El Pollo Guerrera
Grimlock
His name has chicken in it, and he is good at makin' .gifs, so that's cool.
Status: Runner
Posts: 14,894
|
Post by El Pollo Guerrera on May 10, 2011 1:02:47 GMT -5
"MALIBU EXPRESS"Cody Abilene, wealthy playboy/private investigator, is hired to investigate a rich family that may be connected to selling computers to the Russians, and finds murder. This is the first of the Andy Sidaris collection, a 12-movie set of "Girls, Guns & G-Strings". Sidaris and his wife (and later, son) wrote, directed, produced and probably catered these direct-to-video movies. This movie is like watching a porno version of a Magnum PI episode. Every time the hero turns around, there's a hot babe in revealing clothing that's just ready to hop in the sack with him. In this movie, he screws a countess, his two new neighbours at the yacht club, a babe at a used car lot, and a hot female cop friend. During the big chase scene, the chick he steals the racing car from can't help but get topless and try to get it on. The story... dumb. Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. In fact, ignore it. It's just an excuse for the hero to travel from building to building and talk to hot women. Truthfully, the story isn't really resolved... the killer found isn't the killer by insane story twist... just forget about it. There are also attempts at comedy, including appearances by a "Hee-Haw"-inspired family that shows up when the story drags and challenges the hero to street racing. There are some bits that are interesting... a running gag is that the hero is a lousy shot, his answering service is also a phone sex hotline (you can tell this story was pre-internet), and there's one funny line when he's being accosted by his barely-dressed neighbours... Other than that, nothing funny. The women are all suitably hot and willing to show their talents at the drop of a hat. Any hat. One thing I do like about the movie is that the women don't all look the same. Back then, the body-sculpting surgery wasn't as widely done as now, and the women don't look like they were spit out of a cookie-cutting mold. They were naturally hot. A bad movie, but you all knew that and it won't stop you fans of these from seeing it. ----------------------------------------- About the DVD set... There's 3 double-sided DVDs, with two movies on each side. The inside of the case has no 'holders' for the DVDs. Instead is a little bracket and three paper sleeves. The case also says something about 'trailers and introductions' but there's nothing for the first two movies. No subtitles either, nor any options for sound quality.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 10, 2011 9:53:37 GMT -5
Finally watched Kick-Ass and while I enjoyed it, I didn't think it was an epic film. Cage did a suprisingly good job, but the main character and his girlfriend were both too stupid and unlikeable. The movie should have been called Hit-Girl and been more about her and I would have been infinitely more entertained. This was the same basic problem I had with Scott Pilgrim vs the World as Pilgrim was so unbearably unlikeable and Ramona was so offputting that the side characters were much more interesting to watch. It should have been called The Origin Story of Knives Chou and I would have loved it 100X more.
I also watched Middle Men which is more interesting as a concept than it was in execution. Giovanni Ribisi was, as always, a source of unending hilarity and Wilson actually played his character pretty well. It wasn't pitch perfect, but it was good enough to really help the story along. If you're interested in how online billing got its start - I'd give it a watch, but I'm sure its about as accurate as The Social Network was about Facebook.
Perrier's Bounty Watch it. If watching Cillian Murphy and Brendan Gleesan rock the hell out of out of a great script isn't enough to make you watch a movie, then check your pulse because your dead.
|
|
El Pollo Guerrera
Grimlock
His name has chicken in it, and he is good at makin' .gifs, so that's cool.
Status: Runner
Posts: 14,894
|
Post by El Pollo Guerrera on May 16, 2011 23:58:29 GMT -5
"THOR"No need to explain what this one is about, is there? I thought it was very good. Sure, it did have some problems but I enjoyed the movie as a whole. The Good1) Thor. The guy who played Thor was better than I expected. He has that Heath Ledger-like way of smiling at the screen and you know he's a rogue but you like him anyways. 2) The opening. The story to set up Thor came to Earth was well done. 3) Asgard. Beautiful scenery for the other realms. I'm sure that Kirby would have cried seeing it. 4) The Destroyer. A great 'mid-level' boss, in a way. I did love how when the faceplate opened up to belch forth the fires, you could see that it was hollow. Nice touch. 5) The other Asgardians. Loki was really slimy without falling into over-the-top hysterics. Hopkins nailed Odin. Those who played Sif, the Warriors Three and Heimdall all filled their roles nicely as well. The Bad1) Natalie Portman. Given nothing to do but be a damsel in distress, really. I felt the same about her as I felt about Gwyneth Paltrow in "Iron Man". 2) The story on Earth. I felt that Thor's lesson in humility happened a little too quickly... And the part where the Warriors Three and Sif just FIND Thor a little too convenient. The Ugly1) The 3D. This was my first 3D movie with the new Real 3D setup. I didn't like how it made things on screen darker, some of the fights were too hard to follow, and it only seemed to be effective in a few spots. Quothe the Horse... "No sir, I don't like it." Overall, it wasn't as good as "Iron Man" was but it was damn good. Recommended.
