The Skies the Limit

[Toom E. Guci]

* The Skies the Limit opens with a nifty cloud backdrop. Pyros come from the clouds, as to simulate the Heavens above. A heavenly music plays during the opening, as we cut right to ringside for our first match.*

Finkel: This match is scheduled for ONE-FALL! *Dorf World Order music plays* Coming down the aisle, weighing in at a combined weight of 570 pounds, from Filthadelphia, Pencilvania, the DORF WORLD ORDER!

*The Dorf World Order come out to a wonder chorus of boo’s that is quite loud, but not that loud. Dorf does his usual, cocky spiel with telling Heiden-Dorf its okay to be that way. Heiden-Dorf just does not agree with that as the crowd just laughs at Dorf as a result. Dorf, in frustration just tells him to in front as the walk down the aisle and both of them enter the ring just fine.*

Finkel: (“If Your Happy And You Know It…Clap Your Hands” by Some Public Domain band name plays) Coming down the aisle, weighing in a combination of approximately 500 pounds, from the Intersection of Make Believe Junction & Bloomville Road, Smiley Sal and Happy Hal, THE SUNSHINE SQUAD!

*The Sunshine Squad appear with meadowlandistic attitudes with their smiles and positive attitude to get the crowd happys. They walk down the aisle giving flowers to the crowds and rays of sunshine with their arm movements and what-not. They enter the ring still smiling…then Dorf attacks Happy Hal out of nowhere, signaling the start of the match.*

Bell: DING! DING! DING!

*Dorf throws six punches to Happy Hal before he Irish Whips him to the ropes, meanwhile Smiley Sal starts to frown. Smiley Sal goes right to Dorf and taps his shoulder with a frown. Dorf gives Sal a “WTF??” look and Smiley Sal just suddenly smiles and out of nowhere squirts some water from a flower on his lapel pocket. Heiden-Dorf sees that Dorf is hurt and these guys hurted him. Heiden-Dorf then turns around and sees that Happy Hal just flung from the momentum of the ring ropes and and gave him a STIFF HEIDEN-BOOT! Heiden-Dorf covers…

Referee:
1!











2!


*Smiley Sal breaks up the cover*

*Smiley Sal makes Heiden-Dorf stand up and performs a BELLY-TO-BELLEY SUPLEX to the big hoss! Sal don’t look happy no more as to what happened to Happy Hal. After the B-t-B suplex, Dorf cleaned his eyes and saw what happened to Heiden-Dorf. He walked behind to Smiley Sal and does a BRIDGING GERMAN SUPLEX! THE REFEREE COUNTS!!

Referee:
1!















2!











*Smiley Sal barely kicks out. Happy Hal is up and walks right to Heiden-Dorf. He makes Heiden-Dorf get up to his feet as Hal tries to do a STO to Heiden-Dorf; Heiden-Dorf would not let go. Happy Hal signals for the Canadian Destroyer onto Heiden-Dorf and PERFORMS THE ROTATION AND DORF COMES OUT OF NOWHERE TO COUNTER INTO THE 3-DORF!!

*Crowd goes into a HOLY S***! HOLY S***! HOLY S***! Chant.*

*Dorf attempts to cover and the referee figures this is the end…*

Referee:
1!














2!










*Smiley Sal blocks out the final count within a microfiche of a second with an Elbow to Dorf’s back! Heiden-Dorf walks right over, but Sal performs a Spinebuster to Heiden-Dorf as Sal’s momentum is too strong right now. Sal walks right over to his partner, Happy Hal…but he appears to be knocked out legit. Sal goes right over to Dorf and makes him stand up and runs to the ropes for speed to do a STIFF RUNNING KNEE TO DORF AND THEN GOES TO THE ROPES AND FLIES TO DORF WITH A FLYING CROSSBODY! Smiley Sal goes to the top rope and Heiden-Dorf stands up wobbling…and exectures a DOUBLE AX HANDLE TO HEIDEN-DORF’S CHEST! The big man goes down as Sal covers…

Referee:
1!














2!











*Heiden-Dorf barely kicks out*

*Sal still sees his neighbor down, but is starting to startle. Sal turns around to see that Dorf is almost up…Sal runs to the ropes and then runs toward a partially up Dorf with a RUNNING ENZIGIRI! The crowd goes crazy as Sal looks to be in control of the Dorf World Order…Sal gets up right away and wonders where Heiden-Dorf is. Heiden-Dorf was not where he attempted to pin him last…Sal turns around and THERE’S HEIDEN-DORF! Heiden-Dorf kicks Sal in the gut and what appears to be a Powerbomb. HEIDEN-DORF PICKS UP SAL…SAL TRIES TO FIGHT BACK, BUT IT APPEARS HEIDEN-DORF HAS TOO MUCH POWER! HEIDEN-DORF STARTS TO DROP SAL, BUT SAL COUNTERS OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A HURRICANRANA AND PUTS HEIDEN-DORF IN A PINNING PREDICTAMENT!!

Referee:
1!
















2!














3!
*Heiden-Dorf kicks out, but its too late.*

Winner: [/I]by pinfall, THE SUNSHINE SQUAD![/I]

*Heiden-Dorf & Dorf get up at the same time as both look at each other with an awry stare from their defeat. They got up before Smiley Sal did. Dorf grabs right for Smiley Sal, BUT OUT OF NOWHERE HAPPY HAL USES A STEEL CHAIR TO HIT DORF’S BACK! THE CROWD CHEERS IN DELIGHT as Heiden-Dorf manages to escape before being hit with the Steel Chair and brings Dorf with him to prevent a “Group Hug.”

Dorf: <partially fazed> This…ain’t over by a long shot, SUNSHINE SQUAD. No…we just have to improve our quality and then you guys are nothing…NOTHING.

*Heiden-Dorf offers Dorf a cheese sandwich, but Dorf throws it to the crowd*

*Meanwhile, The Sunshine Squad celebrate in the ring, jubilant of the win of such famous EWT Superstars. The crowd goes along with their smiley ness and happys as if they were the Ding Dongs, but are happy rays of smilies with relations to the power of sunshine.*

[Toom E. Guci]

* We cut backstage to Todd Grisham with Toom E Dangerously.*

TG: Mr. Dangerously, sir…so today marks your in-ring return to wrestling. Are you set for this?

TED: Am I set for this? Am I set for this? Of course I am set for this. Do you not forget who started this business? Do you not forget that I used to be in the WCF, facing the nBo, back in the days? The Toomi Army ring a bell? Come on, I brought Richard Simmons into the world of wrestling & now he’s a Hall of Famer. The Olsen twins. For crying out loud, I made The Wiggles a household name in professional wrestling. The Dungeon of Toom sound familiar? For crying out loud Grisham, I did it all.

TG: But you have never faced a man like Merc. Nor have you ever been in a Scaffold Match.

TED: Oh, come on.. I feuded with the best. Double D Dudley. Na$$$ure Boy. 8Syxx. Do you not forget them days? I invented matches never before seen. Do you even know who tries those matches out in the EWT Practice Ring? ME!!! But, you see Merc…it don’t brains to run a promotion. Well, it does…and these brains have a little something in store for you, my friend. You will see shortly…you will see.

* Cut back to the ring as Dangerously walks out.*

[Toom E. Guci]

Toni "The Garc" Garcya: The following tag-team contest is a steel-cage match for the number one contendership to the EWT tag-team titles. The match will be decided by pinfall, submission or by BOTH members of the team escaping the cage with both feet touching the floor.

It's all about the Pentiums, baby...

*The familiar strains of "Weird" Al Yankovic fill the arena, and out come Joel and Mike, followed by Keiko. All dance their way down the ramp and to the ring. Joel and Mike slingshot flip into the ring, as Keiko sling-splits in between them. Mike dances to the middle of the ring and hits a Windmill, as Joel hits a K Kick behind him. They both pop out of their dance moves to throw up the N, as Keiko applauds her charges.*

Garcya: Introducing first, in the ring, being accompanied by Keiko Yakamoto, weighing in at a combined weight of 347lbs, Joel Nelson & Mike Hodgson, THE NYRDS!

*That Rocked-up version of "Amhrán na bhFiann" plays over the EWT sound system as Team Ireland make their way to the ring. The members of the team are wearing their usual Gaelic shirts. Coach O'Hare, as always, is waving his Hurley with the Irish Tricolour attached to it. The team stop about halfway down the ramp and raise their arms in the air as green, white & gold pyro goes off behind them. As they walk past the camera O'Hare can clearly be heard saying "Number one contenders! That’s us!"*

Garcya: And their opponents, making their way to the ring, at a combined weight of 396lbs, being accompanied by Coach O'Hare, proudly representing their home country of Ireland, Sean McCann & Aidan Donnelly. TEAM IRELAND!

*All four of the participants assemble in the ring while Coach O'Hare & Keiko remain outside. The referee is intent on keeping The Nyrds & Team Ireland separate until the cage has been lowered. The steel construct begins to descend from the rafters & once it’s secured in place the bell rings & the match is underway.*

*Almost as soon as the bell rings Mike, Joel, Aidan & Sean rush into the centre of the ring & begin pounding on eachother. The referee clearly wants to stay away from this brawl & stands back as all four men fight with fists a-flying. The wrestlers have clearly paired off with McCann focusing on Joel, while Mike takes on Donnelly.*

*Remembering the leg injury that kept Sean McCann out of action for some months, Joel focuses his attacks on Sean's legs. Attempting a Dragon Screw &, when that fails, a dropkick aimed squarely at McCann’s knees. The dropkick connects & McCann is brought to the ground. Joel begins stomping on McCann's left knee & cinches in a standing leg-lock. McCann proves flexible enough to work out of the maneuver & reverses it into a half-Boston crab. Mike, seeing that his team-mate is in trouble neglects Aidan Donnelly for a moment as he nails a running dropkick right to McCann’s chest. Donnelly takes advantage of the momentary distraction & executes a German suplex on Mike. Mike manages to land on his feet & begins hitting Donnelly with some European Uppercuts. Once, twice, thrice… Donnelly is somewhat dazed in the centre of the ring & Mike runs towards the ropes, springing off them, twisting in mid-air & hitting a perfect cross-body block on Donnelly. He has Donnelly covered as the referee begins to count.*

1…



2…


KICKOUT!

*Coach O'Hare begins to fan himself a bit with the tricolour outside the ring. He then begins to yell at Donnelly & McCann for not having their heads in the game. Meanwhile, McCann & Joel are still going at it. Joel grabs McCann's face & attempts to drive it into the mesh of the cage. Sean manages to keep his face away from the cage & instead pushes Joel's face into the wire. Joel's face has begun to bleed. McCann keeping a grip on the back of Joel's head slams him back first to the mat. Joel clutches his head in pain while McCann scales the ropes. He hits an impressive flipping senton from the top & goes for a cover on Joel. Mike baseball slides into the cover before the ref can even make it over to count. McCann & Joel continue to battle with McCann attempting a springboard Tornado DDT. Joel manages to hold McCann in the air during the attempt at this move & places him on top of the nearest ringpost. Joel delivers a punch to McCann for good measure to keep him a little dazed. Joel takes a few steps back then goes running into the corner where McCann is sitting atop the ringpost. Joel leaps to the top of the post &….


SPACEMAN TORNESIO ARMDRAG!*

*McCann is down. Joel is, for the moment, also down. The fight between Donnelly & Mike continues. Donnelly is attempting his own version of the "Three Amigos". He hits one suplex, but Mike manages to reverse the second suplex attempt & nails a suplex of his own on Donnelly. Mike immediately rolls over into a cover.*

1…

2…


KICKOUT!

*Donnelly clearly isn't done yet. Meanwhile, Joel has recovered & has crawled over to where Sean McCann has lain since being flung from the top. A bloody Joel makes a cover on McCann.*

1…


2…

KICKOUT!

*Both Nyrds are somewhat frustrated that their covers failed to yield the desired results, but carry on regardless. However, given that both members of Team Ireland are still down, Joel & Mike begin to scale the cage to make their way out. Before The Nyrds can get very far McCann & Donnelly arise & attempt to slow The Nyrds' exit from the cage. Donnelly catches Joel & powerbombs him to the mat (after which Aidan collapses into the corner in exhaustion). McCann, meanwhile, has caught Mike in an Electric Chair position. Mike attempts to take advantage of this & turns forward into a Victory Roll.*

1…

2…


REVERSAL!

