Anyone with knowledge of psychology

[OGBoardPoster2005]

A while back one of my friends fell for one another. The way it had been conceived was that he had been pursuing 2 other girls just two days earlier and out of nowhere went out with her. Things went smoothly it seemed for a while and suddenly issues started rising up between him and her mom. Her mom found out that he was going to visit her at school everyday for 5 minutes(while in the process lurking around the area for 1-2 hours beforehand). He would also sit outside her workplace for 2-3 hours waiting for her break to talk to her again for 15 minutes. In late-October he illegally took her to Washington D.C. for her field trip(without telling her mom) leading to her being grounded for a month and her forbidding him to see her in that time. However, he refused to listen and kept going to the school. 2 weeks ago they broke up and he blamed her mom for making her do it.

He calls her mom and asks her if she played a role in it and her mom says no. Suddenly he changes his mood and starts claiming how he never liked her and liked someone else instead then he called her "controlling". He continues seeing her and last week her mom caught him again and threatened to charge him with stalking. He claims that her mom is stalking him. I was under the influence that his gf was just as determined to undermine her mom as he was.

However, on Monday she calls me and tells me how he was controlling her and had forbidden her from contacting me or any other friends. That he was the one who pushed himself into going to the school and that he was causing friction between her and her mom. Since September he's told me that he plans on getting her emancipated(after 1 months of knowing her) and that he was going to sue her mom for harassment. Last night he told her he was going to kill himself if she didn't take him back. I'm currently minoring in psychology at my local college and I've analyzed his behavior thoroughly.

I fear that his love has turned into obsession. He stalks her constantly and this issue is causing damage to her mentally and academically and creating friction between her and her mom. He is 19 years old, has no job, and doesn't even attend school. He has a tendency to blame everyone but himself for his problems. I fear this could get worse, so anyone who has any knowledge or experience in a situation like this, what would you suggest?

[strykerdarksilence]

It sounds like he needs a touch of intervention, but he may be totally unaware of the issue. Spend some time with him in a social setting to help him relax and unwind and he might open up a bit about things. I'd also advise her to be quite curt with him and telling him to leave her alone, and that it is her choice. That harder message, combined with your, and other friends' help should be enough to help him snap out of it.

If that doesn't work, then he might need some professional help, even just talking it out with his GP or a counsellor.

[Alexander The So-so]

Well, I'm a psychology major, but it seems like I'd need to know more to make a more formal "diagnosis." For starters, has he had problems like this before? What were his behavior and personality like before this whole affair started?

In the meantime, it seems that, like Stryker said, an intervention is needed in which he hears, with blunt honesty, that what he's doing is dysfunctional. Beating around the bush won't get him to realize that, so you might need to be more straightforward.

[OGBoardPoster2005]

Nov 25, 2009 13:32:52 GMT -5 Alexander The So-so said:

Well, I'm a psychology major, but it seems like I'd need to know more to make a more formal "diagnosis." For starters, has he had problems like this before? What were his behavior and personality like before this whole affair started?

In the meantime, it seems that, like Stryker said, an intervention is needed in which he hears, with blunt honesty, that what he's doing is dysfunctional. Beating around the bush won't get him to realize that, so you might need to be more straightforward.

Prior to this whole issue, he had 2 gf's. The first one was even younger than the current one. He once drug his friend out of bed at 5am just to see her for five minutes before she went on vacation(she lived 20 miles down the road). In that relationship he was controlled by his gf, his gf's mother, and his gf's best friend. Her mother would make him pay 60 dollars to see her. It was his first ever at age 18 and before that he had aways been shy about dating. Over the summer he fell for two women. The first turned him down twice(at the beginning of summer and before he got with the current girl). The 2nd lived in Colorado and wanted him to take her away from her house(she was 15 but claimed to be 17). He planned on taking a bus there, picking her up, and bringing her back to MD(despite only knowing her for 4 months).

That plan fell apart when it was revealed she lied about her age. His home life is rather bizarre. His dad always tries to get him to work with him but he refuses and one incident he was kicked out of the house for refusing to comply with what they asked(he returned 5 days later when his mom called crying). He has a tendency to be manipulative at times and doesn't like when he isn't the "center of attention". Any other questions you have for me, I'll answer