|
|
|
Post by Virt McGirt on May 22, 2011 2:09:48 GMT -5
PREDATORS (2010)
I'm a bit late on this one, so excuse me if this is a tad too short due to fear of "repetitive reviewyness"
Anyway, I thought for an action movie, I thought it was kinda lame they didn't actually get to the action till about a third-way into the movie (I've never seen the original, but, I'm assuming it got to it a bit quicker) That being said, once it started, it didn't really let up till the end, which I appreciated. **** out of *****
PS - Who knew Foreman could be such a dick? ;D
|
|
El Pollo Guerrera
Grimlock
His name has chicken in it, and he is good at makin' .gifs, so that's cool.
Status: Runner
Posts: 14,894
|
Post by El Pollo Guerrera on May 23, 2011 1:53:11 GMT -5
"HARD TICKET TO HAWAII"Sequel to "Malibu Express"... sort of. Two hot babes who are undercover 'agents' stumble a drug smuggling operation and get help from their boss, Rowdy Abeline, who is the cousin of Cody Abeline, who was the hero of "ME". A friend is kidnapped, big guns and other weapons are used (including a rocket launcher and a Frisbee with razor blades), and tons of full frontal nudity is shown. Oh, and there's a toxic killer snake on the island as well. This is in the Ed Wood-level of cinema quality. Tons of bad acting and a script chock full of crazy. How bad? Here's a line... "We need to figure out what just happened... Let's go to the jacuzzi! I do my best thinking there!"Rowdy shares his cousin's lack of accuracy when it comes to firearms... which is why he carries a rocket launcher. Which brings up a big part of stupid... {Spoiler}Rowdy's rocket launcher is powerful enough to take down a helicopter, but later that day he uses it to kill the killer snake... and the explosion is just small enough to take out the snake's head AND LEAVE EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE HOUSE UNTOUCHED!!! Of course, the nudity is great, featuring former Playmates Hope Marie Carlton and Donna Spier. And, as is par for the movies, there is one actually funny line... A TV producer is trying to sweet-talk a woman by saying she's the only one for him, then he notices the waitress' low-cut outfit and he says "I'll have a pair of coffee."I'm so using that next time I'm at a restaurant... ------------------------------------------------------ "SAVAGE BEACH"Dona Speir and Hope Marie Carlton return as the perky agents in Hawaii, this time stranded on an unmapped island and stumbling across a treasure hunt for gold stolen by the Japanese in WW2. This one involves the Navy, the CIA, a Communist plot and a group of mercenaries. Oh, and a stranded WW2 Japanese soldier guarding the gold. Also, lots of nudity. The main stars feel the need to change clothing while flying a Cessna through a monster storm, just to fill the booby quotient for the show. There's also a third Abeline cousin, but he has little to do with the story. Stupid? Yes there is! Computer disks put into computers the wrong way, giant sprinklers used to simulate a storm, the plane taking off in a thundering storm and flying away into LIGHTLY CLOUDY SKY, but the biggest... {Spoiler}... at the beginning, one of the main boobies characters is given a handheld crossbow with a SINGLE exploding bolt. ONE. As in, there is only one exploding crossbow bolt.
Guess how many she fires? This one also features a couple of familiar actors/faces you might recognize... John Aprea (soap/TV actor from the 80's) and James Lew (perennial martial arts henchman). They must REALLY have needed the money. Anyways, boobs boobs boobs and the occasional explosion.
|
|
|
Post by Cela on May 23, 2011 1:56:55 GMT -5
Are you going to review the sequel with Buff Bagwell?
|
|
El Pollo Guerrera
Grimlock
His name has chicken in it, and he is good at makin' .gifs, so that's cool.