*McCann somehow manages to roll through with the cover into a pinning position of his own.*

1…

2…


KICKOUT!

*McCann leaves Mike on the mat for a moment & begins scaling the cage, climbing the ringpost first to aid in his climb. McCann scales the cage quite quickly before Mike is able to catch up with him. McCann is about to make his way to the floor when Mike manages to grab onto him & attempt to suplex him back into the cage. Donnelly, meanwhile, makes his way to the corner & positions himself under Mike in an Electric Chair position. Joel also gets into the corner & gets under Donnelly in position for a powerbomb. Joel manages to heft Donnelly over with the powerbomb just as Mike suplexes McCann back into the ring. McCann, Mike & Donnelly all go tumbling back towards the mat with a huge crash. Joel collapses, exhausted.*
O'Hare begins rattling the cages, trying to will his boys back to their feet, as Keiko gets the crowd behind her guys by pounding on the cage wall. The crowd claps in unison to Keiko's pounding, but all four men still lay in the ring, dazed, beaten and bruised. Finally, Donnelly is the first one to his feet. Donnelly tries to pull McCann to his feet, but having been superplexed/powerbombed from a ridiculous height, it's a wee bit difficult.

Unable to pull his partner up, Donnelly turns over the bloody Joel, and hooks his legs.

1...

2...

KICKOUT!

Joel manages to kick out in the nick of time. Donnelly, refusing to believe this, forces his shoulder down, and the ref manages another two count before Joel kicks out again. Donnelly forces him back down, and again, Joel kicks out at two. Seemingly revived in his anger over Joel's refusal to quit, Donnelly picks Joel up by the hair before sending him back down with a stiff punch to the cheek.
Mike, finally to his feet, responds to the attack on his partner by coming off the ropes and hitting a running knee strike to Donnelly. Mike tries to pull his partner back to life, but he has the same problem as Donnelly before, as he can't revive his partner. Which is bad news, as McCann is finally rising to the occasion. McCann forearms Mike in the back, and he and Donnelly double irish whip Mike to the ropes. Mike jumps, and moonsaults off the ropes.

Mike is attempting a double Quebrada DDT. However, both Sean and Aidan catch Mike in mid-air, and they lift him into the air. Like a canon, they launch Mike head first into the cage wall. Mike collapses to the mat, now wearing the crimson mask himself. Mike rolls across the ring, and stays sprawled out across the ring. Team Ireland is now unopposed.
Aidan and Sean decide to play with their victims for a little while longer. Aidan grabs Mike by the feet, and Sean grabs him by the hands. They begin to swing Mike around, eventually throwing him into the air, and letting him fall back to the mat, hard. They grab Joel the same way, and after swinging him around, throw him into the wall of the cage, letting him bounce off and fall back to the mat himself.

Coach O'Hare begins yelling from the outside, telling his boys to finish the job and leave the cage, but Sean still has one more trick up his sleeve. Sean pulls Joel over to the wall of the cage, and sets him down on his knees. He begins pressing Joel's face into the cage, but that's not all. Sean then grabs Joel's arms, pulls them behind Joel's back, and puts his foot on the back of Joel's head. He's going to Curb Stomp Joel into the cage.
Suddenly, Joel's hands pull free of Sean, just as Sean is about to stomp Joel's face into the cage. Joel puts his hands on the cage to stop himself, and jams his elbow backwards, straight into Sean's crotch. Sean hops around the ring, and Joel comes to life, hitting a bulldog on Sean, and hitting a dropsault on Aidan, after which he lands a moonsault on the downed Sean during the sault portion of the move. Joel hops to his feet and, as the blood trickles down his face, gives a Muta scream.

Mike, himself up from his own experience, pulls Sean over to the cage, and puts him on his knees. Both Joel and Mike grab an arm, and, accomplishing what Sean couldn't both place their boots on Sean's back to Curb Stomp him into the cage. Joel runs over to Aidan and hits him with a running senton, as Mike pulls Sean from the cage, blood now streaming from his face, and pins him

1...

2...

Coach O'Hare, standing on the sliver of apron left from the cage, begins shaking the cage, and the ref gets up from his count to tell him off. Coach O'Hare drops from the ring, happy that he bought his boys the time needed. Suddenly, from behind him, Keiko run jumps, bounces off the cage with her feet, and wall-climb moonsaults onto Coach O'Hare, to the cheers of all.
Joel hits Aidan with a Bravestarr Clash, as Mike hits Sean with a Life Force Code. Joel joins Mike, and Mike sits on the top rope. Joel puts Sean in Mike's hands for a powerbomb, and scales the cage. At the top of the cage, Joel reaches down and grabs Sean around the neck. All three fall forward, and a fantastic Revenge of the Nyrds is hit! Mike hooks Sean's legs

1...

2...

Aidan breaks up the count, jumping and clubbing Mike in the back. Aidan pulls Mike up, and hits a SAVAGE Tombstone Piledriver, Mike's head practically bouncing off the mat. Joel runs forward, but Aidan catches him, grabs him behind the head, and steers him directly into the cage. Joel bounces off, and Aidan pulls Joel over to the corner. Sean stumbles over, and begins climbing the cage.
Aidan gets under Joel and climbs to the top, Joel in the Electric Chair position. Sean grabs Joel around the neck, and off the top of the cage, they hit the electric chair drop/shirunai combo! Sean covers Joel, and Aidan stops Mike from interfering.

1...

2...

......5, I mean THREE!

Coach O'Hare can't believe it. Throwing open the cage door, he tackles his men to the floor, and they celebrate the win. Putting their coach on their shoulders, they parade O'Hare around the ring, and leave, still celebrating.

Keiko climbs into the ring, and the cage begins to lift. Keiko and Mike help Mike to his feet. Joel calls for a microphone.

Joel: I'd like to say a few things right now. You just saw the crap kicked out of me, and if you were paying attention, it took a drop off a cage to finish me off. As usual, they had to kill me to beat me.

Joel gets an appreciative applause, but there's more.

Joel: Thank you.
And Mike, look at him...they pretty much had to kill him too. They threw him into a cage, they ground it into the unforgiving steel...they certainly had to beat him to death if they wanted to beat him period.

Mike gets his own appreciative applause.

Joel: And let's give it up for Keiko, who's always been there for us. She's always doing what she needs to do, and always keeps us fired up, and she never gives up.

Keiko also gets the applause.

Joel: I'd like to thank you all for your cheering, and for being behind us all the time, and for the applause.
I just wish...for the life of me...that all your applause...could win us some damn titles.

The crowd suddenly stops clapping.

Joel: When we got here, we decided that, once we got into wrestling, we'd do everything we could to get the fans on our sides. As you may know, we weren't particularly popular in school, or anywhere we went. Because we were different. We were outcasts, because we were different. We were tossed aside, and things were going to be different here, because we'd do everything we could to make out dorkiness into something cool.
And we succeeded. But the thing I never really found out, was that the adoration of fans...really doesn't amount to a festering bowl of dog s***.

A few fans begin a NYRDS, NYRDS, NYRDS chant.

Joel: SHUT YOUR F***ING MOUTH! God dammit, do you realize that after a year and a half, we've only held one title, and that's because some psycho ape turned on his partner? Do you realize that instead of stepping up our A-Game, we danced, and sang, and did nine flips in one move when all that was necessary was like ONE?
You see, Moxie, and you all know Moxie, said something a while ago that really hurt me. He said "all the fancy moves in the world don't matter when we tear your arms out of your sockets". He knew. He knows. We had forsaken our actual wrestling skills just to look COOL. And do you know what looking cool, acting goofy, and generally just being big retards got us?
NOTHING! IT ALL AMMOUNTED TO NOTHING! You fans didn't get me, Mike, or Keiko here into EWT, we got ourselves here! We did it! US! We bled, nearly crippled ourselves, and all the while looked like MORONS to get fans on our side, and we received...nothing. We got zero out of that deal.
No more. Done. It's done. I'm through pandering to idiots that cheer every time I roll around. Mike is sick of it, and Keiko, who hasn't been here as long as either of us, hates it too.
We're not the Nyrds anymore. The Nyrds are dead! THE NYRDS DIED TODAY!
And in their place....standing in their place now...emerging from their ashes reborn...well...we don't have a cute name yet...but don't worry, I'm sure we will soon.
I wouldn't want to deny you all the chance to chant something like puppets, right?

Joel throws down the mic, and stumbles to the back, Mike and Keiko following, as a crowd, not sure how to react, stands slightly stunned.

[Toom E. Guci]

* We then cut to the local airport to prepare for our next match, as we spy a jet on the tarmac.*

EWT camera's fade into the inside of an airplane where the passengers are all in their seats. Then camera looks around to find that most of them are all businessmen, with the exception of a family sitting in the back. Suddenly voice comes from the speakers.

Voice: Hello and thank you for choosing Southwest Airlines today. I will be your captain for this trip as we travel from California to Arizona. It should be about 30-45 minutes, and we have a special announcement. Today we here on flight 495 have the privilege of being able to hold the first ever "Wrestler's on a Plane" Match. *quite a few voices can be heard gasping in horror*Don't worry folks. I have been assured by the competitors and by Mr. Dangerously that none of you will get hurt. So sit back, relax, and watch something better than a Sandra Bullock movie.

"Burn" by Nine Inch Nails hits as Marcus Saxton comes out looking ready to make a statement. Some planted EWT fans are cheering for the new guy as a voice makes the intro.

Voice: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is the first ever "Wrestlers on a Plane" Match. Introducing first, from Jamaica, Queens, weighing in at 187 lbs., Marcus "Stylez" Saxton!!!

"WE WANT WAR!! WAKE UP!"

And out comes Joe One to more cheers from the planted members.

Voice: And, from Airstrip One, weighing in at 234 lbs., Joe One!

He looks at the fans for a bit before staring at Saxton, who hasn't moved a muscle.

Voice: Now here are the rules. This is a match, anything goes.

Saxton: *evil like* Anything?

Voice: No, you can't push your opponent out of the plane. Even WE can't cover that lawsuit. Now, try not to attack the passengers, and do not attack staff. Other than that, anything goes. Okay?

Joe One: Hold on a second.

Joe walks toward the captain's room and makes a quick left before finding TONY CHIMEL as the voice guy.

Joe: Tony Chimel? What the f*** are you doing here?

Tony: I got fired from Chuck E. Cheese. So, now I work here. I still get free pizza's, and now I get to earn free miles.

Joe: Oh, okay. In that case....

Joe delivers a right hook to Chimel before dragging him out into first class. One picks Chimel up and sends him over to Saxton, who hits a stiff mafia kick before sending Chimel to the cockpit.

Joe: F***ing Tony Chimel.

Saxton: Whatever. Let's just start the damn thing.

Joe obliges, hitting a quick clothesline that sends Saxton down. Saxton recovers and springs back up, narrowly avoiding another clothesline. Saxton grabs the arm and pulls back on the neck before hitting an awkward looking neckbreaker. Saxton gets up quickly and hits a Samoa Joe-double knee drop right across Joe's throat to the delight of the crowd. Saxton goes looking for an object while Joe is trying to recover from that onslaught. Saxton comes back with a......canoe oar? Why not. Saxton comes running like a rhino preparing to strike Joe with it, but Joe dodges and Saxton smacks a crew attendant, knocking him out.

Saxton: Oops. Ah well, now it's really extreme!!

As Saxton turns around, Joe catches him with an enzuigiri to the back of his head. Saxton falls to one knee, and Joe comes and hits a Shining Wizard. Saxton falls down as Joe climbs to the top of a seat, which is occupied by a rather large man. Joe climbs on top of his shoulders and makes a cut throat motion before coming down with the Smith Stomp. Saxton gasps for air as Joe goes looking for a weapon. Joe comes back with a belt, and starts whipping Saxton across the back with it. As Joe goes for another whip, Saxton grabs the belt and pulls Joe in before catching him with a left jab. Joe stumbles a bit, giving Saxton enough time to hit a running neckbreaker. Saxton doesn't let up, wrapping the belt across Joe's throat, attempting to choke him out. Joe starts flailing around, trying to grab onto something to get the hold released. Joe manages to get his foot on top of a seat, and launches himself behind Saxton. Joe has enough time and locks in the Cobra Clutch before jumping forward and hitting a bulldog. Joe tries to go for a pin.....

But there's no ref! Frustrated, Joe picks out a member of the family and yells at them to make the count.

