.
Mike: Hey I'm on TV!
We then cut to comercial.
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