Status: Runner
Posts: 14,894
|
Post by El Pollo Guerrera on May 23, 2011 2:01:09 GMT -5
Yes. I'm going through the whole set in chronological order. Which is probably more attention to detail than the filmmakers had. He was in the last two.
|
|
El Pollo Guerrera
Grimlock
His name has chicken in it, and he is good at makin' .gifs, so that's cool.
Status: Runner
Posts: 14,894
|
Post by El Pollo Guerrera on May 23, 2011 22:24:07 GMT -5
"THE LONGEST YARD"Adam Sandler stars as a disgraced quarterback in prison, trying to organize a team to play against the guards. Very funny movie and a great cast. I've avoided this because I'm not a fan of Sandler's movies, but this is an ensemble with Sandler in it, and in my opinion, he should be making more like this. Oh, special note for Bob Sapp. HE was hilarious. The one that I felt misfired was Kevin Nash. It felt to me like he was trying to be too crazy and for some reason, it just didn't fit for the rest of the movie. Great movie.
|
|
El Pollo Guerrera
Grimlock
His name has chicken in it, and he is good at makin' .gifs, so that's cool.
Status: Runner
Posts: 14,894
|
Post by El Pollo Guerrera on May 31, 2011 0:52:31 GMT -5
"PICASSO TRIGGER"Yet another Abeline cousin (the fourth in four movies!) leads the team of lovely agents in a quest to find the killer of international drug lord Picasso Trigger, who is killed within the first ten minutes of the movie. Soap opera hunk Steve Bond treats the story like it was Shakespeare, Donna Speir tries her best and Hope Marie Carlton is still incredibly cute. HMC seems like she's having the most fun in the movie. The continuity of the series starts to fall apart in this movie. John Aprea appears as Picasso Trigger here, then returns in the fourth as a good guy Navy man. There's also a very recognizable thug, a huge African-American body-builder from the first movie "Malibu Express" who appears as a member of the (still unnamed) Agency. Lots of dumb and lots of boob. There's also a twist ending that you won't see coming if you close your eyes and plug your ears for the first 90 minutes. ------------------------------------------------------ "GUNS"The fifth movie of the series. Also, the first of the series where one of the Abeline cousins returns! South American criminal lures the 'agents' to Las Vegas so that he can smuggle high-tech weapons through Hawaii when they're gone. Erik F'n Estrada rules this movie as the bad guy. He carries more charisma on screen than all the girls together... with their clothes on, that is. Side note: Danny ( "Machete") Trejo appears as Estrada's asian ( ) right-hand man. Comic legend Chuck McCann also appears as a stage magician/undercover member of the Agency, who shotguns a pair of Estrada's killers, with possibly the best line of the movie. Series continuity goes out the window with this one. - Hope Marie Carlton disappears and is replaced with Roberta Vasquez, who apparently has been Dona Speir's partner for the last few years... except that Vasquez was a villain in "Picasso Trigger". - There's also Vasquez's love interest, who was ALSO a killer in "PT", and was blown up with an exploding boomerang. - The body-builder from "PT" is also back, under a different name. - Edy, who owned the restaurant/cover in Hawaii for the last 3 movies, is now an undercover singer in Vegas, who'd been stationed there for years. - One of the thugs the McCann killed was responsible for the death of McCann's brother in "PT" (complete with clip!)... yet, the thug was killed in the finale of that movie. The only thing that seems to keep constant is the running gag of the Abeline cousins not being able to shoot straight. And the boobs. LOTS of boobs. So, there's that. Note: I wanted to see these in order, but I guess I got my order messed up. "Picasso Trigger" is the third and "Savage Beach" is the fourth.
|
|
El Pollo Guerrera
Grimlock
His name has chicken in it, and he is good at makin' .gifs, so that's cool.