1...
2...

Saxton kicks out. Joe doesn't waste time tough, and grabs Saxton before hitting a strong backbreaker. Joe follows that up with a running senton, causing Saxton to scream in pain. Joe drags Saxton by his shirt and throws him up to the restroom door. Joe tries to open it, but the sign says "no vacancy". This time, Joe is angry.

Joe: OPEN THE F*** UP!!

Voice *muffled*: Dude, I'm busy.

Joe: Screw this.

Joe kicks the door open and sees two people joining the Mile High Club. Joe just stops for a minute, staring at the woman. That gives enough time for Saxton out of nowhere to hit a vicious looking Angle Slam, slamming Joe right into the wall. Saxton drags Joe into the restroom and throws the guy out before giving Joe a "swirly". Saxton picks Joe's head up before hitting a spin kick right to Joe's face. Saxton then tears the soap dispenser out of the wall and smacks it right over Joe's head before going for the pin.

Saxton: Do you mind?

Girl: Not at all.

1...
2...
3....KICK OUT! Saxton can't believe it, but Joe One managed to kick out. Saxton climbs the sink and hits a beautiful Swanton Bomb before going for the pin again...

1...
2...
3...Kick out again! By this time, the woman has managed to at least get her lower half covered up, and hands Saxton a ring. Saxton slips it on and looks for the kill, but Joe ducks and grabs Saxton's arm before hitting the Golden Rule. Saxton grabs his neck in pain as Joe manages to hit another Smith Stomp from on top of the toilet.

Joe goes for the cover.

1...
2...
No! Saxton barely escapes with a shoulder up!

Suddenly, Jake "The Snake" Roberts shows up!

One: What are you doing here, Jake?

Roberts: (slurred) Well, I was coming in here to throw up.

One: Well, throw up on Saxton.

Roberts obliges, and hurls on Saxton. And man, is it a lot! I mean...is that a ruby in their? Either way, Saxton is disgusted and throws up himself. In mid-hurl, Roberts gives Saxton a DDT!

One: Thanks, man.

He gives Roberts a marijuana cigarette. Jake gives the thumbs up and lights it up. He then procedes to walk out of the airplane.

Anyway, One covers the vomit-covered Sexton.

1...
2...
NO! Saxton kicks out again!

One gets out of the lavatory and walks up the aisle.

One: Who's got a good weapon?

Suddenly, Fulham FC star Luis Boa Morte stands up and hands One a foot/soccer ball. Joe goes to the back, but Marcus has since gotten himself together and hits a ura-nage. The foot/soccer ball flys out of Joe's hands, and lands on the head of Snake Plissken, escaping from L.A.

Suddenly, everyone stops what they are doing, They all look at the camera. Ross and Styles are looking at the camera. Everyone in the arena is silent. Backstage, Toom is sitting in the Gorilla Position, watching from a television screen.

Suddenly, Samuel L. Jackson appears on the screen. He is reading a book. Suddenly, he notices a camera on him.

Jackson: No, I'm not going to say it.

Back at the arena...

Styles: Say it!

Back at Jackson's...

Jackson: No.

Back at the arena...

Ross: Please?

Back at Jackson's....

Jackson: All right. *clears his throat* I'm tired of these motherf***ing snakes on this motherf***ing plane!

The crowd goes wild. Ross and Styles embrace. Everyone on the plane gives a round of applause. Saxton takes a bow.

Anyway, Saxton gets on top of One and performs mounted punches.

One!
Two!
Three!
Four!
Five!
Six!
Seven!
Uh......

Saxton: Eight, eight!

Eight!
Nine!
Ten!

Marcus moves back and performs a standing moonsault, covering Joe.

1...
2...
No! Joe kicks out.

Saxton feels outraged. He waits for One to come up, and puts him in the fireman's carry! The 187 is coming up!




Only not, as there's no room to turn. Now, if this was Jet Blue, he could have performed the move. So, Saxton turns lemons into lemonade and uses One as a battering ram to the cockpit door.

Chimel: Don't hurt me! I've suffered enough!

Saxton: Oh, that's right.

Marcus decides to turn the fireman's carry into a military press, and shoves Joe back into the cabin. He walks back in, and gets on top of two seats, briding inbetween the aisle. Saxton measures the distance, and goes for a frog splash. One rolls out of the way, and Marcus eats carpet!

Tee-hee.

The two are on the floor. The lone wrestling fan (wearing a 'Book Stamp' t-shirt) counts for knockout.

One!

Both are on the floor.

Two!

Marcus starts to get up.

Three!

Marcus is slumping over an armrest. Joe is still on the floor. Slowly, the two get up and trade punches. Joe gets the advantage in punches and runs to the back. Two men stick their arms up, giving Joe the effect of a rope, as he runs to Marcus and gives him an Airstrip Kiss! Marcus is busted open!

One: (points at two people) You two! Get out of your seats!

The two people oblige and get out of Joe's way. He picks up Marcus and buckles him in the seatbelt (saftey first!). Joe then gets into the seat in front of the one Marcus is situated in. Joe relines his seat all the way back, pinning Saxton!

1...
2...
3...

...yes!

Chimel: Here is your winner, Joe One!

Joe brings his seat to its upright position. He looks to the camera.

One: A good match. A good reason why I was rehired. Merc, if you had the fortified testicles, you'd have faced me like a man. I ended this match with respect for Mr. Saxton, but you....you I have no respect for.

Joe stands up and offers his hand to Marcus. However, he's passed out.

One: You get the point.

[Toom E. Guci]

(A brief highlight package is shown, showing how Great Hugo, Chance Confidence, and Spyke Johannson came together in this match for the Toolshed Title. After that, we cut to the arena, where Great Hugo is already in the ring, just raring to go. “Sweetest Perfection” starts up and Chance Confidence comes out to a chorus of boos. Chance is about to climb in the ring, but Hugo cuts him off, and the two start to fight on the outside! “Galvanize” hits and Spyke Johannson steps on stage, mic in hand.)

Spyke: “You know, I was looking at the card, and noticed our match didn’t have some wacky stipulation. So I prepared ahead of time. Under the ring you will find the weapons we will be using.”

(Hugo and Chance eagerly look under the ring for weapons to hit each other with. But all they find is 12-packs of Pepsi, and several packages of Maruchan Ramen Noodles.)

Spyke: “That’s right! This is the first-ever Product Placement match! All the weapons consist of products brought to you by the fine people sponsoring this Pay-Per-View! Not only that, but this match will have a special guest referee! And what an appropriate referee we have for this match! He was the voice of the old Taco Bell chihuahua, and you can currently see him as Deputy James Garcia on Reno 911, weeknights on Comedy Central, by the way… Ladies and Gentlemen, Carlos Alazraqui!”

Carlos Alazraqui comes out to a positive ovation, with several “Yo Quiero Taco Bell!” chants. Chance looks confused, but before he can realize what’s happening, Hugo bashes Chance over the head with a can of Pepsi. Spyke charges toward the ring, but Hugo hits him with a spinebuster! Hugo rolls both men into the ring and climbs in himself. The bell rings to signal the official start of the match. Hugo goes on the offensive against Chance, laying into him with some large stomps and elbow drops. Spyke sneaks up behind Hugo, but Hugo spins around and hits Spyke with a huge backhand blow! Spyke stumbles and falls to his feet. Hugo goes outside and grabs a chair, which is covered in sticker ads for KFC, Payless Shoes, and Hairy Steve’s Oil Change. Hugo goes to hit Chance, but Chance rolls out of the way, narrowly avoiding the chairshot. Chance gets to his feet, and faces Hugo, but Spyke dropkicks Chance. Chance flies into the chair that Hugo is holding, face-first, which, in turn, hits Hugo in the face. Hugo stumbles out of the ring, and Spyke rolls up a stunned Chance for a pin. Carlos Alazraqui slides into position.

Uno!

Dos!

Chance kicks out at dos. Hugo climbs onto the apron, but Spyke snaps up and hits a standing enziguri! Hugo falls again to the outside. Spyke rolls out of the ring to continue the attack on Hugo, but Hugo hits Spyke with a rolled-up copy of this months issue of EWT Magazine. Just as that happens, Chance grabs the ropes and slingshots himself over and lands on Spyke and Hugo. Chance reaches under the ring and pulls out a fancy clock radio from The Sharper Image, and bashes it over Spyke’s head! Chance picks up Hugo and drags him up to the stage. Chance tries to lift Hugo, but Hugo is too heavy. At this point, J.R. would suggest that perhaps Hugo has been eating too much at the China Max Buffet (off Highway 495!). Hugo instead counters the suplex, and looks to hit one of his own, but slams Chance down forward instead. Spyke is just now getting to his feet. Hugo stomps on Chance a few times, before noticing a stack of Chance Confidence DVD’s on a table. Hugo picks up Chance over his head and is about to toss Chance off the stage and through the table, but Spyke walks up behind Hugo. Hugo turns around and is met by a superkick from Spyke. Hugo stumbles backwards, with Chance falling through the table first, then Hugo landing on him! Spyke takes about 10 steps back, then does a little dance before running full speed off the stage and into a running Dancing Star Press, right onto Hugo and Chance! The crowd starts to chant “Holy S***! Holy S***!” All three men are down and obviously in pain. Doctors from the back come out and start applying Band-Aid brand Band-Aids to the fallen combatants. Spyke is the first to his feet, but goes back behind the curtain, instead of continuing the attack. Hugo is next to his feet and follows Spyke. Spyke is shown getting a quick drink of Gatorade. Hugo chases after Spyke. Spyke runs from Hugo. Chance is shown still lying on the ground. Doctors and EMT’s attend to him, as he may be seriously injured. Meanwhile, Spyke is shown hiding behind a door with Hugo fast approaching. When Hugo gets close, Spyke slams the door in his face. But this act only angers Hugo, who then rips the door clean off the hinge, and tosses it to the side! Hugo kicks a startled Spyke in the gut and hits him in the neck with a nearby can of Maxwell House coffee beans. Hugo shoves Spyke to the ground and attempts a pin.

Uno!

Dos!

Spyke barely kicks out. Hugo picks up Spyke, and brings him over to the Shipping & Receiving area of the arena, where two guys are eating Subway sandwiches standing next to a truck.

Hugo: “Anything useful in the truck?”

Truck Driver #1: “Just a small shipment of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.”

Truck Driver #2: “The ones with fun EWT shapes!”

Spyke (weakly): * randomly shilling * Don't… forget kids... you can also win a day with… a Random EWT Superstar... your choice of Akira Hashimoto… or Zach Storm.

Hugo: “Who?”

Spyke: “Exactly.” (Passes out, doubled over a guardrail near some stairs.)

Hugo approaches Spyke, grabs him by the ankles, and tosses him over the guardrail, sending Spyke 10 feet to the ground below. Suddenly, Chance hits Hugo out of nowhere with a flying shoulder block, but it isn’t enough to knock Hugo down. Hugo gets angry again, and tosses Chance into the back of the Macaroni truck, and shuts the door. The two drivers get in the truck and drive away, all while Chance bangs on the rear cargo bay door of the truck. Hugo approaches Spyke, but Spyke blinds Hugo with one of the cheese packets from the Macaroni and Cheese boxes. Spyke capitalizes and hits a quick SwedeDT! Spyke with the cover!

Uno!

Dos!

Hugo kicks out! He kicked out! Hugo is still blinded by the powdered cheese, and cannot see. Suddenly, the truck can be heard speeding back toward the arena! Chance is driving! Chance nearly hits Hugo, who dodges out of the way just in time! Chance crashes into a wall and bangs his chest against the steering wheel, knocking the wind out of him. Hugo tries to approach the truck but can’t find it, due to his blindness. Spyke shoves him out of the way, and pulls Chance from the truck and goes for a pin!

Uno!

Dos!

Tres!

Truck Driver #1: “Your winner and STILL EWT Toolshed Champion…”

Truck Driver #2: “Spyke Johannson!”

(Spyke grabs the title belt and is helped by a few doctors to the backstage treatment area. Chance and Hugo get treated by doctors on the spot. Hugo is having trouble getting the powdered cheese out of his eye, as when they try to wash it out, it just starts to chunk up and harden. Chance is getting an oxygen mask put on him. The ref for this match, Carlos Alazraqui faces the camera.)

