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Post by Orange on Jan 14, 2011 23:54:06 GMT -5
Oh Gosh here comes another "Advice" post of mines. Its just you guys seem to have the right mindset and this forum is awesome in its entirely. Okay so here it goes.. Now my friend that I have know since we were 3 (we are in high school now) is gay. She is openly gay. Now what bothers me is that she hasn't told me straight up. I have only found out through facebook, school and once we went to the movies and she invited a "friend" turn out this "friend" is her girl. Everytime I see her in the hall way she says hi, but its awkward. And I'm afraid she thinks it's awkward because I am uncomfortable with her being gay. And I AM NOT! I find it okay. (I don't know if its just puberty going crazy but I seem to be attracted to girls sometimes..might be phase idk, time will tell, thats another story) I also think she is afraid to tell me straight up because of how close we are. Our parents are close ect. I don't think her mom knows so she might think if she tells me straight up, I'll tell her mom. But I wouldn't do that, she should let her know on her own accord. And that's another problem. I have asked others and they tell me that she will tell me when she is ready. The problem with that is she has told these people she has know for a year or less but hasn't told me  I don't know...its awkward and I feel the only way to fix it is if she darn tells me! I don't know if I should confront her about it and be like "hey, you know you can trust me, anything you wanna say to me, you can." or something along those waters.... Its bothering me A LOT. Help  There are a lot of different things that could be going on here! It may be that she's just under the impression that you already know. Or it could be a situation like me, where I just flat out one day said "f*** it, I'm not going to hide my sexuality anymore" - I never flat out TOLD anybody that I'm bisexual, but I stopped denying it, and stopped hiding it when I was oggling sexy people of all kinds, and started talking publicly about people of both sexes that I find attractive. I just kind of let people figure it out on their own and if anybody bothered to ask, I'd be honest. To me I just never figured it was that big of a deal that I needed to actually TELL people about it. I figured that the people who knew me probably already had suspicions about my sexuality. However, since it seems like she has talked to other people, she might just be afraid. For me, when I started coming out to myself as trans, I told a LOOOT of other people before I told my best friend, because I was so damn petrified of losing her. I could handle losing anybody else in the world, but if I lost HER I wouldn't be able to live with myself. When I finally got the courage to tell her, I sent her a Facebook message while sobbing to myself because I was afraid she'd call me a freak and never want to talk to me again. Even though I damn well KNEW she would never, ever react that way, and I KNEW she would react by being caring, understanding and loving - that .0001% chance that she'd turn away from me was enough to keep me from telling her. On top of that, I still haven't even told my parents about my sexuality. I don't know how to bring it up to them and I don't know how they'll react, so the way I intend to do it is to hope that it travels the grapevine and they ask me eventually. I know that this is incredibly stupid, but it makes sense to me in a stupid way. I mean, I'm pretty sure my mother has known for YEARS. But I'm just waiting for them to ask because I don't have the balls to bring it up to them. I hope that my experiences can give you a little perspective on what your friend might be thinking and going through. It's a really tricky situation. I don't know what other people will suggest, but personally I'd recommend finding a good time and just asking her about it, and making sure you let her know from the start that you don't give a crap who she's attracted to. Let her know you're not upset about anything. She might not be ready to talk to you about it, but there's also a chance that she's just waiting for you to bring it up. There's also a chance she just figured you already knew or something. Keep us updated! See that doesn't really sound stupid to me. If I was gay or bi I think I'd have a hard time telling my parents too, it'd probably be a weird uncomfortable situation to be in. |
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Post by YeahYeahYeahYeahYeah on Jan 15, 2011 0:12:40 GMT -5
Oh Gosh here comes another "Advice" post of mines. Its just you guys seem to have the right mindset and this forum is awesome in its entirely. Okay so here it goes.. Now my friend that I have know since we were 3 (we are in high school now) is gay. She is openly gay. Now what bothers me is that she hasn't told me straight up. I have only found out through facebook, school and once we went to the movies and she invited a "friend" turn out this "friend" is her girl. Everytime I see her in the hall way she says hi, but its awkward. And I'm afraid she thinks it's awkward because I am uncomfortable with her being gay. And I AM NOT! I find it okay. (I don't know if its just puberty going crazy but I seem to be attracted to girls sometimes..might be phase idk, time will tell, thats another story) I also think she is afraid to tell me straight up because of how close we are. Our parents are close ect. I don't think her mom knows so she might think if she tells me straight up, I'll tell her mom. But I wouldn't do that, she should let her know on her own accord. And that's another problem. I have asked others and they tell me that she will tell me when she is ready. The problem with that is she has told these people she has know for a year or less but hasn't told me I don't know...its awkward and I feel the only way to fix it is if she darn tells me! I don't know if I should confront her about it and be like "hey, you know you can trust me, anything you wanna say to me, you can." or something along those waters.... Its bothering me A LOT. Help Hm, I'm actually not sure about this. Although, it sounds like she herself is pretty comfortable with it, so I don't think it'd be a problem for you two to talk it over at some point. I don't think I'd force the issue, though, or "confront" her- I feel like it'd be better to let it come up in conversation more naturally. I have to say, though, being gay doesn't always involve *~*coming out to everyone*~*. I myself am bisexual, but I've never made any kind of official announcement or anything like that. It's just... there. It's on my facebook, out in the open, and whether all my friends/family know or not doesn't really matter. They do or they don't. I've had a few of my friends ask me, and it wasn't a big deal. So, maybe your friend is just like that- not an official announcement, let's-make-a-big-deal type. I say just ask her whenever the next kinda opportunity comes up. |