Status: Runner
Posts: 14,894
|
Post by El Pollo Guerrera on Jun 3, 2011 0:48:50 GMT -5
"SEVEN SAMURAI"A truly incredible movie. You all know what the story is about, but knowing doesn't take away from the experience. The actors who play the samurai are incredible. The leader of the group is hypnotic... when he's on screen, you can't take your eyes off him, even in the middle of the battles. There's a serious, stoney-faced swordsman who is like... remember when Wolverine had just joined the X-Men and was cool? That's this guy. He's like a mix of Logan and Steven Segal. And then there was Kikuchiyo. So much more than the comic relief, the wild card, he was the heart and soul, the bridge between the (other) samurai and the poor farmers. The copy I saw was the Criterion Collection set, which had the original, complete 207 minute film. That's over 3-1/2 hours and it NEVER got boring, it NEVER felt 'stretched' or drawn out, it NEVER failed to hold my attention. Rivetting. If there ever was a movie that is required viewing, this is it. [glow=green,10,000]MUST SEE.[/glow]
|
|
|
Post by mrmizerson on Jun 3, 2011 20:35:45 GMT -5
Half HumanHalf Human is the Americanized version of Jujin Yuki Otoko (aka Monster Snowman) The basic story of Half Human is about the discoverly of a yeti monster and that American scientists talk about the creature and when some circusmen steal the monster & its son and the boy snowman gets killed this sets the larger Snowman on a rampage and the beast takes a female hiker and some hikers and a native girl go to the beast's cave and the female native attacks the snowman and both die by falling into a volcanic pit. So yeah this film is pretty messed up. The Japanese version is banned because of its depictions of the Ainus in Japan. The US versions features John Carradine and a few other US actors and their scenes are pretty boring. The US versions runs a 63 mins with many scenes cut out and the Japanese score was removed completely along with most of the original sound effects. This film is very rare to find & such. Best way to view this film is through a VHS tape
|
|
|
Post by YAKMAN is ICHIBAN on Jun 3, 2011 20:41:10 GMT -5
YES! I just bought the Criteron Collection edition on blue ray. My first Critereon disc and my first purchased Kurosawa film. ;D
|
|
El Pollo Guerrera
Grimlock
His name has chicken in it, and he is good at makin' .gifs, so that's cool.
Status: Runner
Posts: 14,894
|
Post by El Pollo Guerrera on Jun 6, 2011 0:48:05 GMT -5
"DO OR DIE"The sixth of the "Girls, Guns & G-Strongs" series, crime lord Kane warns the Girls of the Agency (again played by Donna Speir and Roberta Vasquez) that he will be sending six teams of agents to kill them. He just wants them to have a sporting chance to survive. They get help from the Agency, guns are shot, things explode, clothes are shed, *bow-chika-bow-wow*, the agents survive. Noriyuki "Pat" Morita... yes, Mr. Miyagi... yes, the original Arnold from "Happy Days", plays the evil crime lord Kane. He does little on screen except talk in fortune cookie-type threats and glare at a laughably old computer screen. However, he does get three scenes with hot former Playmate (I think) Carolyn Liu, and he gives her some 'hands on' acting tips. Erik Estrada returns, this time as good guy Rico, who appears to be more in control of the team than the real leader. A few more of the villainous thugs from previous movies return, only to be killed. Again. Porn star Pandora Peaks (credited under her real name Stephanie Schick) pops out up as a new agent and 'romantic interest' for returning character Shane Abeline... Which brings up a possible continuity error... In the previous three movies, Dona and Shane were lovers. In this movie, they don't even look at each other. They don't talk to each other. They're actually never in a scene together without there being at least three other people there. What happened between movies that caused them to split up so quickly and refuse to acknowledge each other like this, and yet still be able to work on the same 'team' together? Of course, 'cause Dona is now (?) single, this gives Erik Estrada the chance to get some on-screen booby time with her... which they do in a looong, slow motion swimming pool scene. Erik Estrada must have sooome agent looking out for him... Returning character Edy (former Playmate Cyntha Brimhall) sings a Bayou/country song and line-dances in white lingerie... There's also an extended scene at a rally for remote control airplane enthusiasts... now that I think of it, there's been a remote control aircraft of some kind in all but the first of the series (so far). Apparently one of the investors has money in model airplanes. Stupid story, laughably execution, dumb James Bond-esque gadgets (there's an exploding baseball for no apparent reason other than to have an exploding baseball), bad fights, dumb stunts (a motorcycle chase through the woods ends when the killer rides through a PLATE GLASS WINDOW! IN THE WOODS! A f***ING PLATE GLASS WINDOW IN THE f***ING WOODS!)... And LOTS of boobs boobs boobs.