Carlos Alazraqui: “You know, we’ve seen a lot during the course of this match. Carnage, blood, loss of air to the lungs, insane stunts. But if there’s one thing to take away from this match, it’s this… we moved a lot of product tonight. Our quick statistics show that all the products we showed during this match saw an average of a 24% increase in sales over the past 15 minutes. You may ask, “But Carlos, how is it possible that you can get sales figures like that so quickly?” All I can say in response to that is, “YO QUIERO TACO BELL!”

(Carlos Alazraqui takes a bite of a chalupa and walks off camera. Fade to next segment.)

The camera pans around the audience, suddenly zooming in as Hank Smith and the IWN walk into through the crowd, to a pretty confused crowd. Hank is carrying two huge tubs of popcorn... while his boys are carrying three more, plus three drinks between them. Smith sits his fat ass down in one of the chairs, almost breaking it as the crowd boos, Dinner, OOOO, and GH all sitting next to him, right in front of the ring area. The security walks over to check them out, but Smith proudly waves a foursome of tickets in his face, then shooing him away. He takes a sharpie and writes on a piece of Posterboard " Toomi fears the IWN " waving it around to the crowds anger.

Styles: What the hell is that fat pig doing here?!

Jim Ross: Well Joey, appears that he's got him a ticket. Not much we can really do I guess.

Styles: True... but still... damn that fat load pisses me off.

[Toom E. Guci]

Smith is seen having polished off all four buckets of popcorn as he looks to his boys, who nod. They then proceed to step over the guard rail and head into the ring! The crowd boos as they do so, Smith rolling his fat self inside as he slowly rises to his feet, snatching the announcer's microphone as he looks around the arena.

Smith: Well well well... hey Toomi, guess what? I'm in your ring! Let's see your... confounded security take me away this time!

Security starts to advance towards the ring, only for Smith to pull out a whistle and blow. Suddenly, the APA pop out from under the ring, growling and looking all menacing, blocking anyone from getting inside the ring. The crowd boos as Smith laughs and sticks his tongue out mockingly.

Smith: Man... it's great what you can do with a few years worth of Pay Pal Donations.. Now then, where was I... oh yeah, Toomi... I ain't leaving this blasted ring until you give each and everyone one of us a contract! You see... we've been here for about a month, with no success... and true, every time we've tried, you're blasted security has foiled us. However, this time... we've got you now! There's no way you are gonna kick our butts out the arena this time... thanks to my security force here.

The camera shows the APA... who just shrug. OOOO grabs the microphone next.

OOOO: Youuuuuuuuu willllllllllll listennnnnnnnnn toooooooooooo usssssssssssss no...

GH smacks Quadruple O in the back of the head.

OOOO: Oh thanks... I needed that. Like I was saying... You will listen to us! Like our leader said, we came to the EWT for a contract and damn it, we are going to get one!!!

GH grabs the microphone now and talks in his awful squeaky high pitched voice.

GH: Don't make come back there and beat you up! Cause we will do it... well, I'll probably have to do it.

Dinner finally grabs the microphone and strikes a pose.

Dinner: Yo homie... don't be hating
Let's get this over with, I wanna start negotiating!
We've been waiting for awhile, that's a fact.
And once you let us in the ring, we guarantee Impact!

The crowd boos as Jim starts beatboxing into the mike, then does a horrible poser dance, only to get smacked in the head by GH, as Smith takes the microphone back.

Smith: Well then... what's it gonna be Toomi... what's it gonna...

Just then, Smith and the IWN all get tackled behind by four security guards, who have finally figured out they could just enter the ring from behind. The foursome gets dragged away, kicking and screaming as we pan to the right, where the APA is standing there, not noticing at all. They eventually turn around, noticing the sight and shrug, walking off and heading over to the IWN's old seats, sitting down and reaching into their pockets, pulling out some beers and drinking em down as the camera cuts back to a Sweaty out of breath Hank Smith being dragged up the rampway. The crowd cheers quite loudly at this.

Styles: Thank you EWT Security. Where we would be without those guys?

JR: Probably buried up to our necks in angry internet smarks.

And with that, we return to the action.

[Toom E. Guci]

the caging above the ring slowly lowers itself over the ring. As it hits the ground, “High Voltage” hits and the crowd erupts as Mike Ragnal enters the arena, slapping hands with the crowd as he makes his way into the cell. Mike climbs the ropes and raises his arms up high, and his music fades into “Sexy Guy” As Bret Michaels, Tri-State title around his waist, and Cherry make their way to the ring. As they walk down the ramp, Bret heads in and Cherry stays outside the cage. Inside, Bret takes off the strap and poses for the crowd, much to their chagrin. With both opponents inside, one of the refs locks the cage door. Bret hands the title to the ref, who holds it up to the crowd.*

LILLIAN: This contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the EWT Tri-State Championship! Introducing first…from “The Electric City” of Scranton, PA…he is the former EWT Tri-State Champion…the Master of Elemental Disaster…Mike!...RAGNAAAAL!

*The crowd pops as Mike raises a fist up to acknowledge them.*

LILLIAN: And his opponent…from Calgary………Alberta, Canada…he is the current EWT Tri-State champion…The Heartbreak Hitman…Bret! MICHAELS!!

*Bret poses again for the fans, and they continue to boo him mercilessly. The ref rings the bell, and the match is underway.*

*Mike and Bret circle the center of the ring a few times, and eventually lock up. Mike wins the lock-up by kicking Bret in the gut and tossing him with an arm drag. Bret stands up, and Mike dropkicks him into the corner. Mike goes under Bret and lifts him onto his shoulders, and brings him down with an Electric Chair Drop. Mike stands up and runs to the ropes, and leps up for a body splash, but Bret rolls out of the way, and Mike eats canvas. As Mike stands up, Bret throws a few light punches to the face, then knocks him down with a clothesline. Bret goes to pin.*

1!

*And that’s all he gets as Mike gets his shoulder up. Bret grabs Mike’s head and snapmares Mike over his shoulder, then delivers a SWIFT kick to his back! While Mike grabs his back, Bret picks him up and hits him with a Russian Leg Sweep. Bret goes to pin.*

1!
2!

*Mike kicks out. Bret picks Mike up and drops a few elbows to the back of his head, then goes to whip him into the ropes. Mike reverses and whips Bret into the ropes, and clotheslines him outside the ring. As Bret gets to his feet, Mike runs to the opposite side of the ropes, bounces off them, leaps over the ropes, and hits a CROSSBODY TO BRET! Mike and Bret take their time to get up, and they continue the match by trading fists back and forth. Bret break this cycle, however, as he punches Mike several times and TOSSES HIM FACEFIRST INTO THE CELL! With Mike’s back to him, Bret orders Cherry to grab hold of Mike’s arms, and she pulls them through the cell’s fencing, as Bret tackles his shoulder into Mike’s back! Mike yells in pain as his stomach is rammed repeatedly into the Cell’s fencing. Eventually, Bret stops and tells Cherry to let go, as he grabs Mike by the head, and slams it into the ring’s apron! Bret rolls Mike back into the ring, and drops an elbow on him. Bret goes to pin.*

1!
2!

*Mike kicks out. Bret picks Mike up and whips him into the ropes. Mike rolls over the top rope and grabs it, climbing onto the apron. Bret charges Mike, but Mike catches him and headbutts him in the midsection, sending Bret staggering back. Mike springboards off the ropes, grabs the cage’s roof, swings off, and DROPKICKS BRET TO THE OUTSIDE OF THE RING! With Bret lying on the ground outside, Mike gets a huge pop, and he raises his fist. He runs to the ropes behind him, leaps over the ropes in front of him towards Bret, and nails a SPINNING SENTON! Both men are lying outside the ring, slowly getting to their feet. Once more, they start to trade punches with one another, until Cherry grabs Mike’s fist from outside the cage, allowing Bret to punch Mike’s gut several times. Mike eventually comes back with a boot to the face, and kicks the cage into Cherry, knocking her back and freeing his hand. Mike kicks Bret in the gut, and hits a GUTWRENCH DDT to the floor! Mike goes to pin.*

1!
2!

*Bret kicks out. Mike picks Bret up and whips him into the ringpost, then SLAMS HIS HEAD INTO IT! Mike looks under the ring, looking for a weapon, and he pulls out two items-a sledgehammer, and a steel chair. Mike leaves the sledgehammer behind, and brings the steel chair over to Bret. With bret still holding onto the post, Mike swings the chair and…BRET DUCKS! MIKE SMACKS THE CHAIR AGAINST THE POST! Bret takes advantage of this by KICKING THE CHAIR INTO MIKE’S FACE, then hitting a Russian Legsweep to the ground. Bret looks for the pin.*

1!
2!

*And so it’s not meant to be, as Mike gets his shoulder up. Bret looks on in disbelief, thinking he may lose this. Bret picks Mike up and whips him into the cell. Bret grabs Mike by the head and RAKES HIS HEAD AGAINST THE CELL! Mike cries out in sheering pain as his skin gets scraped off his forehead, blood gushing down his face! Bret grabs the chair, and SLAMS IT INTO MIKE’S BACK! Bret grabs Mike and throws him back into the ring. Bret climbs to the top rope, and as the fans boo him on, he signs for the fans to “stick it”, and leaps off with a FLYING ELBOWDROP! Bret goes to pin.*

1!
2!

NO!

*Mike raises his shoulder up with force! Bret throws his hands over his face, still in disbelief! With everything else done, he goes to a corner with one last attempt: He stomps his foot down on the canvas. Knowing where this is going, the fans boo Bret like crazy, as the stomping speeds up as Mike gets to his feet. When Mike finally stands up, he turns around, and Bret raises his boot for SWEET CHIN-NO! MIKE DUCKS UNDER! MIKE HITS BRET WITH AN ENZIGURI! BOTH MEN ARE NOW DOWN ON THE CANVAS! The ref begins to count!*

1…

2…

3…

4…

5…

6…

7…

8…

*Mike and Bret are both back onto their feet, with Mike wiping the blood away from his eyes. Bret and Mike stare down one another, Mike trying to stand his ground. They both walk to the center of the ring, and the lock up. Mike is able to push Bret back into the ropes, but Bret pushes him back into the opposite side. Mike pushes Bret back again, puts him in a side headlock, and nails the DUDLEY DOG! Mike goes to pin!

1!
2!

NO!

*Bret gets his shoulder up! Mike wipes away more of the blood off his face, then picks Bret up. He grabs him by the head, and tosses him back to outside the ring. Mike rolls out, and stands far away from Bret. Licking the blood off his lips, he squats down, waiting for bret to get to his feet. Finally standing, Bret turns around…AND MIKE SPEARS HIM AGAINST THE CAGE! Mike gets back on his feet, looking at Bret, resting his upper back against the cage. Mike grabs the sledgehammer he picked up earlier, and SMASHES IT INTO BRET’S FACE! Mike lifts the hammer up, and HITS HIM AGAIN! Bret’s forehead is now crimson red, and Mike is standing over him with a satisfied look on his face. Rather than going to pin Bret, Mike heads for the door. He stares at the lock around the door, then looks at the sledgehammer in his hands. A large smile grows on Mike’s face, and he prepares the sledgehammer. He swings the hammer, and hits the chain! He swings again…AND THE CHAIN BREAKS! Mike kicks the door open, and drags the body of Bret along with him. For safety’s sake, Mike lands a standing moonsault to Bret, then stands back up. Mike begins to climb the cage. Cherry goes to where Mike is and grabs his leg, but Mike is able to kick her off. Only halfway up the cage, Mike leaps off, in hopes of a legdrop, but BRET ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY! MIKE’S LEGS HIT THE GROUND HARD! Mike grabs his legs in horrendous pain, while Bret tries to get to his feet, using the cage for leverage. Shortly after standing up, Bret takes a moment to catch his breath. Shortly, he turns to Mike, and picks him up. Bret throws a few stiff punches into Mike’s face, then goes to slam his head into the cage…Mike blocks with his foot to the cage. Bret tries again…no good. Bret tries for another one…Mike blocks, and elbows Bret in the gut. Bret releases Mike head, and Mike TOSSES BRET INTO THE CAGE! Mike throws Bret back down to the ground, and he begins to climb up the cage. Cherry tries to get Bret back to his feet, informing him Mike’s climbing back up the cage. Bret soon regains himself, and Cherry helps him climb. Mike is already on top of the cage, on his knees regaining his breath. He looks behind him, seeing Bret climbing up the cage. Mike gets to his feet, and yells to Bret, signaling for him to “bring it”. Bret gets to the top of the cage, and the match really begins to take off.*

*Bret and Mike trade fists once more, Bret gaining the upperhand in a matter of seconds. Bret grabs Mike’s head and hits him with a facebuster! Mike staggers backwards, and Bret tries for SWEET CHIN MUZAK…MIKE DUCKS UNDER IT! Mike kicks Bret in the gut, and nails a GUTWRENCH SUPLEX ONTO THE CAGE! Mike goes to pin!*

1!
2!
3…NO!

