Family friend/uncle died last night

[mattperiolat]

Mentioned this in the "My Christmas is going to suck" post, but in the event anyone missed it, my family friend/uncle passed from cancer last night. He was 81 years old when he died.

He died at home in his own bed and passed in his sleep with no pain. Body was donated to science, so there will be no funeral or memorial service.

Due to school, then the weather, I never got to see him after his diagnosis, nor was I able to actually say goodbye. That's something I'm going to be dealing with for probably the rest of my life, just hope I can.

As I said last night, PM box is open.

[Clash, Never a Meter Maid]

Really sorry to hear that, Matt. My condolonces.

[mattperiolat]

Thanks for that. Currently engaged in debate over what to do for Christmas. Family wants me to come, I feel it's inappropriate to be trying to gather for a holiday after a passing, I'm accused of having no heart.

FML, as they say.

[Franchise]

That sucks man. But feel good for having known him, and knowing that he led a long, full life, and is even making his presence felt after death by contributing to science. He passed away quietly and peacefully, and although you may not have gotten to say the goodbyes you wish you had, I'm sure he knew how much you cared for him.

I have some advice to give, only because I've been in a similar situation before. Go be with your family this Christmas. Don't forget that they are grieving too, and Christmas is about being there for your family through thick and thin. Right?

[FrankGotch]

Dec 22, 2010 13:57:24 GMT -5 mattperiolat said:

Thanks for that. Currently engaged in debate over what to do for Christmas. Family wants me to come, I feel it's inappropriate to be trying to gather for a holiday after a passing, I'm accused of having no heart.

FML, as they say.

There is absolutely nothing inappropriate about the family having a get together. In fact it will most likely go a long way to helping people grieve cope and heal. Two years ago my grandmother died the day after Christmas, and having the whole family together made it easier on everyone.

The best way to honor a persons death is to celebrate life, and the holidays are a celebration of life. Don't try to go out of your way to make thing more miserable then they are already. I'm sure that if your uncle were still alive the last thing he'd want is for you to skip Christmas and fight with your family.

[Deleted]

Sorry to hear.

There is nothing wrong having a get-together after someone passes away. I've found it's better to have something like that actually.

[Viva]

Dec 22, 2010 13:57:24 GMT -5 mattperiolat said:

I feel it's inappropriate to be trying to gather for a holiday after a passing.

Explain this logic to me. Life doesn't stop just because one ends. I highly doubt your uncle would want you to put the brakes on life just because he's gone, in fact, he'd probably want the opposite. Why wouldn't you make the holiday and opportunity to rally around each other, a cheers to a great man?

[Predator McBroski]

I'm sorry to hear that. But you should really go be with your family this Christmas. It's better off grieving with others than grieving alone, also, I'm sure your Uncle would want you to be with your family.

[Bake Or Die]

Let me first say I'm sorry.

Secondly I'll echo what everyone else has pretty much said. Go be with your family.
I've had friends of mine die way too young and you don't know how much I wish I had someone to be around.

[mattperiolat]

Dec 22, 2010 15:29:10 GMT -5 Viva said:

Dec 22, 2010 13:57:24 GMT -5 mattperiolat said:

I feel it's inappropriate to be trying to gather for a holiday after a passing.

Explain this logic to me. Life doesn't stop just because one ends. I highly doubt your uncle would want you to put the brakes on life just because he's gone, in fact, he'd probably want the opposite. Why wouldn't you make the holiday and opportunity to rally around each other, a cheers to a great man?

Well, it's bad logic on my part actually. The logic being family gathering on Christmas = the big to do with presents and dinner. That's why I didn't want to do it. But since it's going just be the family gathering, I'm good with that.

That being said, I think Ken (the passed uncle) would KILL us if we didn't do an exchange of some kind. He always loved that part of Christmas anyway.

But yes, I am taking the advice and going to be with my family on the 24th, probably stay until the 26th. I just want to finally make it anyway.

[noleafclover1980]

Thats's a bummer... last Christmas was like that for me. My brother's fiancee's dad passed away from lung cancer a week before Christmas, he was in his 60's. My condolences.

[Madman Szalinski]

I'll echo my sentiments publically, to aid with anyone else in our large community who might need the advice, as well as Matt, assuming this is your name. My grandma passed several weeks ago, around the time I was in ICU for a few days with a bad gall bladder and diabetic complications. She died the day I was admitted, and her funeral was the day I was transferred to a normal room out of the ICU. That kinda got to me for a bit. I do my best thinking when half-asleep and half-awake, and I just thought, what would she rather have had: me fulfilling some kind of obligation by storming out of the hospital, or would she want me walking of the hospital healthy?

Would your uncle want Christmas to come to a standstill? I don't know, I'm just hoping you'd say no to yourself, because that would make my point much easier. But life is death, death is life, and life will go on and you'll see little bits and pieces of him for the rest of your life until you die, just like I'll see stuff that brings back Grandma once in a while. That's how you know what people are talking about when they say your loved ones will always be with you. We all come from, dwell in, and eventually go to the same place, regardless of our beliefs while here. Everything goes on. I don't know if that helps, or if I am allowed to mention that I said a quick prayer. But I hope it did.