|
|
|
Post by BayleyTiffyCodyCenaJudyHopps on Jun 6, 2011 8:36:44 GMT -5
"PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES"I caught a 3D version of this last week, but I procrastinated on my review. Jack remains a fun and engaging character and you won't find yourself complaining about a lack of action, but the overall tone is a tad too somber even when one compares it to At World's End, which never took itself that seriously despite the gravity of the situations the characters faced. However, I point most of the blame at a somewhat unnecessary subplot involving Philip the minister and a mermaid, which felt to me like a desperate attempt at a makeup for the loss of the Will Turner/Elizabeth Swann arc. I never had any issues with Knightley and Bloom in particular, but the close of the Turner saga ideally should have allowed the franchise to loosen up a bit more. Besides, the romantic angle between Jack and Angelica already fills the "heart" quotient. The returning regulars are still good in their roles, Ian McShane's Blackbeard is appropriately vile and Penelope Cruz is both immensely entertaining and crazy hot. But they're not given enough to work with to match the greatness of the first film, and the ending suffers from way too many Russo serves. It isn't the black hole of suck that some critics have claimed it is, but there's some missed opportunities here. *** out of ***** stars.
|
|
|
Post by YAKMAN is ICHIBAN on Jun 8, 2011 15:10:41 GMT -5
The Hitlist (2011) - 5.1/10 on IMDB, 28% audience rating on RT
Allen Campbell has hit rock bottom - He is beaten up because of a gambling debt, he spills coffee on his suit and needs to borrow a far less stylish shirt and a non-power tie, lost his promotion to a weasel of a co-worker despite his boss saying he would get the promotion, and comes home to find his wife in bed with his best friend... ALL IN ONE DAY. He decides to hit the bar. While there he meets Jonas Arbor. They strike up a rapport, and Jonas admits that he is an assassin. When dared to prove it, he tells Allen Campbell to make.....A HIT LIST. Allen writes one - Allen Campbell must try to stop the trained government assassin from killing the 5 people who he wrote down - as you might have guessed, the co-worker, the boss, the creditor, the best friend, and lastly, his wife.
Starring Cuba Gooding Jr. in a role that borrows a LOT from Tom Cruise in Collateral, down to the grey suit. In fact, the whole movie seems clearly inspired by that film, and is incredibly inferior in every way. I don't know what the f*** happened to Cuba Gooding Jr. - he is really talented, yet he seems to exclusively make garbage.
If you ever catch it on TV it might be worth checking out, but don't pay any money for it. I watched it when some friends with crappy taste in movie preferred to rent that rather than The King's Speech.
|
|
El Pollo Guerrera
Grimlock
His name has chicken in it, and he is good at makin' .gifs, so that's cool.
Status: Runner
Posts: 14,894
|
Post by El Pollo Guerrera on Jun 15, 2011 0:11:46 GMT -5
"HARD HUNTED"[img src="http://www.freecodesource.com/movie-poster/51T6NZ9FE1L/-Hard-Hunted-[VHS].jpg"] In the seventh of the Sidaris' series of sexy shoot'em'ups, the villainous Kane returns, this time trying to smuggle a trigger for a nuclear weapon through Hawaii. The heroic agents of the (still unnamed) Agency, Donna and Nicole, cut their vacation short to stop him and avenge the death of an agent. Kane's agents capture Donna, and as she tries to escape she hits her head and gets amnesia. Again, dumb James Bond-wannabe with a ton of hot bodies on screen, in various states of undress. The biggest thing you will notice is that Kane is no longer an elderly Asian, but a mid-30's Caucasian with a British accent, played by R.J. Moore (the son of the Roger Moore, no less!). There is no explaination... it just is. They even film the part of "Do Or Die" where undercover agent Silk gives Kane the tracking device. In fact, that device plays a big part of this movie. Other points of note: - Eva is now back in Hawaii, no longer the star of a Vegas show. Cynthia Brimhall still can't sing and she still looks awesome doing it. - Eva's restaurant also houses a radio station (KSXY) that doubles as a 'communications hub' for the team. - The hunky but hapless Shane Abeline is back again, this time as one of the station's DJs. In the series' only running gag, he still fails to shoot straight. - Several of the series' regulars return, including Al Leong (recognizable asian henchman from almost every movie in the 80's, including "Lethal Weapon" and Die Hard") as the pilot of a stealth helicopter, and Rodrigo Obregon as a mercenary working for Kane. - There's a