*Bret gets his shoulder up! Mike is staring down at Bret with disbelief! In a desperate attempt, Mike hoists Bret onto his shoulders for the Ragnalrok…THE CAGE GIVES IN! Mike and Bret fall through the cage, but Mike is able to shift his weight to his upper body and hit a REVERSE BACK BODY DROP! However, it’s not enough to save Mike, as he feels the impact of falling through the cage as well. Both men are lying on the floor…until Bret crawls over to the nearest corner, using them to help him back to his feet. As he stands up, he looks over at Mike, who’s still getting to his feet. He stomps his foot on the canvas, eventually speeding it up. As Mike finally gets to his feet, he stumbles around slightly, then turns to face Bret. Bret comes at him with SWEET CHIN MUZAK…MIKE DUCKS UNDER IT AGAIN! MIKE HOISTS BRET ON FOR THE RAGNALROK! RAGNALROK CONNECTS! MIKE GOES TO PIN!*

1!

2!

3!

DING! DING! DING!

LILLIAN: Here is your winner…and the NEW….EWT Tri-State Champion…MIKE! RAAAAGNAAAAL!

*Still lying on top of Bret, the ref hands Mike the Tri-State championship. Mike slowly gets to his feet, soon realizing what just happened. He looks at the title belt, then goes to the ropes. He climbs atop one of the turnbuckles, and holds the belt up high for the fans to see. He then rolls out of the ring, and out of the cell, as the EMTs and refs go down to the ring to check on Bret. Mike stands at the top of the ramp, blood still trickling from his forehead, and raises the belt high for the crowd to see before he heads to the back.*

[Toom E. Guci]

*We now cut to a backyard, where Mystery is already sitting in the ring. In her hands is a Raggedy Annie doll, as she’s rocking back & forth. *

Announcer: This next contest is the Backyard Match. In the ring first is the Femme Fatale, Mystery. And her opponent at this time…

* Just then, Dr. Vivian Anemone comes walking out the backdoor, anger in her face.*

Dr. V: This ends now Mystery. You & me.

Mystery: Welcome home mommy.

* Mystery drops Raggedy Annie & gets to her feet, as Dr. V rushes into the ring. The 2 start throwing punches, as Dr. V gets the upperhand. Dr. V grabs Mystery & throws her into the ropes, hitting a Hurricanarama. Dr. V gets to her feet, where she hits a baseball slide dropkick, sending Mystery out of the ring. Dr. V gets to the top rope, where she leaps off the ropes with a double axe handle to Mystery. Dr. V lifts up Mystery & goes to throw her towards the ring, but Mystery reverses it, sending Dr. V into a tree. Mystery charges at Dr. V, but V drops down with a drop toehold, smashing Mystery into the tree, face first. V picks up Mystery & goes to run her into the tree, but Mystery nails a knee to the midsection & applies a mandible claw to her. V muster the strength to break free by shoving Mystery back into the tree. V picks up Mystery & bodyslams her on the hard ground. V then goes for a cover, but Mystery manages a kick out. Mystery gets to her feet, where she starts throwing punches at V. As the 2 are trading blows, Mystery low blow kicks V & grabs her head. Mystery throws V & she flies through the screen door into the house. Mystery follows her into the kitchen, where she looks around. Mystery grabs a kitchen chair & smashes it over V’s head. Mystery hip tosses V onto the kitchen table & starts throwing punches at her face. Mystery climbs on the table & goes for a cover. The kitchen table breaks the pin, as it breaks under them.*

* Mystery gets to her feet first, where she grabs V by the hair & yanks her up. She flings V into the refrigerator. Mystery runs at V & nails a knee lift to the chest of V. Mystery then throws V through a doorway into the living room. Mystery runs at V & both flip over the couch when V nails her with a clothesline. Mystery goes for a cover, but V manages a shoulder up. Mystery gets to her feet & climbs onto the couch. Mystery leaps off the couch with an elbow drop on V. Mystery pulls V up by the hair & throws her into the front door. Mystery then heads over, where she opens the front door. Mystery throws V through another screen door. Mystery heads back into the house, but comes walking out with a shower rod. Mystery starts beating V on the back with the shower rod, bending it. Mystery kicks over V & goes for a cover. V still barely manages a kick out. Mystery grabs V & sets her up with a double hook DDT, but V manages to get a backflip out of it. V staggers to stay on her feet, when she grabs the show rod. V takes a swing like a baseball bat, nailing Mystery in the arm. This breaks the shower rod. V grabs Mystery as she staggers & nails a German Suplex on the hard ground. V then gets to her feet, where she grabs Mystery’s legs & applies a Figure 4 Leglock. Mystery starts screaming in pain but refuses to give up. V rolls with the Figure Four, where she finds a stick on the ground. V picks up the stick & bashes Mystery in the head with it. V finally releases the hold & jumps on Mystery. She starts using the stick & gashing at Mystery with it in the forehead. This opens up a wound on Mystery, bringing some blood. V tosses the stick aside & lifts up Mystery by the hair. V rips off Mystery’s mask & throws it to the ground. V starts yelling in the bloody face of Mystery & then throws her into a cement wall. V then grabs Mystery’s face & smashes it so hard into the wall that Mystery bleeds even more. Mystery collapses to the ground, where V covers her as the referee counts 1-2-3, scoring the victory to Dr. Vivian Anemone. Dr. Vivian stands above a bloody, battered, & broken Mystery with her hands held high, & a smile on her face, as we cut back to ringside.*

[Toom E. Guci]

A shot of the crowd is shown while JR and Styles talk about the show so far.

*

JR: "Well folks, it's been one heck of a ride here tonight. We've seen a Hell in a Cell match for the Tri-State title. We've seen a Wrestlers in a Plane match, that was interesting, and we still got a 2 out of 3 falls ladder match between Maelstrom and the EWT World Champion, Spaz.

Styles: "That's right JR, the action is hot tonight and it's about to get even-- W-Wait a second..."

*

The camera stops panning the audience and stops on two individuals in the crowd, going to person-to-person trying to get their petitions signed.

*

JR: "W-Why, that's Maxx Awesome and Erik Majors! BK3K! What in hell are they doing here!?"

Styles: "Look like they're still working on that petition of Ratings for #1 contender of the world title."

JR: "Petition, gimmie a break. It didn't work for Carlito and it won't work for Ratings or the Elite..."

: "STOP THE SHOW!!!"

(JR and Styles look around confused)

JR: "What in hell... now what?"

: "STOP THE SHOW... NOW!!! CUT TRANSMISSION! CAMERAS TO BLACK!"

*

The camera finally spots the person shouting. Its none other than JEROME "THE LORD" EAST, microphone in one hand and a half empty bottle of Jack in the other. He staggers in a druken haze towards the barricade, with an embarrassed NICK RUSS following him.

*

JR: "Oh for goodness sake..."

Styles: "What in the world..."

Jerome: "This show can't go on ANY LONGER!! NOT WITHOUT THE GREATEST AVERAGE WRESTLER to ever wear a headset: ME! Jerome "The East" Lord! Or "The Lord" East, whatever makes more sense to ya..."

Nick Russ tries to take the mic from Jerome.

Nick: "Mr. Dangerously, this man and his views do not represent mine or..."

Jerome pushes him aside.

Jerome: "SHAD'UP YA pencil-neck b****! Yer stealin' my heat... Just like my third wife stole my car, my house and my mistress. WHY OH WHY DO ALL THE WOMEN I MARRY TURN INTO LESBIANS!?"

(the crowd laughs)

Jerome: "Forget that. I'm not here fer that. I'm here fer my job, my reshpect and my pride!"

Jerome tries to hop over the barricade, but trips and lands face first. The crowd laughs again as he scatters to his feet with the remaining contents of his bottle of Jack Daniels and microphone.

Jerome: "I'm okay... I'm A-O-K."

Jerome struts reeking of alcohol towards the broadcast table, staring at JR and Styles; Nick Russ follows being extremely apologetic towards the two.

Jerome: "Well, if it ain't the big shots from up north! Ya come here, ya wear my headset, ya take my parking spot, ya take everything from me!"

Nick tries to take the mic from Jerome again.

Nick: "Jerome, come on, you're going to get us both fired..."

Jerome scares off his colleague with a druken war cry. He stares at him, oblivious of his actions, before turning back to JR and Styles.

Jerome: "Let me tell you two sumthin'. Juz because Toom E. likes you more than me (drunken whimper) doesn't mean you can walk in here and take MY SPOT!"

He points at JR.

Jerome: "YOU! Cowboy... yeah, SOONER BOOMERS fan... this isn't Stanford and your BBQ sauce makes HORRIBLE TOOTHPASTE!!!"

He then points at Styles.

Jerome: "And YOU! Style 'n' profilin' guy. This ain't EC-Dud. Ya know what... I-I'll tell you what, I'll make things feel more at home for ya... listen to this, ya listening... listen: H 28! BINGO!!!"

He laughs as he takes a swig from his liquor. He then notices that EWT security has come down to the ring from the back and have circled him.

Jerome: (looking around at the guards) "Well, lookie here. E-Dubya-T's finest men in uniforms. Ya all think ya can take on ME! I'll fight ALL of ya... TO THE DEATH!!!!!!"

Jerome tosses the mic and bottle aside and puts up his fists like a 1890s boxer. He swings his fists wildly until he strikes the ring post. He lets out a drunken scream of pain and is then tackled into the barricade by a security guard. The guards restrain him and lift him to his feet, just as Jerome vomits all over himself. Nick picks up the microphone and addresses the crowd while the guards take Jerome over the barricade and carry him out of the arena.

Nick: "My apologies JR and Styles. Sorry everyone, please enjoy the rest of the show and see you next week... I hope."

He sets the mic down onto the broadcast table and follows the guards escorting Jerome to the exit.

JR and Styles exchange looks.

JR: "Not much different than Stamford."

Styles: "No, not really. Well, it looks like it is time for the next match."

[Toom E. Guci]

"Violence Fetish" by Disturbed plays and the crowd errupts in excitement. Their cheers grow louder once Joe Ragnal steps out onto the stage, wearing his usual orange shirt w/ white stripe and blue jeans, along with his sunglasses and green jean vest. He encourages the rowdy crowd to cheer louder as he slaps hands heading towards the ring , where Toni "The Garc" Garcya is about to make the introductions for the next match.

*

Garcya: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 20 minute time limit. Introducing first, from Scranton, Pennsylvania; weighing 234 pounds... He is the "Innovator of FUN" JOE RAG~NAL!"

Joe Ragnal enters the ring and poses on the top turnbuckle. He then discards his entrance attire and waits eagerly for his opponent, intensity buring in his eyes.

Just as "Violence Fetish" fades to silence, "Keep on Liftin'" by DJ Nagureo kicks in, causing the crowd to boo loudly as if on cue. Sure enough, their hatred grow worse once Ratings wearing his wrestling attire (design #2, color scheme #1; see bio for details) and entrance gear. He does his usual entrance bit (kisses his index fingers and points to the sides, cuing fountains to shoot up. Though this time, cherry blossom pedals fall from the rafters and onto the stage. With his cocky smirk, Ratings heads towards the ring.

*

Garcya: "His opponent: representing the Elite; from Palm Springs, California; weighing 221 pounds... RA~TINGS!"

JR: "Well, lets give some background on this match. A couple of weeks ago, Toom E Dangerously booked a match between Mike and Joe Ragnal versus the Heartbreak Hitman Brett Michaels and a partner of his choice for the EWT Tri-State title. That partner turned out to be Ratings. During the match Joe accidently hit Mike and Brett capitalized, regaining the Tri-State title. Later on, Ratings got into Joe's head, saying that he's nothing but a screw-up, even going as far as saying that he is purposely costing Mike his matches. That triggered a fuse inside Joe and here we are tonight."