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iRabbit
Team Rocket
Lets be real
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Post by iRabbit on Jan 15, 2011 0:17:12 GMT -5
You should invite her out for soup. Soup is delicious. It's also good for you. Halfway through your soup, just put it out there "So...I hear you like girls. Yeah?" I wish it was that easy  but personally I'd recommend finding a good time and just asking her about it, and making sure you let her know from the start that you don't give a crap who she's attracted to. Let her know you're not upset about anything. She might not be ready to talk to you about it, but there's also a chance that she's just waiting for you to bring it up. There's also a chance she just figured you already knew or something. Keep us updated! ^ and that is what I'm planning to do. I was thinking of the approach of, "You know..how long have I known you ___?" *her response* "So you know you can tell me anything, me and you we are cool." ect. ect. and yes I will keep you posted. see what happens thanks for the help ;D |
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Post by BillyMax on Jan 16, 2011 12:30:35 GMT -5
Oh Gosh here comes another "Advice" post of mines. Its just you guys seem to have the right mindset and this forum is awesome in its entirely. Okay so here it goes.. Now my friend that I have know since we were 3 (we are in high school now) is gay. She is openly gay. Now what bothers me is that she hasn't told me straight up. I have only found out through facebook, school and once we went to the movies and she invited a "friend" turn out this "friend" is her girl. Everytime I see her in the hall way she says hi, but its awkward. And I'm afraid she thinks it's awkward because I am uncomfortable with her being gay. And I AM NOT! I find it okay. (I don't know if its just puberty going crazy but I seem to be attracted to girls sometimes..might be phase idk, time will tell, thats another story) I also think she is afraid to tell me straight up because of how close we are. Our parents are close ect. I don't think her mom knows so she might think if she tells me straight up, I'll tell her mom. But I wouldn't do that, she should let her know on her own accord. And that's another problem. I have asked others and they tell me that she will tell me when she is ready. The problem with that is she has told these people she has know for a year or less but hasn't told me I don't know...its awkward and I feel the only way to fix it is if she darn tells me! I don't know if I should confront her about it and be like "hey, you know you can trust me, anything you wanna say to me, you can." or something along those waters.... Its bothering me A LOT. Help I think she's under the impression that you already know. So I would be upfront about it. Say something like: "Look, We're best friends and nothing is ever going to change that. And I've heard some people say that you may be gay. And you haven't told me if you are or not. Again if you are that's great and I promise I'd never tell anyone if you didn't want me to. But as a friend I'd like to know if you are or not." |
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Post by SamTastic thinks CM Punk sucks on Jan 16, 2011 13:29:43 GMT -5
If it was me, I'd be a bit pee'd off that she didn't trust me... but that's just me.
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Legion
Fry's dog Seymour
Amy Pond's #1 fan
Hail Hydra!
Posts: 23,518
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Post by Legion on Jan 16, 2011 15:56:06 GMT -5
I dunno, if it's on her facebook and has had you meet her GF, I think she already told you but didnt sit you down and give you a big coming out speech.
Without wanting to sound harsh, but doing so anyway, it isn't really for you to decide when or even if she should ever give you or anyone else a big coming out speech. Just accept she's likely a lesbian and roll with it until/if she tells you differently.
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iRabbit
Team Rocket
Lets be real
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Post by iRabbit on Jan 16, 2011 17:04:10 GMT -5
Thanks for all the advice. You guys are awesome. And yeah it ticked me off for about 2 days thinking about it. Suppose lack of trust. I've come to the conclusion of I should just " let it come up in conversation more naturally." like YearofJudges said If not just show her that I'm cool with it and don't see a change (I really don't) Treat her the same way I have always ;D Though I'm struggling with my own self. I know for sure that I like girls. But I have never dated one  And I really want to. But its hard. I just can't go asking around saying "hey are you gay? lets go out." I kinda wanted the same friend to help me. But I really haven't come out yet, except to 2 people. So I'm afraid SHE will find it odd. She has a lot of gay friends and I wanted to see if she can set me up for a "blind date" Go to the movies, she takes her gf and brings a friend that seems good for me. But, really, to get there to that position seems like a major headache. Whats funny and ironic is that people have asked if I was gay since 2 years ago. I really didn't say "No" in a disgusted way that they would think that. But more of a "No" I haven't really discovered myself yet response. So I figured now that I know who I am ... with the possibility in peoples mind already it shouldn't be so hard. There is no chance of bullying I know that. My school even has a gay/straight alliance club. So I'm not afraid of that. I'm more afraid of how people will act around me (via the same way I acted sorta awkward with my friend) once they find out. Seriously..this sucks  |
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Post by BillyMax on Jan 16, 2011 17:14:25 GMT -5
Well in that case you could kill two birds with one stone and tell your friend that you think you might be gay. If she's in the same boat she'll tell you.