comedic duo working as hitmen codenamed Wiley and Coyote. Yes, they have ACME painted on their guns. Yes, it is that sad. I believe that the only reason Warner Brothers hasn't sued is because it was that bad. "FIT TO KILL"In the eighth of the series, Kane returns to try and steal a priceless diamond from a Chinese businessman who is trying to return it to the Russians. The Agency has been called to provide security for the event and now they must recover the diamond. R.J. Moore is back as Kane and he is easily the best part of this movie. Now his origin has been altered to fit the story... son of a German general who stole the diamond during WW2 (complete with documentary footage), out to get revenge on the Chinese 'businessman' who killed his family for the gem. There's also a bit of sexual tension between Kane and Agent Donna... Kane even indulges in a James Bond-esque 'opening scene' fantasy while both he and Donna are held captive. New addition to the series is Julie Strain as Blu, thief/assassin out to kill Kane. Bad actress, smoking hot body... Several series regulars return, including Robrigo Obregon as the Russian ambassabor who is smitten with KSXY radio host/Agent/translator/busty model Ava (which leads to a genuinely funny scene involving Ava, the Russian and a masked attacker). As bad as the rest, but this one does have a few very funny bits, including a couple from Kane. In this movie, he has an easy charm that makes you actually like the villain (sadly, it looks like his career ended after this movie). Boobs guns boobs explosions boobs bad jokes boobs boobs boobs.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2011 10:55:36 GMT -5
Resident Evil: Afterlife I watched it to kill time while editing some video. Action goes pretty non-stop, so that aspect of the film is good. Everything else is terrible. Wentworth Miller's character played a guy who can help them escape a prison.....this movie is what happened when WS Anderson watched Prisonbreak nonstop for a week on Netflix Instant .
Also watched Whip It recently. That was a really fun film. Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore were cracking me up. Check it out.
|
|
El Pollo Guerrera
Grimlock
His name has chicken in it, and he is good at makin' .gifs, so that's cool.
Status: Runner
Posts: 14,894
|
Post by El Pollo Guerrera on Jun 29, 2011 0:29:38 GMT -5
"ENEMY GOLD"Three suspended Agents (literally) stumble across a pack of gold stolen during the Civil War. A drug lord and his assassin-for-hire try to get revenge for their meddling and steal the gold as a bonus. The ninth of the series, but it feels like someone hit the reset button. Only one of the actors who played agents from the previous movies returns and he's not even playing the same character! There's a new 'boss' in Washington (Tai Collins of "Baywatch", Playboy Magazine and an actual sex scandal with the former Governor of Virginia and US Senator Chuck Robb!) and two new field agents, Playmate Suzi Simpson and some guy who showed up as a waiter once on "Murder She Wrote". Also, no more members of the Abeline family... meaning no more running gags about an Agent who couldn't hit the broad side of a hanger. His gun, however, seems to have been 'willed' to Generic Hero #2. As for villains, Rodrigo Obregon returns, this time as a Bolivian drug smuggler, and Julie Strain is also back as his spandex- and cheetah-print-thong-bikini-wearing assassin. At least Rodrigo tries to be serious... Julie also tries but damnit she just can't act! The movie is bad. Now, the previous eight movies were bad as well, but they had some kind of bizarre charm to them, as in "We know we're bad but we're having fun doing this so just sit back and enjoy the boobies!" This one doesn't even have that. It's like everyone is trying really too hard to get you like it and they just can't take the hint to stop and relax and back off a bit, they just keep pushing and pushing and pushing... There aren't even any poorly staged attempts at slapstick comedy like the others. This one is just serious. And it's just seriously bad. I did notice that there is another production company working with the Sidaris family this time, so maybe they had to tailor their movie to the other investor's demands. Another thing: (unlike the women) there's an awful lot of padding. I mean, there's a lot of footage of people walking to their cars, getting in, driving and then getting out, without any dialogue or explaining or anything... just scenery and a generic rock soundtrack in the background. I mean, Ed Wood level bad. - The majority of the story takes place in the remote woods, but they ride there in less than a day on motorcycles from the Dallas