Styles: "Don't forget JR that Ratings also insulted Joe as a competitor as well. He has shown nothing but disrespect towards the man."

Ratings stops before the ring, pointing at Joe Ragnal and chuckling. He turns to the crowd and point's out what he finds funny, but when he turns around, Joe surprises him with a suicide dive between the top and middle rope, knocking Ratings down on his back.

JR: "OH! And It looks like Joe has waited long enough to get his hands on Ratings!"

The crowd roars in approval as Joe begins feeding Ratings with rights to the skull. He takes off Ratings' designer sunglasses and tosses them into the crowd."

Styles: "And there goes Ratings' $2500 dollar designer sunglasses--or which he would like you to believe."

Joe grabs Ratings by the hair and drags him to his feet, smashing him face first into the steel steps. He pulls off Ratings silk kimono and tosses that into the crowd as well. Joe continues to follow up on his assault, punching Ratings repeadily in the forehead. He slides Ratings into the ring, who crawls himself into the ring corner to recover. Joe however, is quick to capitalize on the situation at hand. He follows Ratings and begins stomping him. After seconds of putting the boots to his opponent, Joe lets out an energized war cry, electing some excitement from the fans.

Styles: "And Joe Ragnal is fired up tonight. No doubt over the comments Ratings said about him earlier. He practically insulted his career."

JR: "Well, Ratings must not have picked up an EWT history book and read Joe Ragnal's accomplishments. 2-time EWT tag team champion, former EWT Toolshed champion and he has been involved in some classic battles in this promotion's past."

Joe drags Ratings up to his feet and hits him with some chops to the chest, causing the crowd to go "WHOO!" as each chop strikes. Afterwards, he Irish whips him across the into another ring corner. Joe charges forward and goes for a monkey flip, Ratings does a full flip in the air and lands on his face a la Johnny Nitro. As Ratings stands up holding his face, Joe climbs to the top turnbuckle, waiting for his opponent to turn and face him. Once Ratings does, Joe goes airborne and catches Ratings with a cross body. The ref gets down to count the pin for a possible quick victory for Joe Ragnal.

1...

Ratings kicks out just before the ref's hand hits the canvas for a second time. Joe is quick to resume his attack, hitting Ratings with more shots to the skull. The ref intervenes and orders a clean break. After Joe lets up, Ratings regains his himself and charges towards Ragnal. Before he can strike, however, Joe sidesteps and sends Ratings to outside. Just as Ratings is finished shaking off the daze from the counter, he turns around just in time for Joe Ragnal to take flight again, as he springboards off the top rope to outside of the ring and hits Ratings with a seated senton. The crowd begin to chant "holy s***" while both men recover from the attack; Joe being the first to get to his feet. He sends Ratings back into the ring and climbs up to the ring apron. He springboards himself off the top rope for a second time, this time hitting Ratings with a guillotine legdrop. Joe quickly follows up with a pin attempt.

1... 2..

Ratings gets his shoulder up. Joe forces his stunned opponent up to his feet and smashes his face into the top turnbuckle of the bottom left ring post. With Ratings' back against the turnbuckles, Joe climbs to the second rope and begins doing the 10-punch bit. The crowd counts for each punch that strikes the heel's forehead. Before Joe can punch him a tenth time, the ref tells him to break. With Joe's attention now directed towards the referee, Ratings' seizes this opportunity to counter on this distraction. He grabs Joe by the top of his jeans and dumps him out of the ring, causing Joe to hit the thick matted ground back-first. The audience gasps from the sick sound of the fall and grow concern as Joe lays motionless. After catching his breath, Ratings slides out of the ring and goes right after Ragnal. While the crowd breathes a sigh of relief after seeing Joe move and attempt to stand on his own, they are soon disgusted as Ratings kicks his rising opponent in the ribs. Ratings drags Joe up to his feet and whips him into the steel stairs, hitting the object shoulder first. Afterwards, Ratings slides Ragnal back into the ring, climbs to the ring apron and nails a stalling slingshot elbow on Joe. Ratings goes for the pin, hooking the leg as well.

1... 2...

Joe is able to kick out. Ratings begins to blatantly choke Joe Ragnal. The crowd boos as Ratings continues this illegal maneuver while the ref counts to five. Having no desire to disqualified, Ratings breaks the hold at the count of 4. He glares at the ref while Joe struggles to stand. Ratings drives his elbow to the back of Joe's head and follows up by grabbing Joe's trademark shirt and pulling it over his head, blinding his opponent. Ratings begins to knee and punch Ragnal in the head until the ref breaks the two apart. With the stunned Ragnal brother on his knees, Ratings charges forward and hits him with a front dropkick to the face. Ratings goes for another cover.

1... 2...

Joe kicks out again. After some stiff forearm shots to his opponent's temple, Ratings rolls Joe over on his stomach and applies the camel clutch. The obvious pain Joe is experiencing is ever so visible on his face. Still, the man shows no signs of giving up as he begins to inch his way to the ring ropes for a rope break from the submission hold. The crowd cheers for him, encouraging him to get the ropes. But before he can get any closer, Ratings breaks the hold and knocks Joe into a daze with a forearm to the face. With Joe still on his stomach, Ratings firmly places his hands on his opponent's shoulder blades. In a amazing show of balance and ability, he performs a handstand on his opponent. After about 5-7 seconds, Ratings comes back down, driving his knees into the Joe Ragnal's spine. The force and impact the move has causes Joe to scream in pain, even as Ratings rolls him over for another pin attempt.

1... 2...

Still, Joe shows no quit, kicking out for a third time. Believing that it was a slow count, Ratings begins to argue with the referee, buying Joe some time to recover. Giving the ref another icy glare, Ratings goes back to work on Joe, but he is immediately surprised by a right hand to the stomach from Ragnal. Ratings punches him in the skull, and Joe retaliates with a punch to the face of his own. Followed by another, and another and it is not long before the sudden rejuvenated has forced Ratings into a ring corner, feeding him rights and lefts like a wild man. Joe goes for an Irish whip, but Ratings counters with one of his own. Just before Joe hits the turnbuckles, he tries to leapfrog over the charging Ratings. Unfortunately, Ratings was prepared for such a maneuver and he catches Joe over his shoulder. He maintains the position momentarly before following it up with the Rodeo Driver (Emerald Fusion/Frosion/Flowsion). Ratings covers Joe again for a pin.

1... 2...

NO! Joe gets his shoulder up. Ratings runs his hand through his medium lenght hair, complete frustration shown on his face. He raises Joe to his kness and punches him a couple of times in the face. Feeling that his opponent is stunned enough, Ratings turns around and heads for the ropes. He jumps to the second ropes, springboards himself off turning in mid-air, and prepares to hit Joe with a clothesline. However, Joe surprises Ratings and everyone as he stands up and goes for a clothesline of his own. The two collide, sending both of them down with their backs against the canvas. Both men motionless for a few seconds until they slowy start to stand. They begin trading shots, with Joe seemingly gaining the upperhand until an eyerack by Ratings changes that. The cheap trick sends Joe reeling backwards to the ropes. Ratings pursues and whips Joe across the ring. He goes for a clothesline, but Joe ducks and counters with a leaping forearm shot to the skull. Ratings quickly gets back up to his feet, but is knocked down again with a back body drop from Ragnal. Ratings shoots up again, favoring his back. Joe tries to kick him in the stomach, but Ratings catches the boot; though before he can do anything, Joe hits him with the enziguri, sending Ratings face first to the canvas. Joe heads to the closest ring corner and hits a split-legged moonsault. He rolls Ratings onto his back and covers him for the pin.

1... 2...

NO! Ratings kicks out before the three. Much like his opponent before him, Joe shakes his head, weary and frustrated. Ratings, meanwhile, is busy trying to pull himself up to his feet at the bottom left ring corner. Both men stand almost at the same time and as soon as Ratings notices Joe coming towards him, he holds onto the ring ropes and demands a clean break from the ref. The ref steps in between the two and holds the eager Joe back. While the two argue, Ratings takes this opportunity to remove the top turnbuckle padding, exposing the steel bolt. Having heard enough of the ref, Joe pushes him aside, only to be shoulder tackled by Ratings into the top right ring corner. After a couple of shoulder thrusts, Ratings goes for an Irish whip, sending Joe into the unpadded ring corner. However, Joe reverses it with an Irish whip of his own. Before Ratings can hit the turnbuckles, he steps on the brakes. Breathing a sigh of relief, he turns around to see Joe Ragnal waiting for him. After a boot to the stomach, Joe locks in a three-quarters facelock runs up the turnbuckles while still holding onto Ratings and hits the Windfall (see Ragnal's bio for move details).

JR: "THERE IT IS! THE WINDFALL! THE WINDFALL! RATINGS IS OUT COLD!"

Styles: "Joe Ragnal is three seconds away from victory!"

Sure enough, Joe goes for the pin by covering the unconscious Ratings. He waits for the ref to count the pin... and waits... and waits... and waits, but still, the ref hasn't counted the pin yet. Joe looks up and sees the reason why. The ref is being distracted by someone standing on the ring apron, offering him to sign the petition.

JR: "Wait a damn minute! That's Maxx Awesome! Mike Awesome may have just cost Joe Ragnal the match!"

Styles: "Looks like he's trying to get the ref to sign that petition."

JR: "My ass. He's just tryin' to buy Ratings some time, that's what he's doing!"

Furious at the interference, Joe stands up, charges towards Maxx and knocks him off the apron with a forearm to the face. With Maxx laid out, holding his head; Joe looks down at Ratings and then to the cheering crowd. He nods to them and climbs to the top turnbuckle of the top left ring corner. Before he can take flight, however, he notices someone on the ring apron charging towards him. As the person approaches, Joe thrusts his foot towards the individual, kicking him in the face and knocking him off the apron. He looks down at who it is...

JR: (noticing the person's identity) "Dammit, that's Erik Majors. Another one of Ratings' running buddies!"

Styles: "By Ragnal has taken out both members of BK3K! All that remains is putting Ratings away for good!"

Joe turns his attention back to the motionless Ratings. He takes a deep breath and leaps off the top rope, going for the Cloudbreaker (5-star frog splash). But while airborne, Ratings rolls out of the way, causing Joe to hit the canvas hard stomach first. Joe rolls around on the ground, holding his ribs. He slowly gets up to his feet, turns around and sees Ratings charging towards him. Before he can even think up a counter, Ratings hits with the Finale (running STO). Ratings covers Joe for the possible pin.

1... 2... 3!!! (bell rings)

"Keep On Liftin'" begins to play as the crowd boos over the end result of the match.

Garcya: "Here's your winner... RATINGS!!!"

JR: "I don't believe this! Joe Ragnal had this match won and if it weren't for Erik Majors and Maxx Awesome, it would be his arm getting raised by the referee and not this spoiled son of a b****, Ratings!"

Maxx Awesome & Erik Majors enter the ring and scare the ref away, allowing them to raise Ratings' hands in victory. The three men who make up the Elite shake each others' hands and high five while Joe Ragnal tries to get back to his feet. Ratings notices this and with a sick grin on his face, orders BK3K to attack. The duo charge towards Joe Ragnal and begin assaulting him viciously.

Styles: "Oh COME ON! THAT'S ENOUGH!"

JR: "DAMMIT THE MATCH IS OVER!! LEAVE HIM ALONE! CAN WE GET SOME HELP OUT HERE! END THIS MADNESS ALREADY!!"

Ratings looks on with a smile as Maxx & Erik continue to put the boots to Joe Ragnal. Moments later, Ratings calls off the beating and tells his associates to hold Joe up. BK3K obliges and hold the beaten Joe up by the arms. Ratings gets close to Joe, as does the cameraman in the ring, allowing viewers at home to listen in on what he's saying.

Ratings: "Where's your brother, Joseph!? Huh!? Where's Michael!? He should've been here by now! Where's Michael, huh Joseph!? He's doesn't give a damn about you, you pathetic little b****!"

With that said Ratings slaps Joe right across the face. The trio proceed to stomp the fallen athlete. The stunned crowd suddenly starts to cheer as Mike Ragnal hurries down to the ring. Just as he slides in, the Elite withdraw. Mike checks on Joe, then turns to the Elite, who slowly make their way to the back, calling on Mike and laughing at what they just did. Mike trash talks them from the ring and once the trio have passed the curtain, Mike turns around to check on his brother. However, Joe is already up on his feet. The crowd is shocked when they see rather thank his brother, Joe gives him a hard shove.