Does your friend go to the GSA meetings? Would you feel comfortable going to those meetings? Or if that's a step too far you could talk to the teacher who runs the group.
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Legion
Fry's dog Seymour
Amy Pond's #1 fan
Hail Hydra!
Posts: 23,518
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Post by Legion on Jan 20, 2011 16:28:51 GMT -5
So, I'm depressed. I went and fell for some guy I work with, who is straight of course, but really nice. I get I can't have and everything, but it's that fact, which sucks, that is making me sad. |
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Post by Orange on Jan 20, 2011 16:34:43 GMT -5
So, I'm depressed. I went and fell for some guy I work with, who is straight of course, but really nice. I get I can't have and everything, but it's that fact, which sucks, that is making me sad. I'm no good at this relationship advice thing, but at least you can be friends with him if it helps at all I understand you probably want more than a friendship, but it's something at least. |
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Legion
Fry's dog Seymour
Amy Pond's #1 fan
Hail Hydra!
Posts: 23,518
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Post by Legion on Jan 20, 2011 16:47:20 GMT -5
Yeah, we can be friends, and that's cool. And he's one of those overly affectionate people, so I can get a cheap thrill from a hug, but that kinda makes it even harder, but I've let him do it for weeks now, so I can hardly stop him without telling him why.
FML!
On the flip side of the coin, he leaves Saturday, so I dont have to see him ever again after that, unless we make the effort.
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Post by Alex Shelley on Jan 21, 2011 4:55:16 GMT -5
*hugs for Legion* I know the feeling.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2011 5:09:39 GMT -5
*hugs for Legion* I know the feeling. *joins hug* |
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Post by SamTastic thinks CM Punk sucks on Jan 21, 2011 13:31:03 GMT -5
*Joins hug*
Sigh, not many people like big, hairy guys like me around where I live. No love for SamTastic TE.
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Post by "The Rated XXX Superstar" Jed on Jan 21, 2011 15:19:07 GMT -5
*Joins hug* Sigh, not many people like big, hairy guys like me around where I live. No love for SamTastic TE. Same here. |
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Post by SamTastic thinks CM Punk sucks on Jan 21, 2011 15:46:43 GMT -5
Okay... Is is okay for me to scared of getting into a relationship with another man? I know I'm gay and all that, it's just I've never been with another man and when I do get close to one, I get really nervous and we drift apart. I really want to have that special person but I just don't have the guts to go the full distance. It's kinda peeing me off to be honest.
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Legion
Fry's dog Seymour
Amy Pond's #1 fan
Hail Hydra!
Posts: 23,518
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Post by Legion on Jan 21, 2011 16:21:52 GMT -5
Depends really. If you like the guy and are just being put off through fear, that's a problem that you need to explain to the guy and try and get over slowly but surely; if the guy likes you he'll stick there and slowly help you get into stuff (though you will actually have to).
If it's more that you dont really like the guy and are using this as an excuse rather than admit you dont like the guy because you'd rather drift apart than be outright dumping or whatever, then no, that's just going to the old river in Egypt.
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Post by SamTastic thinks CM Punk sucks on Jan 21, 2011 16:34:23 GMT -5
It's the former, but all i've met are impatient dicks who get bored with me being so nervous and all that. I guess that my "Perfect" man is someone who would stick by me even if I'm a bit loopy in the head...right?...Right?!
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Legion
Fry's dog Seymour
Amy Pond's #1 fan
Hail Hydra!
Posts: 23,518
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Post by Legion on Jan 21, 2011 16:48:48 GMT -5
Lol.
This is going to sound cheap, but I'd probably stick by you. I kinda like quirky and loopy.
On saying that, if you weren't putting out after a month, even I'd get pissy.
And no, I dont mean watersports.
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Post by SamTastic thinks CM Punk sucks on Jan 21, 2011 17:19:50 GMT -5
Ugh, Watersports... er... anyways...
It doesn't sound cheap at all, it gives me hope that there are some guys out there that will kinda like my "quirkyness"... wow, how cheesy...
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