airport, which is by no means 'remote'. - In the 'remote' woods, they are being trailed, without their knowing, by a helicopter. If you are in the remote woods, wouldn't you hear it? - Strain, for no reason, strips down to the aforementioned cheetah-print-thong-bikini to kill some guys and steal their boat. First, she pulls a gun out of NOWHERE to kill one of the guys (unless she had one of those 'portable hole' universe weapon caches that anime characters seem to have), then take the boat and NONE of her clothes, but attacks the Agents later with her leather-and-spandex outfit and her AK-47 (again, from her portable hole)! Nice nuditity but the rest is so bad that a couple of great hooters cannot make up for it. ------------------------------------------------------ "THE DALLAS CONNECTION"Scientists around the world who have been working on a super-secret military satellite are being killed before the satellite can be launched. The Agents are assigned to protect the last survivor. Boobs and explosions ensue. The tenth is marginally better than #9, mainly because the eye candy is more comfortable in speaking roles. The new female Agent (played by former Penthouse Pet and radio host Samantha Phillips) is able to give her lines without looking like she's trying to remember them or read off of a cue card, and Julie Strain (once again, an assassin) has a few moments where she seems like she's not trying to act. Obregon returns again, as the scientist who becomes entranced with the Agent Samantha. Everyone else, though, needs practice. The plot has two completely random double-crosses, one unexpected changing of sides, a Rambo-type shootout, lots of explosions and yes, boobs boobs boobs. Recognizable Asian thug Gerald Okamura (he's been in tons of movies... he looks like an Asian Ox Baker) gets blown up real good. Now, the crap that bothers me: - What is it with the remote control vehicles? In almost all of the movies, there's a RC airplane, helicopter, boat, car or motorcycle that someone straps explosives to and tries to kill their targets with. I wonder if the producers have money in motors or batteries or something... - What happened to the Agency? Over the first eight movies, they were kicking ass and solving crimes like they wore capes and masks and flew. The last two makes them look like ineffectual, pencil-pushing dumbasses who rely on luck to help them out. Really, the last movie had them find the gold by accident, and this one has them save the day by the sheer one-in-a-million chance of the McGuffin LITERALLY LANDING AT THEIR FEET! - If you are going to fake an assassination, wouldn't you try to make sure that you weren't being watched? Or, at least, make sure that the guy watching isn't on the side that the 'victim' is running towards. - At the end, they felt the need to explain that one of the scientists that died was planning to become a crook, so it was all right that he died... Because American Secret Agents don't kill good people while undercover, ever. (The killer wasn't an Agent, though...) - Seriously, what is it with the RC's? This is the second time in the last three movies that Julie Strain is killed by an exploding RC while standing on a boat! Are they that badly out of ideas? Is the well that dry? Oh, and there is a completely random, out of nowhere appearance by Otto from "Airplane". Hard bodies and big explosion does not a good movie make, but there are a few (very few) moments that do make you smile. Not laugh, but smile. (Best exchange in the movie was at the end: "How far did you go with that slut?" "I don't remember... All I remember is, one of us exposed their breasts.") ---------------------------------------------- "KUNG-FU MASTER"It's rare that I see an Asian-made martial arts film that I don't liek. It's rarer when it stars someone the caliber of Yuen Biao. This is one of those times. This movie feels like a TV series or a mini-series that had all of the plot cut out of it and the fight scenes spliced together. Imagine watching season 2 of "The A-Team", just the shooting bits, in one sitting, with no explanation or connecting footage or anything. The fights were good, mind you. Yuen Biao looks a little older but he's still at the top of his form. The scenes are well filmed. There's a lot of 'wire work' happening as well, but if you're in the mood for that it's fine. But without the connecting story, it's like watching someone play a video game for an hour and a half. By the time the movie was done, I told my friends that it felt longer than "Seven Samurai", and that was three and a half hours. Not recommended.
|
|
El Pollo Guerrera
Grimlock
His name has chicken in it, and he is good at makin' .gifs, so that's cool.