Joe: "WHERE WERE YOU!? WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU!?"

Mike: "What's your problem? I'm sorry, I came down as soon as I could!"

Joe: "Three on one, Mike! 3-on-1!!!"

Mike: "Joe, I'm sorry! You're my brother, man."

Mike extends his hand towards his brother, but Joe will have none of it. He turns the other cheek, gets out of the ring and heads to the back. Mike is left standing alone in the ring, distraught over his brother's behaviour.

[Toom E. Guci]

*We fade in to Lillian Garcia in the ring with Ultimo Chocula*

*"Go!!!" by FLOW begins to play as Maito Gai and Rock Lee come from behind the curtain.*

Lillian: And his opponent, from Konoha, he is the reigning Ox Division champion being accompanied to the ring by his sensei, Maito Gai, Rock Lee!

JR: This is an impressive young man with great potential here in the EWT.

Styles: He is already the Ox Division champion!

Lee and Ultimo circle each other. The ref rings the bell. Ultimo goes to lock up with Lee, but Lee ducks under and hits Ultimo with a spinning thrust kick when he turns around. Lee grabs Ultimo and whips him into the ropes. Lee charges and hits Ultimo with a Konoha Senpuu. Lee backs off and goes to hit Ultimo with a shining wizard, but Ultimo blocks it. Ultimo catches his foot and lifts Lee up by his legs. Ultimo gives Lee a wheelbarrow facebuster. Ultimo picks Lee up and gives him a snap suplex. Ultimo feels the momentum and whips Lee into the ropes. Ultimo charges at Lee and hits Lee with a big flashback, slaming his head into the mat. Ultimo bounces off the ropes again, but Lee kips up. Lee jumps so high that he catches Ultimo in a hurricanrana position and turns it into a kip up dragoncarana! Lee goes for a pin.

JR: That was a suprising manuver from Lee!

One....Two.....Kickout!

Ultimo hooked his legs around Lee's head and pushes Lee down to the mat. Ultimo lifts up Lee and drives him to the mat in a sit-down powerbomb. Ultimo stands up and gives Lee a flipping leg drop. Ultimo goes to the top rope and attempts a 450 splash, but Lee rolls out of the way. Ultimo slowly gets up holding his stomach. Lee takes this chance to hit Ultimo with Konoha Dai Senpuu, giving Ultimo little time to even breathe between kicks. Lee kicks Ultimo into the ropes and as Ultimo bounces off the ropes, Lee gives him another kick sending him outside the ring. Lee runs to the opposite ropes and dives at Ultimo with a no hands plancha. Ultimo and Lee both slowly get up.

Out of the crowd, Billy "The Virgin" Ubermark jumps to the arena floor.

Styles: The Virgin is here!

JR: What the hell is he doing here? I thought he didn't want to be in this match!

Styles: I guess he realized that if he didn't wrestle in this match, he wouldn't get to wrestle at all tonight.

Billy grabs Lee and throws him back into the ring. Billy whips Ultimo into the steps. Billy rolls into the ring and catches a charging Lee with a revolving spine buster. Ultimo slowly crawls back into the ring. Billy stomps on Ultimo. Lee charges at Billy, but is met with a lariat that sent him flipping. Billy lifted Lee up and gives him a stalling suplex onto Ultimo. Lee and Ultimo both screamed in pain.

Gai: Lee! Take your medicine!

Lee: Yes, sensei!

Lee takes his white bottle of pain medicine and drinks it all. Lee drops the bottle and starts to hiccup.

Gai: Oh no....not again! Lee, did you grabs my bottle of sake by mistake?! You're drunk again!

Lee: *hic* I'm not drunk....*hic*

Billy tries to attack Lee, but Lee evades like he could sense him. Lee sweeps Billy's legs and kicks him into the air. Lee waits for Billy to come down before juggling him with his feet. Lee kicks Billy into the corner. Ultimo gets up and is met with Lee charging at him while walking on his hands and kicking fast with his legs. Ultimo blocks some of the kicks, but Lee lands the most of them. Lee stumbles around and falls to the mat, snoring.

Billy walks over to Lee and tries to stomp him, but Lee rolls out of the way. Billy tries again, but Lee rolls again. Billy keeps trying, increasing his speed, but Lee just keeps rolling faster. Lee catches Billy's foot with his feet and opens his eyes.

Lee: I can't believe you fell for it! Would I honestly fall asleep during a fight?

Lee springs up and hits Billy with an ackward european uppercut. Lee hits Billy with a backflip heel kick. Lee stumbles around the ring, but eventually falls down again. Lee sits up.

Lee: Ow....my head.....was I drunk again?

Ultimo grabs Lee and throws him over the top rope. Ultimo turns around, and Billy tries to give him the Virgin Sacrafice, but Ultimo turns around while Billy is trying to wrap his right arm around. Ultimo then turns Billy around and hits Billy with the Squid Face! Ultimo looks on in awe, taken back by the fact that he can win.

JR: Come on Ultimo! Go for the pin!

Styles: Ultimo can win!

Ultimo rolls Billy over and goes for the pin.

One....Two....Thr...Kickout!!!!!

Billy barely kicks out! Ultimo can't believe it! Billy rolls out of the ring.
Ultimo sits up and starts to cry. Lee hits Ultimo with a Dynamic Entry! Lee unwraps his arm bandages and begins circling Ultimo. Lee kicks Ultimo into the air and does the Konoha Kage Buyou. Lee follows this up with the Omote Renge. Lee goes for a pin!

One....Two.....Three!!!!!

Lillian: Here is your winner and STILL EWT Ox Division champion, Rock Lee!

Lee and Gai get in the ring and hug each other.

Wait a second...

Crauswell emerges from out of the crowd sliding in from behind and nailing Gai from behind a vicious lariat from behind! Gai goes down hard as Crauswell hoists him up, chucking him right out of the ring, where he lands hard on the ground. Lee turns around and immediately starts fighting back, nailing a series of quick lightning fast fists right to the face, sending the furry stumbling back into the ropes. He swings and... misses, Crauswell ducking and grabbing a dazed Lee by the throat, hoisting him up and nailing him with a Running Beak Buster into the nearest turnbuckle! Lee slides off the turnbuckle slowly, groaning in pain as Crauswell spreads his wings, the crowd booing. He drags Lee out of the ring by an arm and rolls him onto the Turkish Announcer Table, climbing up on top afterwards. Lee is still out of it as the furry yanks him up, setting him up and putting him through with... good god, a Kutoh Driver!!! The table practically explodes from the force of the move, as Crauswell slowly manages to sit up a few seconds afterwards, Lee laying amongst the table ruins in severe pain. The furry walks over, rolling into the ring and snatching the Ox Division belt from the referee, holding it up high... then tossing it outside, the thing landing on Lee's chest as Broken Wings starts up, Crauswell exitting the ring to a plethora of heat

Meanwhile Gai is back up, running over and helping Lee up to his feet, who looks absolutely pissed off... as well as barely concious.

[Toom E. Guci]

* We cut over to the scaffold set up, where Toom E dangerously is standing under it already with a microphone in hand.*

TED: You know what? I have had it. Because Prophecy Reborn is not here tonight, due to the fact that they are more concerned with wrestling in Japan then in front of you fans, they are hereby STRIPPED of the EWT Tag team Championship. This is the second straight pay per view in which they have botched things up, causing you fans to miss out on a scheduled tag team championship…therefore, at this time…we have NO tag team champions. So Moxie, HitmanMark…you want the belts back? You have to start at the very BOTTOM!!! Now, Merc…get yer ass out here for our match. Forget the introductions. I am ready…are you?

* Merc’s music hits as he starts to walk out alone. As Merc comes forward, he gets in Toom’s face. Just then, Goldberg’s music hits as Toom gets a smile on his face. Merc turns towards the back, expecting Goldberg to walk out. A look of shock falls over Merc’s face as EWT Hall of Famer jzbadblood walks out. Jz catches an eye of Merc & rushes towards him, as the 2 start brawling. Jz gets the upperhand with a knee & gets Merc’s head in between his legs. Jz hoists up Merc & nails a powerbomb on him. Toom starts climbing up the scaffold ladder, as jz hoists up Merc, throwing him into the scaffold. Jz grabs Merc & starts climbing the scaffold. Jz shoves Merc on top of the scaffold as Toom grabs Merc. Toom bodyslams Merc on top of the scaffold. Just then, Renegade comes rushing out of the back. Renegade starts climbing the scaffold, as jz starts climbing down & the 2 exchange blows. Toom lifts up Merc & hits a German Suplex on him. Jz manages to knock Renegade off the scaffold & climbs back up the scaffold. Jz gets to the top, where Toom throws Merc into jz & jz counters with a chokeslam to Merc. Toom hits a baseball slide that sends Merc rolling off the scaffold, crashing below as the bell rings. Jz raises Toom’s hand in victory as we cut to a video package regarding Maelstrom/Spaz.*

[Toom E. Guci]

Joey Styles: Thanks for tuning into The Skies The Limit thus far. Now it is time for our main event. The EWT World Heavyweight Title on the line in a 2 out of 3 retrievals ladder match JR!

JR: That’s right Joey! Parents you may wanna get you children out of the room for this one it’s sure to be a slobberknocker.

JS: I see a lot of carnage ahead for both men taking part in this match. They will damn near have to kill each other to get the victory! Let’s take it up to Bobby Cruiz.

Bobby Cruiz: The following contest is a 2 out of 3 Retrievals Match & it is for the EWT Heavyweight Championship of the World! There are no count outs, no disqualifications, no pinfalls, no submissions, the only way to win this match is to retrieve the title belt from above the ring twice.

*Apocalypse Please plays & the crowd boos as Maelstrom appears. We can see there are ladders of various sizes scattered around the ring & entrance ramp. Maelstrom heads down to the ring.*

BC: Introducing the challenger, from the Aquarium, weighing in at 287 lbs Maelstrom!!

*Party Starter hits & Spaz appears, the crowd goes nuts as he appears with a shopping cart full of plunder. Spaz heads down the ramp his eyes transfixed on Maelstrom. He only pauses to hand his shirt to a kid in the front row.*

BC: And his opponent, from Sydney, Australia, weighing in at 216 lbs he is the current EWT Heavyweight Champion he is Spaz!!

*Spaz slides into the ring & stands face to face with Maelstrom.*

JR: There is a lot of history between these two men. They have been trading verbal shots for months. Now they will finally meet in the ring to settle the score!

*Spaz extends his hand but Maelstrom ignores it. He just backs away & stretches out his hamstrings. Spaz just stares as he hands the belt to the ref. The ref fixes it to the wires & they raise up above the ring. Both men stare at the belt as it dangles above the mat. The ref calls for the bell & the two men circle each other. They tie up & Maelstrom forces Spaz backwards into the corner. Maelstrom then whips Spaz across the ring chest first into the turnbuckle. Spaz gets up quickly & he charges. Maelstrom drops him with a clothesline. Spaz gets up & Maelstrom grabs him & whips him off the ropes & into a big boot.*

JR: The power of Maelstrom is overwhelming the champ at the moment Joey.

JS: He is a powerhouse JR!

*Maelstrom picks up Spaz & throws him into the corner. He backs up & charges at him. Spaz is able to drop down & Maelstrom goes face first into the turnbuckle. Spaz jumps up quickly & plants Maelstrom with a German Suplex. Spaz slides put of the ring & he goes to the shopping cart. He takes out a Stop Sign he slides back in & cracks Maelstrom across the back with the sign.*

JS: We are seeing a vicious streak from Spaz here.

JR: He will have to be vicious if he wants to stay champion.

*Spaz continues to hit Maelstrom with the sign until it is bent out of shape. Spaz rolls out & he throws a ladder into the ring as well as a trash can out of his cart. Spaz rolls back in & Maelstrom stands he throws the trash can into his face. Maelstrom goes down again & Spaz sets the ladder up in the corner. Spaz pulls Maelstrom up & looks to whip him into the ladder. But Maelstrom reverses it & Spaz hits the ladder hard. Maelstrom grabs Spaz & plants him with a Neckbreaker. Maelstrom picks up the ladder & drops it onto Spaz. He then picks up the Trash Can & smashes it into the ladder which is lying on top of Spaz. Maelstrom then kicks the ladder away & he picks up Spaz. He throws him over the top rope & he slides into the barrier. Maelstrom steps out of the ring & he picks Spaz up. He then drops him face first onto the ringsteps. Spaz slumps down & Maelstrom climbs back into the ring. He tries to set up the ladder but it won’t unfold properly because it is bent from the impacts. He slides out & grabs another one & he climbs back in he sets it up & starts to climb it. The extra time has allowed Spaz to get back into the ring & he dropkicks the ladder over sending Maelstrom crashing to the mat. Both men stay down for a while until Spaz stands & stumbles over to Maelstrom he pulls him to his feet & he nails a German Suplex, followed by number two & number three. He then stands & sets the ladder back up. He goes to the top & leaps off nailing a huge Frog Splash!*

JR: What a high risk move! Both these gladiators are giving it everything!

*Spaz stands eventually. He then ascends the ladder again but it isn’t close enough to the belt. He reaches out but he can’t get to it. He then climbs down & turns to come face to face with Maelstrom! The two trade punches until Spaz reels back & Maelstrom levels him with an uppercut. He then heads out & pulls a table out from under the ring. He sets it up on the outside & he climbs back in. He lifts up Spaz & is looking to Chokeslam him through the table but Spaz instinctively fights out of it he is able to get free & nail Maelstrom with a Spinning Heel Kick. Spaz then has a rush of adrenaline & he goes & grabs a chair. He climbs the Turnbuckle & he nails an Atomic Arabian Facebuster.*


JS: Oh My God!! Sabu would be proud of that move!!

*Spaz stands & holds the chair over his head triumphantly. He climbs up the ladder with the chair & leaps off nailing another Atomic Arabian Facebuster from the top of the ladder! The crowd starts up an E DUB T! chant as both men are down in the ring. Spaz stands & hobbles around trying to get the feeling back into his leg. He pulls Maelstrom up & plants him with a Swinging Neckbreaker. Spaz then moves the ladder closer to the belt & he starts to climb. He slowly makes his way up. Maelstrom stirs & struggles to his feet. He sees Spaz climbing & he ascends the other side. He catches Spaz in the gut with a punch. Spaz doubles over & Maelstrom grabs his head. He pulls Spaz up onto his shoulders & he falls backwards off the ladder. Both men crash down to the mat. Spaz gets the worst of it landing hard right on his spine. Maelstrom uses the ladder to pull himself to his feet & he then picks up the stop sign he lays it across Spaz’s face & he climbs halfway up the ladder. He then leaps off & plants his elbow right on the Stop Sign.*

JR: He is laying down the beating of a lifetime on Spaz at the moment Joey!

*Maelstrom stands & picks up Spaz, he looks to hit him with the Whirlpool but Spaz counters it into a Tornado DDT! Spaz stands gingerly & he grabs Maelstrom’s legs & locks on the Sydney Cloverleaf! Maelstrom is screaming in pain as Spaz applies the pressure. Maelstrom reaches out & picks up the chair he swings it around behind his back & it hits Spaz in the back of the head. Spaz relinquishes his hold & falls to the mat. Both men slowly stand, Maelstrom charges at Spaz but Spaz sidesteps him & he flies over the top rope & crashes to the arena floor below. Spaz climbs the turnbuckle & waits for Maelstrom to stand. He then leaps off & nails a Moonsault Press.*

JS: Putting his body on the line for the title. That’s what these rabid EWT fans like to see. It’s why he is one of the most popular EWT Champions of all time.

*Spaz stands & salutes the crowd. He goes over to his shopping cart & takes out a Singapore Cane. He cracks it across Maelstroms back, then across the back of his head. The cane splinters & he throws it into the crowd. Spaz grabs a VCR from a fan in the front row & he smashes it across Maelstrom’s back. Spaz then pulls Maelstrom to his feet he looks to plant him with The Shockwave on the outside but Maelstrom blocks it & nails Spaz with a Whirlpool! Maelstrom stands & heads into the ring. He sets up the ladder & starts to climb. He gets to the top & tries to grab the belt but the ladder is bent & is too far away. He drops down & moves it. He climbs again but Spaz has got up & he is climbing up the other side! Both men get to the top & trade punches. Maelstrom then grabs Spaz & throws him off the ladder & over the top rope to the arena floor! Maelstrom laughs as he looks at Spaz lying on the floor. He then grabs the belt & unhooks it. He jumps down & the bell rings.*

BC: The winner of the first retrieval Maelstrom!!

JR: Maelstrom is halfway to becoming the new EWT Champion.

JS: Now we just have to wait for the belt to be returned to the wires.

*Maelstrom gives the belt back to the ref & Spaz stands on the outside to see Maelstrom grinning at him. He mouths the words “That’s One” to him & Spaz picks up a trash can lid & hurls it at him. Maelstrom cops it right in the face. Spaz slides in & grabs Maelstrom. He nails him with a Belly To Belly Overhead Suplex. Spaz is visibly angry as He stands & slides out of the ring. He grabs a barb wire covered baseball bat & slides in. He smashes it into Maelstrom’s stomach as he stands. Maelstrom drops to his knees & Spaz cracks it across Maelstrom’s forehead. Maelstrom flops onto his face. Spaz pulls him up & he is busted open. Spaz picks him up & nails him with another Belly To Belly Overhead Suplex. Spaz climbs up the ladder & he reaches the top. He salutes the crowd & leaps off landing a Shooting Star Press.*

JR: Momentum has swung Spaz’s way. Can he capitalise & level this contest?

*Spaz stands & stares down at Maelstrom’s bloody, lifeless form lying on the mat. He climbs up the ladder & reaches out. He is too far away from the belt. He climbs down & walks up the ramp. He grabs a second ladder & he heads back to the ring. He sets it up nearer the belt but Maelstrom has recovered & he grabs Spaz & plants him with a reverse DDT. Maelstrom then starts to climb up the ladder. He reaches out & grabs hold of the belt but he loses his balance & the ladder falls. Maelstrom manages to hang on to the belt & he tries to unhook it. Spaz is on top of the other ladder & he nails Maelstrom on the chin with a Dropkick. Both men crash to the mat & the belt is still suspended.*

Crowd: Holy S%#t Holy S%#t!!

*Blood is still oozing out of Maelstrom’s head as Spaz slowly pulls himself up using the ropes. He grabs a chair & climbs the turnbuckle. He leaps off looking for an Atomic Arabian Facebuster but Maelstrom instinctively rolls out of the way. Spaz lands hard & he rolls around in pain. Maelstrom slowly stands & grabs the Baseball Bat. Spaz stands & Maelstrom charges, Spaz ducks the shot but Maelstrom catches him in the back of the head on the way back. Maelstrom places a trash can in front of Spaz & comes off the ropes with a Baseball Slide that sends Spaz out of the ring. Maelstrom climbs out & picks up Spaz. He whips him into the guard rail. He then grabs him by the hair & leads him up the ramp. He lifts him up & Powerslams him hard on the steel rampway. Maelstrom now goes looks under the ring. He pulls out a bag & walks back up to Spaz. He pours the contents of the bag on the rampway, the bag is full of thumbtacks! Maelstrom grins as Spaz stirs & starts to stand. Spaz stands & charges at Maelstrom. Maelstrom catches him with a boot to the midsection & lifts him up. He carries him over to the tacks & looks to plant him with the Whirpool! Spaz blocks it & Maelstrom drops him. Spaz grabs Maelstrom & Vertical Suplexs him into the tacks! Spaz pops his hips & picks him up again. He rotates around & Suplexs him into the tacks again! Spaz lets go & heads back to the ring. He climbs up the ladder & grabs hold of the belt. He then stops. He waits until Maelstrom stands & looks at him to pull the belt down & climb down. He is staring at Maelstrom the whole time.*

BC: The winner of the second retrieval Spaz. We are level at one each!

JR: Spaz is a determined competitor & Maelstrom is hungry. It will take a gargantuan effort from both of these men to decide this war!

*The belt is returned to the wires & Both men stand face to face in the ring. Maelstrom still has thumbtacks sticking out of his back & legs, his face the proverbial crimson mass. Spaz is fairly fresh & looks to have the upper hand. He grabs Maelstrom & whips him across the ring he comes off the ropes & Spaz plants him with a dropkick. Spaz rolls out & grabs a table from under the ring. He slides it into the ring. He sets it up n the corner & he pulls Maelstrom to his feet he looks to whip him into the table but Maelstrom reverses it & Spaz crashes into the table. It doesn’t break & Spaz slides down to the mat. Maelstrom then unfolds the table & picks up Spaz. He climbs the turnbuckle & Powerbombs Spaz through the table!*

JS: Look at the raw power of Maelstrom! After all the punishment he has taken he still has the strength to smash Spaz through that table.

*Maelstrom stands & grabs a chair. He circles Spaz like a predator circling its next meal. Spaz stands & turns around he is met with the full force of the chair to his face. Spaz collapses to the mat & he is busted wide open. Maelstrom grins as he places the chair across Spaz’s face. He then slides out & picks up the ringsteps. He throws them into the ring & they land on the chair covering Spaz’s face. Maelstrom climbs back in & starts to climb the ladder. He gets close to the top when Spaz kicks the ringsteps into the ladder causing it to shake. Maelstrom loses his balance & falls off landing on Spaz! Both men lie in a bloody mess in the ring. The crowd applaud the effort of both men so far & then a Lets Go Spaz chant starts up. Spaz crawls over to the ropes & he uses them to pull himself up. Spaz heads over & starts to climb up one of the ladders still standing in the ring. He gets near to the top but then he notices Maelstrom is up. Spaz steadies himself & leaps off looking for a Crossbody but Maelstrom has it scouted & he nails Spaz in the stomach with the Barb Wire covered Baseball Bat. The impact is so hard is cracks the bat.*

JR: Neither of these men will be the same after this Joey.

JS: One or both of these men won’t be walking out of here tonight JR!

*Maelstrom starts to climb up a ladder. Spaz slowly crawls over & grabs Maelstrom’s leg. Maelstrom drops down & grabs Spaz. He then picks him up & plants him with The Whirlpool!*

JS: That’s it Spaz is done for now!

*Maelstrom stands & starts to climb again. He realises he isn’t close enough to the belt & he gets down & climbs the other ladder still standing in the ring. He gets halfway up when Spaz stirs & crawls over to the other ladder. His face & chest covered in his own & Maelstrom’s blood he starts to pull himself up it. Maelstrom sees this & he waits for Spaz to reach the same height. Maelstrom climbs across & the two men trade punches. Maelstrom overpowers Spaz & pulls him up onto his shoulders.*

JR: Don’t do it damnit you’ll kill him!

JS: I think that’s the plan JR!

*Maelstrom leaps off & powerbombs Spaz from the top of the ladder through the table set up outside the ring! The impact is so loud it echoes throughout the building.*

JS: Oh My God!!

JR: There both broken in half! There is no way either man can continue. Damnit to hellfire & brimstone!

*The crowd goes nuts as both men lay motionless & covered in blood on the floor amongst the wreckage of the table. The ref slides out to check on them, as he does Maelstrom’s eyes open suddenly & he begins to stir.*

JS: Say what you want about the man but he is one tough man.

JR: Tougher then a 2 dollar steak from the EWT concession stand Joey, how is he even able breathe after that hellacious impact?!?!

*He crawls towards the ring. Spaz hasn’t moved & Maelstrom is able to pull himself into the ring & over to the one still standing ladder that is right underneath the title belt. He slowly begins to make his way up. He reaches the top & Spaz still hasn’t moved. Maelstrom steadies himself & he unhooks the belt. He climbs down & the bell rings. Apocalypse Please starts up & Maelstrom has his hand raised in triumph.*

BC: The winner of the third retrieval & new EWT Heavyweight Champion of the World Maelstrom!!!!

JR: He has done it! Bah Gawd we have a new World Champion! Maelstrom has reached the pinnacle of this company!

JS: And he did it in a match that won’t be ever forgotten. In the history of this company we have seen many battles but nothing like what just unfolded here.

*The crowd give Maelstrom a standing ovation as he slowly head up the ramp, past the thumbtacks. He holds his title high above his head as he steps back through the curtain. The ref checks on Spaz who has started to stir at ringside. The ref tries to help him to his feet but he refuses the aid. He wants to leave under his own power. Spaz struggles up the ramp as the crowd give him a standing ovation. Followed by a “Thank You Spaz” chant.*

© EWT 2006