Status: Runner
Posts: 14,894
|
Post by El Pollo Guerrera on Jul 4, 2011 22:22:04 GMT -5
"DAY OF THE WARRIOR"The ladies (and men) of LETHAL band together to rescue some undercover agents in trouble and find the traitor in their midst, all before their target, The Warrior, shuts down his operation and leaves the country. Part 11 of the series, and this time they did try to inject some humour back into the mix. Which, as is the case with all of these movies, comes in the form of horrible jokes and a couple of hired assassins who couldn't outwit the broad side of a barn. Julie Strain is now on the side of LETHAL agents (the Legion to Ensure Total Harmony And Law... nice to know that they finally could squeeze a name into their budget) as the team leader, with her returning henchmen Fu (Gerald Okamura, the Asian Ox Baker, now undercover as an Elvis impersonator). Julie K. Smith also returns as Agent Cobra, now working with two new hunks and Playmate Shae Marks as Tiger, the team's computer expert... Remember when people laughed at Denise Richards as a nuclear physicist in "The World Is Not Enough"? Well, it seems like less of a stretch after seeing Shae Marks as a computer tech. Marcus "Buff" Bagwell, of WCW pro-wrestling fame, plays the main villain The Warrior, a former CIA agent/pro-wrestler/now smuggler of stolen art/porn bootlegger (for kicks), who still deals with business in his own personal wrestling ring while dressed as Tatanka. No, I'm not kidding. Yes, Rodrigo Obregon returns once more as a villain, a smuggler working for Warrior, who gets double-crossed by his woman (played by Raye Hollitt, aka Zap of "American Gladiators" fame). Storywise... more guns, more boobs, more explosions, more remote-control exploding vehicles... more of the same with a dash of humour, most of which falls flat but there's an inspired line or two (one is where an Agent is showing off her breasts and says "They're new", to which the guy responds "Whose were they before you got 'em?"). The final fight with Warrior is also one of the worst fight scenes you will ever see... Buff Bagwell vs. Julie Strain and Gerald Okamura in a wrestling match. One nice touch: throughout the 'safehouse' occupied by two of the Agents are a collection of movie posters, all of which are Sidaris films. Oh, and there's a one-line appearance by a guy named Kevin Eastman. -------------------------------------------------------------------- "L.E.T.H.A.L. LADIES: RETURN TO SAVAGE BEACH" The LETHAL Agents are called into action to stop an old threat from stealing a hidden treasure... a treasure hidden on the same island as the one from the fourth movie, "Savage Beach". For the most part, all of the stars of "Day of the Warrior" return to their roles here (except for one of the hunks). Ava and the undercover radio station KSXY (from "Do or Die", "Hard Hunted" and "Fit to Kill") also returns, with her two assistants Silk (Carolyn Liu, who was Kane's love in "DoD", "HH" and "FtK") and a guy called Harry the Cat. "Buff" Bagwell returns as well, this time helping the Agents with his vast knowledge of art (he'd paid his dues after the last movie... for running an international art theft and smuggling ring, the courts sentences him to three months). And of course, Rodrigo Obregon is back, returning to his role as Martinez the smuggler from the original "Savage Beach"... Or so it seems... Or so it was... {Spoiler}Obregon's character was blown up in "SB", but at the end of the this movie, he spends a good 15 minutes explaining how he survived and then manipulated the corrupt Philippine government and the LETHAL agents into returning the stolen booty to the people... but it's then revealed that he ISN'T the guy from the original movie but someone in a mask who killed him and took his place... but THEN it's revealed the he IS alive and survived the assassin's attack. And all of this is revealed in the last 15 minutes. One of the characters asks out loud "How many endings can this have?" Again, more humour, more outrageous story, more explosions. And tits. More tits. Julie K. Smith and Shae Marks in their 'adventuring' outfits make Lara Croft look realistic. And there's Harry the Cat... Harry is played by Kevin Eastman. Yes, THE Kevin Eastman, one half of the creators of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Why? Well, his wife is none other than Julie Strain. (And to be honest, he doesn't screw up. He's not given a lot to do but he does it well.)----------------------------------------------------------------------- And now, the set is done. I did actually find the advertised trailers and introductions. They're all hidden in the "Scene Select" screen. Lighting up Sam Phillips' right leg gets you the movie's trailer. Lighting up her left leg gets either a small introduction by Andy Sidaris and a topless Julie Strain or a snippet of an interview with Andy and/or one of the stars. Most of these are conducted by Joe Bob Briggs, so I'm wondering if these were from his "MonsterVision" network show. I paid $10 (US) for this DVD set. It was chock full of nudity, laughable violence, nudity, stupidity and nudity. And it was worth every penny.
|
|
bob
Backup Wench
The "other" Bob. FOC COURSE!
started the Madness Wars, Proudly the #1 Nana Hater on FAN
Posts: 80,586
|
Post by bob on Jul 9, 2011 16:13:06 GMT -5
{Spoiler}
A fantastic visual achievement and nothing else but incredible special effects. It’s like a video game that has excellent graphics and nothing else. It's dull. Additionally, it was lulling me to sleep.
1.5 out of 5 stars.
|
|